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Trip, your tagline ("An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr) brings to mind one of my favorite aphorisms:
An expert is a man who knows more and more about less and less.
An idiot knows less and less about more and more.
One strives to know everything about nothing,
while the other comes to know nothing of everything! There is a TED talk by Sam Harris where part of his point is about the use of experts. One of his starting examples is altruism, with Mother Theresa as an expert, and Ted Bundy as the poorest human example of altruism. From there, he shows a photo of one of the lead string theory scientists in the world, and goes on to say "I am the Ted Bundy of string theory." One part of "expertise" is somewhat socratic; "I know that I know nothing." Or, rather, having a surface understanding of a subject, we have no idea how much we don't know. I like humbling thoughts... "I am the Ted Bundy of wound care..."
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Watching an EA in action (at another table) while having lunch with my child 
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Watching an EA in action (at another table) while having lunch with my child YUK indeed. Our previous house in Los Angeles was on a cul de sac. For awhile, a couple parked there daily during lunch time to make out. I figured they needed some attention, so I went out to do something in the front yard every time they were there. They stopped showing up. They found a new location, I suppose. 
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"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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I figured they needed some attention, so I went out to do something in the front yard every time they were there. They stopped showing up.
They found a new location, I suppose. Buzz kill! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Be forewarned; this is a nerdy rant.
I don't know why... but there are certain cries that just drum up the image of the Greek Hero Ajax.
Ajax was a capable warrior - by his own account, the greatest of the Greeks to lay seige to Troy second to only Achilles.
After the fall of Troy and death of Achilles, a contest was held to see who would claim the wonderous armor of Achilles. The clever Odysseus won the contest.
His pride injured by the perceived slight against him, Ajax planned to kill the Greeks, their kings Agamemnon and Menalaus, and to slowly and torture and kill the "treacherous" Odysseus.
However, the Goddess Athena found out about Ajax's plan, and "fogged" his vision. Instead of slaughtering the Greek army, Ajax laid waste to the cattle of the Greek army.
When released from Athena's fogged vision, Ajax was dismayed and ashamed at his actions; the slaughter of weak and innocent animals, rather than that of his percieved enemies.
Wailing cries of lamentation at his shame, he resolves to take his prize; the sword of Hector, the mighty Trojan prince, and fall upon it to end his shame. Though, in the same stroke, Ajax calls out to the Gods for glory after his death.
Rough analogy, I know... but it's just what comes to mind when I see someone lamenting about "falling on their sword..."
http://records.viu.ca/~johnstoi/sophocles/ajax.htm
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Was this Ajax dude a drama queen??  
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Age - 35
Divorce Final - 3/5/12
S - 13
S - 10
D - 8
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For awhile, a couple parked there daily during lunch time to make out.
I figured they needed some attention, Most people would take that to be a non sequitur, but I love that conclusion. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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There's an idea that I have had on my mind sometimes and it's about the "redefining" of the word abuse as written in Dr. Harley's Q&A. I have heard the argument several times about how it's offensive or not right how Dr. Harley defines abuse. I think I have realized finally the full argument of those who take umbrage with him, and it goes something like this:
Abuse is hitting your spouse or calling them names and other things similar that we all agree are abuse. Sure this real abuse is preceded by selfish demands, disrespect, and angry outbursts, but SDs, DJs, and AOs don't necessarily wind up as abuse. That means that those LBs are not necessarily abuse. See, since I don't hit my spouse, the selfish demands, disrespect, and anger I show are not abuse, but rather understandable slips or simple rare flashes of my minor character flaws. As a matter of fact, since I never plan to make demands or have an angry outburst, every single time I do so it is unintentional. Therefore my lovebusters are not abuse, neither by intent nor by final outcome (since I don't lay a hand on my spouse or call them those 4 or 5 letter names).
A pretty slick, but illogical, way to bypass one's conscience altogether and avoid the internal pressure to change one's behavior or even to question one's own justifications for their behavior.
It seems to me that Steve Harley has heard similar types of arguments of "I'm not abusive, you guys misuse the term" and his answer is in his article "Ouch...".
As I was thinking about this, the idea of extraordinary precautions came to mind. Sure, not all close friendships with a person of the opposite sex is an affair or leads to one, yet we caution against these relationships because it is a near universal first step towards affairs. The extraordinary precaution is to keep from taking that first step on that path, thereby protecting against infidelity in the fullest way.
This idea seems perfectly suited for the abuse "spectrum" as well. Since it's near universal that abuse begins with a selfish demand/and or a disrespectful judgement, the extraordinary precaution against abuse is to not engage in those in the first place.
And in the end, who cares what it is called? If you say or do something and you see your spouse's face fall and register pain, or if they tell you that hurt, does it matter what name one puts on it? Does it have to be given the "proper" name before it's to be given consideration to eliminate? Again, the "Ouch" article is a fantastic companion reading in addition to Dr. Harley's Q&A.
This may not exactly be written as a rant, but it's in response to an inside feeling of ranting when I hear or read that someone just does not agree or like what Dr. Harley says about abuse. There are too many other psychologists out there in agreement, also with books, that make it clear that there's more to abuse than hitting and calling names. There's a great way to test it: if you wouldn't want it thrown to you, don't throw it one someone else. Of course, this isn't my original thought, and the plagiarism I just performed came from "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Whew, but isn't that the very definition and manifestation of empathy?!
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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Absolutely fantastic layout of "the narrow path" Dr. Harley describes Lifetime...I loved it so much I emailed to myself.
I have been thinking a lot about this, boundaries, and the narrow path Christ gave us to eternal life.
Thank you for this ... it is greatly appreciated.
The path is one that will demonstrate to children life can go on with care and thoughtfulness even when one is frustrated.
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