All right, you won yourself a:

Ok. We'll try again:

Do you believe NC FOR LIFE is necessarry for saving your M?

And my .02 cents:

I still think you need to bring your H here or at least let him read this whole thread. Have you told him about ALL of OM's behavior?

Susie...

I was trying to take it a day at a time here. And I thought I was doing quite well.

FM,

Did you see the answer I posted to you on my Managing Memories thread?

What do you think of the Love Bank concept?

Do you buy into it?

Do you understand the basis for it?

Mark

Meggy,
When I first suggested to my H that he read some of this stuff, he declined. (...that was back around D-Day.) I have noticed in the past two days that I have been busy on this site he has been running over to the laptop to see what I'm doing. Of course, I was not on this thread at the time. I was on RM's thread.

As for OM's behavior, I thought you all told me to stop worrying about OM, that I was overanalyzing, and being confusing. Uuugh!

I don't like this thread. I want to go back to RM or SW.

I will refrain.

Well, it would be helpful to the people who are reading your thread & posts to know whether you believe in the MB concepts. It's not all about you. Good luck.

Mark, I had not seen the other response. I will check now. Is there some way to get notification if someone responds to you on a particular thread? Just wondering.

Susie, Yes, I believe in the NC...but I didn't really pound the "for life" part into my head. I was just thinking about one day at a time. I didn't want to make the task seem "daunting" so that I would fail right out the gate. It's like someone starting a new diet...and on day one deciding they'll have no carbs, no fat, no sugar, no soda...just 8 8 oz. glasses of water, a little meat, salad, and veges. By the end of that week, that diet is going to be "on the rocks". Isn't it appropriate to make the thing manageable?

Why am I not surprised that you don't wish to be held accountable for your choices?

You going to that wedding where a man that you pine for and lust after will be present is HIGHLY DISRESPECTFUL to OBVIOUSLY your husband, but also to the bride and groom - Going to a wedding means that you are promising to support that marriage - it says that you are a supporter of all marriages really...Going to this wedding puts your own marriage at GREAT RISK!!! This is insane! If you go it will spitting in the face of your husband and in the faces of that bride and groom...

You are not taking this seriously, fullmoon...

Mrs. W

Are you for real?????? Fullmoon, C'MON!!!! This is your marriage we are talking about...You need to get serious NOW...

Mrs. W

Like I said earlier, this is someone who is not serious in the least.

I hear ya, Mel - I can't help reading some of the posts around here today in "Valley Girl Speak"...Just seems fitting...

Mrs. W

..............waste of time.

WOW!!! Seriously??? This isn't something you play around with you are either committed to repairing your M or your not. Manageable??? Do you see how cruel and hurtful that is? What you only betrayed your BH a little bit today so that makes it OK??? There is no gray area here FM, you either go all in or you are wasting your time and all the posters trying to help you too. Get serious before it's too late........



Want2Stay

[TJ]
Glad to see ya Mrs. W!!!!! It's foggy as heck around here lately.

Want2Stay
[/TJ]

You all are making me dizzy. You push too fast. I am serious! Aren't any of you listening to the fact that I have not seen this guy or talked to him or ANYTHING in over a month...and I intended to keep it this way? But what do you tell your friends about skipping their wedding...'cause you think some guy there is attractive who is not your H? Now, they're going to think poorly of us, too.

Okay, what do I have to say for you to understand that I am serious? I am here taking all of this...aaaargh...trying to help other people with moral support (which you've clearly demonstrated is unacceptable and counterproductive)...and I am still here...although my H would simply ignore this whole thing and let me go on free as a bird with no consequences. But I am still here putting myself through this...for you to tell me I'm "not serious"?!?@ What the he77?!

Calm down, fullmoon.

It's good that you're reading other threads. Mark's got some great ones, so you're off to a good start. I would also recommend reading any number of the BS threads. I hope it will help you appreciate the place from which they are coming.

Understand that every one of us here - every single, solitary one - would go back and change things if we could. We are trying to help you avoid a worse fate than your EA.

Are you also reading up on the MB concepts?

I think you mentioned something about your BH's SIL being wayward? And how he seemed a bit more concerned after that? That is a GREAT thing! The problem with his dismissal of your EA is it shows he may have weak boundaries, or he may not appreciate the importance of EPs in warding off an A. Do you want to find yourself cheated on down the road?

I know we may not be telling you what you want to hear...but we ARE telling you what works. You may think some things seem ridiculous, and you may be tempted to set the bar low and justify your actions...but it is a slippery slope indeed into a full-blown A, as you have started to find out.

The great thing about MB is that it gives you tools to prevent and/or otherwise address that slippery slope - either before or after it happens. You can build a great M, you can A-proof it, you and your BH can be the greatest source of happiness for each other...but you've got to commit.

Commit to basic principles, and as you pull away from the adulterous thoughts of your A, you will see more and more clearly how this all comes together, and how necessary and rewarding it can be.

No waffling. NC = NC, e.g. NC = no fantasizing, no mementos, no Facebook, no wedding, no whatever. It sounds harsh to you now, but cold turkey is the only way to do it.

Who cares what they think!!! NC means NO CONTACT. None nada zilch zip ZERO!!! It means that protecting your M comes before EVERYTHING else. Make an excuse do whatever you have to do, but going is a big mistake and resets the withdrawal clock back to the beginning.

Want2Stay

I'm just catching the tail end of this. I'm a BH who recently remarried a wonderful woman. So I can speak about the wedding aspect of things:

Don't go to this wedding. You don't have to give a reason. Simply state you can't make it.

Going and being around OM is a massive slap in the face to your H. If he knows about your EA, then you're creating a situation that is explosive and horribly painful for him.

Stop thinking of YOU for a second and think of your H first and foremost.

Yes, no contact for life is what's called for when you're talking about a man you're attracted to who isn't your H and that you've already crossed the line with.

You committed to your H. Fix your marriage and think of your H and not you.

We can't "understand" something that is not true. You are not serious. Someone who is serious would be making DAMN SURE she is not in contact with her OM. Saying you are "serious" while you make plans to see your OM next month is bullcrap.

You might be kidding yourself, but you are not fooling anyone here. You are just wasting valuable board time that could be devoted to other posters who ARE serious.

...........waste of time...