Hey everyone,
Thought I would give an update.

Personally I am not doing to bad; still have good days and bad days, but the bad are just becoming moments in a day. Not all day long, like they once were. The good days are definitely starting to slightly overtake the bad. I can say I cry a little less.

I have asked my landlord to consider letting me out of my lease on the apartment; and a similar sized duplex is becoming available in my hometown. My plan is to move to that area where I will be surrounded by family and friends; and be closer to my job. (25 minute drive instead of 65 minutes that I am currently doing)

Job is still going great, I love the challenges I get to deal with on an ongoing basis. It consumes most of my day.

I am looking forward to moving, I miss having my dog with me every evening. I also need to feel settled, where I am at right now is a haven but it is to far from everything in my life right now and I am tired of going back and forth between my place and my mothers. But that stresses my dog less by being with her for the week and me on the weekends.

Unfortunately, skank and WH are still in fantasy land; although it would seem the fantasy is dwindling.
POSOW H called me last week to inform me that WH is moving POSOW and her children into my house. I am to the point of not caring (well I tell myself I don't care), but I did tell POSOW H to not let his kids go. She is trying to move them an over an hour away without official custody being established yet or legal separation. WH and I have not signed legal separation agreement yet, hopefully we are getting closer.

I guess what I am shocked about is WH's obvious disregard for these poor innocent 3 little kids. His XW did the same thing to him with their kids when she had her affair and divorced WH; and now he is doing just slightly worse to someone who was his friend. Who is this evil b@$t@rd???

I told OW H who cares what she does, just protect those babies.

I am slightly laughing though, I wonder what happened to the big giant dream house closer to her family. I said all along he would somehow get her down here and that he was never moving from our house. He built it and loves living there. Although he told me that "it just a house and its a house with too many bad memories".

Apparently he likes re-living all the bad memories. I just want to get away, if POSOW is moving to the same town I am in, I am glad I have started the ball rolling to move away from here. I am also still shocked at the complete disregard I have gotten from all of his family. I have not spoken to MIL or SIL since I moved, they have made no attempt to contact me.

DstepD20 and Dstepson20 and I still get together for dinner at least once a week and communicate by phone regularly. Dstepson24 is living with WH right now and does not communicate with me at all.

An A is the gift that seems to just keep on giving and tearing families apart.

Just my rant for tonight

mymissy
Great you checked in. I have been checking your thread and was getting worried like Mother Hen!

Let them live together. In your case see how fast the fantasy dwindles living together full time with her kids messing up his house.

Good that you have maintained a R with his children. Shows that they respect and love you in spite of their wayward father. For the other son he is probably just kissing his fathers behind because he is living there.

It is a long hard road and we are in survival mode but there will be a time we will strive and thrive.

take care and blessings.

Oh, my! She's not getting her big, new, fancy house? She has to move into YOUR house? You know...the one where WH has so many memories with YOU!

Ooh, boy! I think she is gonna build up some big-time resentment! Most women don't want to live in a home where a previous wife lived...it's sorta like the house is imprinted with the previous wife, ya' know?

You're sounding good, Missy. I would move back to the hometown if at all possible, too. You'll have more time to actually move on...have some fun and enjoy your dog without spending so much time on the road.

Don't I know it, That same house is the one WH built with first wife. Now, thankfully for me she only ever lived there about 3 months. But that never changed the way I felt about the house, I hated that house with a passion and as soon as the kids were done with HS and in college; I started pressing him about moving or building a different one.

So, imagine after living there for 12 years; I had re-done just about all of it and had made it my own. The furniture I left him was the stuff in the basement that was actually mine and had been in MY house before I moved in with WH.

WH is pretty tight with his money and after I get done with him will not be to willing to buy new stuff too easily. POSOW lawyer advised her to file bankruptcy after her divorce. I think she has whined to WH about not being able to make it on her own. That is why she is moving this way. OW H says she is pretty demanding about her home and will be attempting to get WH to start buying new stuff, she can't afford to.

Karma, got to love it. I can't wait to hear about the bitching that will be going on then.

MyMissy, thanx for checking in. You sound like you are doing great.

Funny about the house. Karma is ready to rear it's ugly head.

BUT, (You knew there would be a BUT right?) you WON'T know about any of the drama because you are in Plan B right? Okay, there was the MB talk.

Glad you are taking care of yourself and doing things that are good for you and your new life. Yea, if OW is intending to move to your town, I would GIT.

Take care hun, I am always thinking about you.

Yes, you are right I won't know any of that

(I am pretty sure that I have moved to plan D or plan F/U - depending on the day)

You can still be, and probably SHOULD be in Plan B as well as Plan D.

As always you are right, a well executed pln B is much less painful than the current path I am on.
OW H calls again regularly to inform me of what is going on. I am actually looking forward to moving, that will help me more than anything.

My job already keeps me very busy. after moving my friends will keep me equally busy in the evenings. It will be a better pln B for me.

Just to explain this a little bit, the bad memories stem from the discovery of the A's.

He discovered his first wife and her affairage partner in the house, apparently that did not go well.

Then new years eve the cat was let out of the bag regarding his infidelity with POSOW and OW H attacked WH. All of these things happened in the house.
All the years with me, the house had nothing but good times and good memories.

So, yeah Karma is a [censored], but then so is POSOW.

{{{{{{{{{Missy}}}}}}}}}}


This all sounds WONDERFUL!!!!'

You are a true GODDESS........

I'm very proud of you, my friend......

Not

Hello MyMissy,

I had a quick look through at your thread and I just wanted to say that I think you have shown incredible strength of character throughout this ordeal. You have been tested in the most horrific way, you have had your moments of darkness and doubt but I really hope you are proud of yourself and of how you have dealt with this situation.
I feel sure that the best days of your life are ahead of you (and even more sure that the best days of WHs are behind him - but you wouldn't need to be clairvoyant to see that!)
The reason I think this is because you are becoming an even stronger, more aware person. You will laugh and love again.

But I just wanted to raise something that is a bit beside the point. I think it's wonderful that you have such a good relationship with your step-children and it is a testament to the strength of that bond that they maintain that despite how torn they must be.
My heart goes out to them. They lost their wayward mother who chose her OM over them and now they are losing their wayward father who is doing the same. They must be so afraid of losing him that they are accepting OW so that they don't end up orphans. IMO, I think you need to Plan A them. Show them that you are a loving parent to them and that you will always be there for them. No relationship talk about their WF and OW unless they initiate it and even then only discuss it from their angle, not yours. I think you are a great person and they are lucky to have you. Be a haven for them.
Apologies if I have stepped out of line, this is not really MB territory.

All the best,
Tully

Thank you so much and no you have most certainly not stepped out of line.
I had not thought about them in terms of a plan A; and I need to remind myself constantly to not bring up their WF and POSOW. I struggle with it every week that we go out to dinner. I have been getting better with it though.
Overall, my heart breaks for them and I am trying very hard to be a stable, sane, consistent place for them to be able to count on.
I have to admit, some times are better than others.
So, I need all the MB friends to continue to remind me.
Thanks for the plan A reference it puts it into an easier perspective.

Life has been kind of unfair to them, I pray they will be able to have a "normal" relationship in the future. My fear is that they will always shy away from marriage and commitment.

Thanks again

It's normal but you will get better and better over time especially if you try consciously. For your own sake too, it's best not to talk about that situation. The focus when you are with them is on your relationship with them, not on any other relationship.

If I may make a suggestion. Maybe you could organise a house-warming dinner for them in your new place where you do something they particularly nice, dress up, look good, have fun and if they bring up WH/OW in the conversation, shrug your shoulders and say 'well, that's life, we all make choices and mine is to move on'. If you have a spare bed/ sofa-bed/ foldable mattress you could even say that you'd be delighted if they wanted to come to stay over sometime to go to a movie/ see an exhibition/ whatever, the emphasis being on fun and pleasure.
They will be relieved to see you well and being with you will once more become a relaxed, enjoyable place to be, not a heavy, painful place.

I think you'll be a good example for them and help them.

Hello everyone, well once again I am terrible at a plan B and slipped.

I can't seem to get past the fact that WH and POSOW actually thought it was OK to start moving forward with her in my house before any legalities have been established or signed including dragging 3 innocent children along for the ride.
So, my bad - I sent an email to push some buttons.
Here is what I sent:

Its like once in awhile I can't help myself and the angry immature part of me comes out.
Apparently I pushed some good buttons, I bcc'd the email to POSOW.

I have days that are good and days that are not so good and days that are just bad. The latest in the drama has set off a string of bad days.
I realize partly my fault for sending the email, I think moving will definitely help.
I need to be farther removed than 5 miles.

Does the feeling of being able to take a deep breathe and then not crying ever return?

MyMissy,
How's the job going?

Job is going great; and it has been true for me - that a not so great door closed and an awesome that has immense potential opened. I will be able to have the kind of job and position I have always wanted and worked really hard for.
I wish the other stuff would be going as well.
But thanks for asking.

Yes there are many good days and then there is the slip into the rabbit hole but they are happening less and less.

Sometimes don't know what the trigger is but I just say I am human, dust myself off and try to make the next day better.

Have good support here and MB friends from this board that I could not never do without!

Blessings

Thanks Hope

Sometimes, I got nuttin' to say ... I just read/follow along.