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hi Anne505, Still watching your posts, I have to say that you have handled yourself with so much strength and endurance in this situation. I know what it's like to find out your husband is having an affair and lying to you day in and day out. I also am married to a Lawyer and they have a knack for wording things and omitting the truth by not answering questions directly......re-direction is the name of the game for them, getting you off track, I can tell you have learned a lot of things about facts and proving them being married to him.......this is a good thing....I'm glad you have spoken to your own lawyer to find out what your rights are and let them help you through this with a plan that will out wit any lies he can throw at you... Think this through and make your plan....let others help you.....most of all don't put any added stress to your health right now. Baby is the important thing right now.....not him or his dirtbag..........get your financials in the best place you can get them to and go from there.....He is going to be so blindsided by all this and you, you will get the upper hand and he will feel like a fool when he figures out how smart you really are.......you will be lucky to free yourself from someone who can hurt you like this and lie without any guilt or remorse....... someone said the best revenge when another woman tries to steal your husband...is to let her have him......... you will be much better off . (((hugs))) praying for you Thank you jessitaylor. Your words are so kind and really mean a lot to me. Talking to a lawyer was the smartest thing I've done during this ugly process. WH has underestimated me and there will come a day when he will realize what a huge mistake that was. Right now my focus is to get myself set up with a more stable financial situation and then deal with him. The time I plan to take won't be easy but it is vital to me and my future as well as that of my children. I have a long, tough road ahead of me but I can get through this and will come out of it a better person with a happy life.
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Anne, your husband is an attorney? Wow, I would have never guessed that based on all the ways you've described him. I've VERY surprised that he would be putting ANYTHING in email or posting on FB (did I read that?) since attorneys are usually very protective of their image and are susceptible to ethics violations. Wow... Yes, he is an attorney. He has actually been very careful about emails but has slipped up a little along the way. He has not done anything on FB (someone posted a fake profile about him and Dirtbag but he doesn't do much on there himself). Most of what I get comes from the VAR in the car which is where he thinks he is free to talk with Dirtbag. Too bad I can't get on in his office. I would get so much more that way but it just isn't an option. He is very protective of his image just not when he is around Dirtbag.
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Anne,
If he carries a bulky briefcase or laptop case to the office and home each day, maybe you can find an unused pocket, zipped pouch, or section that he never looks in to hide a small VAR encased in a small cloth cover. Look for the least noticeable place. The Panasonic I used has a timer function, set it to begin recording about the time he leaves for work and turn itself off at the time he usually gets home. Pick up a few sets of rechargeable batteries and a couple of VARS - you can swap them out each night or before he is awake in the morning. Also, check out his golf bag and see if there is a place that you could put a VAR. Mine has lots of pockets and compartments. Good luck to you, I hope you get what you need.
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Anne,
If he carries a bulky briefcase or laptop case to the office and home each day, maybe you can find an unused pocket, zipped pouch, or section that he never looks in to hide a small VAR encased in a small cloth cover. Look for the least noticeable place. The Panasonic I used has a timer function, set it to begin recording about the time he leaves for work and turn itself off at the time he usually gets home. Pick up a few sets of rechargeable batteries and a couple of VARS - you can swap them out each night or before he is awake in the morning. Also, check out his golf bag and see if there is a place that you could put a VAR. Mine has lots of pockets and compartments. Good luck to you, I hope you get what you need. The laptop case won't work because he literally uses every compartment. However, I never thought about hiding anything in his golf bag so that could work. I'll check it out. The only pitfall to that is that his Dirtbag friend uses his golf bag to hid his phone he uses to communicate with his OW. WH told me this so if WH has anything like this to hide, he might use the golf bag too. Just something I'll need to consider.
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Anne,
If he carries a bulky briefcase or laptop case to the office and home each day, maybe you can find an unused pocket, zipped pouch, or section that he never looks in to hide a small VAR encased in a small cloth cover. Look for the least noticeable place. The Panasonic I used has a timer function, set it to begin recording about the time he leaves for work and turn itself off at the time he usually gets home. Pick up a few sets of rechargeable batteries and a couple of VARS - you can swap them out each night or before he is awake in the morning. Also, check out his golf bag and see if there is a place that you could put a VAR. Mine has lots of pockets and compartments. Good luck to you, I hope you get what you need. The laptop case won't work because he literally uses every compartment. However, I never thought about hiding anything in his golf bag so that could work. I'll check it out. The only pitfall to that is that his Dirtbag friend uses his golf bag to hid his phone he uses to communicate with his OW. WH told me this so if WH has anything like this to hide, he might use the golf bag too. Just something I'll need to consider. I'd be careful about this....sounds pretty risky. You don't want to get caught...he might start faking intel like crazy if he catches you...not to mention you need/want the element of a total surprise confrontation.
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I'd be careful about this....sounds pretty risky. You don't want to get caught...he might start faking intel like crazy if he catches you...not to mention you need/want the element of a total surprise confrontation. Don't worry, I'm not about to start taking risks now! Not right when I have my plan in place and I know exactly what I need to do. If anyone is going to be surprised, it will be him and it will be when I'm good and ready. I got DB's ID and password for a dating website he uses to meet women. This guy is a real piece of work! It makes me never want to try dating again should my situation end in D.
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I'd be careful about this....sounds pretty risky. You don't want to get caught...he might start faking intel like crazy if he catches you...not to mention you need/want the element of a total surprise confrontation. Don't worry, I'm not about to start taking risks now! Not right when I have my plan in place and I know exactly what I need to do. If anyone is going to be surprised, it will be him and it will be when I'm good and ready. I got DB's ID and password for a dating website he uses to meet women. This guy is a real piece of work! It makes me never want to try dating again should my situation end in D. HOW did you get that!!!!! He is sharing that with your WH? Crazy!!!!
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HOW did you get that!!!!! He is sharing that with your WH? Crazy!!!! Remember when there was that Facebook profile out there that they were freaking out about? Well, WH did a big favor for Dirtbag (and an even bigger favor for me) and changed DB's password on his hotmail account that he uses with his fake name to commuicate with some of his OW. He also uses this hotmail to sign up for various dating websites. Since I have keylogger installed on WH's computer, I got the new password. I guess that keylogger paid off afterall, just in the way I had hoped!
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HOW did you get that!!!!! He is sharing that with your WH? Crazy!!!! Remember when there was that Facebook profile out there that they were freaking out about? Well, WH did a big favor for Dirtbag (and an even bigger favor for me) and changed DB's password on his hotmail account that he uses with his fake name to commuicate with some of his OW. He also uses this hotmail to sign up for various dating websites. Since I have keylogger installed on WH's computer, I got the new password. I guess that keylogger paid off afterall, just in the way I had hoped! OH MY! That is unbelievable! Btw, your thread is famous...they talk about you on other threads as the BS who snooped too long and now her LB is totally empty.
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You might want to check out that phone a little closer. (the one in your husbands golf bag) Cheaters often use the "i'm holding it for a friend" routine. It could very well be your WH's affair phone.
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OH MY! That is unbelievable! Btw, your thread is famous...they talk about you on other threads as the BS who snooped too long and now her LB is totally empty. Yep, WH did me quite a favor there! I know!!!
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You might want to check out that phone a little closer. (the one in your husbands golf bag) Cheaters often use the "i'm holding it for a friend" routine. It could very well be your WH's affair phone. It's not in WH's golf bag, it's in Dirtbag's golf bag. If it was in WH's bag, I would have checked it out for sure. I just figured that since WH knows DB keeps his in there, he might try the same thing.
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Hey Anne!
I haven't posted to you before but I have been following your thread. Just wanted to say that you amaze me with you strength, perserverance and tenacity! You are doing what is best for you and the kiddos. You are getting great support.
For what it is worth, I am in the camp that belives that WH is going to fold like a deck of cards when confronted with the truth. I think he is going to beg for mercy. But, I'm not sure he is going to be willing to make the real changes you will need in the end to recover (ie. give up dirtbag).
Anyway, just wanted to say hey and stay strong!
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Hey Anne!
I haven't posted to you before but I have been following your thread. Just wanted to say that you amaze me with you strength, perserverance and tenacity! You are doing what is best for you and the kiddos. You are getting great support.
For what it is worth, I am in the camp that belives that WH is going to fold like a deck of cards when confronted with the truth. I think he is going to beg for mercy. But, I'm not sure he is going to be willing to make the real changes you will need in the end to recover (ie. give up dirtbag).
Anyway, just wanted to say hey and stay strong! I think he will make a good show of folding. But I don't think this WH has any idea who he really is and therefore he won't even know what it really means to fold. Or to be remorseful. Remorse requires humility...he is so arrogant in his brazen deception of his WIFE and mother of his children...I see no humility. It will be like Tiger Woods 'changing'. JMO of course. No one really knows what he is feeling...not even Anne.
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Hey Mindshare!
Thank you so much for the kind words. Knowing I have the support of others does help me to get through this. Really, it's all about getting me and the kids set up for the worst case scenario. If an empty LB is the tradeoff for that, well, I can deal with that. It's just what I have to do.
I really do hope you are right and he will fold, beg for mercy, etc. However, I agree with you when you say that he might not be willing to make the real changes I need. This is a real possibility and one I'm going spend much time preparing myself for.
Also, I've been thinking about how he probably sees me as completely dependent on him. I think there will be a big difference in my confrontation and the outcome once he sees this is no longer the case.
On a funny note, I am thinking I should change my screen name to "Empty LB" or "The Girl Who Snooped Too Long"...LOL!
Last edited by anne505; 07/16/10 10:37 AM.
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I think he will make a good show of folding. But I don't think this WH has any idea who he really is and therefore he won't even know what it really means to fold. Or to be remorseful. Remorse requires humility...he is so arrogant in his brazen deception of his WIFE and mother of his children...I see no humility. It will be like Tiger Woods 'changing'.
JMO of course. No one really knows what he is feeling...not even Anne. I'm afraid you are right. There is at least a strong possibility that you are right. This is what I'm going to spend my time preparing myself for. But you're right, no one knows what he's feeling. Maybe not even him. Whatever happens, I am going to make sure that me and my kids are taken care of.
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On a funny note, I am thinking I should change my screen name to "Empty LB" or "The Girl Who Snooped Too Long"...LOL! We'll just call you Snoopy for short...
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We'll just call you Snoopy for short... SNOOPY...I LOVE IT!!! Sometimes you just have to laugh. It keeps you from crying too much
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We'll just call you Snoopy for short... SNOOPY...I LOVE IT!!! Sometimes you just have to laugh. It keeps you from crying too much I LOVE SNOOPY! Love it. And yes you do just have to laugh sometimes...
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Still believe we have a husband here with a serious case of entitlement. I believes he loves his wife and family but also believes it is totally acceptable to live on the fringes in his secret life. Has a wonderful cake at home(wife and kids), but still likes a taste away from home. This man needs Anne to bring him home.
This man is about see what it is like to step right up to the edge of the abyss. Reality will snap him out of it, the loss of his wife and family, career problems. This is going to be total destruction for this man. DB will not be an option. I heard humility mentioned, the shame this man is going to feel when he knows his wife knows what he has been up to will be crushing. I think it will be what turns him around.
If Anne confronts with the stone cold poker face she has exhibited here, and let's him know in no unceratin term she holds all the cards here, he is finished. The ultimate Kodak moment. She can set the bar where she wants to set it, I believe he follows. Only question at that point is if Anne wants him.
Last edited by RTX; 07/16/10 04:08 PM.
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