Ok people listen to this. I told XH to leave the checks at the bank and I would drop by and sign later today. He did that. I went and signed them. While driving to do that I was praying very hard that God PLEASE help me deal with this...all of it...the drama with XH and OW...the desire I have to be in a relationship/marriage....just please God help me. So I signed the checks...and realized immediately a burden was lifted.....felt sooooo much better coming home...walked in the door to an email from a good friend who is telling me she and her husband have a friend who wants to meet me!

Wow. I feel MUCH better. I deleted the FB thread from last night....don't want him seeing that and thinking I am psycho...;) Don't even know when I will meet him or if I will like him....but just someone, good decent, in my faith....wanting to MEET ME has made me feel sooooooo much better.

That's awesome Smiley! You are FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......

Good for you!


Onward and upward!

Smiley,

God must be busy because I've asked God for the very exact thing for you! It's taken a little while....but then, God's time is not our time.

....a good, decent God-fearing man, of Smiley's Faith, who will be good to her and to her DS...

(I still pray for your ex and OW, too ...not necessarily easy to do, but I fear for their souls)

This is so sweet of you RMJ. Funny too because tonight my friend....former co-worker...told me that she had ask another friend of hers if she knows any nice eligible men of my faith...the friend was like, 'um, sure let me whip out my little black book and go to SW's non mainstream faith section....'



You are a better woman than I am then. I do not pray for him or her. I pray to God to help me endure the torture they have bestowed upon me. I pray that I have the strength to not do something to them that will land me in jail. I pray for myself to remain dignified...but I don't pray for him.

So I sign the checks at the bank.....at 5:25 he sends me a text, 'Did you go by the bank?' Another one in half an hour, 'Did you go by the bank.' Then an email a few minutes later that read
Did you go by the bank?
Did you go by the bank?
Did you go by the bank?

Think he is frustrated that I won't respond to him?

Tonight I had to take ds to his dad's. Half an hour before we leave ds begins to beg me not to make him go. I told him it was out of my hands. He calls his dad....BEGS his dad to let him stay home. Tells his dad he doesn't feel well---and this is true...ds has had a headache all day and sprained his ankle. XH won't budge. Ds hangs up and locks himself in his closet---saying he wont go. I convince him he HAS to go...and we head to his dad's house. Ds cries the whole way. It was terrible.

So when I get home I sent XH this email--

>>So since you forced him to go when he feels bad you might at least want to
take care of him. His head hurts. He can have 200 mg of Ibuprofen every 4
hours and is due for one now. Also he hurt his ankle and needs to be
reminded to not re injure it while it is healing. No rough housing and
jumping around.

Hard to believe you are this hardnosed to your own son.
>>

He replies--

>>I will make sure he is taken care of as always.

I hope you get better as well. Incidents like the one on Wed. are not only uncalled for but are also damaging to ds.

If you think jerking a brownie out of his hand and throwing it on the ground hurts me you are mistaken. Even if it did, it surely does more to ds and you should be ashamed of yourself.

He is still a young boy and does not understand your games so for the sake of ds
please quit.>>

I wish SB was around to analyse...but haven't seen her lately....so anyone else...should I respond? If so what?

Oh and FTR, I didn't jerk a brownie out of ds's hand. He handed me the container which I opened and dumped in the yard. Calmly btw. I wasn't hysterical or anything. I just told ds it was too hurtful to have OWs food in my house.

DO NOT REPLY!

What happened to the five word rule?



"Give DS Ibuprofen @ X:00."

DS could tell him what hurts.



You took a swipe at him, so he took one at you.

Go dark!!!

5 word rule lost when I had to watch my boy cry for an hour in anticipation of spending 24 hours with his father. Brutal.

But I won't reply. I figured that was what the advice would be. Good thing I had company....girls night....when his email came in to me. I had all sorts of things to say back to him.

SW, my H grew up in a home destroyed by infidelity which makes what I did even more hideous.

His mother married her AP, a truly dreadful human being. Seriously awful. One thing I have Never quarreled with here is that AP's are horrid.

My H was HUNGRY, and I don't mean in a spiritual sense, I mean in a teenage boy sense, for YEARS until we started dating. If his moms new H caught him going to the frig, he said he wasn't getting enough child support for my H to eat so much.

All of your choices on how to deal with the brownie thing suck so let yourself up. But file the HUNGRY thing away. No one in our incredibly, ridiculously privileged world would have ever in a million years guessed that my 16 year old boyfriend was HUNGRY.

His food issues still plague him, but at least I understand. Ours has always even a house of plenty - no need to panic.




There are no right

Hi. I am wondering about those court cases where the child is old enough to tell the judge who they want to live with.

When will your son be old enough to stand before the judge and tell him he no longer wants to live with the father at all and only wants to see him once every two weeks?

I'm sure it was.

Could you have called XWH and told him DS was too sick to visit tonight?

He doesn't live with him now. I have full custody and XH sees him everyone Wednesday for 3 hours and for about 30 hours (one overnight) every two weeks. Not much.

I do believe that a judge will not force ds to keep going to his dad's house once ds reaches age 12 or so. Or maybe I will remarry someone who lives far enough away it won't matter.

I don't think so. XH is being so inflexible now...and to be honest I am too....Ds didn't feel well, but it wasn't like he had fever or anything..I think he mostly just doesn't want to go over there. The 'fun' has worn off and ds just wants to be at home with his dog, his mom and his stuff. He hates the interruption to his routine.

SadWife, I'm really confused. The brownie issue had nothing to do with Hunger...please tell this dim mind what you are talking about.

Well, then, you've got to treat DS the same way you would if he didn't want to go to school/doctor's/dentist.

He doesn't have to like it, but he has to go. W/o a fuss.

That is what I did. Well, I did love on him and tell him I was sorry. I could have been more matter of fact I guess....but ds told me that when he tells his dad that he misses me his dad calls him a baby. I told ds to tell me every. single. time his dad does that. I will start keeping a log.

Kids need routine. I understand. At least he does not have to go over there very much.

Yup. I think you need to be.

Locking himself in a closet and crying for an hour is sheer manipulation. If you don't put an end to it, you will regret it.



You've got to be careful here, SW.

It is possible that DS is trying to manipulate his father. If he doesn't get his way, he says, "I miss mom." boo hoo.

I don't condone any parent calling their child a name, but you've got to be careful that you don't overlook the possibility that DS might be trying to manipulate his dad.

I might believe that if his dad had been a real dad before the divorce. He sees him 72 hours a month now....that is probably double what he saw him pre-separation. He is a terrible father and he is only doing this visitation thing to impress his homewrecking OW.

I do know ds is a drama king...I also know he REALLY doesn't want to go to his dads. Says it is boring.