I am not going to say anything to him until I hear back from my attorney. I sent my attorney an email going over all that junk...sent it Monday afternoon close to 5:00. Nothing back from him. Which is fine....let my XH wondering what is going on. No hurry.

Good girl. You can ask him after your atty looks at the paperwork. The divorce decree may very well cover the division of furniture, and he is probably just SOL over it, and too bad.

Our divorce decree is a joke. It says, 'Parties are to divide marital personal property. In the event they cannot reach an agreement the court will issue a supplemental Order ordering that the remaining personal property be sold and the proceeds divided."

Had contact with him....Ugh. Always a joy. I took ds10 with a bunch of friends to a nearby small waterpark. We got there at 1:30 and would have had to leave around 4:30-4:45 to ensure I could get ds to his dad's by the 5:30 visitation time...Around 4:15 ds calls his dad and asks to skip visitation so he could stay at the water park. His dad gets on the phone with me and said he would come pick ds up (he works nearby) and would be there around 5:15. Ok, well, that buys ds another 45 minutes, so I'm like 'ok.' I send XH a text confirming that he agreed to this (wanted that in writing so he couldn't use it against me) and he answered back that sure it was fine.

Well, I have ds ready and waiting for him by 5:15..XH shows up and takes ds (I avoided contacted completed....saw him across the way, but no real contact) XH takes ds and leaves WITH MY KEYS which I had left in ds's bag! Stupid stupid SW!!!!

So within 10 minutes I call him and he is FURIOUS, but not over the keys! He starts screaming at me...'I didn't know the park closed at 6:00, so I drove all the way over there for nothing!!!' I'm like...???? but won't discuss it at all except to say, "I didn't know it either, can you bring me my keys? He starts screaming at me some more and I"m really confused but manage to say nothing else and just hang up. I waited in front of the water park entrance with about 10 of my friends so when he comes back with my keys there was no discussion...

But wow. He is nuts. I guess he thought he would hang out at the water park with ds? I am not sure...but we were all ready to go by the time XH got there at 5:30...

Also, in his text back to me (where I confirmed the pick up arrangement) he said, 'Yes, it is better than not seeing him. I'm taking Friday off so can I have him earlier Friday?'

I didn't respond to that text at all...;) I'm thinking the answer is no. I think we will strictly adhere to the drop off time of 6:00 p.m. Friday. He is already taking him overnight Saturday which is extra.....

Oh and he is late bringing him home.

He brought him home at 8:45...15 minutes late. Should I send him an email mentioning it?

Also, he walked him to the door and asked me if I had gotten his text earlier about wanting to get ds early on Friday since he is taking off work. I refused to discuss it...told him I would email him later, 'good bye' and I shut the door.

Trying to figure out what to do now. If he is calling this more 'vacation' he hasn't given me the 'one week's notice'. I don't have to have ds to him until Friday at 6:00. He told ds he is taking him to Whitewater...I don't want to make things easy on him to do this....

Don't know if I should refuse or not. I really really am inclined to refuse. Or to just not answer at all.

*edit*

SW, if I had to choose, I'd listen to Schoolbus.

tl

Oh, man, I missed a Bubbles Classic I guess....Schoolbus has been dead on with her advise to me...she considers the entire picture and the entire XH I am dealing with.

I would love for things to be cordial...and for it to be no big deal that he came to pick ds up for vistaiton at a waterpark or no big deal that he was 15 minutes late bringing him home....unfortunatley WXH has made it impossible.

Whatever happened to men (or women) who take the position, 'well, I messed it all up, I should be the one to suffer, not my innocent X-spouse or child.'

Waywards are selfish human beings(I use the term lightly). They do not think about anything else. You really should go into a plan B type thing with your XWH. You could have had one of your friends call him and ask for the keys and that friend could have gotten the keys from him. Also, all of this text and email stuff should go through an IM to filter out the wayturd bull. Is there some other way to "hand off" your DS so there is NO CONTACT? By that I mean, you DON'T see him and he doesn't see you either? Get a key made up for your DS so he can unlock the door AFTER XWH drives off? Just brainstorming things for you, so you can come up with a good solution.

That would have been a HUGE deal. First we share no friends AT ALL. None. I was 45 minutes from my home....30 minutes from WXH home. The waterpark was about to close. I had other people riding with me. Someone would have been driving an extra hours worth of driving to go get the keys and return them to me. XWH had only been gone 10 minutes.

I already talk about this junk to my IRL friends WAY too much.....been going on for over a year and I am trying very hard to come up with new topics of conversations with them. No way I am going to ask any of them to be involved in communicating with him.

And I do not want my ds to have a key to my house.....no way I would trust XWH to not come in my house when I'm not here. Besides that would not stop WH from walking him to the door.

Scotland I realize I just shot down every suggestion you had....:) But listen to what I've been thinking...the REAL problem is MY reaction to XWH. I am limiting conversations and contact with him as much as I can so that I can heal. Like that conversation on the phone last night when ds had talked to him first...I can't refuse to allow ds to call his dad...THEY made the plan...XH gets on the phone and tells ME what the plan was and then gets ANGRY at ME. It made no sense. However, I did manage to not engage. Normally I would have SAID all that to him...I just brushed it aside and asked if he would bring my keys to me.

Later when he came to the door with ds, I refused to discuss anything with him. I just said, 'I'll email you later.' and I shut the door. He tapped on the door and I turned around and he had his face pressed to the glass. Nuts. Just nuts. I just walked out of sight and he left.

I am really learning new and better communication skills through all this though. Because every interaction forces me to not respond to nonsense and that takes a lot of focus. That is why I so carefully consider what I do or say to him...and why I ask to be led by the hand by you people.

Okay, what I was talking about when I said a friend was that you said you had people with you. One of them could have called him and one of them could have gotten the keys from him.

You could just do what I do with my kiddos when WH comes to get them for visits. There is no interaction at all. WH calls the house, DS answers and says, "We will be right out." DSx2 go out. I wait a few minutes and then I leave for work. When they come home. DSx2 get out of the car, WH drives away, DSx2 ring the doorbell. WH calls them to make sure they got in. There is ZERO contact. Remember, my DSx2 are 10 and 7. THIS is the best solution and I am in complete control over the contact.

You also could have someone else email him with stuff. Then you wouldn't have to deal with it yourself. There are ALWAYS solutions. I was just throwing some things out there to brainstorm. You are continually getting triggered by seeing your XWH and it is causing you not to be able to heal. I see it in my sister and I am constantly saying to her, "What do YOU get out of it?" There has to be a reason you won't end ALL contact. Only YOU can figure out what that reason is.

Yes, you did. Maybe not one of the Top 10, but certainly one of the Top 20. Or Top 40. Well, shoot--there's just so much to choose from. How about the Top 100?

tl

But what would you do if your WH wouldn't drive away? I would be fine with dropping ds off in WH's driveway and leaving....by the time I get backed out he has answered the door so I know WH has let him in...that is fine. I am fine with him dropping him off in my driveway and leaving. The way my front door is set up I don't even have to see his truck or anything...ds rings the bell and I let him in...only ONE time has that happened though. WXH insists on walking him to the door....and I know WHY (thanks to this board)...it is because he needs the drama. He misses me on some level and wants to interact with me and tries to use our child as the excuse.

I see your point about the keys at the waterpark now. Duh,...I'm a little slow...I could have stayed inside out of sight and had a friend get the keys from him as he pulled up to the front entrance. Yes, I could have/should have done that. It did briefly cross my mind, but at the point I saw him driving in I only had a bunch of kids out front with me (only 2 other grown ups were with me) and I didn't feel comfortable involving kids in that.

I do work very hard to limit my conversations and contact with him. And you keep me on my toes about it Scotland, so thanks for that.

I still need to know what to do about letting him go early with his dad tomorrow. I just got that nasty letter from his attorney on Monday saying her client wants to 'strictly adhere to visitation schedule.' I am not inclined to play nice and let him go early now. Not to mention he is probably taking ds10 out of town with OW. Why should I make that easier for them?

Btw, our visitation schedule says Friday drop off is at 6:00 and Wednesday drop off is 5:30..I've always taken ds at 5:30 on Friday also....but I won't be doing that now.

Also should I send an email mentioning he was late bringing him home last night? Or just make a note of it on my calender?

LOL....she used to eat me alive over on 101...

If you don't want to send DS early, send XWH an email, "I will drop DS off at your home at the usual set time."

I think you did GREAT avoiding drama w/ him, yesterday!!Really good job. Love it that you told him you'd email him your answer. Whenever you get put on the spot, just tell him you'll think about it and reply later.

Scotland has done a masterful plan B. The best I've ever seen. I'm so glad she's posting to you. You really need to go darker...the darker the better.

Don't be available for him to unload the crap he unloaded on you yesterday.

I probably would let him have DS early though.

I don't think his attorney's letter and his recent nastiness should be a factor in whether he has a little extra time w/ DS.

I agree Scotland is the Queen of plan B. I doubt I can ever get that good, but her suggestions do help me a lot.

Why does it make me so nervous to think about emailing XH and telling him 'I will drop ds off at the usual set time'?

The biggest factor is that he is taking ds out of town with OW. You think I should set that aside and let him have him early?

Maybe b/c you know you should probably let him have him earlier?