She is clearly not interested in reconciliation. You have no kids.

Give her what she wants, her freedom.

You will be much better off once she's out of your life.

After her last e-mail. I would dump her for sure and move on. she isn't worth spit. There are a 100 million women out there would be better wives. Go find one. You could never trust her again anyways. Your life is going to be all about deployments for the foreseeable future. And you can't make her wear a chastity belt (though she would need one). You don't need to see her again. What for? More abuse? store her stuff. give her a month and tell her to never speak to you again.

I guarantee she's sleeping with someone any probably still in contact w/ OM #1 as well. That's why she got a new phone. You have no way to police her because you can no longer access her phone logs and she lives across the country, so she has no consequences for her waywardness. If you can't inject some consequences to her waywardness, she has no reason to change. She's going to do as she pleases with zero regard for you. Just dump her and move on with your life. Now if you really wanted something to push you over the edge to divorce, hack into her new cell phone account online and check out her call log. That will give you everything you need to make the decision to move on.

I really don't see myself going through all of our stuff to repack just her things, renting a truck and taking leave to drive it from Lousiana to Arizona, and then flying back. The monetary and time costs are ridiculous, especially for something I don't want to do.

I'm torn between packing it all up, putting it in a storage unit with a month prepaid and mailing her the keys, and just having her come and separate everything out with me there so she can actually face what she's doing.

Gerka,

Sounds like a plan to me. Just give her the address of the storage and send her the keys. DONE and DONE!

JL

You think actually facing what she is doing is going to phase her? If you do that, you are going to be in for a big disappointment. You'll just have to put up with her crap. Just mail her the keys.

So, are you now officially done?

t/j

What is the state of your M now Jim? Are you 'recovered'?

We still have our issues (most of which carried over from before the affair). I wouldn't call us "recovered," but I am hopeful we are still on the path.

Hey Gurka,

If you're done, then I'd box up all of her stuff, take it to one of those crappy storage places outside the gate, then mail her the keys.

I'd send her a short note that says something like: "Here are the keys to the storage place and the phone number. All of your stuff is there so you can come get it whenever you want."

Nothing else about "working on the M", or seeing her, or talking with her or anything else... I wouldn't answer any of her calls, or e-mails either, go completely dark.

Not sure what divorce laws apply to you since you are both living in different states, but if Louisana allows it, I'd file for divorce based on adultery and have her served.

Then go live your life to the fullest and be thankful that you don't have any kids with her.

Semper Fi,
RIF

I keep getting frustrated by her nasty emails. And then a couple days pass and I'm back to not wanting to be the one that gave up. If she wants to single handedly push a divorce on someone that's willing to forgive and work on the marriage, I think that's something that will catch up with her eventually.

I haven't written anything back to her, I'm feeling pretty indecisive.

You need to snap out of your own fog. First of all, you will NEVER be the one that gave up. NEVER. You might be the one that accepted that your WW will not change, but that is a HUGE difference. Secondly, you are delusional if you think her pushing divorce on someone that's willing to forgive and work on the marriage will catch up with her anymore so than if you gave up now. I don't know what the fascination with her being the "bad guy" that pushed through the divorce even though you did everything to try and stop it. If anything you are going to make her regret her decision less by half-heartedly stonewalling her on the divorce while you secretly want her to keep pushing because you are frustrated with her but want her to be the one that actually does all the work for the divorce to sooth your conscience.

You need to $hit or get off the pot. Make a decision. Either full out plan A until you take her the stuff and see her before going into plan B, or go straight to plan D. Anything half-hearted in the middle will only make your situation worse. Your love bank is depleted. You no longer have much plan A left in you. Either transition to plan B, or just move forward with the divorce. Otherwise you'll just be wasting your time and justifying her current actions. She'll feel justified for divorcing you after months of you passively-agressively resisting divorce and conflict avoiding.

Right now all your doing is just sabotaging your previous months of effort.

I'm thinking Plan B. If Gerka is about done in on attempted recovery, it is time for Plan B. Get a letter ready, move her stuff into storage, send her the letter and the storage info.

How are you doing, Gerk?

I'm ok. Taking forever to make it back to the states.

I hope that you packed some good books, to pass the time!


This ......
I agree with Jim here.
While I understand where you are coming from Gerka,
we want our abuser to face the damage that they have caused,
it is unlikely that she will behave the way that you expect,
the way that we see ourselves behaving in such a situation.

You and WW are in two different worlds right now.

If you do see her, prepare yourself for the possibility of not seeing remorse.


Indecisive is normal. Your life is unfolding not how you expected.

Nothing like waiting for the Air Force at Manus... I get to spend a wonderful day and a half in sunny Kuwait.

Hope you have a safe trip home Gurka!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Glad to see you coming home. Safe travels.

By the way, there is a nice jogging/walking path in the woods at Manas if you like to run. Even if you don't, it's a nice path to walk and start getting your head straight for before you come home. Best of luck.

I'm back now. Sucks being in a hanger with hundreds of people there to greet everyone else, and being all alone.

Early in the tour, I mailed my house key back to a friend at Fort Polk so he could send my wife a bridesmaid dress. Well, he lost the key, so I can't get in my house. And my phone doesn't work. And neither does my car. The anger sharks are circling in my head.

Welcome home anyway my friend. Crappy homecomings suck and I know from my own experience. We had a big ceremony at UofI's assembly hall complete with TV and the governor. My family and her family were there, but she didn't even kiss me or hug me. It was surreal.

The local reporter saw Pinky coming into the stadium with my two boys and asked my WW if she could stay with her and do an interview with her, the boys and me. I didn't know any of this as I was still on my way there with the unit. So as all these emotions are in my head, I have a TV camera on me the whole time. Immediately after, the reporter interviews me for the news that night asking how it feels to be home and all that. I gave the expected answers but was thinking the whole time how my WW wouldn't even touch me or kiss me. All that was before I even knew there was an OM involved.

So welcome home anyway, and thank you for your service. Keep your head up and you are going to be OK.

Welcome home Gurka!!!

You've got my e-mail address if you ever want to talk. I'm sitting at Ali Al Salem waiting to fly out later on this evening.

I know that no matter what you decided to do, that you'll come out on top!

Semper Fi,
RIF