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Joined: Aug 2010
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I�m not sure if this is the right place to post this topic, if not please let me know where I should post it.

This all started around Christmas this past year. I thought my wife was cheating on me because of some strange behaviors, so I installed some hidden cameras around our bedroom and had them feed to my computer. What I found was much more devastating. See my wife suffers from insomnia and takes medication that completely knocks her out till the following morning when the meds wear off. Well my stepson knew this as well and took advantage of it. I had already expressed to my wife that I thought his relationship with her was inappropriate. He would walk in on her while she was changing or in the shower and was constantly talking about her boobs and would go so far as to even try to touch them.

What I caught on my cameras was my stepson having sex with his sleeping mother. He raised her night gown and removed her panties to expose her naked body and then proceeded to take pictures with his digital camera. This only got worse when one of his friends stepped into the picture and also proceeded to have sex with her. Then another friend walked into view holding a digital camcorder. He also had a turn with her. When they all finished my stepson cleaned her up replaced her panties and covered her up and kissed her full on the mouth and left the room.

When I watched this I sat crying and shaking at my computer. I didn�t immediately run to my wife and tell her. I usually work 3rd shift and was home alone when I discovered this. I went and found my stepsons laptop and with the help of a friend did a search of the computer and found more than 20 video files. I reviewed some of them and found my stepson and many of his friends including one of their dads all engaged in having sex with my wife.

I took his computer and broke the news to my wife as gentle as I could, needless to say she broke down. Since then my stepson has been arrested and is being treated at a psychiatric hospital and my wife is seeing a therapist 3 times a week and we have a lawyer filing suit against all the parties that were involved. But my relationship with my wife is totally different. I myself am not seeing a therapist as I can�t afford it what with the cost of the one for my wife. I have been to my wife�s therapist with her for her help and received some helpful information. But things between my wife and I are to say the least very damaged. She has no interest in being intimate with me, she also has stopped undressing in front of me too. We don�t kiss or touch for that matter either. I found out that her therapist is trying to help her in dealing with the events involving her son, but has not addressed the issues with our marriage.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can try to save our marriage I�d greatly appreciate it.

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Just for clarification, your stepson is your wife's son?


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)

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If there is video recording of these people, why are there not criminal investigations going on? Jr. needs more than treatment in a psych hospital, if you ask me.

tl

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Prison. For the stepson. And his friends. Prison.

Call the police. NOW>

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Removed at poster's request

Last edited by Revera; 08/15/10 12:02 PM. Reason: Removed at poster's request

Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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I have some questions for you:

1. How old is your step-son?
2. What medication did your wife take?
3. What "strange behaviors" was your wife exhibiting that led to initially install the video cameras?
4. What led you to Marriagebuilders, specifically this section on Surviving an Affair, when this is clearly incest?
5. This happened 20 times or more? During what time period? A month, a year, six months?
6. I assume your wife works since you made your discovery while you were home alone during the day?
7. These assaults took place while you were at work on the 3rd shift? Starting around 11:00 p.m.?

I have reasons for all these questions.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Is this seriously for real? I'm smelling a troll.....
I this is for real then yes call the police and give them the tape....and yes you're wife NEEDS to be told


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Wife has been told, stepson arrested, in psych hospital (probably a legal gambit).

It's in the post....


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Come on, you guys, don't feed the trolls.


Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.

Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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Just to clarify some points. Yes my stepson is her biological son. The police and child protective services are involved along with several lawyers, including ours. Two of boys fathers were arrested and released on bonds and have restraing orders. The bad part is every neighbor knows what has happend and because my stepson made videos, many people have seen it. There was a court order to remove the videos but there is no telling how many other people may have seen or downloaded the videos. I can't discuss the details of my stepson's issues other than to say he is in a hospital for observatioin.


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have some questions for you:

1. How old is your step-son?
14 when this occurred 15 now

2. What medication did your wife take?
it's a type of generic Valium

3. What "strange behaviors" was your wife exhibiting that led to initially install the video cameras?
a lack of interest, whispered conversations to girlfriends, specific types of clues in the bed

4. What led you to Marriagebuilders, specifically this section on Surviving an Affair, when this is clearly incest?
I found Marriage Builders by a Google search as for this section I honestly wasn't sure where to post

5. This happened 20 times or more? During what time period? A month, a year, six months?
for around 8 months to a year based on the info in his computer

6. I assume your wife works since you made your discovery while you were home alone during the day?
yes part time during the day

7. These assaults took place while you were at work on the 3rd shift? Starting around 11:00 p.m.?
I work 3rds Tue-Sun from 10p-7a most of the events occured on Fri&Sat

I have reasons for all these questions.

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You know I understand how strange all this sounds but I assure the lives of my wife, myself and our children have been deeply effected by all of this.

The police are involved along with several childrens advocacy agencies both for my stepson and the other children involved. There is a lengthy investigation still going on. Some charges have been made against the adults involved, as well as the minors. Due to the fact there are minors and an investigation still undergoing there are certain facts I can't disclose.

Critize if you must, but I'm just looking for a way to cope with this myself. I've talked to family and friends and they always focus on my wife, which is great but I'm trying to find a way for me to deal with this situation.

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Originally Posted by missmywife
have some questions for you:

1. How old is your step-son?
14 when this occurred 15 now

2. What medication did your wife take?
it's a type of generic Valium

3. What "strange behaviors" was your wife exhibiting that led to initially install the video cameras?
a lack of interest, whispered conversations to girlfriends, specific types of clues in the bed

4. What led you to Marriagebuilders, specifically this section on Surviving an Affair, when this is clearly incest?
I found Marriage Builders by a Google search as for this section I honestly wasn't sure where to post

5. This happened 20 times or more? During what time period? A month, a year, six months?
for around 8 months to a year based on the info in his computer

6. I assume your wife works since you made your discovery while you were home alone during the day?
yes part time during the day

7. These assaults took place while you were at work on the 3rd shift? Starting around 11:00 p.m.?
I work 3rds Tue-Sun from 10p-7a most of the events occured on Fri&Sat

I have reasons for all these questions.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Dec 2006
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Originally Posted by missmywife
I�m not sure if this is the right place to post this topic, if not please let me know where I should post it.

This all started around Christmas this past year. I thought my wife was cheating on me because of some strange behaviors, so I installed some hidden cameras around our bedroom and had them feed to my computer. What I found was much more devastating. See my wife suffers from insomnia and takes medication that completely knocks her out till the following morning when the meds wear off. Well my stepson knew this as well and took advantage of it. I had already expressed to my wife that I thought his relationship with her was inappropriate. He would walk in on her while she was changing or in the shower and was constantly talking about her boobs and would go so far as to even try to touch them.

What I caught on my cameras was my stepson having sex with his sleeping mother. He raised her night gown and removed her panties to expose her naked body and then proceeded to take pictures with his digital camera. This only got worse when one of his friends stepped into the picture and also proceeded to have sex with her. Then another friend walked into view holding a digital camcorder. He also had a turn with her. When they all finished my stepson cleaned her up replaced her panties and covered her up and kissed her full on the mouth and left the room.

When I watched this I sat crying and shaking at my computer. I didn�t immediately run to my wife and tell her. I usually work 3rd shift and was home alone when I discovered this. I went and found my stepsons laptop and with the help of a friend did a search of the computer and found more than 20 video files. I reviewed some of them and found my stepson and many of his friends including one of their dads all engaged in having sex with my wife.

I took his computer and broke the news to my wife as gentle as I could, needless to say she broke down. Since then my stepson has been arrested and is being treated at a psychiatric hospital and my wife is seeing a therapist 3 times a week and we have a lawyer filing suit against all the parties that were involved. But my relationship with my wife is totally different. I myself am not seeing a therapist as I can�t afford it what with the cost of the one for my wife. I have been to my wife�s therapist with her for her help and received some helpful information. But things between my wife and I are to say the least very damaged. She has no interest in being intimate with me, she also has stopped undressing in front of me too. We don�t kiss or touch for that matter either. I found out that her therapist is trying to help her in dealing with the events involving her son, but has not addressed the issues with our marriage.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can try to save our marriage I�d greatly appreciate it.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Sep 2007
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PM whats up with your last 2 posts?


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Just preserving the record so to speak.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: May 2009
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Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Just preserving the record so to speak.

Ah.

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I think I see where PM's coming from. MMW may be required to remove his posts due to ongoing court proceedings in the matter.

As for you, MMW, I have no words. I know you must be going through a whirlwind of emotions. You probably want to both hug your wife and murder your stepson, among other feelings (I can imagine because I think I'd be feeling that way). All I can tell you is, do what you can to comfort and reassure your wife that you don't blame her for this in ANY way, and don't mention wanting to kill the stepson ('cause she probably still loves the miscreant in spite of everything, that's mothers for you).

For yourself, find someone to talk to, a counselor, a pastor, a good friend. Someone who can listen without judging (or at least voicing that judgment). It won't be easy, since there's often very little support for men in times like this, everyone assumes we'll just bear it on our own. And, no matter how bad you may be feeling, RESIST the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol or other such substances. Your going to need a clear head in times to come, and the rest of your family is also going to need you clear-headed.


The Macnut-42, W - 45 3 stepkids,
SDD - 27, SDS1 - 22, SDS2 - 18
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I read your thread missmywife, and the whole time i was reading it my hand was over my open mouth, I could not believe this! I am soo sorry for the pain you, your wife, and your whole family is going through. Right now I am speechless, but wanted you to know that you are in my prayers only GOD can help your situation, I've heard that people have been raped yes, but not LIKE THIS, not like what your wife had to see and watch on those videos!!

Just remember that we are all god's children and he loves every single one of us, and this will pass some day.

You are in the right spot missmywife, we have the best support system on this site.

Again you and your wife are in my prayers.

Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/12/10 09:59 AM.
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Have you thought about selling your home and moving away?

To another city? State?

I am sure the home is a BIG trigger, knowing that is where it all happened would not help your situation, GET out of it AS SOON AS YOU CAN!

Also I would BURN the bed!

Last edited by SapphireReturns; 08/12/10 10:44 AM.
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