I lived in Phoenix AZ one summer and worked outside, two jobs, nuttin but swamp coolers. It was brutal but it is nothing compared to humidity. I would rather drink all day and sweat it out than be smothered in humidity. lol.

It was 40% humidity out there and they thought it was bad. rofl.

110 sounds rough though, it would kill this old man.

Most summers, we routinely hit 110 - 115 here. We've been lucky this summer. It's only been above 100 for about a week. We've mostly been in the upper 90's so far.

Ima: He's doing good so far. He's extremely bored. All they do all day is play board games and watch movies. They have some outdoor time where they play volleyball and other sports. His back is killing him because he's sleeping on a 1-inch thick mattress on a metal frame, and his acne is acting up again, since he has to bathe with hand soap. Not sure what to do about that. He had quite a problem with it at one time and then started using the Oxy face wash, and it was getting much better.

Our biggest concern is that they may be moving him to another facility that has a reputation for being much rougher and is also a lot further away from our home. There are four facilities in the county, some as far as 2 hours away, and apparently, the kids can be moved to any of them at any time. We tried to call and speak to a supervisor to request he not be moved, since our cars are very old and it would be pretty hard for us to visit if he were moved, and they went right to our son and started giving him a hard time because his parents were calling and trying to cause trouble. We have a call into the lawyer now to see if there's anything we can do. These people are not nice. They treat your entire family like a criminal. They even wanded the baby when we took her to visit, like we'd be hiding drugs or weapons in our 22 month old's diaper. Who are these people?

They are people who have to watch their backs because the majority of parents they deal with are probably not like you.

I doubt any of the parents of the children there are looking out for the safety of the staff. Therefore, the staff is not only responsible for the safety of the children there, but their own personal safety as well.

So they are taking reasonable precautions. My advice to him is stay low and be as invisible as possible. They've indicated they were not happy when you called them, it will probably be even worse on him if the lawyer starts looking into things.

He basically needs to be seen, not heard by the staff. Unless his life is in danger, this is the rule set he should apply for a relatively drama free stay.

EE: My son is doing that as best he can, but I really don't want him moved to another facility where I won't be able to visit him much for the next 4 months. He can't make phone calls and all of our letters are censored. The visits are all we've got. Most of the kids being moved are in for 30 days or less, so it isn't such a huge hardship. But our son will be there for 120 days, and that's a long time not to see him.

I understand what you want. I don't see you understanding, as you asked, "who are these people."

They are folks who deal with some of the worst kids around, and parents who are probably not models of parental responsibility.

I totally get what you want. They probably don't care. It's all about the safety of the kids there and even more so the safety of the staff. What you want is well below any of that on their list and causing them grief will likely only backfire.

So you can want what you want, but if it makes it harder for him and you, then what good have you done?

What it's all about is money. The facility where he is currently being housed is newer and nicer and costs more to run. Some of the other facilities are much older and have far fewer "amenities" and much poorer quality food. They're cheaper to run though, so they're trying to pack as many kids into them as possible so they can save money.

In other words, by ATTEMPTING to get what you want, you may make it worse for your son.

If the other kids get the idea he is a momma's boy, they will make it harder on him. He may get into fights to defend himself. That could delay his release. It could cause the guards to view him a a trouble maker. It could cause him to lose sight of his goal. He could become tainted by the violence if he gets dragged in.

I know what your instincts are telling you. I understand you are trying to be a good parent. Inserting yourself into the process may not accomplish the goals you desire. It may prove counter-productive.

You have seen that the "system" is not always fair. You can try to fight the system. You might win. You (and your son) might get crushed. Your call.

writer

If you go to the "hill country" in Texas there is many trees, lakes and mountains. Look up Fredericksburg and look at the surrounding area. Very close to Austin area.

Does not matter if you miss payments on your mortgage to get "short sale". Call the bank yourself about this. It should be a no brainer for the real estate person. The bank will give a letter to the realtor approving a price that the house could be listed for. Then you are absolved of even closing costs.

That should be a priority.

Your goal should be 120 days for when your son comes home that you will be packed and ready to move.

As in MB you need a plan.

Go through stuff. Put it on Craigs list. When you live in a disadvantaged area things sell fast.

Organize, consolidate, get rid of everything but the essentials. You can rent a furnished place to start with.

Time to get moving.

Well good for them. As a taxpayer, they should be trying to save the taxpayer money. So what if it's about the county trying to save money. That's responsible government. They answer to the taxpayers. They can't keep your son where it's convenient for you at the expense of the other taxpayers.

The only thing about this that's about your son is that he does his time, and he's kept safe. They don't have to house him where it's convenient for you.

HOTI makes good points as well. I'd add another. Given how slow the wheels of justice work, if you made a case of this, would it be resolved prior to the end of his 120 days? If you make yourself a pain, they might just drag it out as long as possible and even then say, he only has two weeks left, we are keeping him where he is now. That would be after they moved him to the facility the farthest from your home of course.

Sometimes it's not worth fighting the battle because the risk/reward ratio is not in your favor.

We're kind of backing off for now. Our son also does not want to move. He's the one who asked us to see if we could get it so he stays where he's at.

Because of his "crime" we were told by the attorney that he would in all likelihood be placed in one of the security units, for his own protection, since inmates accused of sexual crimes are often prime targets for violence. This didn't happen. He is in a regular unit, and apparently, the guards are not even aware of what he is in for. The person who did his intake knows of course, and decided to place him in a regular unit anyway. I have no idea why. The kids from the security unit are not being moved, just the ones in the regular unit. Most of the kids in my son's unit are there short-term, for crimes like shoplifting and graffiti and smoking pot. None of the kids on my son's unit are there as long as he is. According to my son, the guards have been asking why he received such a long sentence when this is his first time there. If they find out what the charges were against him (or if the other kids find out) there could be trouble. Right now, my son is lying about his charges.

EE, somehow, I think if it was your kid who wasn't being given proper nutrition and was being placed in an environment that isn't safe, all for a crime he didn't even commit, you might feel a little differently about it.

When we agreed to accept this plea bargain, we were told that one things was going to happen, and now it's not, so yes I am upset about it.

If my daughter ended up in jail, she might spend more time than she thinks he would before I'd go get her.

Crime or no crime, your son made decisions, and apparently he choose poorly. If my kids don't check the oil in their car, the engine will destroy itself. If they are old enough to drive, they are old enough to perform the basic checks.

If your son was old enough to have sex, then he's old enough to deal with the consequences if he choose an insane partner.

Four months in a children's home may just be the thing that convinces him to be more careful in the future. Which would you rather have, him spending 120 days now, or choosing poorly in the future and ending up married to a crazy woman and miserable for life?

He made decisions, they are not working out well. He'll learn, grow and get better, or he'll get bitter. Let him take his medicine, even if you don't think it's fair, and encourage him to learn from this.

No one forced him to have sex with that crazy girl. So this is a natural consequence of teens having sex. Yes I know he was a teen as well. He choose poorly, it's just that simple.

Sorry he had to end up in a home for 120 days. I hope he learns to choose better next time.

I'm sorry, but I don't think being falsely accused of rape and thrown into juvenile hall is a "natural" consequence of teens having sex. Getting an STD or getting a girl pregnant - those might be natural consequences. This is just wrong. I'm sorry, but it is. It's about a legal system that requires little to no proof of a crime happening, and takes the girl's word over the boy's almost every time, and from what I've found out in the research I've been doing the past few months, there are plenty of girls who have figured this out and are taking advantage of it.

And he isn't in a "children's home" he's in juvenile hall.

writer---looking on the bright side... he DIDN'T get the whacko girl pregnant, so he can put her out of his life immediately. Since we're all just taking here--don't you think it would have been worse to get her pregnant? I know you're a lot more religious than I am, so one way of looking at it is that God is giving him a lesson but not making him pay for the rest of his life? Again, I'm not that religious, and from here it just looks like a chit sandwich.

It tastes like chit sandwich too.

I'm just hoping this doesn't haunt him for the rest of his life. Legally, it will be a concern, that this might pop up somehow and keep him from getting jobs.

But yes, I am very thankful she isn't pregnant. What a mess that would be.

You are making EE's point for him. If your son was more worried about getting a girl pregnant or catching a STD or being accused of rape he might have held off from having sex until her knew the girl well enough to know whether she was a nut job. But he is a teenager and he was horny and he figured "what is the worst that can happen, and I want sex now, and she seems willing" so he went for it. And now he is finding out exactly what the worst thing that can happen is. Maybe it will enable him to become "wise before his years".

Does it happen to everyone? No. Is it fair that it happened to your son? No. Will it be fair if he gets the crap beat out of him in juvenile hall? No. Which is why he is smart to keep his mouth shut about what he is in for.

Sometimes you can't tell whether the unexpected is good or bad. You get stuck behind every red light on your way to work. Lost time? Or fate saving you from being in the final intersection when the drunk driver runs through. Maybe your son would be safer in solitary with everyone knowing he pled to being a rapist. Or maybe he is safer in the regular unit with no one knowing his actual crime. If the regular unit is mostly kids in for 30 days or less for writing graffiti, that may be the safest place in the building. Maybe the secure unit has all the kids convicted or robbery and battery and they figured your kid would be raw meat for those animals. You can't know. Don't assume the worst. Maybe the intake clerk knows that one of the security unit guards had a daughter who was raped recently and wanted to keep your son away from that guard. In this kind of open ended situation where it is easy to fall into a sinkhole, you can drive yourself nuts imagining all the possible negative outcomes.

I know this is not easy. I know that you want to do what is best for your son. It just isn't easy to know what is best. So don't drive yourself nuts thinking that you need to take action. Hard advice to take. Especially coming from me, the worst advice taker on MB.

Just to keep the story straight, they had been dating for a year and a half before the relationship became sexual. At their age, they still had no business having sex, but this wasn't just some girl he barely knew. Apparently, he didn't think she'd inherited her family's craziness. Obviously, he was wrong. It's easy to be wrong when you're 17.

Does any of that make his choice a good one? She apparently was nuts. It doesn't matter if he knew her 10 minutes, 10 months, or 10 years. Given what she did, it was a bad choice.

Look we make bad choices. I made a bad choice marrying my first wife. She had an affair, chose divorce and left. No one to blame but me for choosing her. She owns her stuff, and I own asking her to get married.

I made a bad choice. We usually live through out bad choices. Your son will likely live through his. Hopefully he obtains wisdom from this experience.

Sorry about getting the semantics about where he is wrong.

Good thing he found out she was such a girl before he got her pregnant, got married to her, or anything else.

It is a pretty natural consequence for choosing someone like her with whom to have sex. It's sad he has to experience this. It's good that there are not more permanent ties to this girl.

I'm assuming you didn't know your ex-wife would have an affair. My son probably didn't know his ex-girlfriends was nuts either. It's kind of difficult to predict the future. Obviously, at the time they were dating, my son cared about this girl and thought she was a good person. He's even said so.