I agree about not building a frienship with the married man 100%.
I do not agree that phoenix should get any sort of approval from her H who has checked out from her life and could care less about who she emails.
blessing

I've been friends with this man for over 30yrs and have no interest in him except as a friend and he never goes anywhere without his wife. Which is the way it is suppose to be. We have contact a couple of times a year just to catch up except when he was counseling me last year via email. He just tells me to be careful where it concerns my H. He just wants me to be happy and if it means being with my H he is all for it. He is a follower of Dr. Harley's advice.

Don't worry about me and my friend, I want my H too much. I have a tendency to avoid men who have an interest in me.

My friends think I should start dating and I tell them no because I am still married and two wrongs don't make a right. Plus I don't even have an interest in men and don't think I will any time soon.

The last thing I am going to let everyone know is that I think I am pregnant. That is just what I need right now with everything going on and I'm 45yrs old too.

Oh MY.

Congratulations on the pregnancy. The child could not ask for a better Mom IMO.

This might be the thing that finnally defines what you will do about Mr. Empty pants. You will have a child to be responsible for and you don't need his selfish crap.

As far as the ex-priest goes. If you will let his wife in on everything it will probably be a good thing to confer with him. I am sure both of you are responsible people and it is possible for men to have respectful relationships with women. I would not make him my only source thogh, that would be obviously dangerous, but you allready know that, and are able to se that grown ups do not go backward, they go forward relationship wise.

i would get his advice as to who you should see for personal recovery as in an IC, because he knows you and your capacity, strengths and weaknesses, and probably many deep personal convictions you have. That is ALL though, because after that well, you know we are only human, and you might hurt yourself in a relationship that is connected to your past, instead of one that must be forged on the actions taken now. You can't go back, and who wants to, but there is wisdom in the warnings about past romantic relationships, you are to smart to ignore this. I also don't believe for a second that your not capable of making a new life, with or without your WH, from the ashes of what he has burned.

I am glad you have a friend that you can call on who can support you, backs Dr. H, and is a connection to your highest aspirations of life way back when.

I would be reticent if I did not warn you that this is now, not then, and don't confuse the two. I would draw closer to his wife and communicate thru her. His marriage deserves that respect

Dont jump forward and be worried about dating. You need to live for today and see where you are going. I have been D and have no interest in dating. I need to raise my D, she has been through enough and so have I. Don't need a distraction to screw up my peaceful place.

Did you have a pregnancy test? There are ones that will be able to tell you even if you are a few days late. Could it possibly be menopause? stress? This is something you need to find out immediately.

blessings.

I agree, it could be manopause or stress, I would not be so sure you are actually pregnant.Get a test before you panic.
blessing

I'm going to wait until Friday to take a test. I haven't been showing any signs of menopause and the women in my family don't start going through menopause until their mid fifties. Also I never missed a period and my cycle was never off when H left me last year and I was stressed the whole time. I hope I'm not pregnant but if I am I will have to just deal with it. I'm not going to let H know because if he is going to stay with me it will because he wants to be with me and not because of me being pregnant. Plus I don't he would even stay but he probably would.

I had a good day today even though I was quiet. Working again tomorrow. I need to work to keep myself busy. Going to try to pick up some time at a GI Center a couple of times a week just to keep busy. I'll only work about 6-8 hrs at a time.

A friend of mine told me today that H is probably seeing OW again and I told her I don't care anymore. Truth is even though I thought the same thing I didn't like hearing it, it hurt. I know that even if he is seeing her it won't last and the karma bus will run over them both soon.

Praying all the time.

how late are you? So many tests are within a few days from missing. I would not wait.

Well when God closes one door another opens. If you are prego then this child will replace the one who is leaving.

I'm with ya, him sticking around for the baby? I would think it would be so he could catch the crumbs from your table Traci, and using that as an excuse.

Anyways I am confidant you will handle this with good character.

Today I printed out the simple dissolution of marriage forms. I plan on filling them out and giving H his copy to fill out. I can't wait any longer. I am tired of being used and being taken for granted. H thinks I won't do it. It will cost me about $500 to file. Like I was told today if he finally realizes that I have moved on and don't need him maybe he will wake up. But if he doesn't I can't live like this any more. I have too much self respect and I not only like myself, I love myself. I still have hope but I can't sit here and do nothing. I have to go on with my life.

Still praying.

I took my pregnancy test and it was negative. I feel so much better. I feel like a weight has been taken off of me. I didn't want to be pregnant even if my marriage was going great. Now I can go forward with my life without anything holding me back. I am actually looking forward to what the future holds for me.

I am glad you are not pregnant!
After the D you will feel free like a bird. That WH of yours was really a ball and chain, sorry to say that but it is true...what a mopper..

Is it easy to date and find someone nice in the States? You are my age, I was just wondering
Blessing

I can get a date now but not interested. I feel that the men around my age have already been married at least once but how many of them have screwed around on their ex-wives. They are not going to admit that they had an affair in the past. And those that have never married and are around my age then there has to be something wrong with them. Just not interested. There are plenty of single men here and I know some nice ones. I could go on EHarmony.com to look for men in my area! Lol!

Talked to DD 19 today and she said her father is hiding behind a bottle. She even said he drinks at least 4 times a week and she told him that he doesn't drink just one or two drinks but gets drunk. It's bad when a 19 year old can tell that her father can't deal with what he is doing and drowning his sorrows. She said he was hurting and he doesn't even know it. She agrees that as long as he isn't over the OW then we don't stand a chance. She thinks he is an idiot.

Still praying and hoping.

PhoenixRising65,
I've read your story and I truly admire your strength in all that your story had put you through, you sound like a very forgiving person, but you can't do this anymore, he gives you nothing, tells you nothing positive and shows you no respect, love or compassion.....you are worth more than you know, certainly more than this man has sent your way.....
I heard in your words that you are now in a better place, don't take any steps backwards, his problems no longer are your responsibilities.....you need to move on and see what life has to offer you........
I wish you the best and hope you find and live all the happiness you want, you deserve every little bit that you will get out of life......
Keep an open mind, be open to meeting new people, right now you only see all the problems anyone available might have, but when you take a better look I think you will see that there are good men out there.......they are all not like your husband.....this time really look, take the time you need.......
Enjoy life for what it is in the moment, don't worry about a past you can't change or a future that hasn't happened yet........stay in the moment and really live each day with gratefulness and really seeing what is good in life.......as small as they might be..........((((HUGS))))

You forgot the ones who where loyal and abandoned and now have to much baggage, and aren't looking because they aren't intrested either, Lol!

I filled out an Eharmony thing for free just 4 months after my wifes death, knew I wasn't in any position to date, heck I didn't even like me and I wasn't interested or ready but I did it just because it was free and interseting.
I was completly honest and wondered what they would reply with because it would prove to me if they were bogus or not. Surprisingly they came back with a sorta rejection notice, That I should understand that they aren't for everyone lol. I wrote them that I had some faith in their service because as it is, I knew I was not fit for dating.

I have an aversion to match-making though. I have allways had the chance to date but have found other things more pressing at the time and more important, but that probably just how my life was working out really. Dating can be fun .
I will probably try them if I ever get to the place where I feel the need to date, but there are so many other things I have in front of me and so many other forms of relationship that give me joy, and truthfully, are more important right now. I am just not interested either, thats OK and right now a welcome break in my life. Having a life before I want some to share it with seems more important of a priority. Plus seeing my children adjust is still something that concerns me a bit. Just about everything concerns me more than a romantic relationship or companion. I'd rather scoop oil from the delta.


School sounds great and I am gonna salvage what I can from my professional days and see what I can do in education, I have been offered teaching positions before but maybe with some colledge I would find one that I had some passion for. Thats what I want is passion for something, not for someone. That is what means balance to me anyways.


Glad you don't have to bear a child at this stage of your life Traci, your profession can use you in it and you could use the break from being a care taker in your personal life. Hope you get that program at the colledge you mentioned, and am glad life is getting better for ya.

There might be nice guys out there...however, I just went to get my bike repaired and the bike guy has been after me for a while. He is married and knows I am separated.
He would just love to get me in the sack and he was pretty clear about it this afternoon.
Then I went to the grocery store and this guy who was all buffed up and was wearing a wedding ring started flirting with me, I did not give him much credit and went on my way
Hello, hello, hello, is there anybody in there (pink floyd)who does not cheat or does not think about it?
What planet am I from? I slept with 2 guys in my whole live, I am 44.
I spoke to a High school girlfriend the other day, she is my age and she slept with 30 men. She said it is pretty average, and yes some where married.
Wow.
blessing

I have always stayed away from married men. I've always had this philosophy that if you don't want it done to you don't do it to someone else. Unfortunately it was done to me but I'm not going to do it to my H even though he deserves it. I have too much respect for myself plus it isn't in my makeup. But I understand where you are coming from, Atena.

Still hoping and praying.

Yes, I stay away from them too. We know the pain of it all.

The point I was trying to make by saying that we are not willing to go low is that we are a rarity.
Just by personal experience I am surrounded by people whose only purpose is the pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain.
It seems that people are willing to go thru the karma wheel (pleasure-pain cycle) without a blink saying that that is just human and that life has those ups and downs.
SO people marry are happily M for a while, then they are happy no more...many have As, are in bliss with the A for a while..then the A starts to crumble and they start all over again...

They do not have a plan to prevent this from happening again..then what happens is that one day I am going to meet someone like that and of course the relationship is doomed from the beginning.
But what do most people care? Not much...their answwer is: that's life.
I do not know if this makes sense..if it doesn't just ignore my ramble.
blessing

what you say does make sense,Atena, but if you finally want a re;ationship you now know what to do and it would work because of you. You would let the new love of your life know what you wanted from him and vice versa.

H did not go out last night but commandeered the TV when I went to the bathroom. Boy that turned into a fight. I left the room and did my own thing and then he never watched the movie he rented after all. As a matter of fact he went and bought a bottle of rum and drank again. He is suppose to go camping with his friend Tyler tonight. I heard him talking to him earlier about it. Don't care, at least he will be out of my hair tonight. Unfortunately it is suppose to storm tonight! Looks like he will be drunk and wet. H is still acting like he is in his twenties and it is going to kill him. H got mad at me last night and said why are you talking to me now and he was and he has been talking to me this whole time with me ignoring him. I had to talk to him because of the TV situation and that lead to other things. He doesn't want to talk about anything now and that is fine with me. He doesn't want to talk because he figures it will make me mad and it doesn't. He is still trying to talk to me today.

Tomorrow is another DDay anniversary for me and H doesn't even realize it. I'll be at work. Things are kinda over now so I'll be okay. It's a shame, he had it made. He had a wife who would have done anything for him, who worked hard and he had plenty of toys. I had lost a lot of weight and looked great. I had been going to school and got lasik surgery on my eyes. I lloked and felt great. I even wanted sex all the time and he was 50# overweight and I didn't care, I just wanted him. He did lose that weight at the beginning of last year and has kept it off. I was proud of him for that because not only did he look great his diabetes was under control. His cholesterol isn't though. Yes, he had it made and now he doesn't.

Still hoping and praying.