I'll have to ask my Computer wizz son - I'm a bit technologically challenged with these things

OK - I'm now nodding off!
It's 10.40pm & I'm very tired

Please keep the posts rolling with anything I need to know, as I've said - this is very new territory for me & every snippet of information & guidance (or just chatting) is So Very Welcome

I'm on average 6 hours ahead of USA, so I'll be back around 10.00pm your time today or tomorrow - not sure!

Thanks so much everyone - you are all amazing people & I thank heavens I found you & this website

Nite

That's actually what made me curious, since I know ileostomies, unlike colostomies, cannot be controlled.


Holy cow! No wonder you think he wanted the appraisers to value everything, so he could let OW know how much he was worth. Too bad most of it belongs to YOU, huh? There certainly appears to be a little gold-digger that's in for a bit of a surprise!

tl

He's got a lot of nerve complaining about her disability, doesn't he?

tl

Hi Dragonfire,

I've just read your whole thread, can I please get in line with everyone and say you are totally amazing! I LOVE the name change - from 'Ash' to Dragonfire, the way your going the only ashes will be from the full fury of Dragon's fire coming down on WH and OW.

I might have missed it, when you moved your personal estate into the trust for your DS's, did you also make an adjustment in your will and any power's of attorney so that in the event of your death or being declared not of sound mind, WH has no way of gaining control of the trust? ( Just thinking about the threats he is making re: accusing you of being a drug addict.)

While I am unsure of the pros and cons of recovery in your particular situation, I have been pondering what the absolute minimum you would need to do to fulfil the requirements of a plan A. Since the suggestions is plan A for 2 weeks only, and you are going to have very limited contact with WH because of the restraining orders and him now living with OW, what EN's could you meet for him?

Sexual Fulfilment is really out of the question I think, your health at the least makes it not an option.
Other EN's most men have are Admiration which can be done without face to face contact, Domestic support which isn't relevant since he no longer at home, Recreational Companionship - again difficult without F2F time, Attractive Spouse - you sound like your filling that even with the illness, although it might go some way to explain his embarrassment about the crutch (doesnt excuse it, just a possible explanation)

The other En's are considered predominantly the domain of women, although there are many of both genders who have EN's on both lists.
Conversation can be filled in a virtual fashion, some emotional affairs start from people just chatting on line, Openness and Honesty - not recommended with an active wayward, although with all the paperwork and legal stuff your sending his way, he's getting a good idea of what EXACTLY your thinking and feeling
Family commitment, he seems to have made his own decision about that since he is ignoring his sons.
Financial support - a good possibility this one, as you have provided so much for him. I think this one might get filled in its absence. No DF to finance his pretty toys, and OW appears to not have a great deal of financial nonce.
Affection is not typically welcomed by the WS from the BS and in fact pushes them further away.

The best minimum idea I can come up with FWIW, is that over the next 2 weeks DF sends WH a few, very short notes that mention the 23 years of marriage, any particular memories of those 23 years, anything she may have admired about him in that 23 year period, and making mention that she loves him and wishes to have a long and joyful M with him and will consider it once the A is over.

That way he knows the rule for coming home (A is over) and that it's not going to be a stroll in the park (she will consider it) and regardless of whether or not DF will even want to recover when the time comes, the opening is there for her should she decide for recovery. I know some of this will be covered in the plan B letter, repetition doesnt hurt as far as waywards go, it can be difficult to get much through their thick skulls.

lildoggie, I like your idea of sending him a few short notes. Plan A, however, does not mean that the BS meets those needs,[which is usually impossible anyway] but instead expresses a willingness to meet those needs in the future if he ends his affair.

What are Plan A and Plan B?

My youngest son seems to be heading back to pneumonia.

I called our Do 1st thing this morning & he's already e-mailed a perscription, which my driver has gone down to get from the pharmacy.

I have to take him to the hospital tomorrow for a CT scan of his sinuses & X rays of his chest. He said he wasn't feeling well enough today

He's right in the middle of Exams!

I called his school, spoke to the Head & have e-mailed the letter from the Doc as well as the Hospital Test Req.

I'm just wondering when my life will slow down from a runaway train (downhill) to just a whirlwing!

Then our Doc has asked to see both my sons Friday afternoon, to see if he can help & arrange councilling.

My youngest is great about speaking what he feels, but my eldest 'internalises' & he's the one I'm really worried about. But, I've spoken to all his close friends & they know to let him vent, take him out for some innocent fun.

He said he will be home on Thursday from Res & I'm texting him at least twice a day. But I don't want to 'be in his face'.

It's a very fine line I'm walking.

Just give me some of your strength & wisdom - Please

With my son's pneumonia - I just don't have any extra time or energy for Plan A or B or Z
Just my son's health

Hi Dragonfire

Just sending you some positive thoughts for your son's speedy recover and for your health too

St

Can you get his tests postponed a few weeks, DF? Might take the pressure off and allow him to focus on getting well.

Thanks so much. He's a little more cheerful this afternoon (his girlfreinds here). But, he's been excused from school until Monday

No Soolee, th Doc won't wait.
My son had pneumonia about 5 weeks ago & this seems to be a 2nd bout.
I'm pretty sure his immune systems crashed with all the stress.

But he's an athlete & their season starts now. He aiming for a scholarship time for 100meters in the USA, so we have to get him well

You always take threats seriously. My friend did not and her husband hurt her bad. He never did this before and one day he snapped. No one thought he would do this. He made threats just like your husband. Stay away before it is too late. There is never a good reason to be threatened. Run don't walk. Marriage is less important than safety.

DF - Glad he's feeling a little more cheerful? Is he using his nebulizer as prescribed? How about an expectorant? A humidifier at night?

I hope you and your sons are better soon--in every way.

tl

The Humidifiers are in every room going non stop, The nebulizer every 4 hours, and expectorant, and some Huge Bomb Anti biotics,
He says I'm fussing!

Just heard via my eldest son _ and he's not supposed to be involved, that

WH is expecting to 'get' 1/2 of the property!

How

I've paid 80%
I'm permenetly disabled & Can't work
2 dependent sons
On chronic medication

I would talk to your attorney about it. Ask him to be honest with you in what you can expect to be left with, considering those things you listed.

If his name is on the deed along with yours, it may well be considered half his, but if you cite that he abandoned a disabled wife and can prove that he never made a mortgage payment out of an account with his name on it, perhaps the judge will lean in your direction. Ask your lawyer to cut to the chase and tell you what would happen in a worst case scenario, so that you can put together a secondary plan in your head. It's not good to be surprised.

I am not sure if the judge will care that your sons are dependent on you if they are over 18? What does the law say there about that?

Hang in there. You're doing great. Try to get some sleep.

The Humidifiers are in every room going non stop, The nebulizer every 4 hours, and expectorant, and some Huge Bomb Anti biotics,
He says I'm fussing!


The pneumonia doesn't have a chance with a mom like you at the ready.