Writer, it sounds as though the pretrial conference WAS held even though another attorney (from his office) sat in on it. A pretrial conference is really just for the attorneys and for the judge to get a handle on the outstanding issues to be heard at trial. Will this be a jury trial?

Please don't panic without more information. The other side of a DA taking a case to trial is because they CAN'T get a plea bargain agreement from the defendant and they have no choice, other than to dismiss the case. It doesn't necessarily mean they have an air-tight case. Has there been any talk about a plea?

That bites about the $$, unfortunately there isn't too much you can do about that. Your son's attorney could very well withdraw from the case for nonpayment but if he did, the case would certainly NOT go to trial on July 29. The Judge would have to give a new attorney (even if it is a PD) time to get up to speed on the case. I say the longer the case is delayed the better the chances for your son.

Mainly, you should listen to your attorney. If you're not happy with him, then you should tell him so and why. BTW, if he DOES withdraw, I would suggest asking for a detailed accounting of how that $5,000 retainer was used.

None of the issues were even brought up in court. We were in the courtroom for less than a minute. The substitute attorney only showed up a few minutes prior to that, so I don't see how any sort of conference could have taken place.

It is juvenile court, so there won't be a jury.

I was happy with the attorney up until a few weeks ago. We haven't spoken to him in several weeks. We've called, but he doesn't return our calls directly. He usually has his secretary relay messages. On July 8th, he was supposed to pick up the evidence that the DA had, but we haven't spoken to him since then, so we don't even know what evidence there is in the case. I was told that the DA wants to "win" and that a plea bargain is considered a "win" so, if the case isn't air tight, they will usually go for the plea bargain and get their "win." They only do a trial when they are fairly certain it will be a win, because it looks bad on their record to lose.

I'm considering breaking NC with the OM (OC's bio dad) and asking him for the $$$. He hasn't provided a single cent since the OC was born. I hate having to do this, but we've tried every other possible route to get the $$$ and we're running out of time.

These are very serious charges. If convicted, my son's life will be permanently ruined. I cannot just sit by and allow that to happen. I do not trust the PD to handle such a serious case.

I would not let up until you reach your attorney. Can you send him an email? I would tell him that it's reaching the point that you are seriously doubting his commitment to your son and his case.

Contacting OM for the $$???? How does your H feel about this? This goes against everything MB. Bad idea IMHO.

Our attorney is sick and won't be in the office until tomorrow. The secretary said that was the soonest we'd be able to contact him. I don't have an email address. All our contact has been in person or over the phone.

My H and I discussed the possibility of asking the OM for $$$ several months ago, but then we weren't sure there was going to be a trial and we thought we could handle the $5000. We've known all along that we wouldn't be able to come up with $10,000 without resorting to drastic measures. We emptied out H's 401K to come up with some of the first $5000, but that was the last big chunk of $$$ we had access to. The rest we have to pay from my H's paychecks, and they aren't even enough to cover our monthly expenses without the $850 a month going to the attorney.

From a legal standpoint as far as contacting OM, under what guise would you ask for the $$? Child support or as a favor? If you ask for CS, he would be an idiot to just hand over cash because if you ever took him to court, any informal payments would not be considered CS. Are you going to "blackmail" him? If you don't help me out, I will file CS on you? What? How will you approach this?

Honestly, I think you're opening up a can of worms you REALLY don't want to open, from a legal standpoint, AND for the health of your marriage. Come on Writer, you really can't be serious about this.

I am actually serious. It would probably qualify more as blackmail. OM's family doesn't know anything about the OC, and he doesn't want them to. His daughters, his ex-wife, his current wife - no one knows. I don't want to have to hold that over his head, but it seems like a better option than robbing a bank at the moment.

I'm a mom. I'm trying to keep my son's entire life from being flushed down the toilet. And I've been doing some reading about the deplorable conditions in CA's 10 youth prisons. It's so bad, USA Today even did a feature on it. Kids going to school in cages that aren't even big enough to stand up or turn around in. Food that's all blended together and shoved through a slot in the door for the kids in solitary (which, as a sex offender, is where my son would likely end up). I am NOT sending my son to a place like that. He is a good kid. I don't want to know what something like that would turn him into. And even if he does make it out relatively unscathed, he'll never be employable. We'll have a difficult time even finding a place to live, since he'll be on the Megan's Law website, and he'll have to live with us for the rest of his life because he won't be able to support himself.

So, yes, I'm serious. Blackmail doesn't sound so bad compared to the alternative.

You're assuming that your son will be convicted AND sent to prison. This is his 1st offense? IF he is convicted, I seriously doubt he would be sent to prison. Also, there are exclusions to the Megan's Law registration and I'm sure your attorney would tell you that your son could be excluded. Even if he was required to register, I doubt it would be for the rest of his life. My BIL (an adult) had to register for 10 years (the length of his probation). Once his probation was up, his name was removed. He was convicted in Montana (through a plea agreement) and then served his probation in Texas. California is a little more lax than other states but I think you're making this worse than it really is.

I know you are worried. I'm a mom too.

I still think going to OM for $$ will backfire on you and be a HUGE mistake.

I'm just freaking out. Sorry.

Going to trial seems so risky. I have no way of knowing when I walk into that building on July 29th if my son will be walking out with me. That is a scary thing. All along, our attorney didn't seem to think this would ever go to trial. I don't know what has changed. No one is telling me anything.

Even if my son only had to register for 10 years, he's only 18. 10 years is a lifetime at that age. It's hard enough to get a job now as it is. How will he ever get one if he has a felony sex conviction on his record? It seems like his entire future is being ripped right out from underneath us.

The hardest part is, I really do believe in my son's innocence. He's been very consistent with his side of the story. I asked our attorney about the lie detector test, and he recommended against it since he couldn't use it in court anyway. This is so hard, because I really used to believe that everyone accused of a crime was guilty. I just didn't think things like this happened. My entire faith in the American judicial system has been completely destroyed. I don't trust anyone anymore. I hate how angry and bitter this is making me and my son and our family. I don't want to have to be skeptical of everyone and their motives, but I don't feel as though I have a choice.

((((Writer)))))

The number one thing you need to do ASAP is TALK to your attorney. Don't quit talking until you understand EVERYTHING, every risk, EVERYTHING. K?

Today, there is nothing you can do. Right?

So breathe and try to relax. Do something to take your mind off of all of this. Tomorrow will come I promise you. Control what you CAN, you'll make yourself CRAZY trying anything else.

Don't step in and try to take God's place. Let Him have the reins.

I'm so sorry writer. This just makes me so upset for you and your family. And I would call every 15 minutes if you have to tomorrow to talk to that lawyer. I know that the NOT knowing what is going on has to be driving you crazy.

Hate to be a downer, but I would get a lie detector test. Doesn't matter if it would hold up in court. I think if he passed one, it would help his case, at least with the prosecutor.

My son still wants to take a lie detector test too. But our lawyer said not to do it and it isn't cheap. We can't even come up with the $$$ to keep the lawyer as it stands right now. I have no idea where we would get hundreds of dollars more to cover the test. Right now, it is a massive understatement to say that we are living paycheck to paycheck. The next check is gone weeks before we even get it at this point.

I would lay the bulk of this aggravation at your lawyers feet. I was very glad to read that you got the high-priced lawyer instead of the half-assed PD and as far as law goes, you ussually get what you pay for.

But he dropped the ball, and he didn't even tell you about what was going on. Where does the 5G go in this case? How is it justified? He is supposed to be a counselor and keep you in the loop.

There better be a good reason for this and I would threaten him with whatever I could and hold his feet to the fire to get your son off. The money is not the issue now, the law firms integrity is, and that will be much more painful than him not getting paid.

Im sorry this has happened Writer. I don't want to worry you any more than you are, but if he isn't dancing on top of his desk with a broken arm or something,(sick?), telling you how he is going to make up for it then I would really be ready to find a way to procecute him if its possible. This isn't freakin K-mart where gettin your money back will do.


As Far as hitting up OM for help, I am for it if he has any character at all, or has grown some or a pair. I would keep it disceet though and let H do the talking or an intermeditary, appealing to his sense of responsibility for a child he helped bring into this world. It has to be a one time thing and between you adults and him. This shouldn't be ever seen as his door to start having a relationship. It would depend upon his character.

That all depends tho if he knows about him allready because then it will definatly backfire. More input on that from others here. .

I understand the money situation. But how are you going to pay the attorney?

I couldn't give you advice that goes against what your attorney is telling you to do.

Just my opinion. I've been through something like this with a friend. He was a great guy, almost perfect. He was accused of molesting his step daughters. No one could believe it. I advised him to take a lie detector test. He let me know that his attorney advised against it because it wouldn't be admissible in court.

Instead he lost his wife, his family, his step daughters, and had to register as a sex offender.

I had some dealings with investigators, the prosecutor and others. They all pointed to him refusing a lie detector test.

God Writer,

I saw the signs on the SAA forum for people to look in on you, esp. attorneys, so that is what I am doing now. I believe I have seen you post on the SSA site. I thought I had problems a few weeks ago, and I did. But, you are facing some issues now and my heart simply goes out to you. I do believe you have some recourses tho. I am NOt an attorney, so if I can do no more that offer you support and prayers, that is what I will do.

I would like to offer a couple of suggestions. If I were you I would try to replace your attorney. I say this because I have had a few instances in dealing with attorneys - one when I had a dui, another with my W's dui's, another when my son committed a misdemeanor when he was 16, and another when I was apppointed my mom's guardian. In all those experiences the attorneys were timely, they updated me or us, and they Were available. I have never had the experience of having to go into a court unprepared, uncoached, or uninformed. You would need an expert opinion from princess meggy or someone else qualified to advise, but I think you could at this time apply for a PD. And, I believe you should. As I understand this would have to be decided by a judge, and if you qualify financially I feel that could happen. A change in attorneys could result in giving you more time, and more strategy. It really sounds like the attorney you hired is out of his league in this case. Other option is for you and your H to just show up at his office like late in an afternoon an demand that he see you.

Another thought. Have you and your H considered talking directly to the state's attorney? This would be a little unusual, but I think possible. He does not know you personally or you son, but sometimes I think that is what defense attorneys do - to make the defendents visible as people. I think he would have an obligation to meet with you.

I have not read your full story, but enough that I believe I have the flavor of it. There was one time that I raised my hand to my W and that was to restrain her back in 1982 when she had a manic episode, and that was to prevent from taking off with her car. I have been physical with my son and daughter when they were young but only spankings, and I did not like that at all. This is something that you most likely will have to handle when the situation with your son is over, but I, as a guy, feel you need to get this guy your H out of your house. You have been tolerating too much and that is enabling him and excusing him. This would have to be done tho when you are thru this crisis.

Well that is all Writer, just get a good nite's sleep and wake up to a sunset hopefully, and that you will have my prayers starting tonight.

Tom

I agree with believer.

At this point your attorney,*cough ,gag* , would be protected if there was no lie detector test showing your sons innocence wouldn't he?

Just another thought you don't need writer I know, and I hate to put down this lawyer and make you paranoid but this really sucks for you.

This is how I would handle it tommoroww when your talk to him.

Let him tell you what is up and what happened. See what he says and at the very most let him know you are not happy. Don't threaten him. But see what he is going to do now. Don't let him off the hook by firing him out of rage.

Behind the scene get a lie detector test yourself done by an acredited administrator. Sell your Car if you have to.

Research what you can do if anything and what that involves against butterfingers while you wait for the Lie detector results.

If there is no legal recourse then look into a possibility of a mistrial or something that would cost the lawyer more in aggravation than the 5G and in the long run hurt his credibility.

When you have done all this and know where you stand with the law legally and have all the options laid out, give him a copy of the Lie detector test and tell him you sure hope he gets your son off, cuz here is more proof he is innocent.

Thats it, don't threaten him, it will be implied.


I sure hope this site can't be traced by this lawyer of yours, I better look out my window for the guys with no necks and pinky rings now.

Oh and I also think you should get another attorney lined up AFTER you get the Lie detector test so if you can fire this guy,(Talking to states attorney like Tom said is a good idea), and you can get your 5G back, you can hire a real lawyer.

Hi Writer,

One more comment, and since I read further I now realize about your temptation to ask OM for financial support. NO! Simply No.

As a husband and as a guy how do you think your H will feel if your former lover had to bail you out? For me that would be a deal breaker. You guys are a family (hopefully) and as such you do not need this guy in your life again to totally break that exclusive circle called marriage.

Please think of Your family if you do want to preserve that.

Tom

The thing is, up until less than 2 weeks ago, I really liked this lawyer. He was available to us. He came very highly recommended by a friend of mine who is also an attorney (not criminal law). He has a very good reputation. I'm not sure what's been going on the past few weeks. I hope things will get straightened out when we speak to him tomorrow. Right now, I just don't feel as though I've gotten my $5000 worth, so I'm reluctant to fork out more $$$. We've only met with him in person once (we also met with his investigator once) and he has appeared in court twice (each time was about 10 minutes). We've spoken to him on the phone a few times as well, but only for a few minutes each time. That just doesn't seem like $5000 worth of work.

Do you, whilst recommending asking OM for money, realise that he is not the father of the son in question?

He is the father of writer's baby daughter. After the birth, writer and her H decided against asking him for child support, because doing so allows OM to go to court and get visitation, and be in their marriage for ever. Dr Harley advises that a couple should not go for CS if they want the best chance for their marriage, because of the connection between CS and visitation.

As I understand her to be saying, writer has recently considered asking him for money now, so that they can put it towards this son's defence.

Also, as I understand it, writer asked this son's bio father for money when these events first unfolded. He too does not pay for his child. Sadly, although this is his son and he has been told how critical the situation is, he has declined to pay. He lives abroad and an order could not be enforced in the few week before writer's son turned 18 - which he is now.

Hence princessmeggy's questions about what writer would tell OM - the baby girl's bio father - to get money from him. If she calls it CS he might well ask for visitation, which will affect their marriage long after this legal trouble is over. he also will seek legal advice, and will be told not to give her voluntary money, because he will still have to give her statutory money as well, if an award is backdated. If she says it is to help a child that is not his, then why would he pay, since he hasn't fallen over himself so far to help this child that is biologically his?

Visitation ALWAYS opens the door to a relationship that the BS would rather not have. writer's H is committed to bringing up the little girl as his own. He should not have to have OM in his family for any reason if he does not want that, which he does not.