I know I posted this before, but Faith, every time I try to pray for this girl, it comes out like this? What do I do?

And that was your 1,000th post, writer!

IMO, I couldn't have picked a better way to celebrate the milestone.

With this, I can tell you two things.

1. Your Son did not force himself on her in any way.

2. Had you gone to actual trial instead of taking the plea, your son would have been found innocent.

I am terribly sorry this has gone this way for you and your family Writer. What this girl has done, is criminal.

I am a bit of a hard-but when it comes to false allegations, especially rape. I believe those who deliberately, and knowingly accuse someone of a crime that they know they did not commit, should have to endure the crime they knowingly wrongly accused another of.

I have a strange feeling this may not be 100% over with, and a funny feeling that things may not go well for "This Girl"


What lunacy did her parents spout?

Gack, I think after hearing their craziness, even our lawyer started to question his advice about my son taking the plea. At least, I'm pretty sure the attorney, and the judge, and everyone in that courtroom knows that my son is innocent, even if there isn't a darn thing anyone can do about it.

Her parents were just as crazy. They were completely trashing our entire family, saying how they had to take our son in as one of their own because he didn't have a family who loved him or understood him? Huh??? They said they knew all along how terrible our family was and that they always felt so sorry for our son. They acted like they hated us the entire time our kids were dating. We've been to their house many times. Their daughter came to our house on a regular basis. She went places with our family all the time. If they thought we were such horrible, abusive people, WHY WOULD THEY DO ANY OF THAT?

Then, the mother started spouting off about how we don't know our son, and that we were ignoring all of the cuts on his arms where he tried to cut himself and the bruises on his neck where he tried to hang himself and commit suicide. It was utter lunacy. These suicide attempts supposedly occurred at the girl's house the night of the "rape." I saw my son a few hours later. We went out that night as a family looking at Christmas lights. My son is the most warm-blooded human on earth and doesn't own any long-sleeved shirts. He almost never even wears a sweatshirt. I can most definitely say that there were no knife cuts on my son's arms or bruises on his neck, not on that day or any other day. There's no way I could have missed that. This kids were on Christmas break. All of us were together everyday for 2 weeks. He wasn't remotely suicidal.

Yeah, these people are crazy and delusional, and now because of their utter insanity, my son is locked up for the next 4 months.

I really want to kill something right now.

writer, I have the same problem when trying to pray for the xOW. I understand where you are coming from but we are instructed by God to pray for our enemies and I feel a very strong need to pray for this girl.

Even before I saw Gack's post I thought very similary that something is going to happen that will change this story. I believe in your son's innocence and believe that the girl in her own way was declaring his innocence in her statement. I don't know if I would have taken a chance on a trial either, btw. The risk of your son having to register as a sex offender would scare me from a trial.

Writer.

Okay, today, sleep well, eat well, feel well, relax well, exercise well...even do some pushups..*s* esp. when thoughts of this girl and her family ocurr. You have done the best a mother could possibly do and then some. Okay, so tonight tell your H to rent a 'chick flick', or if you two are able to compromise on and evening's entertainment... a chick flick And a John Wayne film.

Just take care and at least you have the opportunity of seeing your son tomorrow where you can help counsel him and reassure him to get started on serving this time and getting back to you.

Just much empathy for you okay,

Tom

Tom, the funny thing is, my H likes chick flicks more than I do. I prefer action/adventure. We usually just rent 2 movies so we each get to pick one. I love Redbox.

I'm really anxious to see my son tomorrow, but hopefully we'll be able to do something fun tonight and relax a little.

I'm just starting to take inventory of all the things I have been neglecting for the past 4 months, and the list is huge.

So what was the point of the court in allowing her to speak? Was it suppossed to show your,(The allready assumed guilty), the pain he had caused? Did the family ask for a chance to speak? It makes no sense. I think the DA was expecting something else. He based the truth on the IMs, and had very little time with the family, or, I wouldn't be surprised, was only interested in another conviction for his record, ( or the lawyer who works for the DAs office). Again truth is not served.
Again why? Does the judge have any nuts? If he saw something he should have done something about it. Thats what hes there for. Whats his Job anyways?


Maybe there is some way to legally help your son now, Use that anger to fuel a righteous indignation and while he is in juvie you have time to get a new lawyer,(Or should I say one to begin with, the first one wasn't very good reprsentation).

Also, now you can publicly defend yourself and file for slander, unless the plea stops you. I would ask a lawyer about this. Did you get the comp back? Can you get it investigated still by the DA?

I don't know if we can do anything at this point, and I'm too tired (and broke) to consider it right now. We still haven't paid off the first attorney and probably won't for several months.

I think it's standard to let everyone speak at a plea bargain hearing. My H and I were allowed to speak first, and we pretty much just talked about our son's character and that we continue to support him and believe in him. Then, they started talking, and spewing their vengeful delusions. The judge really couldn't change the plea bargain, since the DA, our attorney, and the judge already worked out the agreement ahead of time. If he had changed it, anyone could have backed out at that time. If he tried to impose a harsher sentence, we could have rescinded our plea, and if had tried to give my son a lesser sentence, the DA could have withdrawn the offer.

I went to the police station today and filled out the paperwork to get the computer back. They're supposed to call us on Monday to set up an appointed time for us to come in and pick it up. I think it should be next week sometime.

Gack I understand what your saying about having an unjust accusation being visited upon the accuser. But that falls short of the pain that guilt will lay upon her and is probably working on her now. Its sad the truth did not come out and help her. But using the court to "get even" was what she did.

She will undoubtedly perpetrate the rape on herself in some future relationship, unless she gets real. Lets hope for real and an eventual appoligy and recantment. Its unlikely because she probably isn't getting good counselling that equals to the bad counsel and example of her parents, if any at all.


The court, which is supposed to bring out the truth, has failed to do thier job, and has failed both these kids and thier familys.

writer...

Is there any chance at all that your husband's insurance would cover family counseling after he gets home or maybe even allowable while he's there? Do you think that's something that your son would benefit from?

Please forgive me because I don't mean to upset you in any way, but I keep getting this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that maybe there is a chance your son said a few things (perhaps after a family argument or whatever) that led this girl and/or her family to believe he was very unhappy at home? Could he have revealed more of himself and how he felt with her and her family than you think?

How close are you and your son? Other than what you observed of him during that time, do you feel that you two connected and that if something was bothering him, he would have told you?

Do you feel you should talk to him tomorrow about what her family was saying, and ask him gently if there was any truth to it?

Believe me, I'm not trying to upset you more. I'm just thinking of his hopefully full recovery from all of this. He's still a kid in many ways, and I know if he is unhappy, you would want to get to the bottom of it.

On the other hand, I also realize you've had to deal with some derelicts and what I've just typed out may seem preposterous. Just thinking...you know...mother to mother, if there's any possibility that there's some truth there, probably inflated coming from them, but still.

And they all agreed to let this travesty of justice be played out even though it was obvious that your son was probably innocent, and her family needed help. All because they made a promise based on poor and incomplete evidence.

MelodyLane says " The only thing worse than breaking a promise is keeping a bad one" and I think the judge should have seen that.

Before you pick up the Comp, and sign yourself into posession,(you don't need it anyways right?) I would take some time to relax and then look for a way to sue for defamation of character, talk to a lawyer, and maybe get the conviction crazy DAs office to work for you. Yes we come back to the money thing, but you have four months, maybe there is someone who we do this pro-bono out there. Its a classic case and anyone can see that.

Its the rape charge that is damaging to your son, not that he slept with her, its just not fair. Rape is an act of violence, your son is not violent. He was just stupid.

Just think about it. leave the PC there so it remains "sealed" and in the next couple months maybe you will find a way.

I like some chick flicks too, but the action flicks get my guy juices flowing. The only movies I hate are ones that tell sad stories that have no redeeming value. Life has enough sadness, it doesn't inspire me. I need inspiration.

Have a good night, take a breath and let the tension go, your good son has dodged the registered offender list, (if the deal is honored and it doesn;t come up somehow, as it was pointed out), and you will see him tommorow.

When you see him remind him that criminals are really stupid, but they are sometimes inteligent or what can pass as inteligent in thier twisted world. Most likly he will run into very messed up kids in there. As long as he remains himself and stands up for himself with an attitude of fairness,(not like the courts are fair are they), with concern for them based on truth he believes in. He should make it through. Heck thats all we can do anyways, is be true to ourselves, and with Gods help, discern it.

I in no way claim to be the "perfect" family. Certainly, we have had our fair share of issues. I'm sure there have been times when my son was unhappy with us. What teenager isn't? But what they were saying went far beyond normal teenaged rebellion.

I'm actually very close to my son. We talk and do things together all the time. Other than the sexual nature of his relationship with this girl, my son has never lied about anything major that I know of. He's usually a pretty open and honest kid.

I guess what really bothers me is the fact that I KNOW this girl's family is dysfunctional. She has a blog post on her Myspace where she talks about her mother's abuse and alcoholism. She was the one who told my son that her father used to be a cocaine dealer. My son saw various kinds of drug paraphernalia in her house that belonged to the girl's older brother (who was living in their house at the time, with his girlfriend and young child). I have seen her father in action many times at court. It just seemed almost comical that they were accusing us of being the dysfunctional ones, while standing up in the courtroom and showcasing their own craziness.

As part of probation, my son will have to go through counseling and sex offender classes after his release. I'm fine with participating in counseling. I just think the real tragedy here is that the people who really, truly need it (this girl and her family) aren't going to get any help at all. Her blog posts relating the abusive issues with her family predate her even meeting my son, so I know this has nothing to do with us.

I even had a school personnel tell me (in confidence) that she knows for a fact that the girl's mother quit her job with the USPS after she had an affair with a co-worker and became pregnant by him and ultimately filed sexual harassment charges against her affair partner. According to my source (who holds a very high position in the high school and has apparently known this family for many years) the father and the girl do not know that she is an OC. Now, I know I have an OC in my own situation, but I have been honest about that from the very beginning. This girl is almost 17, and she still doesn't know she has a different father than the one who raised her (and neither does he). I have no idea how they haven't figured it out, considering the mother is hispanic, the father white, and the girl looks like a mixture of hispanic and Japanese. It's pretty obvious, looking at her, that it is extremely unlikely that she could be the bio child of both these people.

Thanks writer, for explaining. I hope I didn't upset you more. I just kept remembering how my husband and I were in the throws of first love, telling each other everything and baring our souls - you remember those days.

It's unfortunate that her family will not get the help they need; I heartily agree with you on that.

And maybe the dad knows deep down that he isn't the father. Sometimes it's easier to pretend...

Hi Writer,

To start with I just want to say that you are one helluva mom. Compared to the dreg wife and mother who you faced in court yesterday, you are like the St. Louis Cardinals vs. the Chicago Cubs. I know, my W gets upset too when I use these analogies.

Just wanted to say that I probably will not be posting or checking on your story for awhile. I am not a drop-in and then leave type of guy, but now have my own stuff starting up here and probably will not have that much time from this point on. You seem to be doing well now and have your Faith to guide you forward. I recently ended my employment with my employer late June after there for 10 years and the last of which was position elimination, but now have an opportunity for 80% time per week with a finance firm here. Too good to pass, but will be more time including travel than I have been used to the last couple of monthes.

I will still probably try to post to some of the BS's here, and esp. BH's, and even WW's - and good grief I am fortunate in that I have not had to go thru a long Pan A B C or at worst a D and I am a neophyte in terms of the pain of an affair or marriage break-up. One of the other members here who I care about is grip who I try to post to, and it is because I just see his sincerety and his pain and uncertainty is his posts.

So Okay, this is just being behind a computer and a thread and just just typed words, but please do not forget that in the person to peron world that you and your family will do just fine, and that you will be in my continuing prayers.

And, thank you writer for just showing me another person's human strength.

Tom

Thanks Tom, and good luck with the new job.

Now that I no longer have to provide home supervision for my son, I will be back to looking for work myself. I hope I find something soon so that I can help dig us out of this financial black hole we seem to be getting sucked into.

Hey Writer, I forgot to say that you do have alot of wonderful support here on this site, in addition to your family, God and friends, so how can you go wrong.

Stay kewl..

Tom

I am so sorry to hear what happened to your son. But he seems to have admirable character. That will serve him well in the future no matter what happens now.

Each day is one day closer to your son's release, writer. Just remember that! Use this time to think about a serious relocation plan
(((writer)))