MB, you are really aren't doing anything other than irritating me here.

MelodyLane, I told you I would call you on it as need be. I suspect that THIS sitch is MORE about you correcting the WRONG you feel you did at your son's funeral. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. You were dealing with A LOT at that time and you were just in survival mode. History re-write isn't just for a WS. You did what you had to to get through it at the time. Looking back now, you could see where you COULD have done something differently. You can't change the past. Don't make THIS about THAT. If you don't want to attend the wedding because of OW and what MAY happen there, then so be it. But if you are not going to attend because of what happened at your son's funeral, it won't fix it. You still didn't do anything THAT day(although I am NOT beating you for THAT, you couldn't), and ANYTHING you do today WON'T change that.

Just make sure that if you don't attend it is for THIS event and NOT for the past. Only YOU will know which it is.

Whoa - now the cops are being called?? Hey, I agree - if it's a matter of being unable to let the newlyweds have their day without fisticuffs behind the party center, I'd stay away. Other than that - no. I'm there.

And you didn't stay away from the celebration of your son's life, did you. So now you're sorry you attended your son's funeral if it was an endorsement? Do you hear what you're saying?

Do you hear how ******* your comment is, MB? How about posting somewhere else. Thanks..

I'm out. Sorry I bothered you.

There is a lot of alcohol at a wedding and routinely a lot of alcoholics. A recipe for disaster. Add in a sprinkle of entitled wayturd and his ho-bag and you have a VOLCANO waiting to explode. Happens A LOT. Just as I believe that affairs are possible in ALL. A breaking point where police would need to be called are also ALWAYS possible.

Not to mention the fact that we are IRISH and TEXAN. Not a good mix. Either way, I likely won't be going. My relatives - mother and sisters - are not going to be there if the OW is there. My sister said "we watched him disrespect my sister before and we won't watch it again."

MB, Mel wasn't ABLE to do anything about the OW being at her son's funeral because she was in such deep grief and shock.

What SHOULD have happened is that SOMEBODY ELSE should have recognized the awfulness of the OW being there and quietly asked the funeral director to have the OW leave the premises. That didn't happen; and, as a result, as Mel began to deal with her grief, I think that the memories of the OW came flooding in.

A lot of things can happen when someone is in the throes of grief and unable to focus on those things or do anything to correct them, but the mind records them...and later recalls them in living color. It's a very painful thing to endure.

BUT it DIDN'T happen. Now, the wedding is in the future. There are things that can still be done. Looking back and placing blame will just lead to more resentment. THAT day is OVER. The wedding is going to be handled in the right way by ML and her family. THAT is the important part.

Kudos to ML's family for standing behind her NOW.

And I don't blame my family. I asked my sister why they didn't do something and she said they didn't fully understand the situation. And since I seemed to be going along with it, they did too! So, I don't blame them at all now.

I am grateful they are willing to take a stand today.

Hey, Scottie...I went back and edited my post as you were posting.

I think it's likely that everybody in Mel's family were in shock and grief, so there's no point in blaming anyone. Most of the time, people who DO recognize something inappropriate simply don't know what to do about it, so they do nothing. I'm also glad that Mel's family is supporting her.

I just want MB to understand that seeing the skank at the wedding is a horrid reminder of her inappropriate presence at the funeral...and Mel should not have to endure it if she doesn't want to.

MB, Mel has asked you not to post on her thread. Please respect her wishes.

I actually talked to a friend about this sitch today. I was telling her that if my sister's daughter had passed, and I was at a funeral, I would be a wreck and not know what to do myself. If my sister didn't directly ask me to do something, I wouldn't. Only because I wouldn't know WHAT to do. I am glad that you don't hold any resentment towards them. If only you could give yourself a break over it as well. YOU COULDN'T DO IT THEN. Let go of that.

don't worry, I have let go of that! I know I couldn't function.

NP LC. I wasn't really saying anything against what you posted. I was just trying to give a little nudge to ML. I see a lot of hurt in the posts and I know some of it is from that day, not THIS sitch. I was just trying to help with that. It's all good.

Good to hear. There is still a lot of pain in your posts and I can't even imagine how it feels.

It is funny though. Before seeing this thread, I thought that you always had it so together all of the time. Now I look at you as a human. It's like the moment you realize that your parent is a person.

It was good to see so many come to your support. We got your back.

In Mb terms OW is a trigger. What do we tell BSes to do with triggers.... Trash them.... Or burn them hehehe....

Ok seriously mow, we never tell a BS to suck it up. There are other solutions here

I think this is a very nice idea and may be the best possible solution here.

(the best one that doesn't involve bail money, that is.)

Seriously, this may well be worth looking into. Vibrissa, I'm glad you posted it.

I like Vibrissa's idea too.

Parents miss weddings for all sorts of reasons. Some take on a solemn meaning in their absence. Some it's a frivolous thing. My dad missed mine because he couldn't stop drinking for even six months in order to be there. Kasey and I planned an extra long engagement to give him time to give it up. He chose not to be there. To me it was a frivolous reason to not be there.

Yours is not a frivolous reason. Marriage vows are sacred. A painted pig inserting herself in the mother's place is abominable. For a son to not take his vows seriously enough as to allow a pig to clutter up his hopefully once-in-a-lifetime experience is up to him.

I think you did a fine job of explaining to your son why you won't be there. And I think finding a way to celebrate with him and his bride away from the "show" will be as meaningful to him as your absence when it comes time for him to understand what those vows really mean.

Sometime it's going to hit him. I hope it's not the betrayal kind that hits him. I hope it's not the loss of a child. But sometime the garish irreverence of this OW is going to offend his soul. I hope it comes before the wedding. For his sake. And for his bride's sake.

.

Right, KA. And you know what else will "hit him?" The level of respect he can have for his Mother for standing up for her principles. He might not be happy about it now, but once the euphoria of the wedding celebration is long over and he starts to understand what Marriage is about, he'll understand that integrity is far more important than one night of pomp and circumstance.

I don't think being absent from the wedding for the right reasons damages the Mother/son relationship one bit in the long run. One day this kid is going to need someone strong in his life, someone who he knows will suffer for their belief system and do the right thing no matter what. It's pretty obvious who that person is going to be.

Opt