Don't worry about me. I will be fine. I know I will have good days and bad days. Actually I'm having a lot more good than bad. Today was a bad day, not too bad though.

Traci, my XH is drinking heavily. Sober for almost 15 years.

He drank and fell into PP. What a love story.

Fantasy is good for us too and for some it becomes reality when WS returns.

Hang tight.

Traci, the thing is, if your WH has decided to fall into the drinking trap, no wonder MB didn't work on him. MB doesn't work while their is an addiction.

This is something that he is going to have to deal with and there will be no educating him. Once he gets the drinking out of the way, the right way, then he may be able to get on board with MB.

Again, I am truly sorry.

Know that you have laid an excellent foundation of love for him, and that its up to him now to pull his crap together. I know you worry, and love him, but he must look for help himself.

I'm probably not the only one saying this to you but you can't do anything more for him right now. Show him AA and where he can get help. You have allready shown him you love him.

Keep the oxygen mask on yourself, thats how you do it.

Traci, have you gone to Alnon. Great program and it is for YOU not him.

I would not point anything out to him, no AA no nothing. Have him deal with his life. Enough of being his mommy. I think is very un-appealing to a man when his wife acts like mom.
Leave him to his own life, the life he chose and see what happens
In the meantime have fun and plan fun things for you.
Get that degree or get into an activity you enjoy,
blessing

Best thing tho. Start taking only one class this fall. You may feel that more credit hours are helpful, but do NOT over stress yourself.

If my be too late to get accepted at the U, in a nursing/health program, but you can get accepted, take ONE class, and submit application to the specific area of study in the fall. Many people think winter applications are easier to get passed through.
Make sure you are paying graduate rates and that the instructors know your intentions. Then see an academic advisor, asap for the future plan.

In MI (where I am) it is very hard right now to even get accepted into nursing or related field. (under or post grad).

Hi Traci,

I really like the new name. I think it really shows your inner strength. I haven't been around much, just doing the normal life thing, which was one of my dreams. I didn't think it would come true and it totally did. Just not in the way I imagined. Your dream hasn't come true today, just today, but please remember that G-d has plans for you. Plans to prosper.

I don't know if I ever told you the analogy from a sympathy card that a friend got when she lost her son. Grief/sadness like is a wave, you don't know when it's coming, but when it hit, it hits hard and we hurt, and then just like a wave is goes back out to sea. I was separated from my H for over two years and I had my good days, I moved on with my life, just like everyone on here suggests, but I still had bad days. And that's because no matter how much distance or time was put between us, I still loved my H, missed him horribly and wanted the chance to rebuild a brand new marriage.

I would have to agree with the others. If his drinking is worse and he has a problem, stay OUT OF IT. That is his battle with G-d and what I have learned is that G-d will use anyone, and anything to get what he desires most and that's to have a relationship with each one of us. Addiction was in the center of what was going on in my old M. I honestly had no idea, I thought it was just a "normal" A. It wasn't because as long as the addiction was alive, there was no recovery and rebuilding.

It wasn't until G-d brought my H down to his knees in the manner HE needed that things started to shift for my H and his addiction. This wasn't MY battle at all. It was between him and G-d.

I am so filled with admiration from the strength and journey you have walked. Please keep your eyes on G-d. He WILL give you your dreams, just not the way you envisioned or when.

All this is so true, and it touched me Queenie. I realize myself that My late wifes problems were not mine to bear when it came down to her addictions and i could not do any more than I did. But mostly what I recognize in what you said was how God used others to reach me even in that terrible experience, and to teach me that in some things He is the only source for everyone.

There is a limit to how much we can help another and even then all we can do is Let God handle them, because He knows them better than us and knows what they need in a special way we will never understand. Just as He works in us, personnally, privatly and unique.

1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

The grief can be confusing and sometimes overwhelming emotionally, but in time God leads us to the place he has designed for us, and it will be as wonderful as He promised.

I asked God to do what ever it took to get my H attention and realize that he still loved me and wanted to work on ou marriage. Right now my H is unable to cope with the guilt and stress that is why he is drinking so much and I think God might be using this to teach him a lesson. My H will eventually hit bottom. The only thing that I am scared of is that my H will try to get me to help him. But that is something he will have to do himself.

I am so glad to hear from you again, Queenie, I 've missed you so much.

We are all here to learn about ourselves and to understand that god is always with is because it is in us and we do not have to look for it anywhere.
Unfortunately it is not guaranteed that all people will learn from the painful experiences that are meant to show us a better way to live, that are meant to awaken us.
WS at time continue along the wrong path for years and they die without having seen the light of the day or without having the integrity and courage to admit they made a mistake and make amends.
I would not count on your H hitting bottom if he does that would be a blessing to him...but there is no guarantee..
Please do not focus on these illusions. now you know you can be much happier without the torture you WH has been inflicting on you for many many months.
Remember that the sun warms both the sinner and the saint and that god is pure love and the idea of a punishment or other on the WS is just not the way it is.
The worse punishement for the WS is the h3ll they created in themselves, if they recognize it as such.
Some WS might see the new lifestyle outside of the M and with OW as an improvement. The proof of that is that many do not return to the M and that many continue with OW for years.
Go figure why.
Life is a mistery no use trying to make sense out of it..
blessing

My H and I are in a similar situation with our son.
What we have learned is this.
There is a payoff for helping someone who is making good effort.
There is no payoff for doing things for someone who is not making an honest effort.

The trick is to recognize the difference.
The other trick is to not own their bad consequences.

Prayers for you.

I am not clear on the relationship between alcoholism and affairs.
I see Queeneys husband and an alcohol problem and so does Phoenix's however how does this relate to adultery?

Blessing

He is drinking now becasue of the guilt and the stress of what he did. But don't worry about me, I'm not going to hold my breath on him coming back. I just know that he cannot face what he has done and is trying to hide from it by drinking so he can forget. But that only helps for so long, eventually he will have to face reality, hopefully he will not destroy himself in the process. His daughters will eventually give him what for about his drinking. They are watching him and have already said something about it, not to him but to me.

Well being an alcoholic/addict I feel that I can address this two fold.

1. When the addict or anyone who is practicing an addiction is involved in the most selfish, self-centered disease already. So working the MB principles or any principles that tells them to put someone first in their life is a foreign concept for lack of a better word. That's why you can't rebuild a marriage when someone is doing their addiction.

2. When I first came here, I learned that the A was an addiction in and of itself. Being one myself, I completely bought into this concept. It helped me understand the problem more clearly, gave me insight on how to work the Plans better and made the most horrific situation seems palable because I KNEW that G-d was working on my side and that all that needed to happen was for WS to hit BOTTOM, just like any other drunk or addict.

Make sense? Or any your question.

Ah Phoenix, the TRUE alcoholic must be DESTROYED to be reborn the way G-d wants.

Yes, this makes sense. But H hardly ever drank before the affair and started drinking a lot after he left me. Didn't drink except once a week when he came home. Now he is drinking at least 4 times a week. I've noticed over the years that people try to hide in drugs and alcohol when they want to forget things. I made sure I didn't do that when my H left me last year. As a matter of fact I can count on one hand how many times I had a drink and then I might of had only 2 drinks if I was lucky.

I am still praying to God several times a day for my H and my marriage. Like Queenie, my H affair has brought me closer to God and brought me back into the fold. God works in mysterious ways and who are we to question what he does and how he does it. I know that he will lead my H to where he belongs.

What you are saying here is the an addictive personality is prone to affairs? so an alcoholic would be more prone than one who is not?
Phenix's WH did not drink before.
My WH drinks more than average but did not get drunk. His mom and dad however are both alcoholics and both engaged in affairs. They are still married.
Blessing