Even BETTER!!!

Good deal. Start doing stuff for YOU and DS.


Yeah, but can you deal w/ seeing OW sitting in the driveway? Or seeing their car packed up ready to go on their little vacation?

Protect yourself, SW!

Hmmmm.....didn't think of that.....I doubt seriously she will be there at drop off though. She lives in the other direction and toward the water park destination. I won't be picking ds up anymore though because it is more likely she will be there at the end of visitation...

Remember the 5 words rule? Helps YOU and makes life tough at the other end as well.

You reply IF AND ONLY IF he asks you anything regarding the trip.

As far as you are concerned, you do not outfit your son for all of his vacations with his father. That is his father's issue, his father's vacation, his father's responsibility. How would it be possible for you to know what his father has planned for his father's vacation? You do not know the vacation plans. You do not know if the child will swim, go to a museum, need a suit for a fine dining occasion, attend a church service or a wedding, you have no idea. Therefore, you send the child with whatever it is you might send him for his usual visitation - nothing more. The father can and should outfit the vacation necessities - do you have a reasonable expectation that the father will outfit your son to go to New York? No. Same goes for the upcoming trip with dad.

If dad texts you regarding needed things for trip - your text back:

"DS goes to NY Aug 15."

He will immediately ask you what you are talking about.

you say:

"Needs swim trunks Aug 15."

WXH will say he is talking about this Friday.

you say:

"Friday is YOUR trip."

WXH will say he needs this or that for DS's trip.

you say:

"NY is MY trip."

WXH may repeat and repeat.

you say:

"Friday is YOUR trip. NY mine."
or
"U get DS's stuff 4 UR trip."
and
"I get DS stuff 4 my trip."



He will ultimately understand that the son's equipment and clothing needs for his vacation. It will be just plain too bad if he and OW wait til the last minute. However, he WILL see one major flaw in his wayward thinking over this:

He will see how you filled that emotional need of taking care of these kinds of things before trips, won't he? And how OW has no earthly clue of how to do this for HIS son, but does it for her own son.


SB

Got the letter. It is ridiculous. His lawyer is a jerk, WXH is a jerk...but I feel ok. He accuses me of harrassing him via text past 10---he asked sometime last year for me to not text him past 10. I analyed my texting records just now and in the last 3 months there have been 5 evenings where we were texting each other all evening and on past 10. ONE night I texted him twice past 10 with no response. Far from harrasment, but you can bet I won't be texting him again. His attorney threatened to file charges against me. Please. But still, I won't text any more.

She says while his truck was in my possesion I either scratched it or allowed it to be scratched and she wants me to pay to have it repaired. I didn't scratch btw. Have no knowledge of how it happened. 2 small scratches.

Says I am late for drop off. I am not. Rarely. Last Wednesday there was a misunderstanding---I thought he was going to out of town and unavailable for his visitation...as soon as he called me and told me he was in town, I drove ds straight there.

Oh, and he is claiming I 'cleaned out the house of all personal property'. What a joke. I did not. I had already given my attorney a detailed list of what I took and what I left. I was reasonable and fair. His attorney wants ME to contact XH to work out an agreeable division of property or she will be 'filing a motion requesting the court order it all sold'. I told my attorney fine. I'm good with that.

Says he didn't pay June alimony because I left the utilities unpaid. I did not. I didn't pay about $120 in utilities in his name--because I was waiting to get my June alimony. She also says I was in the house until 'at least June 15th.' I actually was out the 14th but it is irrelevant since he closed on buying the house from me prior to June 1 and therefore made the last mortgage on May 1st. The order says he did not have to pay alimony while he was paying the mortgage on the marital home. That marital home ceased to exist sometime in May. And that has nothing to do with utilities.

And hey since he is being such a jerk, I'm asking that he reimburse me for half of the $150 service call on the AC I paid for in April.

And the biggie of course which is Vacation. I told my attorney if I can't stop it I can't stop it.

I replied to my attorney point by point in an email....haven't heard back from him.

I feel better though. What will be will be. As I see it

I won't text past 10 anymore--so that is done.
I will probably have to allow the vacation with OW so that is done
I am prepared to pay the utilities of roughly $120
I am now asking for $75 in reimbursement for AC service
He has no proof I damaged his truck. There is no way he can make me pay this is there?
All our personal property might be sold but hey...that is ok. New start right?

He can't eat me!

Does anybody have a chance opposing you? Amazing reasoning. Lol

Ready for less contact with your ex yet?

Yep! He is so poisonous to me. I haven't talked to him at all and I won't. I can't believe how low he is willing to sink.

I am listening to Mel Gibson's tirade and having PTSS flashbacks. Wow....don't have to listen to that stuff any more!

I watched the Mel Gibson coverage last night. They mentioned the alcoholic rant from 4 years ago. They mentioned the new baby. Not one word was mentioned of the long term marriage that was destroyed. It is like Hollywood doesn't care about that part of his diseased spirit.

Smiling woman,
Your xH is poison while he is with OW. They are not the same people and still we are amazed each time they act at the pond scum level.

Let him wallow right now. He is playing "king of the hill" and he does not realize that the hill is made of "quick sand".

If DS goes on vacation, think how this could play out.

Like the suggestion of candy candy candy. When you drop him off start singing "Candy Man".

Make sure there is plenty left over for OW S.

When the 2 boys start arguing with each other and it will happen and XH will defend his son and OW will defend hers.

Trouble in paradise.

And where will you be...getting a pedi, manicure, going to one of the block buster new films, dinner with friends...be a Goddess.

And when you make plans for NYC let me know. I used to live an hour away and it is one of my favorite cities. Tell you some great places to eat and how to get around.

take care.

SW,

Harassment is nearly always dismissed. It is very difficult to prove harassment - and two times does not harassment make. Just stop, as requested, and that one goes away.

The lawyer also knows that he would have to prove you induced the scratches on the truck, and that would be impossible. Your lawyer also knows this.


Your XWH and you need distance. Lots of it. This little letter is a sign of a tit-for-tat thing that can go one of two ways. It can escalate, or you can make it stop completely.

It escalates when one party responds in exactly the same way, and returns fire. Like your plan to ask for the $75. That is fuel for the fire. My question is this: Is it worth $75 for him to be gone, for the drama to stop? Then just let it GO.

My guess on the furniture? There is a specific thing that he wants. Ask him what that thing is. There is something that is stuck in his craw, and if you figure it out, it might very well be something really simple or stupid, and he will accept it and you do not need to go to court to solve it. But you know, that should already have been covered in the divorce decree, and seems to me that he has signed off on that already???? Why is it coming up now? Has he mentioned something over and over, that he felt you took and he wants?

Is it worth it just to give him that "thing" and be done with him?

SB

Ds10 has been around OW and her son (5) quite a lot in the last 6 months. Ds likes him ok....for a 5 year old..:) There have been a few instances of XWH making ds10 give in to the 5 year old...making ds feel horrible.

I can't remember if I posted this but I did ask ds Sunday morning how he felt about OW. He was quiet and said, 'I know what they did was really bad, but she is really nice to me.' I was calm, kind, gentle...ask him if the hardest part was knowing how it made me feel...he said yes. I told him I was sorry he was in the middle of it and none of it was his fault and it was ok if just enjoyed his time with them and not to worry about me. I did get out of that conversation that there is not much interaction between ds and OW....mostly he plays with the 5 year old when they are all together. That made me feel better.

I talked to XH's brother tonight. He left his wife for a much younger OW and regrets it. That relationship last 2 years...but it didn't last. He told me he met XH's OW a few weeks ago and he said all he was thinking was, 'this won't work out.'

Surprisingly....I'm not feeling too bad considering that stupid letter I got today.

stillstanding2,

"Does anybody have a chance opposing you?"


t/j

This made me laugh!!!!

My H will just say, "I can't argue with you. You make sense and it pis$es me off. Can't I just say 'This is how I feeeelllll' and be done with the argument? Doesn't that work with you????"

He hates to fight with me. I seldom get really angry, and when he starts to get angry, I usually look at him and say, "It doesn't help to be angry, because you know that we will just stop and re-discuss later when things are settled. Let me know when you're ready."

Sort of a takeoff on my fit routine....and it works.

Less contact with your ex includes talking about him with his family. Do you not see that you are constantly focused on your ex and ow? That is not helping you. It is an anchor to your pain that you must leave behind you.

Sorry about the t/j but... I PITY THE FOOL THAT OPPOSES YOU!

Definitely worth $75 for him to be gone. Which is why I haven't ask for it until now. He is the one coming at me wanting to get every last thing he can out of me even though he is the one who was wrong and blew this family up.

I don't know what the 'thing' is. Probably the $2000 patio set and the gas grill that would give him the image he so desperately wants....cool bachelor dude or some such. He LOVES the house and he often told my brother it would make a good bachelor pad. Which is weird to everyone who hears that...it is clearly a family home.

Anyway, will wait to hear from my lawyer. I do just want him to go away. Do you think I should fold on the June alimony too? It is $1000!!!!

Less contact includes letting your lawyer handle this - including getting your $1000 alimony.

It was a short conversation and we haven't talked for months! Really....I am doing MUCH better. BIL was big part of my life for nearly 30 years. He is suppose to call me back later tonight....I won't answer....:) Will that be better?

I miss the other half of my family too. Maybe you can have a relationship with them in the future (6months to a year after you are less invested) because you are still tied to them with your son. But now, you are using them for intel and to get a "fix" on your addiction to your ex and all the drama that comes with him.
You need NC to heal.

You got me. Ok, no contact with his family.....