FM:

I agree with PM. You need to tell him everything. Stop protecting OM.

Maybe your H is secure, and doesn't want to have the convo NOW. So write him a letter. Put EVERYTHING in it. And give it to him. Tell him that he does not have to read it now. But you feel that it is important that he HAS the info. And when he is comfortable, he can read it.

Your actions may or may not have be reciprocated by the OM. And in many cases, when we are wayward, the actions of the target of our affections can get way out of proportion, to thier actual meaning. A look, or a saying from OM, may be innocent to him, but have worlds of other meaning to you.

But write the letter.

You looked over the edge andsaw that you could end up in a full blown EZ/PA with this guy if your let yourself. You now KNOW how easy that is to do. This is very powerful knowledge.

Your on the right website to help you to back away from that edge, and construct the fences to avoid falling off that edge.

Your H, however, isn't interested it seems, in this MB Stuff. And that is cool. There will be a time and place when it will be important to him. But you can do wonders by implementing more MB Style practices in your life. And that is all that you can control.

If he gets on board, than you can have a terriffic marriage going forward. You can still have a strong marriage going forward even if he does NOT buy in. Sounds like he is a good guy. And that is the important part.

You work on yourself, Thats all we can do. And then see what happens.

LG

Meggy, I am not ignoring your posts. My H thinks that there is nothing going on and I am making this up in my head...and I keep analyzing OM's behaviors and trying to see how they might be "innocent" or "harmless". What if I was reading things that weren't there, wouldn't I be foolish? I create this big fuss and "incriminate" this man for something I did??? I'm very concerned about that...

My H seems to think he is this perfect friend who was only trying to be my friend. Shouldn't my H be able to pick up on *something* if this man was trying to do anything more?

Your husband is right about one thing, you are overanalyzing this to death.

He's told you how he feels. In fact, it isn't up to him (or this board) to make you stop obsessing about this guy.

JUST STOP DOING IT!.

Hold yourself to NC, avoid being around him at any occasion, and by no means should you call or accept calls or email from the OM.

If you find yourself thinking about him, picture your husband and kids in your mind and think happy thoughts.

You've learned a little about MB principles, why don't you start living them every day?

I applaud you for recognizing how vulnerable you are, but you have to take responsibility for your own thoughts and actions at some point. I love a good bourbon whiskey, but tend to over indulge with the hard stuff, so I don't keep it in my house.

Fullmoon, I've pulled quotes from your thread of all the things you've said about OM. Maybe you can see where it is VERY confusing about what's really going on:




















See how you go back and forth about OM's innocence? This is very confusing.

Meggy (and everyone), I am sorry. I did not intend to confuse you. If I had just told H the specifics (in the first place), H would have been able to decide whether or not I was creating this. I don't know why I just didn't write the letter/tell him details.

Schtoop, I was not blaming anyone for my thoughts and actions (not H...and not OM). I do take responsibility for them. But you are right I am overanalyzing this, I am tired of all of it...

And I was here to find out what people thought of separation? ...not to be with OM (there has been NC with OM)...just to figure everything out.

But I am sorry.

I will revisit this site after I have (1) told him the details and/or (2) recovered. Thank you for your time and efforts...I know I seem resistant at times but it has not fallen on deaf ears.

Now's not the time to leave FM... just when you're getting somewhere. Write the letter to your H once and for all. What he does with it is on him. What you do to protect your marriage from here on out is on you, such as (1) EP, (2) no contact with OM WHATSOEVER, (3) remaining O&H with your H about everything!, (4) work on your side of the street as far as meeting your H's needs, etc. You get the picture.

Come back and tell us how it goes after you've come 100% clean with your H. Maybe after you do, he'll see where WE are coming from and we're not (and more importantly, you're not) just making a big deal out of nothing.

K? We really do want to help you with this.

Yes I did.....and it was ME! I was sabotaging my own life, because of all of the lies I was telling my self, all the justifications, all the secrets. You start becoming someone different, and not in a loving way but in a BAD way. When the fog lifted, and reality hit, I knew exactly what I needed to fix, and to get back to ME! And that was to get my OLD self back, me being a loving and caring wife and mother. Not this person who snuck around, lied to everyone she cared about, and was angry/unhappy all the time.

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Fullmoon, can you explain what the above here? Do you not agree with the NC concept?

I don't understand why you are trying to help other waywards if you don't agree with the most fundamental concept for MB's program for surviving an affair...

SusieQ,

I absolutely agree with NC. I, honestly, have not communicated with OM in ANY way in over a month now.

(OM is still my H friend...even though my H knows he is the OM. Since I think this is an EA and my H does not, he doesn't want anything to change. He just wants me to "get over" and "not act on" my feelings for OM. That's all that I am required to do.)

So, naturally, we all have mutual friends...and we're all invited to the wedding...

Do not go to that wedding. You are not the bride or the groom or (I assume) the preacher. So they will still be married without you. Do not go. There is no reason to go.

It doesn't matter if you say hi or not. He will be there; you will be there. Trust me when I say that at this point it will set you back emotionally to square one, maybe farther. For some God-unknown reason, the OM in my case came back to our school to "visit" a month or so after D-Day. I didn't say a word to him. I saw him and walked the other way, stupidly sucking into a classroom and then having to make up some reason I was there. My knees and hands shook the rest of the day. I felt sick. I emailed DH and told him, and HE felt sick the rest of the day. The memories switched on full force. You do not need to see this man. It's like banging a broken bone with a hammer.

Then answer me this: WHAT DOES NC MEAN TO YOU?

No contact until you are invited to a party? Are you kidding me?

You realize Dr Harley recommends even moving to a different state if necessary to never see or talk to the OP again FOR LIFE?

And, naturally, since you decided to have an A, you need to cut all those mutual friends out of your life if it compromises NC. period.

I still think she needs to bring her H here or at least let him read this whole thread. I don't think he even knows about OM's behavior.

The above is from your first post here.

If you want to stop being infatuated with OM then you need to make a decision on whether you are going to commit to NC FOR LIFE. There is no in between.

OMG!!!

ML, the cows are ridiculous, hahahahaha <-- That's what you get for those cows...bulls...

Holy cow, Batman!

That was very mooving.

I would say something else, but it would be a moot point.

Yeah, my sense of humor is udderly ridiculous.

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.

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eat more chikin

Thank you, Mel and Luri, for the comedic interlude.

And now:


Hiya, fullmoon! I bet you're glad to see me!

Vanilla, you know I love you. We'll be best friends by the time this is all over with. Just don't call me a pig.