LG

Hey, LG, good to hear from you, glad things are working out, how's it hanging?

What in the name are you doing dating when you have not been divorced?






Hows this LG?

LG:

Good to hear from you.

Do everything slow. Finish the Divorce quickly, however. Can't think of a better thing long term for you.

Its unfortunate that you found someone before the D was final. For all intents and purposes, this M is dead.

Good luck.


LG

Thanks LG.

For what it's worth: after MONTHS of negotiating, Ex and I agreed to divorce settlement March 15th -- four months ago! She has dragged her feed on paperwork since that time. The parenting plan is signed by judge and accepted by the court. And the divorce decree was drawn up and sent to me months ago...I suggested a few edits...it was then that the Ex wanted to renegotiate (more feet dragging).

And another FWIW: She's been seeing a guy for 6+ months, took him to Mexico in March, had weekends away from town two or three times, and is planning to take him to Seattle in fall. We (Ex and I) talk openly about our relationships to each other...but never to, or around the kiddos.

Jeeze, why do I feel like I have to justify my actions here. Look, I know it�s easy to make snap judgments on this site, to express your opinions anonymously, to �judge.� But in all reality, the peeps here know a very small slice of my life � and I a very little slice of their life.

I�m moving on with my life in a manner and pace that I�m comfortable with. I am feeling happiness for the first time in a long time � and it�s not because I�m dating. It�s because I�m happy with the person I�ve become, I have a good job, I have my kiddos, I have my family. And now I�m starting to date a woman whom I like.

Take all the pot-shots you want about me dating before being divorced, etc. I can tell you one thing with 100% certainty � I will never, repeat�NEVER reconcile with my Ex. She will always be the mother of our children, and I will always, repeat�ALWAYS treat her with respect and kindness. You have my word as a gentleman on those two topics.

LG, out.

Here is a tip passed on to me by one of my photo buddies- Sell your pictures on RedBubble. I just lurk there.

LG;

You did many things right in trying to save your M. In many respects you were an MB Poster child for 5-6 months.

Then the true reality of the monster you were married to was made plain.

She, in order to save her self-esteem, even tried posting and learning here. She wasn't really interested. She put a toe in, and quickly withdrew it. She just liked the cake she was eating. And you took it away.

I am very glad you are happy. After all the terrible things you had to endure, it is good to see you happy. You were happy before you met this new woman, and that is even better.

In MB terms, it isn't right to date before the M is over. Which in this case, is a technicallity for the date that its over. The DNR has been signed, the machines unplugged, but the patient, somehow, continues to breath.

In your case, the M is dead. Take it slow with the new woman. Because relationships seems to work better that way, no matter the circumstances.

I enjoy your updates. Your a success story.

In no uncertain terms can you NOT look back at what happened, and know that you did the right things to recover your M. In hindsight, going directly to Plan D would have saved you an awful lot, but your M appeared salvagable. Then, her true colors appeared, and you can't get away fast enough.

Hence HER delay of this thing. So, ask your Lawyer to put a fire to the other side... (IF you haven't asked EVERY WEEK so far...)

Good Luck.

LG

Hi LG, I too followed your thread and always admired how you have handled yourself and put your kids first priority.

It was good to hear your updates. You know MBers want your happiness always.

You are a better person than me because I cannot use the word "respect and XH" in the same sentence. Yes, I can have empathy for him, even kindness but respect? I respect and admire my children who are doing well in spite of this. They are my heroes. I pray for my XH, I pray for my family.

Wish you the best life that you can achieve.

LG, good going getting away from that monster. Thanks for caring enough for yourself to get away from her and have a nice life some day.

Does not matter that you will never recover your marriage. For it still takes one year to recover from a long term relationship before one is ready to begin dating again.

So wallow in the mud all you want. There still is no justification for dating, having and affair, before the fat lady has sung.

LG:

I'm happy that you have moved on and are happy. Dating before D is not the MB way. However in some countries eg. Ireland that would mean 5yrs. So no I don't agree in those cases. However I will say that starting a relationship before all your financial /seperation stuff is finalised is definitely a BAD idea.

I started dating my current wife before my D. I had applied but it was still 6 weeks before ot was granted.

My financial / custody however took another few months, and yes it is not good to drag your new partner into this kind of arguing and lawyer stuff. It will cause arguments and put extra pressure on the relationship.

You need to consider this womans feelings

Thanks Road, cause it's been one year, two months and thirteen days since I asked the Ex to leave the house and served her D-papers (not that I'm counting

When did the fat lady sing? Was it May 8th, 2009 = d-paper day? Or was it 15+ years ago when she slept with other OMs? Or three years ago when she started her relationship with OM#4? Or when she met OM#3 on a get-away in fall '08? Or was it seven months ago when Ex started dating the guy she's with now? Is the "fat lady" some nameless, faceless judge who scribbles his name on a piece of paper so my state can officially declare me "single"? Or is the fat lady me refusing to be a doormat, taking a stand for what I believe in? Me standing up and saying, "I will not live like this any more"(?)

The fat lady sung.



And many thanks to everyone else who chimed in with positive words here, especially LG. I know who's got my back...and I know who doesn't. The glory of my situation is this -- I wake up every morning, look myself in the mirror and I'm DAMN PROUD of the man I am. I'm proud of how I handled myself through all of this. I'm proud I took the time to heal, to move forward (ever so slowly), I'm proud that I put my children first. I'm not going to sit here and say I "deserve happiness." I don't deserve anything...but I'm damn well going to fight for what I want in life. You can be sure of that.

LG, out

Good for you. As I said once all the nitty gritty stuff is sorted thats ok in my book.

I was just warning against bringing all that negative Cr*p into your new relationship.

Take care

LG - listen to this - it will color your relationship with this new woman. Your values are different than mine and I'm not here to impose any judgment on what you should or shouldn't be doing. I care about you as a decent human being who has been put through more cr*p by an inhumane woman than any man could tolerate - and for the most part you've come through with grace and strength.

There's just one little clue in your posts that says that the one year recommended breathing space between having all the dust settled on property division and child custody, done, gavel sounded and all the finality of divorce - not the filing date - this is your clue in your own words:


I understand the defensiveness - I really do. You anticipated a lot of "preaching" about your dating before divorced, but you had previously explained that you're not really adherent to a specific set of faith rules, so that's not where I'm coming from when I point out there's more to this paragraph than defensiveness. There's an unresolved anger that hasn't turned to indifference and it will at some point bite you in your new relationship.

The one year post divorce-final is to allow time to turn those angry feelings to indifference, so that they don't poison the new relationship.

That's where I think most people are coming from. So understand - we're your friends and we want nothing but peace, joy and happiness. I think you're a great guy and deserve it! Don't trip at the finish line!

"Thanks Road, cause it's been one year, two months and thirteen days since I asked the Ex to leave"

Asking for a divorce is not getting a divorce.

So it's been one year, two months and thirteen days of you waiting to start the clock ticking for your ONE YEAR waiting period to start as one can not begin healing from a relationship until the rwlationship is over.

No divorce not over.

We are literally inches away from a final divorce decree, having reached an agreement mid-March and sending it to attys to write up. Now my STBx is backpedaling, wanting more financial numbers from me, and I suspect, wanting to re-negotiate our settlement. I keep asking her what the issue is and the subject keeps changing. I can�t get a straight answer from her.

The worst part is the effect all of this is having on the kiddos. They asked if she had a boyfriend and thankfully she told the truth � and told them yes. My oldest is weepy just about every night when I say prayers and tuck her in to bed. Sad about divorce, sad about moving, sad about mommy having boyfriend, sad about the �worst year of her life.�

Youngest has had night-tremors this past week, then had bout with head lice. Rough days are these�

Had a good talk with my Mom tonight. She�s battling back from oral cancer surgery / chemo / radiation. Kind of puts my life in perspective. This stuff is hard, but I�m alive, and well.

Hang in there LG.

I hope this month and the next finally bring you and your children some peace in this whole mess. Does your soon-to-be exwife have a clue what this is doing to the kids?

God Bless,

JL

Just when things are bad they go worse.

Gosh LG, I'm sorry for you and the kids.
WW is in the medical field, what a selfish #$@ to want more of a settlement.

Things will look better a year down the road, and further yet in two.
Hang tough.

LG:

I would just ask STBWX for more financial info also. I'm sure with all her "free time" she is picking up more overtime and patients. So I am sure her income is much higher than a year ago.

Send that along. Tell her that you think that she needs to report more, so that she can pay more CS and other amounts.

Call the bluff.

Hope your daughter is doing better today

LG

Update on settlement:

First she couldn't pay her taxes -- so I worked with accountant and explained to her why that was not going to be a problem. Then she wanted to look at child-support / spousal-support numbers -- my atty said if anything, those numbers would go UP if we went to trial (I'm sure her atty said same thing). Then she shot me a proposal saying "all the CS/SS numbers look about righ...let's discuss other things" we agreed upon in March.

How do I hit this moving target?

So I tell her either we move forward with settlement agreement from March, or we need to have judge decide. That was two weeks+ ago and she still hasn't given me an answer. The good news, the trial date is set for December.

So one way or another this divorce will be final in December -- a year and a half after handing her the d-papers.

Hang in there LG it will all pass.

JL