Maybe you are thinking too much into it? Just arrange a place to stay. And take off like it were a vacation for you and the kids, husbands are not invited. Its not the end of the world, and I think you will be okay especially if you go plan B vacation from this poop pile. You need a long vacation.

I'm sure your MIL would be willing to help out, a friend or a neighbor. I offer my house to several people in need, and Im certain others will too.

Great suggestion wheels!

I can understand how difficult it would be to get him to leave 3 weeks early. So why don't you pack up and go? Just leave until he is gone. Go stay with a girlfriend or family.

6 weeks of this IMO, was harder than plan A or Plan B and looking back I wish I had listened to the advice and gone to plan B sooner than I did.


I still feel like our wayturds are the same; I was told "it is just a house, its not that important".
But feeling the way you do, especially still being in the same house; the air is sucked from your lungs when you pass by him and their is no communication. Plan B will help you feel sooooo much better.


HIS affair is not your fault; keep repeating this to yourself. Stop hoping for this big change of heart, start planning for yourself.

{{{{NP}}}}

I feel where you are at and completely understand, but for now you need to preserve your sanity.

NP, talk it out on here. What are you afraid of? Why don't you want to do this NOW? Stop finding reasons why you can't and find the reasons that you MUST.

It's funny, almost 8 months into my Plan B, I sit sometimes and think, "Did I do enough? Why isn't he home yet? I could have done a longer Plan A." Then I read posts like the one from MV and I realize that had I tried to do a longer Plan A, it would have seriously hurt my chances of a marital recovery and it probably would have taken me longer to get to where I am right now. I KNOW that you are scared. I know that it is easier to just stick with the status quo. Seriously, what is going to be different in 3 weeks? How is your sitch going to be different then what we are suggesting happens right now? YOUR WH GETS TO BE IN CONTROL. Do you want that? Let that taker out a little. Let it get you a little angry so you can DO something.

Pack up his stuff and tell him that it is hard for you to stay living with him while he has a girlfriend(SKANKZILLA, hey I just got a new name for your WH's WF). Explain to him that he is leaving in a few weeks anyways and it would be easier on your children if he was to leave now. It may take a while to convince him, my WH listened and tried to hang on for 30 minutes. Just stick to your ground, look in his eyes and show him the hurt and tell him that you have to save yourself from any more hurt due to his affair and you need to be strong for your children. Let him know that you do love him and that;s why you are doing this.

You CAN do this. Don't stay away from the boards and stick in your own head. When you do that, you have some seriously stinking thinking. Please, we only want to see the best for you. We ALL would LOVE for your marriage to survive. Remember, WE are the ones who are trying to help guide you to that result. If you keep following your WH's plans, you WILL BE DIVORCED. That is almost GUARANTEED. You will lose ALL of your love and respect for your REAL H and this WH will be all you remember. Please sweetie, you CAN do this.

Feeling for you NP. we both were pregnant when we discovered our WHs' A's around the same time. I think I know how you feel about Plan B - it's going to be hard but nothing is harsher than "watching" you suffer any more through your WH's cruelty. Either find somewhere to go to for the next 3 weeks, if not that long then at least a week.

You are strong enough. You can do this. When you are packing his things, just remember it's a stranger's things.

Well, I spent the last few days thinking about all the advice I've been given on here and what to do next.

He is going up north next weekend to look for a place to live when he starts his job. I fully, fully believe he is going with OW, no matter what he tries to say. He refuses to let me go, that's for sure. His behaviour to me is increasingly worse as well.

You all are right. I cannot take this anymore, it's just pure emotional torture.

I am writing a Plan B letter tonight and I will ask him to just not return home after he gets back next Monday. I will change the locks while he is gone and I will ask my next door neighbour to be around to help me out if he tries to come back in.

This is so hard but I can't take it anymore. If it ends in divorce, it ends in divorce - I just need to be out of this situation for now.

So are you kicking him out NOW? Or are you waiting till he is gone next weekend?

My advise, is to give him your plan B letter pack up your things and your kids, live with someone that can take you in till he leaves, then get back home, change the locks, and BE FREE from this man once and for all!

Don't ask. Just tell.

tl

I do need a bit of time to get him packed up and gone. And I'd like to get some kind of agreement in place regarding finances. He won't leave on his own, I do know that. I've asked him to before, even asked him to spend ONE NIGHT at his mom's so we can have a break from each other, and he never ever does. So I think, unless I can get it together sooner, it will need to be next weekend.

If he does refuse to leave next weekend, or insists on coming back, I will pack up and go stay with my sister until September when he's gone.

You poor thing. I am feeling so much hurt for you.

nuf said.

Thanks barbiecat.

Today I think was the first day in a long time we haven't had at least one argument, small or large. I'm trying to make this last while as pleasant as I can, because I know soon I won't be in his life and he won't be in mine. In some ways, that's very freeing - and in others, I feel very scared. Today being a good day, we just felt like so much of family, except we're NOT.

He said he agreed with me that after his weekend he should leave so we can preserve what little of our relationship there is left. I'm glad at least it won't be a fight and a struggle.

I don't have much hope for Plan B fixing my marriage. Just looking at it as a time to recover for myself, because I think my marriage is over. I don't even know if OW is really that much of an issue anymore, because WH is just so unhappy that even with her gone out of our lives I don't see how we could recover and move forward. It feels so rock bottom. I love him so much still, and it's so hard. But I need to fix myself now. I just keep telling myself that I will meet someone new eventually, because I feel almost certain my marriage is over.

Wrote a prayer out yesterday, asking God for strength and courage to get through this, and to help my husband find his way back to Him, instead of walking this dark path he's on (maybe it's the Catholic in me, but I feel so scared for his soul!). I asked for courage for my children, to be the mother they need and deserve, even when my whole being feels like it's breaking apart over this. The one thing i couldn't pray for was strength to forgive OW. I can't. I will never stop hating her.

Read it again today and prayed my heart out.

This bites.

NP--I have been following your thread for a while and I am in tears right now. I feel your pain so deeply. I just had my D-Day this past weekend and while I feel I want this marriage, I am so very afraid it is over, too.

Your pain, I know, is so much worse, having a child and a newborn to add to the pain of of this failing marriage. That is my one comfort--and regret--not having any children.

Coming to the MB forum is such a comfort and at times, such a sadness for me. It helps to see others and know that I am not alone, but it also seems to magnify my pain and loss, kwim?

You and Scottie are the 2 threads I follow most in this particular part of the forum. The amount of strength you have both displayed is such an inspiration to me.

Oh IM, THANK YOU for the kind words. I don't feel strong, not at all. I hope I can help others by my story, even if my M never recovers. I find I gain a lot of strength from the wonderful people in this forum!

Day 2 of accepting we are going to be separated. It's so hard. I can't be alone for five minutes without bursting into tears. I never ever let him see me cry. And I'm trying not to do so in front of my children either.

It still feels so surreal to be saying goodbye to my husband. I know it MAY not be forever, but it sure looks and feels like it.

I still can't imagine my life without him and it's only a few days away....

{{{NP}}} I know how hard it is firsthand...and you will cry a lot for a while....but I promise it will get better...If you are not breastfeeding maybe you could look into some AD's to help...otherwise it still will get better...Just know that there are a lot of us who have been thru the same..and I know it feels like you world is ending.

But it is not...Plan B is a lifesaver...You will be okay. You are not alone...You have us to help you when you need us.

Thanks still. Unfortunately I am breastfeeding, so the AD drugs are out. It's horrible because I have to be happy and "okay" the whole day until the kids are in bed, and even then, my crying is confined to the shower....and quickly, so my eyes won't be red when I come out. My moods can go up and down so quickly.

2 days until Plan B......why the heck am I so scared and sad to be losing my alien husband????

You are so scared and sad because the alien is using your beloved husband's body to function on this planet and you love your beloved husband.

That is why.

Remember that having a plan is better than not having one.

It does suck though.

Thinking of you NP. (((((hugs)))))

I know it's sappy but all day that Everly Brothers song has been running through my head:

Someday when my crying's done,
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun.
I may be a fool,
but till then, Darling, you'll
Never hear me complain.
I'll do my crying in the rain.

It's just...too true.

WH's mom is here today helping him finish painting our house. I guess she figures that he better get it done before he's gone. It's looking fantastic and he is acting so proud of it - God knows why, since he won't be here anymore to enjoy it. He is acting like we are happy, smiling at me, and being nice to me....and all the while he's still saying we're done. It's like he's playing a game of chicken, saying he is done and wanting me to keep begginng, which I'm NOT.

What makes today extra hard is that he's leaving tomorrow to go north for the weekend to look for a place to live when he moves there in Sept. And I'm almost 100% sure he is taking OW with him - her husband says he has to watch the dog this weekend because she is "going away with a friend." WH won't admit it and last time I asked he just walked out of the house without saying another word. He just keeps saying, "It's not your concern anymore." SO, not only is today the last day I have before Plan B, but I know that tomorrow he's going to be off with his tramp.

By this time tomorrow I will be in Plan B. And he will be with OW. It's been ALL I could do to pretend nothing was wrong all day today. I want his last memory of me to be the nice last few days we've had together, and me NOT crying, just being strong and taking care of my family.

Now I am off to have a shower and a good cry while I'm in it.

We're here for you NP...lots of hugs