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So as not to threadjack from another thread:

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Is it not amazing how otherwise intelligent men can be blind to a she-wolf on the prowl?

BW - please don't fall for this. These men are not blind, deaf or dumb. They are responding to exactly the signals that the she-wolf is sending out and they are well aware of this.

Just because some men play stupid does not mean they are. It just means they are trying to misdirect you so you won't interfere. Sadly, it usually works.

Men instantly know what signals a "damsel in distress" is sending out.

How many times have you seen a man drop everything to rush off and assist a "damsel in distress" who weighs 400 pounds and looks like Jabba the Hutt?

Or is it just the attractive damsels that always need *their* innocent help?

Just a coincidence, of course.

Men will stop lyin' when women stop buyin'.


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Glad you made a new thread on this. After thinking it over I believe you are right. They would have to be blind, deaf and dumb not to see it. What would be an appropriate response when he pretends to be ignorant of her true motives, when you know that he is just playing stupid to get by with something?


We lived in two different countries for two years. Thank you US Army.

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DH-27 FWH/BH
DS-6 years DD- 1 year

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. ~Henry David Thoreau

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"You are not blind, deaf, dumb or stupid. You know exactly what that woman is trying to do and so do I."

"Let me know when you get one of these who weighs 400 pounds and looks like Jabba The Hutt, but you still can't wait to run off and have everybody see you be HER hero."

"I don't need to be rescued, but I could use a hero, too - and I'd like him to be you. But I require a full-time hero. I'm not about to wait in line for somebody who only wants to be there part-time."




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My h was the same way with the "damsel in distress" thing with his OW.

She was building up his ego by "needing" him.

If she is anything like my h's FOW (she was single), she will continue to do so to get what she wants and your h will continue to "eat it up".

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Originally Posted by Mulan
So as not to threadjack from another thread:

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Is it not amazing how otherwise intelligent men can be blind to a she-wolf on the prowl?

BW - please don't fall for this. These men are not blind, deaf or dumb. They are responding to exactly the signals that the she-wolf is sending out and they are well aware of this.

Just because some men play stupid does not mean they are. It just means they are trying to misdirect you so you won't interfere. Sadly, it usually works.

Men instantly know what signals a "damsel in distress" is sending out.

How many times have you seen a man drop everything to rush off and assist a "damsel in distress" who weighs 400 pounds and looks like Jabba the Hutt?

Or is it just the attractive damsels that always need *their* innocent help?


Just a coincidence, of course.

Men will stop lyin' when women stop buyin'.

This makes me so angry about men in general. MOST MEN will do this no matter where, when, or how even with their wives right there. It makes me so mad at the male gender when i see this happen (on a daily basis).

Guys why do you do that?

You do not see women running to help out an "attractive man".......

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Absolutely, the damsel or dumsel(love that one) of distress thing is ABSOLUTELY crazy. Men "fall" for it because they want to be the knight in shining armour. "Dumsels" know what they are doing and the men that fall for it know what they are doing too. They get their big ol' ego stroked, the "dumsel" draws them in and the rest, as they say, is history. We, as women, see it. We recognize the signs. We always hope that our "stupid man" wouldn't fall for this. I looked at myself a little more closely and saw that in some way, I was a damsel in distress when my WH and I first met. He was my knight. At some point, probably around the time I became a mommy, that changed.

I am NOT a weak person, but by not allowing my WH to be my KNIGHT(remember, they watched the fairy tales too) I neglected an EN that OW was able to swoop in and meet. Now, had my WH had better boundaries......we would be having a totally different conversation. laugh


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Originally Posted by Scotland
Absolutely, the damsel or dumsel(love that one) of distress thing is ABSOLUTELY crazy. Men "fall" for it because they want to be the knight in shining armour. "Dumsels" know what they are doing and the men that fall for it know what they are doing too. They get their big ol' ego stroked, the "dumsel" draws them in and the rest, as they say, is history. We, as women, see it. We recognize the signs. We always hope that our "stupid man" wouldn't fall for this. I looked at myself a little more closely and saw that in some way, I was a damsel in distress when my WH and I first met. He was my knight. At some point, probably around the time I became a mommy, that changed.

I am NOT a weak person, but by not allowing my WH to be my KNIGHT(remember, they watched the fairy tales too) I neglected an EN that OW was able to swoop in and meet. Now, had my WH had better boundaries......we would be having a totally different conversation. laugh

I understand what you are saying. I too no longer acted as though i "needed" my "knight". However i also will say part of the reason that is true is because my "knight" was long gone after being married for so long and it was very difficult to get him to be MY "knight" when i needed one. So i gave up trying, not the right thing to do but happens none the less.

However i happen to know a couple of very attractive women and they use their "attractiveness" to get things from guys ALL THE TIME. They know it and the guys "fall for it" EVERY single time and they PROUDLY admit to it. IMHO there has to be something more to just your spouse meeting your need to be a "knight" because it happens ALL THE TIME.

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
..Guys why do you do that?

You do not see women running to help out an "attractive man".......

Yep, its part of our ego and training, a little of both. I was brought up arond strong women, the kind who worked probably more than the men did, but it was spread out farther during the day, but even then sometimes when looking for brute strength and courage,(Like chasing away a thief. or moving a dresser), we were called upon to do more than the 10 hours of hard labor we were built for.

I have had the privelidge of working with mostly women at times during my life, and when asked to do something physical for them, I never made them feel less than capable or less important. I treated the issue as something purely practical. When and if they did the "your so strong" thing I laughed, and if they acted seriuos I laughed harder.

Its a joke to believe that women are not capable, and an insult to them, and to men if they play that game.

But yeah its a game, and men choose to play, and are sometimes critisized when they won't assist some "poor thing", whether she 300 or 120 lbs.


In my generation, with womans lib being a "new" thing, you didn't know whether opening a door was expected, or an insult. You had to do what you thoght was right at the time, and let their opinion fall where it may.

Women who "act" like they "need" you are crippled either by thier upbringing or thier belief they can't do for themselves what most of decent society has supported for them. They need an education, and far be-it for men to give them one, that can be percieved many ways as a double standard, and/or selfish indifferance.

I for one will not leave a women stranded by the roadside when they have a flat tire, but niether do i see myself as "the big strong man". Its not allways thier fault they were not taught to change a tire, and I consider helping them mercy on what they have been taught, along with the roles they have taken. Maybe thier Parents have never prepared them correctly or whatever, but its clear they need help, and its another human being.

For all I know they teach Math or science to children or are a Doctor or off-duty policeman. I just wont take a chance and worry about thier pride, or allow it to swell up mine. Its just practical. What they percieve it as is thier problem to deal with, and society as a whole is to blame.

How many times has the presence of a male figure been nessesary to give a women the atmosphere to be safe? How many creeps have went away when they saw a man around a "seemingly" helpless woman? She might be able to clean his clock more than the man could, but in the creeps head "he is man" and there fore stronger. Perception is what we are dealing with sometimes, and if it prevents trouble, I'm for it.

If a guy wishes to believe he is important and gets flattered easily IMO its because he is weak between the ears. That is how most men are anyway, they need a women to kick thier butt, or at least have God step in to do it. Hopefully thru other men and laws that force them to think. Its really for thier own good.


Me 56 Former BS
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4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
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Originally Posted by Mulan
I don't need to be rescued, but I could use a hero, too - and I'd like him to be you. But I require a full-time hero. I'm not about to wait in line for somebody who only wants to be there part-time."

yeah the opportunity is allways there for the male ego to be flattered. Its the ones short sighted and foolishly drawn in that fall for it. They just don't think of the consequences, or don't care.

I am glad I have allways been afraid of the consequences, but many men I know are addicted to the attention, and it takes them over like a drug. Its an accepted frailty in society, and makes the world go-round for many men. Its to bad they are such suckers.

But the advertisers love it, and the gossip mills thrive from it, the courts profit and we allow ourselves to be driven by our emotions.

I don't see it changing soon, may the buyer beware

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Originally Posted by Mulan
So as not to threadjack from another thread:

Quote
Is it not amazing how otherwise intelligent men can be blind to a she-wolf on the prowl?

BW - please don't fall for this. These men are not blind, deaf or dumb. They are responding to exactly the signals that the she-wolf is sending out and they are well aware of this.

Just because some men play stupid does not mean they are. It just means they are trying to misdirect you so you won't interfere. Sadly, it usually works.

Men instantly know what signals a "damsel in distress" is sending out.

How many times have you seen a man drop everything to rush off and assist a "damsel in distress" who weighs 400 pounds and looks like Jabba the Hutt?

Or is it just the attractive damsels that always need *their* innocent help?

Just a coincidence, of course.

Men will stop lyin' when women stop buyin'.

HaHa .... so true !

I have a decades long acquaintance I met through my H.
She was a beauty queen, back in the day. And, a "starlet" type actress in the 50's.
(think Elvis movies)
Her beauty was incredible.
She played the damsel in real life over, and over.
She wanted something done for her, she knew she could get it done by just about any man who did not know about her track record.
She is in her 70's now.
Hardly anyone knows that she has been married NINE times.
She never broke up a marriage, to my knowledge.

One time, before we had kids, H and I had a party at our condo, she came.
Our single next-door-neighbour was "taken" by her, as most men were.
We warned him "Do NOT go out with her."
He ignored us.

A week later, he said "She's so beautiful, but she only wants me around to do things for her !"
H and I just started laughing, and of course we said "Told you so. "

Our marriage was also invaded by a DiD (Damsel in Distress)

My H's EA started via phone, when OW called him crying one time because her H had been "so mean" to her.
He told me she called.
I said "Be careful. She should tell her troubles to her best woman friend, not you."

...

Well .....

"I TOLD YOU SO !!!!!"

Even though H could see the starlet as a DiD ... he was not immune to the OW pulling from the same script.

Mulan, this is a book that could practically write it's self!

PS:

And need I say ???

The DiD-OW who trolled my marriage for attention, ENs, whatever ... does NOT resemble Jabba-the-hut.

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PP was a ture DiD...

XH thought he had to "save her". He used his power to get her a job with good pay while she was not qualified because she played up to him.

She was helpless, she needed him, she looked up to him and he fell for it hook, line and sinker and she just reeled him in.

Little did he know that now she leads him around by the nose and is the most controlling woman he will ever meet.

You can dress a OW in sheep's clothing but she still is a pig.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
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alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
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My H's OW (his ex-gf) was also a DiD.

She broke up with my H and subsequently married someone 10 years older than her because he made good money. He also turned out to be abusive. You can guess who she turned to to "save" her every time a new incident happened.

I remember one time, she called our house saying that she and her H had had a big fight and he got in the car and tried to drive away, so she jumped in front of it to stop him and fell and hit her head. My H was the first person she thought to call, even though we lived about 45 minutes away from her. Of course, he simply HAD to leave me home alone with 4 little children to run to her rescue. He was gone the rest of the day taking her to the hospital and then getting her settled back at home and helping her out with her kids. Turns out, all she had was a little cut on the head that needed maybe three stitches.

I can't even say how many times she called him because she "needed" him and he dropped everything and went running to her rescue every single time.


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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
Originally Posted by Mulan
So as not to threadjack from another thread:

Quote
Is it not amazing how otherwise intelligent men can be blind to a she-wolf on the prowl?

BW - please don't fall for this. These men are not blind, deaf or dumb. They are responding to exactly the signals that the she-wolf is sending out and they are well aware of this.

Just because some men play stupid does not mean they are. It just means they are trying to misdirect you so you won't interfere. Sadly, it usually works.

Men instantly know what signals a "damsel in distress" is sending out.

How many times have you seen a man drop everything to rush off and assist a "damsel in distress" who weighs 400 pounds and looks like Jabba the Hutt?

Or is it just the attractive damsels that always need *their* innocent help?


Just a coincidence, of course.

Men will stop lyin' when women stop buyin'.

This makes me so angry about men in general. MOST MEN will do this no matter where, when, or how even with their wives right there. It makes me so mad at the male gender when i see this happen (on a daily basis).

Guys why do you do that?

You do not see women running to help out an "attractive man".......

BS, you see women running to help out an "attractive man" all the time. How many nurses fall for patients, regardless of their marital status. Or staff who jockey for position to help the boss who is attractive with either power, good looks or maybe both.

How many rush after rock stars. After all, the groupies are not typically men.

So to argue this is a gender based phenomenon is folly. Bad character is a character trait, not a gender trait.

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OK all. I need a bit of help on this one. I have just had a long conversation with GM about this. I am pretty pissed because no matter how much I tell him that he KNEW this was inappropriate he pleads innocent.

I got the log of his mail to her last night. He did tell her that because of his behavior in our marriage it is just not appropriate for him to friend a single woman. He was so sorry that she was lonely. MrRollieEyes

If I had been her and read his replies I would have taken from that exactly what she seemed to take from it. <I would but my bit** of a wife would know and it would be bad for me, sorry> She implied that he was not understanding of her poor lonely state or something like that, none of that is really important because his last email to her was that he could not friend her but he ...get this...LIKES HER VERY MUCH

WHAT?

He does this within 10 minutes of telling me how he did not want to be her friend and that he had been warned about her being a predator. HE LIKES HER VERY MUCH

This follows a month or so ago about him wanting the personal email of a WW here so he could help her off the forum.

He thought he could mentor her. MrRollieEyes

We have just had a long conversation about how he views himself and how others may view that and exactly how that sits with me. He understands he says but pleads not guilty of knowing what he was doing.

I have long told him that I think EP's are an amazing tool but they are only as good as the person who has to use them. I did not trust him to use them and expected he would break them routinely. This is twice already. Small things? Nope, they are the beginning steps to what sucks him in every single time. ADMIRATION

Mentor my used to be fat a** MrRollieEyes

Yes GM, I am a bit angry with you. It is not going to kill me but it certainly does not make me feel safe with you. No matter how good things get on this up and down ride the fact remains that until I feel safe there is a ceiling and right now it has been lowered again.


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D Day #1 4/1985
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D Days continued for a while.

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Mulan, I completely agree that men are aware of what these DiDs are doing. KISAs are almost always willing victims, IMO.

Brings to mind one of my most profound and remembered moments of the last decade. Back in 2001, my husband, kids, and I went on a boating picnic with another family. An OW-wannabe came along, as well. She was twice divorced at that time (now it's 3x's). She's a badge bimbo who LOVES hanging out with cops (like my H). grumble

We're all unpacking stuff from our vehicles onto the boat dock...I'm struggling trying to drag big 'ol coolers/chairs/supplies out of the truck. I look around to see why H was not helping, and realize he'd left me there to lug all this crap by myself so he could help the DiD carry A CHAIR. I felt like the biggest schmuck ever. frown





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Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex
BS, you see women running to help out an "attractive man" all the time.

I don't. I think women are attracted more to powerful men than "pretty" men.

Quote
How many nurses fall for patients, regardless of their marital status.

NONE that I met in my career.
They were FAR more likely to fall for a co-worker of HIGHER status.
Like, a physician.
A patient? Not so much.



Quote
How many rush after rock stars. After all, the groupies are not typically men.

Are we talking about MATURE women here?
Methinks not.

Quote
So to argue this is a gender based phenomenon is folly. Bad character is a character trait, not a gender trait.

I disagree.
There are gender differences.
In animal behavior, and human behavior.
Women IN GENERAL are not attracted to weak men.
Not in the animal world either.

This is why the male birds have more colorful plumage and dance in front of the female ... to show off how POWERFUL they are.
Which makes them an attractive potential mate.

To ignore gender differences, is folly.
kiss



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Ever read about the BPD waif?

Even though I knew the script, I bought it that my late wife was a real-life DiD.

The story gets deep, and she had her real times when she I could trust her. But suffice it to say her beauty did not help her much in this world. She was also incredibly movie-star attractive.

I fell for the ego thing that I was special, and I could help her emotionally. The best thing I did for her was when I stopped accepting her behaviour and let her reap what she had sown. Then she had to deal with truth. I really was nothing but an enabler when I let her get away with " I can't help myself" or what makes me mad, "Its my weakness, the devil made me do it"

I got lonely, and bought the lie, even though I knew better. True after two years and a couple Kids I saw that I had to leave, but I had to return, for the sake of hope and my children.

I feel bad for these women who get so easily drawn in because of how easy it is to manipulate men, but there is my weakness and my foolishness, She never needed me, she needed accoutability. There is true mercy in avoiding the DiD.

So why do Men fall for it so often? I think its because we are responsible for initiation most of the time, and we can't tell the difference at first, and think its real to some extent. We are ready to be the great protector in our head and it feels right. Its the nature of the beast, but we are not animals that act on instinct alone. We shouldn't trust every feeling and act on them. But the temptatio is allways there.

Especially when the DiD happens to fit the fantasy role physically, and in the right time and conditions, our brain stops functioning correctly, maybe temporary, maybe avoided indescretion or improper action, but we are responsible for the result just the same. God help us we make the right choice.

Men are stimulated more with appearance initially gennerally speaking. Its not mandtory that we don't think first before we run off to help the DiD. If she is pretty it becomes painfully obvious that it could cause trouble with our mates. I would ask my wives permission or ask what she wanted me to do before I assisted females because I wanted to respect her and protect my marriage.

Us men are sometimes pretty stupid and callous as we succumb to our instincts.


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. . . by not allowing my WH to be my KNIGHT(remember, they watched the fairy tales too) I neglected an EN that OW was able to swoop in and meet.

Scotland, we have had others post here on a similar topic - "If I had allowed him to be my hero, he wouldn't have gone off to be hers - "

Hon, it doesn't work that way. Plenty of women have let their husbands know that they needed them very much, only to be utterly ignored because some poor needy little slut was swinging her azz in his face. And he figured his wife could wait until later, because after all, she was always around . . .

Men do this because they can. Because they've decided to have no boundaries and because they've told themselves the lie that being a hero to some helpless hot chick makes him a Great Guy and it's just harmless nonsexual fun.

There's nothing you can do, Scotty, with a man like this. You are either "too needy" or "you never needed me."

The truth is, you were neither. The truth is, he made a very selfish choice. The only one who could have changed that was him. But he didn't.


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. . . but many men I know are addicted to the attention, and it takes them over like a drug. Its an accepted frailty in society, and makes the world go-round for many men. Its to bad they are such suckers.

You are SO right about this. Just out of curiosity - how many of these men that you know are divorced? Or if not divorced, just happen to have horrible crazy wives?


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Originally Posted by Mulan
You are either "too needy" or "you never needed me."

And, these "reasons" are inter-changable, depending on the circumstances.
You, the BW, can be both in the SAME DAY !
rotflmao

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