Hmmmm.....guess I could do this...but then if he says no he isn't cancelling visitation I will for sure have to take him! Can't plead ignorance then!

I am not ever unreasonable about visitation. I let him go extra at times....so I know I won't be in any serious trouble even IF he actually takes it to court.

You told him DS is not going out of town with OW. The two of you have NOT mutually agreed that there will be an out of town trip for DS.

Therefore, when WXH has made plans to leave town during regular visition times, the logical assumption by any normal person would be that visitation is canceled.

Do not text. Do not contact him. Allow any further contact to be initiated by your EX.

You have made your point clear.

He has no ability at this time to go to a judge and force you to allow the child to go out of town. No judge would hear this motion at this time of day - not for a waterpark trip. That is not an emergency.

Don't call, don't text.

Let them "enjoy" their trip without your son, and you know what that trip will be all about?


You.


Ha.


SB

Thank you. I am so nervous I am sick....I am due to be there in 10 minutes----should have left already to make it in time.

My hope is he went on without ds and has totally forgot this is his scheduled visitation.

So any mean text/call from XWH?

Yep. Two minutes after I was suppose to be there he called my cell and home phone and left messages...tight voiced, 'where are you? You are late for scheduled visitation.' I didn't answer either phone. I sent him an email and said, "I thought you were going <out of town>.

He answers back with this...

<<I was never planning on going to <vacation city> today. I still have the text message where I told you we would go Thursday morning if you would let ds10 spend the night. Since you refused I cancelled my plans and set up a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow.


Why are you not here at my house with ds10 as our degree outlines for Wednesday visitation?>>

I answered back. 'Oh, sorry. I could have sworn you said you were going tonight. I can bring him now.' Which I did. I was 45 minutes late. Which is no big deal.

But he does have me freaked out about going to see his lawyer tomorrow.

At least I messed up THIS vacation for them.

His lawyer will charge him plenty of money. Then the lawyer will ask him if it is really worth it to go to all this trouble for a waterpark trip.

So he sees a lawyer. Big deal. Only somehow I think he is bluffing anyway. Either way, it isn't huge. The lawyer costs him money, it is just another "thing", and in the end, it actually can help DELAY exposure to the OW, not speed it up. You can have your lawyer ask for a delay while the courts review it, ask for psychologists to look at the OW, all kinds of things...lawyers know how to handle it. Stay calm. Let him do the work - and don't overreact. See what he does first.


In the end, he accepted "no" as an answer. No trip.

OW will be whining.

It took him 20 minutes to answer my email. And I just noticed he copied his attorney. It is funny...I have a forwarded email from his attorney to mine from last week about an alimony issue...where she tells my attorney, "I am going on vacation and won't be taking calls or emails until next Wednesday (today)."


BH of OW tells me she will be FURIOUS over this.

Ds came home....an hour late, which didn't surprise me...but I am thinking of sending him an email and saying, 'just as a reminder, ds10 is suppose to be home at 8:30 on Wednesday nights. You brought him home at 10:15 tonight.' Do you think I should since he is documenting and copying is attorney about me being late for drop off today?

Ds said he asked his dad if OW went out of town. XWH says no, she cancelled her plans since no one else was going. And WXH also told ds he was going to take me to court over this issue.

Ds seems unaffected by it....

Now I am really wondering if her parents WERE going out of town with her....hmmmm.....doesnt seem logical that she would cancel on her parents just because he couldn't go.

Hi SM,
DS home safe, you did good.

So what if he goes to atty. There are so many roadblocks that your atty can throw his way while impatient OW will stamp her feet, hold her breath and maybe have a tantrum.

As pepperband says "give her a cookie"
Waywards are dumb

I am really nervous about him going to his attorney---although it is just step one of a looooong process even if he does file something.

Do you all think I should email my attorney this a.m. and give him a heads up? I hate to use billable time in case nothing happens...

No, don't waste your time or your attorney's time on something that MAY or MAY NOT happen. When the issue comes up, if it doesn't, THEN you can deal with it. I'm been in the legal field for many, many years, and trust me, this is not worth getting so worked up about. Your attorney OR his attorney certainly won't. His attorney may fire off a letter to your attorney, but so what. I think SB had a great idea as to the issue of OW and visitation.

Do WH and OW live together? If WH insists on pursuing this, then you could request a home study be done and that would include an investigation of OW and her lifestyles/behaviors. They would probably ask for one for you as well, but that's no biggie, right?

Ok, I sent my attorney an email going over what happened..

>>>Hi attorney,

Just a heads up...XH wanted to take ds10 on vacation to waterpark from Thursday (today) through Sunday with OW...the girl he was having the affair with which caused me to file for divorce.

I said no. So he is threatening me....telling me he is going to take me back to court and redo all the custody/visitation issues. In his email below he says he is going to see his attorney today and he copied attorney....

FTR, I have not told him he could not take ds10 on vacation. I have only said no to taking him on vacation with OW. I do not want to morally confuse ds10. This woman was the cause of ds10's family's break up and I think it is asking too much of him to be be forced to spend time w/ her on vacation as if everything is just fine.

If he was really that concerned about spending vacation time with ds10 he could do so without her. He doesn't ask for that. The only vacations he has asked to take ds10 on have been to FL with OW and to <waterpark> with OW.(He used a week in December and went to NYC with her and another week in June to go to FL with her) And I'm assuming he is still taking off work today and tomorrow, but he hasn't asked to get ds10 those two days---apparently if he can't take him to <vacation> with OW he doesn't want him.


He paid July alimony, but still nothing for June. As a reminder he made the last payment on our house May 1 and refinanced it to his name only May 24th--so the marital home ceased to exist on May 24th. Our buy out agreement stipulated I would be out by June 15 and I did in fact give him the keys June 14th....but that agreement had nothing to do with the judge's order about when XH had to start paying alimony.

And on the personal property he is whining about....he is being totally ridiculous. I certainly did not 'clean the home out of all property.' I left plenty for him and I was as fair as I knew how to be. He would have NEVER agreed on what I could take and so I saw no other way to do it. When he moved out June 09 he took some stuff then....comforter set, sheets, towels, kitchen stuff, the $200 DVR we had, other things he needed to live on his own for a year.

Ok! That is all I will say for now. Let me know if you hear anything.

SW>>>>>

Will someone weigh in and let me know if I sound reasonable or not?

Oh man! I didn't see this until I had already sent the email to attorney! You are right of course and I wish I had waited longer for replies before going on with it! Darn!

Ok, you made me feel better though about it not being a big deal....

And NO they do not live together. The custody agreement stipulates neither of us can have overnight guests of the opposite sex when ds is present. (I would be fine with a home study being done on me btw)

Not sure how she would look 'on paper'. She left her husband and 2 step sons (her BH has full custody of them) after less than 2 years of marriage...taking HER then 4 year old away from the only father he had ever known. She was never married to her son's father. She claims she didn't leave her BH 'for' my husband, but was sleeping with him within weeks of leaving her husband. Don't forget I still have the chats between them where she is saying she will be 'devastated' if he stays with me.

Oh and did I mention she is 25? So how does she look 'on paper'.

Very immature, but based ONLY on what you've written, I don't see anything that would show she would hurt your child physically, or that she would endanger him. That's what a home study would try to uncover. If she's not living with XWH, it's a moot point.

As to the language about overnights, do you REALLY think EWH is abiding by that?

Oh, ds10 would DEFINITELY tell me if she stayed over night. And he only stays over night every other Friday night. Basically 2 nights a month.

No she isn't a danger to him physically...and you are right it is a moot point since they don't live together I guess....but my argument (thanks to someone on here I knew how to word it) is that being with her on vacations causes moral confusion to my son since she is the cause of ds's family being destroyed.

According to my informant at XH's work, he is there today.

Heard nothing from him or my attorney yesterday. Very nervous.....hoping it all goes away. What is the chance his attorney tells him this is not a hill to die on?

Chances are that his atty told him how much this could


COST $$$$$$


and so XWH decides on his own that its not his hill to die on.


Plus, he has figured out that he still owes you back alimony, so that little issue would come out before the judge, and does he really want that outed, too?

Just wait this out. IF his atty writes a letter to your atty, so what? You have a letter in a file. Big woo. The letter police are not coming! What's going to happen? The letter police are going to break into your house in the middle of the night, cart you off, and say, "Ma'am, you have a letter in your file! You have been BAD! You are going to LETTER JAIL!"

Big woo. Letter jail.

I don't know anybody who ever went to letter jail.


And if a judge gets involved, he's going to tell you one of two things:

Don't do this again

or

You probably should work things out better between the two of you.


Yikes - that's really bad to hear, isn't it. THAT - ON TOP OF LETTER JAIL!!!!!


Gee. You need to put on some armor, cuz this is going to hurt!!!!






SB

Thanks for making me smile SB. I don't know why I let him inside my head. I am not as worried about a judge telling me 'don't do this again' (I am prepared for a judge making me let ds go on vacations with OW) as I am XH telling a judge he regrets signing over full custody and agreeing to a very non standard visitation schedule. I would be sick if a judge ordered standard visitation....or gave XH any say over schooling or religion or medical. Right now I have full custody and get to make those decisions on my own.

I don't think that will happen though. I read on another thread this a.m. that judges are not likely to alter a custody/visitation decree absent real abuse or neglect of some kind. Or say I was habitually keeping ds from XH...and I am not doing that at all.

So I think it will be ok. Also, my attorney didn't respond back immediately saying, 'OMG!!! You MUST let ds go on vacation with that homewrecking *hore or you will be in trouble with the judge!' I know I am overthinking it.

Ok, off to live my real life.

Just posting this as a reminder of how my XH bluffs and blusters and then backs down..hoping he will do the same about this custody/vacation with OW thing..

Background: We were in negotiations over him buying me out of the house. The first thing he does is tell me he will reduce my payout if he can't get an appraisal for the amount of the full price offer from the third party. I said no that I will not accept any further reduction in pay out regardless of what the appraisal comes back as. Then he tries to get me to pay half of his closing. I said no. He said, �fine, I�ll shut the whole thing down then.� Which he couldn�t do no matter how much he wanted because we had a full price buyer on stand-by. So when he does send me the offer it is full of stuff he is trying to get me to sign off on. I responded with this---


I will accept <agreed upon amount>

7) No. I will not pay for the Title insurance or any other cost associated with your closing.
10) No. As I told you in our phone conversation earlier today I can not be out by your closing. I will agree to be out by June 15th if your closing takes place by May 24th.
12) There is a current termite policy on our home. I just spoke to Jane Doe at Termite Company (phone number) and she said that the policy will carry forward with no interruption in coverage. This is a non issue, but just to clarify, I am not paying for a termite policy.
13) No. You know the condition of this house because you lived here for 7 years. I am selling to you in an as is condition. (he tried to get me to pay $2000 toward �repairs� on the home.)
16) My name will be removed from the mortgage through your refinancing and I will be paid Agreed upon Amount. I will sign a quitclaim relinquishing my claim to the property.

If you make the above changes I will sign and return to you.

Without even mentioning any of the above refusals by me he sends me this the next day---

WH: Before I moved out, we were having to get the A/C charged each year and was told that the unit was not new when it was installed during the building of the house and was in need of being replaced.

Recently you said that the unit was not in need of being replaced. Do you have any documentation to support this claim?

My reply--
SW: I don't know what you are talking about as far as the unit not being new when the house was built. I had <XYZ company> heating and air out to service it in April--the bill was $150. The tech added Freon and it is working fine. He told me that he discovered a leak near the valve that he repaired and that could be what the problem is since the other techs we had out last year could not identify the source of the leak. He also said even if the charge doesn't hold he would recommend replacing the coil only---not the entire unit.

And no I don't have 'documentation' to support this 'claim.' Feel free to contact <XYZ company>> and discuss it with them.

If you are not sure you want to buy me out, you need to tell me now so that we can call the buyer back that is willing to pay full price for this house. I told him everything about the AC that is outlined above. He was fine with it.
SW

The next day he sent an offer with all the stipulations removed. He shoves and shoves..but he is a bully.