Traci,

I am so sorry. I've been where you are. My XWH was the champion cake eater - almost a whole year! I stayed too long and just didn't do Plan B soon enough or the right way. I went out with a big Plan FU bang. Couldn't help it.

Get him out and Plan B his rear. The way things are going, the OW is never going to get out of your life if you don't. As Candice Bergen said in The Women - "sometimes it takes a good dose of the affair partner...(can't remember the rest of the line) but you get my drift. You have tried and now it's time for you to have peace.

It isn't an easy road, but somehow we make our way through each stop sign.

Thanks Pepper, that sounds like a great idea. I am actually going out this Friday with my friends. I am going to go to my friend and neighbor's retirement ceremony from the navy and a reception afterward then I'm going out that night with my other friends. So I'll be a little busy.

One thing I noticed is that my H doesn't like it that I am doing what he does at home like I took out the garbage and took it to the curb yesterday. Told him to go away and that I don't need him and that was the last thing I said to him and that was at 6am.

Traci;

I hope you have been around here long enough to know that Chai is the shiz. She has been where you are, her advice is dead spot on.

As with many other posters.

If I remember right didn't you basically hold his hand most of the time before? Its time you let him know what he lost and save yourself. I was afraid that when he came back he wouldn't do any of the heavy lifting required to be who you deserve..

I second and third the advice from others like pep suggests. Live large and in charge without the freeloader.

I just don't care what H is doing any more. I want to be left alone and I can do for myself and I don't need him hanging around me doing things for me just to make him feel better. I'll be fine and I happen to be a very independent person. H is going to realize that he might be living at home still but he is going to be alone there.

Let me tell you one of the ways I know a BS is getting their chit together .....

They no longer "NEED" the WS.

The BS who knows the difference between WANTING her REAL husband and not NEEDING the dumb WAYWARD..... That is the BS in charge.

That, my dear, is the golden ticket.

Yes. The golden ticket.

lol. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

Doing fine. funny thing is, I don't hurt and I'm not angry. I just don't care. H finally got the hint and doesn't talk to me. He does look at me when I go past but I just ignore him and go about my business. I've noticed that he has been doing things around the house that he wasn't doing before, like feeding the cats. A little bit too late, don't you think? I've been sleeping without any problems but he can't say the same. I guess you can hurt for only so long then you can't hurt any more.

Pep,
I asked god for help and then I read this you said:
It was what I needed. I still want the dumb WS and I do not have the golden ticket yet, but now I know what I have to look for and how.
Thank you!
Blessing

Great line and so true!
blessing

Had a friend of mine tell me today that what I said and did this Sunday and since will get my H attention as nothing else will. He even told me to go out with my girlfriends and let my H think I have a date. I will find out if he really cares or not. He said he did when his wife did this to him because he was the WS and it got his attention real fast and he realized that he wanted to save his marriage then but it was too late his wife decided she had had enough. Don't know if I would do that but it is an idea.

It takes more to save a M than pretending to have a date.
I did it after my H first A and it worked but then he went on to have another A 2 years later.
Do what you enjoy doing without thinking about how it will effect him....
blesssing

Don't worry, I'm going to have fun and not worry about H and what he thinks. I 'm actually going to go out with my girlfriends this Friday night. If they have their way I might not make it back home. LOL. I will make sure my daughters know where I'm at in case of an emergency but that is all.

I'm actually feeling good.

I am happy you seem to have shifted to a different stage where you are back in your power.
blessing

Yeah, it feels good to finally be in power. It's AWESOME! Lol!
It does help to have a journal to pour your heart and soul into. I do it twice a day and write like I'm talking to my H! It's great and I release a lot of tension that way and I haven't been crying at since Sunday night. That was the last time I've cried and I don't even feel like crying anymore. It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

When I got home last night H was not there. Didn't care. I actually enjoyed being by myself and doing what I wanted to do and being able to control the TV. H came home about 11:45 and the reason I know this is because the dog barked. He was sober and grumpy.

I feel good this morning and I happen to be happy today. I know that I am in control of my own happiness and it really makes me feel good knowing that my H isn't happy.

I am convinced that WH can't be happy till they get OW out of their system. YOur WH is trying to get over her, but he can't. He still has feeling for her when he knows very will that living with her does not work (he tried it and by his own admission it was not working)
YET...he must till be thinking about her in some way or another and that is the main obstacle in developing feelings for you...
He is just a loser, I am sorry to say this again as I said so a few months ago but now I am really convinced.
Blessing

Atena, I know you are right and I have thinking the same thing but I am afraid when he does realize that he still loves me it will be too late. I am just going to go on with my life. I have said several times before that he is still foggy.

I know that I hurt my H on Sunday night with what I said and I said some very ugly and nasty things but I really don't care. I know what I did brought me down to his level but he needed a big jolt! I hope it opened his eyes some.

Phoenix,
at this point I am not sure your H will develop feelings of love for you again. they do not come back like magic, you have to work at them and he has refused to do so with MB or any other program for that matter.
You are doing the right thing...you can't wait forever for someone to realize he loves you and I do not believe there is such a realization really, because the whole point of MB is that in order to gain feeling of love for BS you need to work on them otherwise they do not come back on their own (that happens only on movies and fairly tales!)
blessing

Waywards really do a number on us betrayed spouses. And ours did a number on us. Even though my H was an a$$ and an idiot I do know that he still loves me and I know he will eventually come to that realization but it will be too late when he does realize it. So far I have been right about him since he left me last year. I even figured he would probably leave me again. I just think he is still in a fog but I am not going to hang around til he gets unfogged. I am tired and want to move on with my life. I am not going to say what I am going to do in the future because I don't really know what I'll do. That is one thing I have learned, you never know what you are going to do until it happens to you. I just want to take one day at a time. I am just a baby now and I have to learn to crawl before I can learn to walk and I have to learn to walk before I can learn to run. Right now I am learning to crawl.