I wish I was this big of a person, but right now, I'm just not. I am wishing all sorts of horrible curses on this girl and her family. I'm definitely leaning more toward an eye-for-an-eye than I am turn-the-other-cheek. It may not be right, but I'm very angry right now. Someone has attacked one of my children and hurt them. As a mother, that just naturally makes me want to fight. Maybe I will feel differently one day and be able to forgive them, but right now I don't and can't.

Tell us when the deal is done ok? Praying for you all. Your son needs to prepare emotionally for his time in Juvie. there are hard case kids in there.

Get some counselling from someone who can guide him on how to act. The judge will not take any excuses if he messes up his time. I didn't know wont fly. I would hate to see this compromise blow up in his face. Hope he can be tough and gets in good with the right people.

Edit.. tough doesn't mean violent BTW.

Totally understandable Mama-bear

I keep crying, and I can't swallow my cake. My son made the cake. It's the last cake he'll make for 4 months. I was going to have him make the cake for his sister's 2nd birthday, but now he won't be here for it at all. I think we'll have brownies, or cookies, or maybe just ice cream, but not cake. Cakes belong to my son. I'm not going to eat anymore cake until he comes home.

Bubbles, I am really staggered at the way you will stab someone when she is down. I think you get enjoyment from doing this, and I cannot for the life of me understand how. You spend a lot of time on MB taking pleasure in the difficulties that others are facing.

writer, your son does indeed have bad judgement, like many or most teenagers. Irrationality and lack of foresight are the norm for many teenagers, caused by developments in the brain that we poorly understand. You are among the many parents who have brought their children up with high moral standards and firm discipline, only to see them make decisions that leave us speechless.

Your son is not the first to have underage consensual sex despite the sex and moral education at home, church and school, and he is not the first to hook up with someone who turns out to be vile. Many teenagers do these things and, because they are not accused by their scorned partner of rape, they are able to simply grow out their this phase and later become good parents.

It is easy for someone like Bubbles, who hates the idea of parenting and who cannot understand why anyone would have one child, never mind five, to attack you for your children's weaknesses. Her post is nothing more than a "told you so! Nee-ner!"

There but for the grace of God go I, and my fourteen year-old son. My heart goes out to you.

w1

An old friend would say how important is it to be right. So important that you have to prove that you're dead right.

Well after one goes that far and proves that they were right they are usually dead. As in washed up, through, burnt their bridges.

Plea deal would make me want to fight. Age has shown that it is better to lose as little gracfully then struggle yourself into a blood bath and lose a lot.

*hugs*

There is a bright side to this, besides the end being in sight (which is HUGE, imho)...your son is getting an early and important lesson in the unseen ramifications of choices. Things which look innocent on the surface can be convoluted into horrible and life-altering events in the wrong hands. All the more reason to not get yourself into positions where your innocence can be twisted that way. I hope and pray he comes out of this with a determination to make sure that his actions are such that no impropriety can be pressed on him.

That would be, imho, a very very good thing.

*hugs again*

I understand if you want to throttle me and my sunshine right now.

This was my son's status update on Facebook this morning:

"In our darkest moments in life we have the choice to fall deeper or to rise and learn from our mistakes. In the end it is up to you what happens. I will fight, I will be strong, I will learn, and I will come out a better person. I will go in with a smile upon myself remembering those who have and will continue to help me and the ones who love me. I will come out with a smile on my face a better happier person."

It made me cry. I just hope he can maintain that attitude for the next four months.

Bubbles, I feel sorry for you, I truly do.

While parenthood has been responsible for some of my deepest heartaches, it has also produced some of the most profoundly joyful moments in my life. I would not trade that joy to avoid the heartache for anything.

Writer I feel certain you can now teach your child things he would not have understood before all this. That is all I meant. I do not hate kids, families or any of that. I hate that people have to go thru pain in life.

No need to feel sorry for me! I am happy!

Yeah Bubbles seems bitter and unbalanced in her posts, I think she is trying to make a strong statement, serves as what it is like to be viewed by the callous, judgemental public. The cold opinion from the outside by people who don't care to help other than to point out our faults. I don't know if she realizes it, but her comments are filled with deragatory one-sided D/Js masked as practical honest advice. God I hope she is just insensitive, and it isn't intentional. because she would have to be really messed up if she saw it and just enjoyed attacking people when they are down.

But in the spirit that she seems to be saying she is posting in, may I for one point this out. This is a support board. Some would like to be the authority who straightens out people and bluntly tells them the truth that they can't see, seeming that they are so much stronger than them, and enlightening them with our pearls of wisdom. Implying that they lack qualitys that we think we have aquired by how tough we are, or how life has treated us, is supposing that we are their authority, and that we should welcome this sort of control/guidance. Thats Gods job IMO, and we can only offer advice freely without expecting them to follow it, reguardless of our convictions on the matter.

If they were coming here and asked us what they were doing wrong, and for us to beat them with 2X4s unfairly to toughen them up. I think I would point out the obvious too, that the world can be tough and people can be cold and judgemental. They come here for empathy and guidance, support and understanding. You must temper the worse case opinions with these things and leave the 2X4s to those qualified.

Its all a process, and we retain 10% of what we hear and realize is nessesary to learn, even when we hear it over and over. The hard lessons are enough to teach us, and the pain from them brought us here. We are not IMO supposed to make people more reactionary by showing them what we consider thier faults callously and with the same insensitivity thier experiances just handed them. We IMO are supposed to assure them they are human, and subject to all the things that happen to others, even us, and give them a solution. Not more condemnation.

If you have a comment bubs and you wish to help because you see what you believe is a blind spot. at least take the time to help them understand why you have said what you have, what lessons you have learned, and how you came to this judgement. Again this board is for support and it important that we know why we need to change if we do. We will probably do it slowly and it the nature of the beast, but to do it we have to want to, and nobody does anything unless its to benifet them. Understanding we are cared for motivates us, critisism without compassion does not.


Great post SC.

One thing I have learned lately is that human beings dont have the full function of the prefrontal cortex of the brain untill they are 25. Before that we run mostly on emotions, what we have learned and fear of consequences. I have allways questioned how the law makes us responsible as adults at 18 now. I think its unfair that we can get ourselves into debt and make decesions when most of us haven't even had the chance to understand lifes biggest issues yet.

It was said way back that if we could go to war and fight and die for our country, we should be able to vote, then added was to to drink,(though many states have changed it back to 21) then get credit cards. I felt that it was just a way to get kids into the system and give them the rope to hang themselves. Maybe the bulk of consumers were to smart and they needed some foolish kids to make bad decisions, buy things based on impulse, and try to grow up too fast. Feed the machine that makes money from impetuousness and reaction.

At 52 I am still the same person I was at 18 emotionally, and all my attempts to grow up have not changed that, only made me wiser. I will allways be a child of God and need his promises to have faith in my future, and His love as my comfort. It sounds just like a child doesn't it? May I allways be one of His.

Proverbs 4:23
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Only with the addmitting i am powerless and giving him authority to rule my inner being can this be balanced. I really think young people don't get this, and many older ones wont admit it yet. But it doesn't change the fact that its true does it?

You never sound particularly happy in any of your posts. Just an observation.

Yes, I think my son will learn an important lesson from all of this.

I don't like that people have to have pain either, but I know that there are others who have suffered much greater pain than ours, and somehow, they always manage to come out okay on the other side. I imagine we will too. Not that I wouldn't like one of those universal remotes from the movie "Click" right now, but I know that's not how life works.

That is beautiful Writer


So is it definate yet? What are the details in this plea? Has it gone thru?

Writer, you can teach this kid things now. Because of what you all went thru. This alone makes it all worth it. I know you can do this. So nothing like this happens again. This is where the parents step up and prevent the child from getting into this situation with (lying, toxic, crazy) people ever again.

I feel he will be able to listen to his parents now when he could not listen before due to immaturity, etc. I could be wrong but I feel he will.

Lol I feel like I walked thru the "beyond" door sometimes too

TTYL Granddaugter duty calls.

Signing off for the day. I will check back soon.

Thank you everyone for all the positive thoughts. I will update when I can.

Wishing a pox on that girl and her family for you, writer. Hope your son doesn't come out of this too bitter. As a woman, I am furious when I hear false rape allegations. It just undermines the validity of the real ones.
Hoping for the best.

As usual, I'm late to the discussion. Writer, I just wanted to tell you that I think you made the wisest choice for your son. It's unfair and unjust but it is what it is. Expensive lesson learned for your son but hopefully one that sticks for life.

Is it possible that he could get early release?

((((Writer and son)))) Thinking of your guys today.

I agree with PM. I will include your son in my daily prayers until his release. I will be praying for patience, maturity and safety while he is in the juvie system. My heart goes out to you, my friend. I would be tearing my hair out knowing my child was being treatly unjustly and there was nothing I could do. Please do lean on God during these troubled times, writer.

Still, I do feel sorry for someone whose happiness is found jeering at the misfortunes of others.

writer DID teach her son about making friends with good people and staying away from bad, not indulging in underaged sex and not breaking the law more generally. She didn't teach him immorality, and she did not neglect him and fail to teach him anything at all.

Her son, like so many teenagers, thought that he knew better than she, and better than all the other adults that wrote the rule book. He decided to flout the law on underage sex. He is now in a position to learn why the law does not recognise a 16 year-old as being legally capable of "consent". It is to protect children from people who would seduce them into "consent" and ruin their innocence. He can now choose to learn that laws exist for valid reasons, or he can decide at some point in the future that again he knows better than the majority (and the old). His impaired rationality, caused by his youth is being recognised by his trial in the juvenile system, but he knows that for future offences he will be tried as an adult.

This is his lesson to understand, now that he has seen that laws will be enforced whether we agree with them or not. writer can teach him nothing that she hasn't told him before. His failing is not the fault of her teachings, or mis-teachings, and you are implying that it is.

Shame on you.

I never said he or she failed. Only that the kid was possibly not teachable until now. You are accusing me unjustly. ***edit*** I do not insult people but I am reporting your post.

Changed due to bad spelling...