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Joined: Jul 2010
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My wife and I have been married for 11yrs. We had a big blow out about 5yrs ago. I had found a love letter that she had written to OM. I asked about the letter, and the lies began.
I really never got over that.
Now to present day, we are fighting over her meeting others EN mor then she gives me.
She has been emailing her friends husband, they live next door, and texting every day. there has been hundred or more in one day.
Now thats not all to the story. Our 2nd next door neighor is seperated from his wife.
My wife has been texting him every day with hundreds of texts.
I found all this out when I seen our cell phone bill.

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So she has been texting TWO neighbors hundreds of texts each day?


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Yep, deinitely an EA and more probable a PA.

I am sorry this is happening to you. Read everything you can here. Start with Scotland's thread about information for newly betrayed spouses. In addition, there are many people on this site who have been through what is happening to you now.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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My wife has told me that neighbor2 has been having an affair with neighbor 1 wife. Sounds like a soap right.
I have told her that I was hurt that she would spend that much time with both nieghbors, and cause our marraige slide. She is not willing to put that much effort into our marraige, but she can be that supportive with nieghbor 1 and 2.

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I smelled a rat when she first told me the story of the nieghbors affair.
Thing just dont add up. Nieghbor 2 is sleeping with nieghbor 1 wife because nieghbor 1 is out to sea. Nieghbor 1 has an idea that the affair has happend. But now that nieghbor 1 is back home, all three of them and my wife are over there party like nothing happend. And all I get is anger from my wife? Im lost.

Last edited by Lostat41; 07/16/10 12:14 PM.
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I missed something here. She is emailing and texting TWO different male neighbors hundreds of times a day? She was secretive about this until you discovered the phone bill? At a minimum, she is having very personal conversations with men who are not her husband. I still think there is much more going on with at least one of them, if not both.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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My take:

At BEST it is an inappropriate emotional relationship. At worst - it is a full blown, sordid, sexual affair. My money is on the latter.

I'm sorry you're here, I'm sorry this is the case.

I'm glad you're here because this place can give you the best plan for overcoming this, however I will warn you - the plans are frightening and counterintuitive.

Your first step:
Essential Reading
Snoop
Begin plan A
Get ready for Exposure.

Hang in there.

((Lost))


Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
HIYA!
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I understand that everyone needs friends, and I have told my wife, that she just needs to steep back and be just friends/ nieghbors to them, but she feels that I am trying to control her. I have female friends, that I talk to from time to time, but I never have gone over that line. I dont get too involved, because i respect the feelings of my female friends boyfriend/husband. And that is why my contact with them is min.

armymama, as a matter of fact, from may15th to june15,there has been 4800 text on my wifes phone, and 90% of them are from the two male nieghbors.
I am sorry for rambling on, I know this is a difficult story to follow. I just feel hopeless.

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Quote:
from may15th to june15,there has been 4800 text on my wifes phone, and 90% of them are from the two male nieghbors.


Wow - no wonder the marriage is sliding - she is spending every waking moment texting - How old is she? This is teenager behaviour


Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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You talked about neighbor no 1 being out to sea? Are you military? Living in housing? I have seen/heard of swingers in military environment getting together during military deployments. You mentioned that there is alot of partying. Do you suspect something more like group sex parties? Sorry, if this line of thought is off base and offensive to you. It seems very strange to me that she would be texting two guys nearly 5000 times in one month.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Lost,

I have been through the agony of an EA that turned out to be a PA many years ago and this place helped me in ways you can't imagine. I came back here recently because of a bump in the road of my current marriage. From personal experience I know how devastating EA's can be but this place can be a godsend to you.

Your posts are disconnected and confusing. That's not a criticism, I was exactly the same way and the situation itself can make the best of us ramble on, but I'd like to make a suggestion. Sit down and write out your story offline. I found it helpful to do it in the third person. My story started "This is Bill's Story. He is a 37 year old man........" maybe that can work for you.

In any case, please try to write it out even if it takes a lot of time and then copy and paste it here. You will be amazed at the help and support you will receive but the people on here need information.

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armymama, neighbor 1 is the only one in the military. He and his wife have 2 kids. I use to hang out over there for cook outs and play cards. I stopped going over there because of the offensive topics they would talk about around the children. I know them somewhat, but anything is possible.
The first night that neighbor 1 was out to sea, n1 wife asked use over. She was very drunk, and we were playing the Wii. n1 wife, was all over me when it was my wifes turn on the Wii. And she did the same to n2 when I was on the Wii. After that night, I had told my wife that I felt uneasy about that, and she didnt think anything of it. I knew then that I needed to stay away.

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sorry u are here...I would confront the two neighbors and ask them to stop texting your wife and that is not right to text a married woman that often. or AT ALL! laugh

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SapphireReturns, I had told my wife that I would do that, and she got angree at me and said that I was trying to controll her and make it to where she had do friends. I had hoped that she would see the pain she has caused me, and stop on her own.

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DefCon, You are so right. I will try tomorrow to make a full detailed log of events. I will be very long.
Thanks to everyone for your help.

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Originally Posted By: Lostat41
SapphireReturns, I had told my wife that I would do that, and she got angree at me and said that I was trying to controll her and make it to where she had do friends. I had hoped that she would see the pain she has caused me, and stop on her own.


The reason why she got angry is because she knows that you will kill the fantasy, I would do it ANYWAY! What is stopping you?

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Well I didnt sit down and write the whole story line out. I have just sat back and watched everything. To make a long story short, I know now that she is having an emotional affair. We are in counseling. We have made 3 visits so far, but the counselor is not saying anything about the EA. She has started us on meeting each others emotional needs. How can that happen if my wife is still texting and talking to the other guy more than me? The other guy is the one that goes on duty out to sea from time to time. He is now home with his wife, and my wife is over at their house all the time. My wife is friends with his wife, but comunicates with the husband 100 time more.
My wife does not want to understand what an Emotional affair is. She just thinks that I am too controlling.

Well on the good side, my wife is willing to go to counseling, and she tells me that she wants things to work out. I have been on anti-depressants for two weeks now and I am feeling alot better about myself. I am begining to question why I didnt leave her 5 years ago when she had a real affair. I am feeling more and more like I want someone that is more deserving of my love.
But for now, I am doing everything that the counselor has asked, and more.

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What exactly is the counselor asking you to do? DId this counselor ask your wife to stop her emotional affair and focus on you and your marriage? Is your wife doing anything to meet your needs? Recovery cannot happen until the affair ends. And make no mistake- an emotional affair is just as devastating to your marriage as a physical one.

Have you read up on exposure? That is your biggest weapon to fight this EA.


-SOL
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The first step is to end the affair. This means no contact forever between your WW and the OM. Since he is next door neighbor, this means moving.

If you have not done so already, read through the thread for newbies, especially the carrot and stick of plan A.

Good luck to you.

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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No, the counselor has not told my wife that the emotional affair needs to stop. As a matter of fact, When I was telling the counselor about the 4800 texts, she stated that what would be a normal conversation could end up being 10 different text.

I have made a statement to the OM's wife how I felt that there was too much going on between my wife and her husband, and she just thinks Im crazy. And told me to stay out of her marriage.

armymama, I wish it was that easy to move, but the emotional affair would not stop. My wife has to be told by someone other than me, that what see is doing is an emotional affair. And yes an EA is very devastating. It has ripped my heart out, and I feel dead inside. My wife is not meeting my EN, other than a kiss and "I love you" as I go out the door to work. I am still trying to do the affectionate things as if the marriage was still good.

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