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Do your children?

You could do it the good old fashioned way of snail mail. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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So morning phone call didn't go so well. I asked her about lunch and she said she couldn't leave. I said that stinks that you don't get paid for lunch but you can't leave and she blew up at me. Said I was pushing her and won't take no for an answer. I kept it calm and didn't argue back. I said if you want me to bring a lunch and we can eat it outside at work let me know and she left it at we'll see.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
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Well it is getting easier to function. How long before you can sleep through the whole night? I still get up 4-5 times. You get so used to someone next to you, even if you don't touch, just knowing they are there.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Well it is getting easier to function. How long before you can sleep through the whole night? I still get up 4-5 times. You get so used to someone next to you, even if you don't touch, just knowing they are there.

Hey A-Wok,

I remember those nights. Nothing fun about being wide awake at 1:48AM, and 2:28AM, and 3:42AM, and......

Trust me, it does get better. It really varies and depends upon the individual.

Funny, but I still sleep on my usual side of the bed (as opposed to the WHOLE bed), and it's been over a year. Creature of habit, I guess....

TBC







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I also still sleep on "my" side of the bed. I shared a bed with my sister while I lived at home and moved out of my parent's house in with my WH. That means I have shared a bed with someone since I was about 3. 31 years and then he was GONE. It was hard at first and I had tonnes of dreams. I actually sleep quite well now. There is no snoring or moving around that isn't ME. I sometimes think about what it will be like if/when my WH comes home.

You CAN do this.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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Except for college, I never lived on my own, but even then when I lived off campus I had a roommate. I too went from my parents house to a place with my then girlfriend/now wife. I have a hard time being alone. The boys are here, but when I'm home alone it gets bad. I don't know what I will do when they both sleep over her place. That will be the hardest. She has now given both of them a key to her place. The younger one has no interest in staying there and has only been there to help the older one bring some of here stuff over. He says he's okay with her leaving because she got psycho the last few years. And I thought it was just me.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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Isn't it funny how others saw the changes too. My WH stopped talking to his friends and family and my BIL warned me last summer that he thought that my WH was up to no good. I knew about the "friendship" since Nov/09. I talked about it openly to all of my friends, including BIL(he was WH's BESTFRIEND). Others all saw something bad too. Well, had I found THIS place, I would have "seen" much sooner. Even my kiddos noticed that Daddy was so much angrier with them. He had no patience and didn't let them do things. He didn't really want them around when I was at work. Now I know it was because he was chatting with OW on the computer and didn't want the kids interrupting.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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I just hope the MC can talk her into going for IC. She needs it to heal, whether it's to be with me or be on her own, she has been this way for too long from her mother's treatment. That was a large part of our problem, her low self-esteem from the treatment from her mother. She was always looking for the negative in every thing I said and did. That was what put me down the path I ended up in, I just wish I had gotten help on my depression before it was too late and she wanted to leave.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Oct 2009
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Worry about YOUR side of the fence friend. There is nothing you can do for hers. SHE has to do that work. SHE needs to carry her own baggage, or put it down. You can't FIX this for her. Your side of the fence is messy enough, take care of YOU.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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Is it a bad Plan A if I refuse to help my wife move or fix up her apartment? I can't stomach myself to help my wife leave me. She needs some large furniture moved and I could probably get a truck from a friend, but I refuse. She needs some things installed in her apartment, but I won't offer. I know this isn't meeting her needs, but this is one need I can't meet. My son is over there now doing those things for her. Am I wrong?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Aug 2005
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Originally Posted by awokenhubby
Is it a bad Plan A if I refuse to help my wife move or fix up her apartment?

No. And your son shouldn't be helping her either.



ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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A-wok. The reason that it isn't wrong is because you are married to this WW and you are supposed to be showing her, in Plan A, what it is like to be married to you. You shouldn't aid in the destroying of your marriage. You aren't going to be cruel about it. You should reverse babble it and tell her things about how you would LOVE for her to have the rest of her things back in your house and that you would GLADLY help her move BACK IN. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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Scotty,
But I thought that talking about our relationship/marriage was a no-no. I'm not supposed to put any pressure on her. Just fix myself and show her how things can be with the new me.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
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Gave my wife the usual good morning phone call. As usual, she wouldn't answer so I left a message. She called back to talk about the credit card bill. She then made a comment about how she is getting shafted on everything lately, because when we close our joint credit card it will hurt her credit rating. Like it's my fault! I just hope the MC can convince her for IC sessions so she can deal with her low self-esteem issues. That was a large part of our problems. As the counselor said people with low self-esteem immediately get defensive and then they attack. That led to a lot of our issues. I am learning how to deal with that, she needs how to deal with her issues.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
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Well my son and his friends just moved the last of WAW's big stuff. She still has small stuff here. She is leaving her grandmother's china here, her winter coats, and some other small things. What exactly does this mean?


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Oct 2009
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It means you are her storage unit. Sorry, but you asked.

Don't look into the meanings of the actions of a wayturd because your head will spin and you will VOMIT. This is crazy-making stuff you are dealing with here. You just need to focus on doing your Plan A and forget about what she is or isn't doing and how she is reacting. That is where the no expectations part comes in.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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I know, you're right. It's just so hard not to try and find hope in everything. It does make me crazy at times and makes me want to vomit as well. I know I am not supposed to have any expectations, but I can't help but not have hope. I will until the ink is dry on the divorce papers.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Oct 2009
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Hope and expectations are two different things. There is a thread about that, I think Now_what is the one who created it. It was a discussion on expectation during Plan A. I will link it for you. laugh

Here you go.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=160619&Number=2392740#Post2392740

Reading reading reading. THAT'S how we learn here on MB. laugh

And to think, I used to HATE LOATH reading. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jun 2010
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I knew it was going to happen, and I know I can't stop it, but the oldest just came back from mom's and said he was going to spend the night. It feels like a kick in the stomach.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 346
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Scotty,
Thanks for the thread. I read it and it helps somewhat. I know about no expectations, but it IS HARD. I know how much I have changed in the last 2 months and I know that we can be happy if she wants to try. So I think that sooner or later she will notice. I know it has only been a short time, but I worry. It is tough to do a plan A when she doesn't live here, won't answer my texts or phone calls, and won't see me. What else can I do? I can't send flowers to her, to her those are lovebusters. I can just keep doing the same things. the problems is the old analogy of the definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." There's that dang expectation word again.


ME: 48
WAW:47
Years Married: 21
Children: 2 Boys, 19 & 16
D Day: informed of separation desire May 14, 2010
Move out day: July 1st 2010
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