AAWWWW, thanks for checking in Pep, I like knowing that.

I have had a major breakthrough in one aspect, thanks to Tully putting it into perspective for me. (why are the simplest things sometimes the hardest to get)

I had dinner with DstepD tonight and made myself not mention the wayturds once....YEAH

It was hard not to ask, but in the end I think we had a much better time. I made the evening all about her. I could tell she loved it. We are going to dinner again tomorrow night, one night next week and have a shopping trip planned for the next weekend. I plan to focus on her starting back to school for the fall semester and the new job she just got.

Thanks again Tully.

YEAH AWESOME. I am so glad that you are able to disengage from your WH even more. You already know how much better you are going to feel. I will warn you though, the darker you are, any little thing you hear about your WH will throw you. I am just telling you so you can prepare yourself. You will find that you can get over it easier and you will recognize it when it happens. Hang tough and stay DARK. That should be the motto of the Plan Bers.

Well I continue to do well not bringing up WH and POSOW to DstepD; I have also begun to limit my contact with OW H.

I feel as though I have finally started to separate myself emotionally. It does not make it any easier, walking away from the life I have spent the last 12 years building is totally unfair; but I spend less time feeling sorry for myself and crying.

I seem to be able to move forward with making plans for me and I am getting excited about moving. Not the actual moving part; but being out of this town will only separate me further.

I still grieve for the amount of devastation and destruction that has been left in the wake of this affair. I also think that he threw our lives away right at the start of being able to do what we want and afford it and moving into a great new phase. But in the long run he will come out worse than me.

I'm not sure that the deep wound left by this will ever fully heal, but at least for now I think I might survive. I guess that is something.

I hope everyone else out there is at least doing OK.
BTW, job is still great. Scotty, still sending you career mojo!!!!!

Hi Mymissy..

Happy you checked in and tell us how you are doing.

Each time you post I could feel your strength growing. When this H@ll starts we are broken and lost. Look at your initial entries and you will see how far you have come.

Each step we take forward and sometimes back but we are moving. This is not a journey we wanted but we the BS become the better persons. We change, we evolve, we grow -- while the waywards remain in the cesspool that they created.

We grieve for our M, our spouses, our lives that were shattered and that is ok. It has been more than 2 years and some days the wounds are still fresh. You just have to keep treating the scar and wait for it to fade.

Will we ever be the same? Probably not -- What we pray for is that we are true to ourselves and survive and thrive.

Blessings.

Amen to the broken and lost part; some days I feel as though I will never get put back together again. I still find it amazing that the affairs from all different walks of life all have the same ring to them. Shouldn't we all be learning something from that?


That makes me sad; but your right I will come out a better person, though I still like to think I was OK before all this.


Thanks for that hope, I still feel that I am the only one with any moral consciousness; and by no means am I a saint.

I had dinner with DstepD & S tonight and she mentioned in passing that she went out to dinner for the "birthday dinner". I of course had to ask if the POSOW went and she said yes.
(once a year my MIL & FIL took everyone - their children and the spouses out for a big dinner to celebrate everyone's birthday)
When did it become acceptable to flaunt your affair partner to your family and out in public like your just a normal couple?

Sometimes I feel as though I live on an alien planet because so much of this crap has been completely unacceptable to me.

Venting.....

Well, I have been reading many threads lately, learning more and more; I have also managed to stay dark since getting the news about the birthday dinner.It is getting easier to not peek into the chaos. (I know, I know, how many times do you have to be told).

I feel better the less I know, I have not spoken to OW H which is also helpful. He manages to stir the pot of emotions. My move out of this town is getting closer; I have had several people express interest in renting the apartment which will get me out of the lease. Closer to friends and family and farther away from WH and his family the better for me.

DstepD and I spent a great day shopping this weekend and no talk of any crap. Just fun stuff; school is getting ready to start in a week. Hard to believe - juniors in college. I am not sure where the time has gone.

As for me, I am still sad many moments out of the day. I can now admit and realistically look at the state my marriage was truly in and the mistakes made. MB's has taught me a lot, I am not sure their is any salvation or R for my marriage; but then since I have finally managed to go completely dark, I guess that is not my current concern.
Right now for me I am just trying to continue to put one foot in front of the other and continue to live MY life, on MY terms. Not his or anyone else idea of what my life should be.

I still find myself playing the what if game, and sometimes I am afraid, afraid of being on my own again, afraid of being alone - that is what often brings the tears. But then I have also learned in this traumatic event to turn it over to a higher power and simply trust that it will all be OK. Maybe not as I envisioned but at least Ok.

I still also find myself wishing this was all just a bad dream, but we all know where wishing gets us. And then I try to stick to a plan.

I guess overall, I am doing OK and OK is all right considering how deep the wounds still are.

As they say on Facebook...

You're starting to really "get it".
And, I am digging that, daddy-o !

Thanks Pep,
All of this happened so fast, without much warning, and the rug was pulled out from underneath almost instantly.

It has taken much time, reading, praying, meditating, and many from myself, and of course the occasional 2x4 from MBer's

I'm not sure I still completely "get all of it". But I am starting to process what has happened.

Well, if nothing else, you've become a smiley master !

I have been having a lot of fun with those today!!!!


procrastinating - need to do work reports

mymissy,

When these A start it is so shocking and devastating. It amazes me more seeing the strength of the BS even though we seem so broken.

You are making great strides in this. Continue to stay dark, work on yourself and keep away from their drama.
Blessings.

Thanks Hope,
I have been coming here more often lately to vent and read. I am just getting tired of limbo. But I have learned to not peek my head out to much.
I checked with my attorney today, it is still stalled with WH attorney.
Do they simply try to get you to give in over sheer frustration and exhaustion?
Not planning to.....

Mymissy, sorry that you are having frustrations about the D. Who knows what they are thinking. I don't think THEY even know what they are doing. they fly by the seat of their pants and do whatever feels right, at the moment. How can someone live a life like that? not well, I can tell you that.

Thanx for sending the job fairy prayers my way. I will let you know when she comes by.

Well, my attorney still has no word and all seems stalled. I look at an apartment in my hometown tomorrow and my current landlord believes he has someone to rent my apartment which means I can get out of my lease.

I picked up my new car today, so no more switching vehicles back and forth. After I move in a few weeks I will be giving the car back for good.

The new apartment is almost identical to the one I am currently renting and is new; so that will be a tolerable living situation until I decide where and what I am doing and actually buy a house. I am giving myself a year in my hometown before I decide where in the country I want to move to. I am definitely going for a better climate than Ohio.

I am still sad, sad for what is lost. Disbelief for who WH has turned into; and the devastation that has been caused in so many lives.

I am turning my back on the mess and drama and moving forward with my life; I still play the what if game a lot. I find that I am most afraid of being unlovable. Part of me knows that is not true, part of me still can't help but think "what did I do". I guess time will help heal those feelings, maybe.

Mymissy, I for ONE can tell you that you are certainly lovable.

It is good to hear that you are doing well and life is moving in a great direction.

It WILL get better. You will see. Keep your chin up. You have A LOT to be proud of. You have done well my friend.

Here's the deal.
You are lovable.
He's a jerk!

Just to make you smile ....

Hi Mymissy,

It is your XH that is the unlovable pile of turd. You are a Goddess. Say that 5 times each day in front of a mirror.

We all have the woulda, coulda, shoulda but it won't help us for today. Take each day and find peace in it.

Blessings.

Yep, Missy. Ditto what Hope says. You are doing great. Keep it up. And buzzzzzzzzzz.........