It's an old Wendy's commercial with Soviet Union ladies modeling...LARGE ladies!

Hi SL!

Sounds like you are doing great...heat and all!

SL,



Am so glad that you arrived at your next Beginning! What an adventure you have begun. A new phase in your life full of opportunity.

Definately a wonderful example of personal recovery.
Remember personal recovery isn't about having left behind every emotion or hurt from the experience, but rather moving on with life in a positive way. The fact that you are pursuing your dreams,,,,willing to go where you see the next phase of your life starting,,,embracing change & a new beginning - - WOW!!

I understand being out there without the family around. Though with technology, the 'out there' doesn't have to feel quite so far away. Plus, Big Brother Chrisner isn't that far from you.
Sounds like teaching may be your next great adventure! Wonderful!

Keep us posted!

I have been dealing with some rebound since the move. Lots of anger regarding the Z. I got another comment from him about having not wanted to be reduced to 100 days a year with his son (and that's IF he takes all available time DS has outside of school). I didn't write anything in response this time, and it is pissing me off.

I want to write that this whole venture I am on would have never been possible nor happened if he were an honorable man and had 1) avoided infidelity and faced me down with his issues and 2) fought for our marriage with reckless abandon after he committed adultery...because I never would have given up if I had a willing partner. I would have fought whatever lengths necessary, changed in whatever ways necessary and loved in whatever ways necessary...

...but I haven't written that...and probably won't. I missed the boat on that one. I feel like typing all of that out NOW is too late on this insult. I'll have to wait for the next one...and it will come . It's easier to blame me for leaving than to blame himself for leaving years ago and being a weak father.

I know men who have left their wives without infidelity AND fought for their rights as fathers to at least have their kids 50% of the time. The Z is NOT that guy. Even with the infidelity he could have fought like hail to keep his kid. Instead, he went the route of convenience, which, in my book, does not scream LOVE.

Sorry, that turned into a mini-rant.

Mini-Rants are TOTALLY allowed & welcome!

Honestly, how DARE he pull that card now?! JMHO, it's all smoke & mirrors to make himself feel better and give the 'appearance' of being a good Dad. Just like he tried to give the 'appearance' of working on recovery.

You are RIGHT ON with your points. Unfortunately, we both know that for him to acknowledge those truths will require his taking personal responsibility. I'm not a betting girl, but even I'd take the odds that (sadly) that is not going to happen for a long, long time. I hope for his own sake & the sake of DS that he does someday. He will be a better man & better father for it.

I'm SO sorry, SL. Cause I know how crazy it makes you,,,I feel the same way when Drac pulls his Greatest Dad Ever Routine.



I also understand the frustration with thinking of things we want to say, but feeling like the opportunity has 'passed'. Unfortunately, I'm sure your chance will come again.

So, tell me what's your favorite thing about your new place?

Part of my crazymaking is I'm PMSing (I know, TMI) and shuffling through a multitude of old digital picks before the poo hit the fan and it makes me feel a little sad, mostly for DS. I was watching old videos of DS, and, well, it tugs at my heart strings. DS is out at the school, which is only a block away, playing with some friends, so I have found a moment alone to let the tears roll a little....only a little though...Bleh...

I think the amount of change I am going through, AGAIN, has got me stressed. Even GOOD change is stressful. I am angry with myself for allowing what happened 3 years ago to STILL cause sadness in me. I would never again walk this life with the Z, for obvious reasons, but allow what he did those years ago to bring pain. I know it's temporary and will pass.

Life goes on, though, and I'm getting on with it.

I like the fact that I live a stone's throw from Target and the supermarket, but still have that quiet neighborhood feel when I am at home. It's a rental, so I don't love a whole bunch else about it, but it serves its purpose. Lots of good hills to climb in the neighborhood, so I get a good workout when I walk.

He's still up to his old tricks, making SL out to be the bad guy. I can hear him telling DS the same thing, "it isn't my fault DS that your mom up and moved you so far away! I had nothing to do with it!"

Arghhhhhh!!!!

(((SL))))

Yup. I can hear it even from 2500 miles away...

When I told AZman about his comment (AGAIN ) his sentiments were just as you said and it pisses him off to the point that HE wants to say something to the Z. AZman is a single full time dad. His opinion....if the Z really wanted to be a father, he would pick up and move himself over here, OR he would have fought to keep DS THERE.

I agree...I just missed the opportunity to point that out to the Z this time around. I'm sure there will be a next.

I have a feeling that DS will be angry about the distance between he and his father, for which I take partial responsibility and am willing to face it. I believe his dad will put it ALL on me, conveniently leaving out the part that he did not fight one iota for him. As a matter of FACT, he went along with whatever *I* suggested all along. He had choices and never exercised them. I will be pointing that out to DS when he has questions of me.

Silent:

Your still dealing with an alcoholic. You stated you would have done "anything" to fix the marriage is you had a willing partner.

You didn't have one.

And he will have his moments, when he exits the alcohol fog, that he might look at his sitch as less than great. And then he will reach out and attack YOU.

Quasi-Plan B him. When he is being polite, you will talk/text/email about your DS. Otherwise, he doesn't exist.

You don't to him. Except as an object of anger.

HE will always LASH out at you. Because he is unwilling, as an alcoholic, to address his own personal issues, and wants to transfer them to someone else.

Be strong. Your DS is suffering, but it in not due to YOUR actions.

LG

Sorry SL. We all know the frustration because we've been there. Waywards blame the BS plain and simple. The ones that recover eventually get it, but the ones who D like us, never get it. If they do, they certainly won't admit it. Unfortunately just something we have to learn to live with. I just hope that I get to the point where I don't give a rat's rear anymore.

I loved your prepared response though. I hope that you do send it one day because his response would be entertaining I'm sure.

This is going to work out for you. I just know it.

The only communication we EVER have is regarding DS. Idon't make any personal comments about his choices anymore, not to him anyway.

It's the first time in a long time that I didn't jump in his face for his personal interjections. I cannot get him to accept that his choices opened the door for me to get on with living my own SINGLE life.

Even if he didn't want me, he had choices to make regarding his son, and from GO, he shirked his responsibility and even voiced that he really never wanted kids. He's a poohead! IMO, if I wrote an email a day about how disgusted and disappointed I am, about how much of a poohead he is, about his nose hairs being too long, his toenails being a funny shape, about his infidelities, about MY anger...well, that would be fair.

Lucky for him, I don't think about him much until he pulls some stoopid poo like that comment.

For them pesky nose hairs of course.

Boy, that K-Bar, it's just a multiple use tool, isn't it!

It would probably offer solutions to his toenail problem thingy too.

..........

SL,

You need some clothes pins for the next poo-mail that comes. With all that poo combined with that heat (have I mentioned it's hot where you are???..... ;)), I can imagine the horror of it all!!!!!!!

History lesson........(chrisner might now something about this..... )

I was in Savanna, GA last month with DD16 GS troup. Did you all know that in the days before air conditioning, people who lived in the south went North for the summers? I found that interesting since people up north still go south for the winter and we call them "snowbirds". It made me wonder what you call people who go north for the summer???......

{{{{{{SL}}}}}}

Not

Hmmm, I'm thinkin' there's another use.....


(can you say "Elena Bobbit"?)

The Army of Northern Virginia.

Weak!


I grew up in HOTlanta, GA. You get used to it. It's like the peops that live here in AZ. Here, it's a dry heat (except for monsoon season)...in GA, it's a wet heated blanket.

Oh, that thought did cross my mind.

Why waste a K-Bar on such a small task?