No it isn't pm and Gack!

writer is thinking of asking the BABY'S genetic father for CS, and using this to pay 18 year-old son's legal costs!

IS THAT CLEAR NOW?!!

I thought that's what I'd said.

Okay, would it make everyone feel better if I use OUR $$$ to pay for the lawyer, and OM's $$$ to help pay for the mortgage (on the house OC lives in), food (OC eats) and diapers and such? Because I don't have enough money for any of that stuff either.

Well, you agreed with Gack, and that isn't what HE said!

Writer, I understand where you're coming from, believe me I do. It's called "survival mode"-- doing whatever you can to make ends meet.

If you were struggling BEFORE this all started, and you say it's because of OC, it may be time to rethink how you're living. I agree OC's father SHOULD pay child support, but really going to him and hoping for a lump sum payment is really taking a HUGE gamble in ways I've already stated. But, it's your life... and your OC's life... Will this be what's best for OC?

I wish I was wealthy Writer, I'd help you myself!

((Writer))

I should have been clearer... this is only part I agreed with:

A lot of people have brought up lifestyle changes - all of them are people who don't know how I live.

My house is old, falling apart, and located in a neighborhood full of drug dealers and gang bangers. I have 2 cars. 1 is my H's work car, and it is 6 years old (paid for) and has over 200,000 miles on it. 1 is my van (needed to take kids to school, which is 6 miles away with no public transportation available) and it is 10 years old with 160,000 miles and barely runs. I do not own any sort of recreational vehicle. I do not own a fancy big-screen TV. I do have basic cable/internet/phone and I won't give it up, because it's about the only "fun" thing I get to do, and going crazy sitting staring at a wall all day will cost more in medical bills than it will save. We don't take vacations. Our date nights (when we have them) usually involve a coupon. Every trip I take to the grocery store involves multiple coupons. I honestly don't see how I can downgrade my lifestyle anymore. It already fairly well sucks.

Writer, as soon as Random House gets here, I'll send you half my advance! I really would if they would come! I think your husband needs to look for a job in a tiny Alabama town, and then you and I can sit outside the courthouse where To Kill A Mockingbird was filmed and be inspired to write. And your son, who is cleared of all charges with apologies, will flourish and take music classes from my DH. Then, because your DS has been refined into an awesome young man through his trial by fire, I might allow him to date my beautiful, smart, funny, talented DD when she is old enough. She likes to write too.

And we all lived happily ever after

I like it.

This is definitely the best idea I've heard all day.

But I'm not sure I could learn how to speak Southern. Don't ya'll have your own language and such?

I'll teach you. And you can, like, totally teach me to speak Valley Girl. Gag me with a spoon.

Actually, let's take a spoon and gag this girl who is making y'all's lives miserable. A really big spoon.

(I'll bet you didn't know y'all had a possessive form!)

My H is fond of using all-ya'll. He thinks he's a Southerner because his bio dad is from Georgia and he lived there for about a year when he was 5.

Oh, and just so you know, for the really big gag jobs, we use a pitch fork in my neck of the woods.

Thump!!


How many times have we talked about this over the last year?
If you do this, you WILL cause more problems than you will solve!

If I where in your husbands shoes there would only be two options, Increase our combined income or live in a box.

The other options all end with Divorce.

Since we first started communicating, how many applications have you filled out? How many temporary staffing services have you applied to? Have you finished your novel?

What have you done to increase your combined income?

I want the best for you, I really do. But weather you like it or not you are still living beyond your means.

You have to either increase your income, or reduce your lifestyle.

Fore example.
My mother-In-Law is about to move into a MotorHome and live behind her sisters house. Why? Because that's all she and her husband can afford right now.

Well Gack, right now, I've got 3 of my sons, our OC, myself and my H living in our little 1400 square-foot house. I don't think there's a motorhome out there that could fit all of us, and I don't know where I'd get the money for one anyway.

Applications: I lost count, but lots.

Temporary Staffing Services: They don't work with a baby, for the same reason substitute teaching doesn't work. You never know when a job will come up and you have to be ready to go at a moment's notice. I don't have family who can watch the baby and daycare centers expect you to pay whether you come everyday or not, so I would have to pay for days I don't even work and would probably end up spending more than I make. Also, I am under a court order to provide 24-hour a day care to my 18 year old son. I don't know a daycare on earth that would take him.

Novel: I'm getting really close. I'm hoping to be ready to start the agent search by early fall. I'm working on it every chance I get. In fact, I stopped writing to respond to this post. Bad me.

Writer, you can save your home if you want to. Have the 20 year old, the 17 year old and the 19 and 15 year old get part time work and bring you 50-100 dollars a week.

That way, you will have extra $1000-1600 a month to support the family and get past this difficult stage. There is no reason they cannot do this. At least for the summer months.

Even better if one of the kids works at a restaurant and brings home leftovers...this would help feed the family too.

Would this be enough extra money to get you thru the summer?

We have an appointment with the lawyer in 2 hours.

We are going to start charging the 21 year old rent. The 18 year old can't work right now, since he's on court-ordered supervision. The 19 year old is in Alaska. She's paying her own way through college, so I'm not going to burden her even more by asking for money she doesn't have. Our 16 year old has a lot of problems (ADD, behavioral disorders) and it's all I can do just to keep him out of jail (for things he actually does). He's currently on 6 months probation for truancy and possession of marijuana.

Writer1,
Knowing nothing about your novel, but a good bit about publishing, forget the agent. A good agent doesn't need you, because he has established authors. A struggling agent won't do you much good. Identify the right publishers yourself, do the submissions, and keep the 15% you'd pay an agent.

I have an anonymous email just for MB: mbretread@yahoo.com

I will be happy to help you get directly to a few of the reviewers who read manuscripts for the editors, who are close friends. Those people can give you feedback and steer you to the best publishing house for your genre.

Thanks Retread.

I'll be in touch when the novel is ready to go. This court case has set me back some, but I'm still trying to work as much as I can.

I'm glad you are still writing. If you are like me...writing is sometimes the only sanity saver!

Hi Writer,

I now am looking in here at your story because my heart goes out to you. Well, I think someone advised you to sit in your son's attorney's office to insist on seeing him. And yea I know, attorney's are normally in court in the morning, then back in office in pm or evening. Why have you not gone there in person?

Writer, in regard to finances, it is tough, believe me I know. Huge hospital bills in past for Char when, even tho we had ins. paying 50% (normally the max on psychiatric diagnosis) it was still tough. So, yea you are going to have to reinvent your lifestyle to either cut deeper, get additional income, or obtain a subsidy. Writer I am not trying to upset you - just trying to urge you to not continually wring your hands at this time. You seem to be panically now. Here are my suggestions:

1) Prioritize your creditors. Most important are of course your mortgage and your son's attorney. Less are other creditors such as, bank cards, etc. For those, try to call them and work out a deal..like $10 a month. From what I have heard, most creditors will take anything over nothing.

2) Look, I am 68 years old, and I have had three part-time jobs over the last five years - one at Kohl's in the mens' dept., one at a really nice local hardware store, and one at the local library. You don't need special or proven skills for these jobs, and in alot of cases they will conform hours to your schedule. Good computer skills including spreadsheet knowledge would certainly be good, and I assume you have that. Temporary agencies I would agree with you would be out unless you have affordable child care. I didn't really need to work these jobs but a) it was nice to have extra $, and b) I want to work until I am 95. Okay.

3) I am not sure about Catholic Charities and United Way agencies as to their ability to help you. Based on funding cuts over the last 20 years I believe these agencies have pretty much diminished. You have to have a local food bank tho. Here in IL I have volunteered with a bank that serves northern IL. The financial criteria for qualifying for food is failry flexible, but it is dependent on community drives and contributions rather than a state's budget. At least you could obtain the staples - dairy, bread, and a few other things. And no, no ice cream..*s*.

4) Do you have a minister or priest who you feel you can condide in, and who could help you network, not only for a job but for financial support, or child care if you found a job?

Well you may have exhausted all of these options, I do not know, it is hard to even try to encourage or attempt to advise anyone online these days. But, you do seem to be a little wringy and resistive, and the people who are on here talking to you are Real people. Financial distress really does cause most people who face it to panic. I believe it is the Leading cause of divorce and separation in a M in this country, bar no other reason - adultery, irreconcilable differences, abuse, etc. I really think Writer you need to take a step back and breathe for awhile and regroup. And do not please let this distress influence you to stoop to contact the OM. I could tell you stories and stories of people I have met and who have influenced me, yes even now, and events that have influenced me when in the darkest hour. Do you not think that other people, yea historical types too, have not sweated it out in a situation? Take Eisenhower in June 1944 with the decision to 'go' and possibly risk having thousands killed and lose the offensive and possibley the war? You are Not Ike, but you are Writer. Okay.

Well wow...ya know I have wanted to write a screenplay and have seemed to have great ideas and after first page it goes away and I just get busy with daily life. Keep your dream.

Tom