(((traci)))

Just a note to let everyone know that my marriage is over. H told last night that he had been home for 6 months and he doesn't feel like anything has changed. Told him maybe if he would have worked on the marriage it would have. Personally things were improving alot and this was a big surprise. Told him he must be in contact with OW and he denied it. H is now sleeping in DD 19's room because he can't afford to move out. If that is it he will be here forever. Told him that was it, not to talk to me anymore and to leave me alone. Told him that I had told him all or nothing a long time ago. Also told him that even though I love him that I hated him as well. Told him I hope he was happy that he succeeded in me hating me. H told me he never wanted to hurt and I told him that it seems to me that it is real easy for him to do just that. Thinking about just letting the house go into foreclosure and moving to Tennessee with my parents. I have enough money in sick days and my annuity to pay everything off including my daughters' vehicles and start over. Don't know what else to do. Told God that I give up and that everything is now in his hands. Funny thing is, is that my H told me that he didn't me to get my hopes up and I told him that he already did that and that God would get him and the OW for what they both did to me. Especially him. This really blind sided me. things were actually getting better.

I did the best I could and that is all anyone can do.

Traci

Hold YOUR head high, you have given your all and have done nothing wrong.

So sorry, Traci!
I guess you could go back to a dark plan B, but you've got to get him out of the house. Either way, he's got to go--this cake-eating isn't going to help you at all! If you file for D, can you get him removed from the house?

I've already gone back to Plan B. I refuse to talk to him any more. I plan on filing for a divorce as soon as I can without him. Once I do he can't stop me and he will have to leave as soon as it is final. I just have to come up with the money.

I hear ya. Problem is, it's darn near impossible to plan B while living under the same roof. Just having a clean house and a stocked fridge is a big help for him to continue is cake-eating. I wish there was a way to get him out.

House will be clean but fridge won't be stocked.

Traci, your WH was about as enthusiastic toward recovery as a limp wet noodle.

I'm behind your decision 100%.

Really don't know what to do other than try not to have any contact with H. He knows that I don't want anything to do with him ever again. Also told him I don't care what he does and that includes going out every night. I think eventually he'll try to come back but it will be too late. I'm tired and can't do this any more.

Traci, hugs,

Just be still and breathe.

Ask yourself the hard questions...

Do you still want the M
Do you have a revised plan

Don't be surprised if he has broken NC. Can you check. When they turn like that usually the case.

Go see an attorney and see what your legal rights are. Usually consultation is free. Ask up front.

Even in a long term M does not mean you automatically get alimony. Check your rights.

Keep us posted.

I am sorry this has got to this point. You have tried hard to get it thru his head. Traci.

I agree with hope and as soon as you can put him out the better for you.

Hang in there

Tracy, be strong. He has been hurting you for months now putting you thru such a roller coaster.
Enough. Move on and get him out as soon as you can. No one deserves this kind of treatment and yes, of course, he is still in touch with OW but at this point he has to play it out till he hits rock bottom and you can't do that for him.
He needs to learn thru experience.
And he will.
Blessing

This is good advice. Remember, tho - get a few opinions. I could not blelive the difference in attitude the Atty's had here. Do not go with the first, do not go with the guy who promises the world, either. I could not believe the diffrent "plan of attacks" that I came across.

Usually I like the "don't fight if you don't have to" attitude, but really that was not the best idea for me.

P.S.
Your WH is a cake eating jerk.

Got home last night after 8pm on purpose. Cleaned the kitchen and did dishes and feed the dogs. Went and took a shower and piddled around for a while and wrote in my diary then went to bed and slept like a log. Got up this morning and put the dishes up and got ready for work then sat on my bed and wrote in my diary again. It is very therapeutic to write and get all my thoughts and feelings down. It is really bothering H that I ignore him and refuse to talk to him.

Been looking at my options right now. Have pulled up and printed an application for a nursing license in Tennessee. My parents live there now and I could move in with them. They would welcome me with open arms. They actually tried to get me to move there last year. I don't really know what to do right now but I am going to take it slow and make sure I don't make a rash decision.

I still don't want a divorce and would like to save my marriage but it takes 2 and he isn't in the mix. Can't do it by myself.

I decided to change my name to PhoenixRising65 because I have been reborn from the ashes.

((Phoenix))
Me likeee the idea of a change of homestead.
By the way, does he do any housework, or does he just party and leave that up to you? Do you do his laundry still?

H hasn't gone out since he informed of his decision. And I haven't done his laundry in about 12 yrs. I refuse to do anything for him or to him because that would mean I would have to acknowledge him and I refuse to do that. As for the housework I will continue to do that because I don't need him and I like things a certain way.

Funny thing is I feel fine and I didn't feel this good when he left me around this time last year or during the 5 months he was gone.

You know what is funny? My H has a tattoo on his shoulder blade of a phoenix just because he liked it and didn't know the meaning of it. If he ever realizes that I refer to myself as a phoenix then every time he sees it or thinks of it he will think of me. I know him well enough to know that is how he would think of that.

I have to admit that on Sunday when he broke the news to me that it wasn't going to work out he was real upset that I told him I hated him and that we would never be friends. The look on his face spoke volumes. But I didn't care and I still don't. I'm sticking to my guns. I guess he thought he could cake eat and he is finding out he's not. He said he didn't want to give me any hope and that is such a lie. Just by telling me about a month ago that he didn't want a divorce gives one hope and so does a lot of other things that he said over the past 6 months.

Suggestion:

Throw a little summer fiesta!
Invite your friends.
Tell your kids to invite their friends.
Play some games. (Apples To Apples ... is a great game for a large group)
Have a fun time in YOUR home.
WH is not invited.
Lots of yummy food.

Another night, have a "movie nite" in your home.
Popcorn.
Friends.
Lots of laughter.

No WH.

Have a poker party with your "girls".

Live large and loud.

This is the time to prove to yourself that not only will you SURVIVE, you intend to THRIVE.

Poop on WH.

If anyone asks why WH is not there, tell the truth.

" I did not invite him.
He does not want to be my husband. I will not be his friend."

Then, party on!