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Well, I offered the 'stuff' he wants if he will pay me June alimony. He won't. So I've sent an email to my attorney asking him to advise me. I'm approaching the point of letting it go because I'm so tired of feeling sick and anxious.

After all....I have the most important part of our life...a precious 10 year old boy. I counted up the other day....WXH gets him for 72 hours a month. I get the rest.

There is appparently an insurance check for roof damage that he needs my signature on. He called me 4 times about it yesterday---I ignored all calls. When I dropped ds at his house for visitation he tried to get me to talk to him about it...I just backed out of the driveway with him honking at me and trying to get my attention. He then brought ds home and came to the door. I let ds in and locked the door without every making eye contact with XH who was saying, 'I need your signature....' It was so funny....ds and I went into the kitchen out of sight of front door and chatted about other stuff....and ignored XH who continued to ring the bell and knock for about 5 minutes. Eventually, ds went to a window where he could see the driveway and hollered out, 'he's gone!'

Ds and I had gone to friends house to swim yesterday afternoon and he wanted his friend to come home with us....I reminded him he had to go to his dad's.....so he calls his dad and BEGS to cancel..pleaded and BEGGED for about 10 minutes....and then 30 minutes later called him back again and begged some more....and even hung up on him...ds was furious....said, 'I HATE him!' When we got in the car to go to XH's I gently told ds...."It is ok to get angry at your dad, but you must not be disrespectful to him. I'm thinking you shouldn't have hung up on him. Even when it is difficult to respect him, you must be respectful because God wants you to." Oh, it was hard to choke out those words.

Ds told me he stayed mad at his dad the entire 3 hours he was there...that he just ignored his dad.

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Well, I offered the 'stuff' he wants if he will pay me June alimony. He won't. So I've sent an email to my attorney asking him to advise me. I'm approaching the point of letting it go because I'm so tired of feeling sick and anxious.

After all....I have the most important part of our life...a precious 10 year old boy. I counted up the other day....WXH gets him for 72 hours a month. I get the rest.

There is appparently an insurance check for roof damage that he needs my signature on. He called me 4 times about it yesterday---I ignored all calls. When I dropped ds at his house for visitation he tried to get me to talk to him about it...I just backed out of the driveway with him honking at me and trying to get my attention. He then brought ds home and came to the door. I let ds in and locked the door without every making eye contact with XH who was saying, 'I need your signature....' It was so funny....ds and I went into the kitchen out of sight of front door and chatted about other stuff....and ignored XH who continued to ring the bell and knock for about 5 minutes. Eventually, ds went to a window where he could see the driveway and hollered out, 'he's gone!'

Ds and I had gone to friends house to swim yesterday afternoon and he wanted his friend to come home with us....I reminded him he had to go to his dad's.....so he calls his dad and BEGS to cancel..pleaded and BEGGED for about 10 minutes....and then 30 minutes later called him back again and begged some more....and even hung up on him...ds was furious....said, 'I HATE him!' When we got in the car to go to XH's I gently told ds...."It is ok to get angry at your dad, but you must not be disrespectful to him. I'm thinking you shouldn't have hung up on him. Even when it is difficult to respect him, you must be respectful because God wants you to." Oh, it was hard to choke out those words.

Ds told me he stayed mad at his dad the entire 3 hours he was there...that he just ignored his dad.

Is it just the June alimony that he owes? Has he paid July's alimony? His wages can be garnished for alimony and child support. I think that I would set that up so it is not a choice that he gets to make each month.

I wouldn't give him anything or sign anything until the alimony matter is settled.

I think you did the right thing in telling your son to not disrespect his father (for your son's sake). It is very important that the rules stay the same for your son during this time of change. It will give him the stability that he depends on.
smile


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Smiling Woman,

I had XH wages garnished also. CS was due on the first and he would pay whenever the mood hit him. When he paid me on the 20th went to court and now it is all taken out automatically at no additional cost to me.

It was just a way for him to annoy me because he did not make out well for the D.

I was D last year and I still have the few items that XH never got. He tried to make one appointment and I told him it was not convenient and set a new date when I knew he would be in Vegas. A few months later he asked again and I said when you pay in full the defaulted loan I will release your stuff. He was mad and I said why would you want that stuff anyway. It does not belong in PP's house and will only bring bad luck to you both.

I have not heard a word since. I plan on leaving the note that is attached to the antique radio bottom that says, Happy 45th birthday from your wife and girls. Love always. That will fly with PP. Do pigs fly?

Why won't you sign the insurance check?

take care.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Originally Posted by hope3343
Smiling Woman,

I had XH wages garnished also. CS was due on the first and he would pay whenever the mood hit him. When he paid me on the 20th went to court and now it is all taken out automatically at no additional cost to me.

It was just a way for him to annoy me because he did not make out well for the D.

I was D last year and I still have the few items that XH never got. He tried to make one appointment and I told him it was not convenient and set a new date when I knew he would be in Vegas. A few months later he asked again and I said when you pay in full the defaulted loan I will release your stuff. He was mad and I said why would you want that stuff anyway. It does not belong in PP's house and will only bring bad luck to you both.

I have not heard a word since. I plan on leaving the note that is attached to the antique radio bottom that says, Happy 45th birthday from your wife and girls. Love always. That will fly with PP. Do pigs fly?

Why won't you sign the insurance check?

take care.

He isn't late with cs or alimony. It is only this one month of June that he doesn't think he should have to pay. I agreed to not garnish his wages as he requested, but you can bet if he fails to pay me on time I will change that.

I haven't signed the insurance check because it isn't my problem and I have no intention of jumping just because he says. Those days are over. Don't you think he has a lot of nerve asking me to do this for him while he is screwing me over on the June alimony and the property division? It is also more than just signing....I have to go to the bank, set up an account with him and let the roofers be paid from that. So he said on vm. I will do it when I get the time. And feel like it.

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Under those circumstances I would do the same. I don't know why you have to set up an account? He should just direct deposit it and pay the roofers.

When I got an overpayment at the end of the year from my mortgage, it was in both of our names. Like I have for more than 20 years I just signed for both... shocked shhhhhhh!!! I write his name more authentic than he does!

Make sure you sign the back of the frame when you give him the pic. rotflmao


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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Quote
That will fly with PP. Do pigs fly?

Perhaps if "they" are inflated enough... grin


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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All this talk about 'love notes' on items going to the WS...

When I was packing up Flicks stuff during plan B I wrote a couple of dozen little notes and poked them into things like his trumpet, some CD's, a shirt pocket...

2 years later, he's still finding them because I don't remember where I put them all rotflmao

If he hadn't come home and was still with PQ, those little discoveries would be still grinding their knickers. Ah, an hours work, years of pleasure cool

/TJ


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Originally Posted by lildoggie
All this talk about 'love notes' on items going to the WS...

When I was packing up Flicks stuff during plan B I wrote a couple of dozen little notes and poked them into things like his trumpet, some CD's, a shirt pocket...

2 years later, he's still finding them because I don't remember where I put them all rotflmao

If he hadn't come home and was still with PQ, those little discoveries would be still grinding their knickers. Ah, an hours work, years of pleasure cool

/TJ

AHHHHHHHHHHHH GEEZ. WHere was this suggestion when I went into Plan B? HEHEHEHEHE.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I can't even remember WHY I did it, if it was something I had read on MB, or if it was a suggestion from one of my most wonderful advisor's.

He found one as recently as 4 months ago. Now, he thinks they're cute, as a wayward he would have HATED them. grin


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AWESOME AWESOME STUFF. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I remember leaving little love notes all over the place for my wife in the days after D-day. I read it someplace on another website.

She was FURIOUS! She HATED those notes. She threw every one of them away.

Except for the ones she has only recently begun finding...

Funny how times change and what was once a source of anger for her is now something she has started to cherish.

I think there might still be a couple more lurking about...

Family pictures work great, too, BTW. Photos of happy days "accidentally" left in the pages of a book or stuck into the pocket of a suit or left in a shaving kit or makeup case can be a serious Plan A moment without even being there...

And if the AP happens to find one, all the better.[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]

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Going through my mothers things after her death, my sister and I found that she's saved in her jewelry box little "I love you" scraps of paper my dad had left around the house.....very sweet.


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Ok! It is done!I talked to attorney.....he reminded me that I get three years alimony and if XH wants to start it in July instead of June...well, ok then! And as far as the property division....he also reminded me how well I came out on the house....it is true I did....So I just sent XH an email saying I agree to let him come after the stuff he wants in exchange for a box of keepsakes in the attic.

I feel free!!!!!!!

I don't think there is ANYTHING else he can do to me. I am dark and I am going to stay that way!

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Hi SM, good to hear that you settled and did well in the D. I too did well and that does help after all that has happened.

Let him take the stuff that picture will just be bad karma for him. Breathe and go take a walk.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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SW,


Good. Spit on the grill, write on the back of the picture. Then, send the email right when you know he's on the way to pick up this last bit of stuff.


Remember, he wants stuff because


he

is

empty




and he is trying very hard to fill a void with STUFF.


And OW will never fill that void, no matter how much stuff he takes from your house and puts in his house.



Only, he won't figure that out until he has had about two years of her crap.


SB


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Oh, and when he gets there to get his stuff?


You

smell oh-so-good

and

look

oh-so-good


and have somewhere to go...with an unnamed someone.


And as he leaves,

you leave, too.



You leave him guessing, and leave him thinking.



"What did I just lose?"


He needs to understand that HE LOST, no matter how much stuff he thinks he GOT.

SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
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Originally Posted by schoolbus
SW,


Good. Spit on the grill, write on the back of the picture. Then, send the email right when you know he's on the way to pick up this last bit of stuff.


Remember, he wants stuff because


he

is

empty




and he is trying very hard to fill a void with STUFF.


And OW will never fill that void, no matter how much stuff he takes from your house and puts in his house.



Only, he won't figure that out until he has had about two years of her crap.


SB

I wrote on the back of the picture....in pencil....Love Always, First name/Middle name/Maiden name/married name (initials) and I sprayed it down with my very expensive distinctive perfume...and I took a cotton ball soaked in said perfume and carefully cleaned the frame---didn't want to send it back dusty doncha know...the picture is sitting by the front door but he didn't get it tonight when he dropped of ds. After I sent him that email yesterday just before I dropped ds off at his house....telling him he could have what he wanted...he sent me a reply back about 9:30...saying ok to it being the 'final division' of our property..and asked me if I wanted him to bring the keepsake box when he brings ds home tonight. I didn't reply.

But he brings ds home at 6:00 and I had my car out of the garage parked on the street and told ds to get straight into the car because we had a party to go to. And XH handed me ds's clothes and said, "I didn't have time to wash these." I said, 'that is ok, I just rewash them anyway.' He said, 'You rewash the clothes when I send them home?' I said, 'yep.' He said, 'why?' I said, 'because they stink.' Then he says, 'are you going to sign these insurance checks or do I need to have insurance company reissue them?' I said, 'I think that would be best.' As I closed the door to his truck where ds had just gotten out of...and I got in my car and drove off.

Went to a party with friends.

So he didn't mention a word about the 'stuff'. But I am ready to let it go. And you are right SB....it is all he has....STUFF.

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Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
Originally Posted by schoolbus
SW,


Good. Spit on the grill, write on the back of the picture. Then, send the email right when you know he's on the way to pick up this last bit of stuff.


Remember, he wants stuff because


he

is

empty




and he is trying very hard to fill a void with STUFF.


And OW will never fill that void, no matter how much stuff he takes from your house and puts in his house.



Only, he won't figure that out until he has had about two years of her crap.


SB

I wrote on the back of the picture....in pencil....Love Always, First name/Middle name/Maiden name/married name (initials) and I sprayed it down with my very expensive distinctive perfume...and I took a cotton ball soaked in said perfume and carefully cleaned the frame---didn't want to send it back dusty doncha know...the picture is sitting by the front door but he didn't get it tonight when he dropped of ds. After I sent him that email yesterday just before I dropped ds off at his house....telling him he could have what he wanted...he sent me a reply back about 9:30...saying ok to it being the 'final division' of our property..and asked me if I wanted him to bring the keepsake box when he brings ds home tonight. I didn't reply.

But he brings ds home at 6:00 and I had my car out of the garage parked on the street and told ds to get straight into the car because we had a party to go to. And XH handed me ds's clothes and said, "I didn't have time to wash these." I said, 'that is ok, I just rewash them anyway.' He said, 'You rewash the clothes when I send them home?' I said, 'yep.' He said, 'why?' I said, 'because they stink.' Then he says, 'are you going to sign these insurance checks or do I need to have insurance company reissue them?' I said, 'I think that would be best.' As I closed the door to his truck where ds had just gotten out of...and I got in my car and drove off.

Went to a party with friends.

So he didn't mention a word about the 'stuff'. But I am ready to let it go. And you are right SB....it is all he has....STUFF.

He keeps on with the insurance checks. I keep ignoring. Today an email

"Can you go with me this afternoon to <bank> branch on Hwy xyz so we can deposit these checks to fix the roof?"

I ignored. This after he dropped ds on Sunday and asked, 'Are you going to sign these checks or do I need to ask Insurance company to reissue?' I said, "I think that would be best."

Today he sends above email...I ignored and then when I dropped ds10 he tried to discuss with me but I just drove off...later I got this email...'Just so you know where we are at, I talked to Insurance Co. and they will not reissue the checks. Mortgage company will not deposit them without both of our signatures and recommended that I take the contract we signed to my lawyer. I will give you through tomorrow to contact me about meeting at the bank before I contact my attorney.

I hope you contact me before we waste more money on lawyer fees.'

Not sure what will happen legally....the 'contract' I signed for XH to buy me out on house simply said, 'any insurance money will be used to repair the roof.' Well, I took that to mean I wouldn't spend the money on male strippers....not sure it means I am obligated to sign insurance checks for repairs to a house that I've relinquished all claims to.

Anyone know how this will play out? I'm not really concerned either way....worth my lawyer telling me I have to sign just to NOT do a favor for the man who is so cruel as to take my ds around his homewrecking whore.

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hi Smiley!

uugghhh, when will it end with him....

maybe you could call the insurance and tell them that you are no longer an owner of the property and have no legal interests in the property and ask what they recommend

oh, and follow-up with an email, or even better, ask if they can send an email to you confirming the call

it seems odd that they can't reissue the check, kwim?


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Originally Posted by RareMamaJewel
hi Smiley!

uugghhh, when will it end with him....

maybe you could call the insurance and tell them that you are no longer an owner of the property and have no legal interests in the property and ask what they recommend

oh, and follow-up with an email, or even better, ask if they can send an email to you confirming the call

it seems odd that they can't reissue the check, kwim?

I know. I haven't called the insurance company--with whom I've done business with for nearly 30 years...because I don't want his problems to be my problems. I figure I will just let him work for whatever has to happen. We owned the house together when the storm hit....and by the time they issued the checks I had signed the quit claim deed and I had my money for my part of the equity. Our contract said, 'any insurance money will be used to repair the roof.' So I guess a judge could say that means I am required to sign over insurance money....I just don't see how it is my problem now. But hey, whatever.

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