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Getting the room numbers and the hotel will tell you all you need to know.
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OK, I was trying to keep emotion out of it...he just replied
<I've already told you once. Canoeing or water park. Something fun.>
So what do I say to that? I am not trying to keep him from going...I just want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be. Do I just say that?
"I want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be." He hasn't made any concrete plans. You're going to have to "trust" him to abide by your agreement. There is almost no chance of them getting ajoining rooms at this late notice.
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Getting the room numbers and the hotel will tell you all you need to know. Not really, because it doesn't tell her who slept where and with whom or if the children were left alone and unsupervised.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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OK, I was trying to keep emotion out of it...he just replied
<I've already told you once. Canoeing or water park. Something fun.>
So what do I say to that? I am not trying to keep him from going...I just want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be. Do I just say that?
"I want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be." He hasn't made any concrete plans. You're going to have to "trust" him to abide by your agreement. There is almost no chance of them getting ajoining rooms at this late notice I first replied, 'Are you taking him out of town to spend the night?' Then he didn't answer that so I replied again, 'I was hoping you would be able to give me more concrete plans than that.' What do I do if he refuses to answer me? Do I still take ds early anyway? Do I confirm in an email that he will have a separate room and that ds10 will not be left in a hotel room with out XH?
Last edited by SmilingWoman; 07/16/10 11:24 AM.
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His reply--
'I am mowing now and have no concrete plans At the moment. When can I expect ds?'
How about if I reply,
'Ok. Please confirm, per our agreement, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend (should I say girlfriend or use her name?) and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.'
Would that be good?
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What do I do if he refuses to answer me? Do I still take ds early anyway? Do I confirm in an email that he will have a separate room and that DS will not be left in a hotel room with out XH? You know honestly you have no say on whether EXWH takes your son out of town or where because it is HIS visitation/vacation. Most orders also don't carry a clause that say he has to TELL you if that's his plan (although it would be the courteous thing to do). Additionally, he can tell you anything you want to hear and do the complete opposite and what good will that do? Your only recourse legally, is to file a motion for contempt IF you find out that he slept with OW in the same room or IF he left your son unsupervised. All this back and forth isn't really going to get you anything. KWIM? Why not just respond about bringing DS early, yes or no. In my opinion, that's the only REAL legitimate issue (not necessarily the only moral one).
Last edited by princessmeggy; 07/16/10 11:35 AM. Reason: edited out real name
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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He'll reply. Just wait for it.
What would be the point to leaving DS in a hotelroom by himself? DS will tell you that, and then you can bust XWH's azz. If he wanted to get away w/ OW to screw around, he'd do it w/o taking DS along.
In all likelihood, OW and her son will share a room and DS and XWH will share another one.
Even if he reassured you again that he will abide by the arrangement, you'll still be in the same boat. Having to trust that he will do what he said he would.
Last edited by Marshmallow; 07/16/10 11:37 AM.
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What do I do if he refuses to answer me? Do I still take ds early anyway? Do I confirm in an email that he will have a separate room and that colton will not be left in a hotel room with out XH? You know honestly you have no say on whether EXWH takes your son out of town or where because it is HIS visitation/vacation. Most orders also don't carry a clause that say he has to TELL you if that's his plan (although it would be the courteous thing to do). Additionally, he can tell you anything you want to hear and do the complete opposite and what good that do? Your only recourse legally, is to file a motion for contempt IF you find out that he slept with OW in the same room or IF he left your son unsupervised. All this back and forth isn't really going to get you anything. KWIM? Why not just respond about bringing DS early, yes or no. In my opinion, that's the only REAL legitimate issue (not necessarily the only moral one). I know that really, but I'd like to have him say in an email that he isn't going to leave ds alone in a hotel room--or with just another kid. I don't want there to be a chance he will come back and say, 'oh I didn't know I couldn't do that.' What do you think of me saying what I suggested in my last post above?
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OK, I was trying to keep emotion out of it...he just replied
<I've already told you once. Canoeing or water park. Something fun.>
So what do I say to that? I am not trying to keep him from going...I just want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be. Do I just say that?
"I want to know where he is going and what the sleeping arrangments will be." He hasn't made any concrete plans. You're going to have to "trust" him to abide by your agreement. There is almost no chance of them getting ajoining rooms at this late notice I first replied, 'Are you taking him out of town to spend the night?' Then he didn't answer that so I replied again, 'I was hoping you would be able to give me more concrete plans than that.' What do I do if he refuses to answer me? Do I still take ds early anyway? Do I confirm in an email that he will have a separate room and that ds10 will not be left in a hotel room with out XH? He'll reply. Just wait for it. What would be the point to leaving DS in a hotelroom by himself? DS will tell you that, and then you can bust XWH's azz. If he wanted to get away w/ OW to screw around, he'd do it w/o taking DS along. In all likelihood, OW and her son will share a room and DS and XWH will share another one. Even if he reassured you again that he will abide by the arrangement, you'll still be in the same boat. Having to trust that he will do what he said he would. I know, but I don't want him to plead ignorance if he does it.
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Please edit out my son's name in my posts you guys quoted....sorry!
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SW, you really can't control what you XWH does. I know you are feeling anxious about what is going on right now. There is nothing you can do when it is your XWH's time. It sucks.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I know, but I don't want him to plead ignorance if he does it. He can't. He signed the agreement. Let this go, SW. Tell him, "Please let me know if you decide to take ds out of town." And then tell him what time he can expect ds.
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The agreement says nothing about leaving ds alone in a hotel room! That is the part I don't want him to plead ignorance on.
So you don't think I should send this--
Ok. Please confirm, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.
We are just about to head your way.....
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I know, but I don't want him to plead ignorance if he does it. He can't. He signed the agreement. Let this go, SW. Tell him, "Please let me know if you decide to take ds out of town." And then tell him what time he can expect ds. I would think I really don't even have the legal right to know if he has taken ds out of town.
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The agreement says nothing about leaving ds alone in a hotel room! That is the part I don't want him to plead ignorance on.
So you don't think I should send this--
Ok. Please confirm, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.
We are just about to head your way..... If he leaves DS alone in a hotelroom, you can take him to court to answer why. Why don't you have DS call you when he get's settled and ask him how everything is?
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I would think I really don't even have the legal right to know if he has taken ds out of town. That's true, that's why you asked *please*. It's just a way of saving face at this point, SW. Ask him to let you know, and then tell him you're on your way.
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The agreement says nothing about leaving ds alone in a hotel room! That is the part I don't want him to plead ignorance on.
So you don't think I should send this--
Ok. Please confirm, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.
We are just about to head your way..... If he leaves DS alone in a hotelroom, you can take him to court to answer why. Why don't you have DS call you when he get's settled and ask him how everything is? Ok, good idea.. Thanks.
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Grrrrrr..........ds just answered the phone and it was XH!!!!! I yelled at him for answering my phone. Now I feel bad about that. I didn't talk to XH though.
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How about if I reply,
'Ok. Please confirm, per our agreement, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend concubine (should I say girlfriend or use her name?) and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.'
Would that be good? Seems good to me  Sorry - I've been reading your thread SW and have no advice to give, just thought I'd try a bit of levity. Hang in there, hon.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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How about if I reply,
'Ok. Please confirm, per our agreement, that if you do spend the night out of town you will have a separate room from your girlfriend concubine (should I say girlfriend or use her name?) and that ds will not be left in a hotel room without you.'
Would that be good? Seems good to me Sorry - I've been reading your thread SW and have no advice to give, just thought I'd try a bit of levity. Hang in there, hon. Thanks...I did send my email and he answered back, 'ok, I know the decree.'
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