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I have followed your thread from the beginning. I do not feel comfy enough to give you any advise on whether you should or should not have gone, but I do understand your feelings of pain and just wanted to let you know how much I hurt for you. This is beyond any pain I have ever gone through so it does seem to bind us BS together. If a person has not been in these shoes they have no idea just how horrible the pain is.
I am sorry you feel back to square one, but I think you will come out of this faster than last time, because it is amazing how strong you have become through this whole thing. I think being on the outside like I am, reading through from the beginning shows incredible growth on your part. You are a strong, loving, kind woman and it shows in all the post you have shared with us.
Hang in there and know that God has a plan for you and though you may not understand now what it is, He does. We see life as a snapshot of today, God sees the whole movie and so knows what is going to happen and we need to have faith in His divine plan for our life.
HU
HalfUnit
Me-BS-50
H-WS-46
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Either way, he's not coming back and doesn't want me. He also told me the OW was not his type; he doesn't like her lifestyle. He also said, "why would I make anything happen with her after what you've done to her and her family." He said he would no longer speak with her until the divorce is final. I told him that would be awhile, so I'd let him know when I was ready.
This made him furious. He wants this divorce final. He said that he's ready to end this chapter and begin a new one.
He kept saying things like, "your God has never done one thing to show me he's on my team, so I'm just trying to pray and read the Bible to see if he'll join me on my team." "Your God is going to have to show me that he wants to do anything for me."
He kept hinting at his $$$ situation like I would help outfit his new home. I'm not giving him one thing.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Thanks Half,
I appreciate the kind words. Even if I did come here, I don't think I would have listened. I so wanted to believe there was hope.
This morning is better and I'm working through it all. We're going to breakfast this morning. I want to get over it and get back in the place I was.
Thanks for the pep talks.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Hope, do not give up yet.
It is not all said and done and remember that WS do a lot of nonsense talk.
It is all about OW and once that ends there is still hope because you have small kids.
Let the A do its course...
blessing
atena
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I keep wondering if I was wrong. Maybe it was nothing....maybe he really didn't see her as serious. I doubt it, but I keep questioning myself.
I can't tell everyone how much I beat myself up over this. I feel disgusting and completely unwanted. WH makes me feel so unattractive.
I mean you know he's telling his pathetic story to someone and they are telling him positive things too....you'll get through this, you'll survive. She's crazy and she'll get what's coming to her. Who ever wins in this situation? I think I'm right; he thinks he is right. It just goes round and round.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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The problem HopeE is that you actually BELIEVE the things this WH says... this man who is NOT your H. Have you not learned anything about this and the nonsense that waywards spew?
Please stop with the stinkin' thinkin'. Please.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Hope,
I know how you feel, I felt unattractive for a long time too and I am told I am quite attractive by many.
You WH will spin his story and people are free or not to believe it. Most people know what's going on...a man who leave his family to live near a lake...come on...he is the crazy one not you!
And yes, stop giving too much importance to a man who dates an OW who sends pictures of her toes! What is she a teenager?
I swear these wayward regress to the crib.
Please see him for what he is, an agry teenager who now has a girlfriend and wants to play and have fun...how can you want this for a H?
Blessing
atena
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I'm sorry. I can't control my hurt and pain. I was the stupid one for breaking the plan. Now, I'll just have to work through it.
I hope I can start school in a good frame of mind....3 more weeks. We're still in the same district. It's going to be hard knowing is could be right around the corner.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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So you mean you might end up working together?
I was just thinking how nice it would have been to have my H with me, the way he was. It is so hard to know he is gone and that he spends time with another with whom he has nothing in common...but believes he does..
crazy
blessing
atena
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Hope,
Repeat to yourself, over and over
"B is for me. B is for me. Peace of mind. Peace of mind."
Whenever you recall the break of B.....refocus on this. "B is for me. Peace of mind."
Bet after this experience it will be easier for you to simply not respond in any way to anything other than a potential approach by WH for rebuilding.
Passive resistance. No response. No shooting yourself in the foot by interacting.
"B is for me. Peace of mind. Trust in the plan"
Don't be so down on yourself. You live....you learn!
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I won't be working with him, but we are in the same district. There are waiver days and other things, but mostly we probably won't see each other.
Our city is big, but we go to the same places....I just hope I won't run into him.
My kids were disappointed too in the outcome of the meeting. I tried to tell them that there was nothing positive...just talk. Still their little minds were hopeful. That being said, they bounced back faster than I did.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 680
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I had a setback, but I won't make that mistake again. I'm staying plan B for good. Thanks for all the help here and support.
Last edited by hope_eternal; 07/22/10 05:20 PM.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 8,240
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(((((HopeE))))) I am so sorry that you had this experience. You KNOW that what your WH said was a bunch of cr@p. He is still wayward and he wanted to convince you that it was YOUR fault. He isn't going to talk to OW again until D is final, MY BUTT. He is a liar and he will continue to be until he stops being wayward and embraces "your God."(What a silly silly thing for him to say) Just get yourself back into Plan B. Don't think about how you messed up but do remember this for the next time you get tempted. Believe me, you will be tempted to break it again. I get down on myself sometimes and I WANT to call WH so badly. Then I remember what it felt like to withdraw from him the first time and I realize I will feel like that again. You made a mistake,but as long as you learn from that mistake and become a better person, you will be just fine. DARK PLAN B FOR YOU MY DEAR FRIEND. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hi Scotland,
I've missed you and wondered where you were. Did you read all the junk he told me. He wanted to talk with me in person and mentioned "playing games" referring to plan B. I told him it was to protect myself from the hurt. He said, "everything you've done was to protect yourself."
I definitely won't make the same mistake again. I was ok seeing him at the lake that night when I had to get DD14, but to sit and talk with him was devastating.
My boys are going to be playing football this fall and I don't know how I'm going to handle that except to just not tell him. He'll find out though and try to come. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 8,240
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Sorry I was gone for a bit. I rearranged my house and had the computer unplugged. As soon as I got on I came to your thread and my jaw dropped. At first when I saw that I had missed so many posts, I HOPED that it was about recovery. Then I read and got sad for you. I know how badly you want this to happen. I know how you want to hear the words. Sometimes, in my weaker moments, I hear a car come down the street and I hope it is WH coming "home." Then it's not and I am a little sad. I did see what you posted about what his fog babble was and I thought, "Oh puh-lease. HopeE better not believe THIS garbage." Then I saw that you were starting to. I am glad that PM was able to shake some of that outta your head. As far as what PM said about this strengthening the affair, it is because of this. Your WH is a cake-eater. When you fill up his LB at all, he feels good. It takes away that cr@ppy feeling he was having before you talked/saw/emailed/or texted him. That means that he can go for a minute/hour/day/week/month/year longer in his affair because he "knows" you are still there. Don't give him that satisfaction again. Now, get back to being dark and the next time that you WH contacts your IM, if he is unclear, get him to run it past MelodyLane. She can let him know if it should be something you should know or not. The football thing, you can deal with that when it happens but not telling him seems to be the best option I see.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I was ok seeing him at the lake that night when I had to get DD14, but to sit and talk with him was devastating DON'T EVEN DO THIS PLEASE. It will go from this to, I can handle messaging him again, I can talk to him again. Please. Do this the DrH MB way. No Contact. Think of this as your way to "understand" what your WH will go through when he has to go NC with OW. Just something similar.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I won't contact or see him again....I promise. Before my kids go to see him next weekend, I'm going to tell them that I don't want to hear anything from them about WH. I'm going to call today about getting an estimate for laying flooring in my house. I'm ready to make some more improvements to house, but i'm not up for the job myself. I also went to my first estate sale today in a long time. I love vintage clothing and I found a great maxi dress with an incredible pattern on it. I'm also going to take Melodylane's advice about an exercise program. I have a gym membership, but I just haven't taken advantage of that. Thanks Scotty for your help....I panic when I don't see you around. 
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Hope,
Waywards are evil!
Neither you nor your kids were ever responsible for his choice to have an affair!
Neither you nor your kids can ever cause his affair to solidify!
NEVER believe any babble from anyone, including yourself, that would cause you to think this evil affair has been anything other than HIS choice.
Does a bank blame itself for being robbed? Of course not!
Waywards are evil!
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crused in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Thanks for you words. I see you have 5 children. I'm so glad to see that yall are in recovery...I can only hope for me to have that one day. He so didn't love me even way before this affair, so I hardly have a glimmer. I do know that God will rescue me. I've found a song for me... Francesca Battistelli Lyrics � I�m Letting Go Lyrics My heart beats, standing on the edge But my feet have finally left the ledge Like an acrobat There�s no turning back Chorus I�m letting go Of the life I planned for me And my dreams Losing control Of my destiny Feels like I�m falling and that�s what it�s like to believe So I�m letting go This is a giant leap of faith Trusting and trying to embrace The fear of the unknown Beyond my comfort zone Chorus I�m letting go Of the life I planned for me And my dreams Losing control Of my destiny Feels like I�m falling and that�s what it�s like to believe So I�m letting go Giving in to your gravity Knowing You are holding me I�m not afraid Feels like I�m falling and that�s what it�s like to believe Feels like I�m falling and this is the life for me This is my new life song....actually I like her whole CD, so I'll be getting it 
BS: 41
WS: 52
Marriage 20 years on 6/9/10
Dday on 4/27/10
Husband moved out 5/12/10
Plan B....5/21/10
DD 15
DS 11
DS 10
DS 7
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Posts: 1,769
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We deserve someone who loves us and wants to be with us Hope.
My WH too was soo done with the M for years he wanted out. So be it...how long can we pine after people who do not appreciate us?
but appreciate people who take pictures of their toe nails or who are willing to sneak and boink WH in a filthy canteen just under my nose (and apartment building?)
Let them enjoy the wonderful people that are now part of their lives!
blessing
atena
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