Redzgirl,
This is not good enough for you, think about this, you are worth more than this man will ever give you.....he has a problem with violence among other things....be thankful he is out and gone from your life, keep it that way......
Next time the helicopter might be looking for you......sorry so blunt but we have all heard this story before......
You don't need this man, you can fall in love again with someone else without all these issues.......
the affair, the violence, the stealing, I'm sure there are many more things you haven't told us.......
I worry for you, he is doing the typical sorry won't happen again routine.....don't fall for it.......let this be it, go get a peace bond against him and move on with your life in a safe and happy enviroment......
This is the one reason not to save a marriage in my book.....people like him never change......

Sus, I know you were rooting for me, as was everyone else on the boards. And the point about the dark side is exactly right. I thought about it, too. Which is why I am getting out of MY fog. I sat and made myself a list of the "why's and why-nots" and guess which column has no entries? I know what I have to do...it's just sad that one person can make such life-changing decisions for another person. I have been talking to some friends and one said to me last night "how many times are you going to try and shield him from his own consequences? He made this pile of s***, let HIM sit in it."
I have joked this week to people that the black eye knocked some sense into me, but there is some truth to that. Every time I look in the mirror, every time I take a shower and find a new bruise, I get a little stronger...and angrier. I know he doesn't deserve me. I know I don't deserve this. I also know that I will only be alone if I choose to be. I just need to heal and move on with my life. I know I can take care of myself...I have done it before. I just have to do it again. I will be just fine. Or better.

On a good note...I have this tattoo on the inside of my right wrist, about 1x2 inches. WH has a matching one on his. We got them on our 4th wedding anniversary; they are Cantonese symbols. Mine says "love, (his name)" and his says "love, (my name)". The average person has no idea what they mean, but I do. Every time I look at it, I just see pain. So, last night DS20 took me to his tattoo artist (a minister BTW who was very nice and very supportive..gave me a slew of phone numbers and resources). We have come up with the perfect way to "camouflage" this tattoo - we are going to cover it with a pretty purple lotus flower. Did some research when I got home and the lotus symbolizes rising above and the birth of something beautiful out of something ugly because the lotus grows out of murky, muddy waters, but the petals are perfect and clean - untouched by the murkiness that it came from. How cool is that?

That is VERY cool. I'm so happy to hear that you're getting yourself out of this horrible mess.

Redzgirl,

Did you know that G-d loves you so very much and would NEVER want you to hurt like this. That there is NOTHING in this world that you could EVER do that would make it ok to be hurt like that.

Look at all the people who have responded to you because even know they don't know you, they care about you and want you to be SAFE and HAPPY. Because they know that G-d loves you so much and just wants you to be happy, joyous and free in your life.

You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be happy.

You can do this. You are a strong woman who knows that you can get out of this situation and build a new life. One that is free from pain, one that is free from bondage and one that shows your children that you love yourself and deserve more.

You CAN do this. And there are so many on here who will walk through this with you. And there are so many places that will hold your hand as you walk through this.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Redzgirl)))))))))))))))))))

And for the times you think that you can no longer walk or even crawl, He will be there to carry you in those times of trouble. Blessings.

RIGHT ON !!!

No amount of MB is even appropriate for a situation where you have been battered.

WHs actions excludes HIM from your life.
Forever.

You can consider forgiving him (eventually), but you should NEVER consider reconciliation with him.

Your WH did not just piss on your marriage, he blew it up, and it is too shattered to be put back together.

LEAVE HIM.
File for a protection order.
File for a divorce.
DO THIS.

Be ready for WH to attempt to blow rainbows unicorns and sunshine up your butt.

Be ready by dialing 911.
You must not allow WH to contact you EVER, as long as there is a restraining order.

NC .... NO CONTACT.

That means you call 911.
Immediately.
Got that?

The most dangerous time for a battered wife is when she decides to leave her abuser.

NO CONTACT
call 911

Got it?

Remember, no matter how sweetly he talks, if he contacts you while you are under restraining order protection, he is disrespecting you and violating the law.

911

Every time.

If you post things that you allowed abusive WH (AWH) to say to you, we MBers will you ...

Got that?

If he leaves a message, call the police.

((((Pep)))) was waiting on you...your guidance has been very helpful and comforting to me throughout these last couple of months. If I ever get back out to Texas, gonna look you up.
He has not made contact. He has pretty well dropped out of sight. No one has seen him that I know of. I KNOW where he is...you guys know where he is. Doesn't matter. He just went from the safety and security of our marriage to a R (if you want to call it that) with a woman he really doesn't know who has 2 kids at home and another on the way. My kids are pretty well grown and his D lives with her mother, so we were steadily approaching complete "us time". Now he gets to raise another man's kids..and by his own admission, he's not 100% sure the new baby is his (wouldn't that be "just compensation").
Went to Safe Homes yesterday on victim advocates advice. They gave me a referral to Legal Aid which will handle my divorce (and alimony request) for little or no money. The state victim's fund will also provide me with 24 sessions of IC free of charge and I am most definitely gonna take that opportunity. He is facing a possible sentence of 30 days in jail and 6 months anger management. More than likely, he won't have to do the jail time unless he doesn't fulfill anger mgmt. obligation. After 5 yrs., if he doesn't reoffend, his record can be expunged and he can go on with his firefighting career with no repercussions. I think that's fair enough. If he is going to make positive changes, then he pays for what he's done, but it doesn't ruin his whole future. I would think living with that baby and having to fulfill that obligation will be a tougher consequence to deal with. Doesn't matter...not my problem.
Got subpoenaed to go to his court date on Aug 17th. Not looking forward to it, but I don't have a choice. I am so thankful for you guys and some good, close friends that are really rallying around and supporting me. I have no family other than my kids, and knowing that I am not alone is such a blessing.
Got a couple days off work, so I am taking some ME time and relaxing..and I am starting to feel a little excitement stirring in my tummy for my new life. I can make it whatever I want it to be! (Is 40 the new 30 or the new 20? LOL)

((((((Everybody)))))))))

Gods love is everywhere

Redz - no updates makes me worried. In shelters, this is usually a sign of a victim returning to her abuser. I hope that's not the case. I hope you are thriving so much there's been no time. Please update when you can.