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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess



OMG , isn't someone man enough to go her that poor girl!!


By her expression, methinks she's sitting on top of a sharp pointy rock !
It's an EMERGENCY !!!!!!!


I think that pointy rock is some "helpful, well meaning" mans wife and she is biting back. He had better watch out, he is next.


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D Day #1 4/1985
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D Days continued for a while.

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Good grief! She looks like she's about 14yo!

But, it does seem like DiD tend to act like they're sweet, lil' helpless teenyboppers!


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

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Quote:
But, it does seem like DiD tend to act like they're sweet, lil' helpless teenyboppers!


And that's pretty sad especially when they're actually in their mid-40s AND LOOK IT!

puke rotflmao


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Originally Posted By: princessmeggy
Quote:
But, it does seem like DiD tend to act like they're sweet, lil' helpless teenyboppers!


And that's pretty sad especially when they're actually in their mid-40s AND LOOK IT!

puke rotflmao
Oh yeah, it isn't so cute in the mid 40 range.


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Originally Posted By: Lady_Clueless
Good grief! She looks like she's about 14yo!

But, it does seem like DiD tend to act like they're sweet, lil' helpless teenyboppers!


Yes there ya go, It is the Perception of making the Guy a big strong hero that guys fall for. The innocent dumb girl he thinks she is, and how she will do anything for him as she worships the ground he walks on.

age doesn't matter.

Now this is for Dids of course, but there is a little of the "save me" crap in all Affairs.

Last edited by ConstantProcess; 08/17/10 05:34 PM.
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What kind of makes me sad in all of this is that these DiDs are MY gender.

Although i really do not care for these type of women as i have said before i have a couple of friends (more friends of friends type thing but i see them a lot) who are these type of women and think nothing about it, they use men as if it is no big deal.

Many of them go out on the town all the time and very rarely spend a dime because they use their DiD charm when they get there and plenty of men buy them drinks all night long (think reality shows).

And as i said these women think NOTHING about it at all, they will move on to the next "sucker" in a heart beat!!!

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Lisa just posted in her thread that she needed "help" from her WH on her scooter because the battery terminals were hooked up wrong.....

DiD is working for her pretty well.

Now, off to help my damsel get the navigation bar back on her browser,.....wooosh!

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Isn't it the way to approach someone that your interested in? Buy them a drink?

But I know what you mean, they use the suckers in more ways than hooking drinks.

I feel sorry for some of the girls who go out and try to meet a guy at the local meat-market. I mean the ones that aren't playing the game and really think they will find a relationship cuz one of thier bimbo friends got on them for"Not having fun"

They have a deer-in-the-headlights look and when they are sitting down with some smooth talker you can see the person behind the girl, making a stupid move, and even sometimes painfully uncomfortable.

The guy doesn't care, to him its funny and has no conscience about it. "She will thank me for it later". The smart operator man knows how to be in "distress" too. He will lie and do whatever he can to "get the prize" rotflmao

I say "sometimes" feel sorry for those DiDs cuz they ussually know better, and are playing the damsel in distress also. Many times thats the closest way to meet guys they ever see, and they think they can, snare one, and change him later.

I have met the girls I have had relationships not looking for them, never have been able to do the "pick-up" in bar thing. When I was younger yes I tried, like I said I couldn't do it. I saw the human being underneath, and I stopped looking at the prospect of "free-love" and wild no-strings sex when I turned 18 and was first married.

To the wolf-man friends I had I was foolish, and the girls who would play the DiD game I was wise but also they would talk to me about things that really mattered. They trusted me cuz I would not use them for "just sex" and called them on thier bu11crap.

I'm not saying that I never had sex when I wasn't married. What I'm saying is I played the game of "no-strings" and found it empty and meaningless. But I did sucumb, I just didn't use women as cruelly as some men, but I did use them. Cuz thats what it is. I was honest about that and made sure it was clear it was no strings.

We all can do the "Please save me" crap at different levels in any relationship.

God save my would-be saviors and sometimes, "A freind in need is a p.i.t.a." How many of us are qualified when we try to take a shortcut to a truly fufilling relationship? How many are ready because they are OK with themselves and won't compromise what they know is right so they won't be lonly? I know I was'nt at one time emotionally ready, but I was real about the rules and that it took more than I had at the time to have one. In that way I was in distress, I wanted someone who would share the sometimes painful experience and stick, believing in the end that it was the commitment to truth that would "save" us.

Yup I enjoyed being the hero, and I needed that too, but when some Guy or Girl starts the relationship with "help Me!!" They are full of it or they are not even ready for one. If you really care for them and want to help them point to God or some other form of counsel, (if there is one that doesn't plagurize God).
If your intentions is to use them then you reap the results.

Have you ever seen "The Two Jakes?" When the widow Madeline Stowe comes to his office Jack Nicholson had his hands full with this DiD, how many women play that game. I can't do the scene justice in words. maybe theres a clip somewhere, but its racey. He responded the way most men do.

Ah the Did men who want a Mommy and the DiD women who want a daddy are the true damaged goods people. May we never get duped by them.

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Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess
Yes there ya go, It is the Perception of making the Guy a big strong hero that guys fall for. The innocent dumb girl he thinks she is, and how she will do anything for him as she worships the ground he walks on.


I think you are partially right. If I had to really say, it's the disproportionality of things that guys "fall for." Meaning most men I know aren't dying to be a big hero, or to have a woman worship the ground they walk on. (They might like that, but it isn't the big driver). What they "fall for" is the prospect of minimal effort, big returns. The DiD is selling this. It's usually a "bait and switch", but that's what is being pitched.


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Originally Posted By: rprynne
I think you are partially right. If I had to really say, it's the disproportionality of things that guys "fall for." Meaning most men I know aren't dying to be a big hero, or to have a woman worship the ground they walk on. (They might like that, but it isn't the big driver). What they "fall for" is the prospect of minimal effort, big returns. The DiD is selling this. It's usually a "bait and switch", but that's what is being pitched.


Yup Yup ITA.

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Excellent thread, Mulan!

This is from my very first post here re: OW:
Originally Posted By: SusieQ
I worry she'll reach out to him again any time now(apparently part of the reason they started to communicate is she needed someone to talk to due to her long list of problems/illnesses...my response to that? talk to ur fiance and leave my H alone!)

So even at that time, to a degree, I was aware that OW being a DiD was part of what started the A, but I had no idea that this is a common willful manipulation on the part of a woman to gain attention from men... and how the whole process of crying on a man's shoulder fulfills his EN for admiration...

I agree that men aren't exactly innocent in this scenario...but I honestly don't think they realize how easily it can snowball into an EA when they try to help a DiD.

Thinking about adding this to my H's list of EPs ~ Avoid DiDs at all costs!


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Originally Posted By: SusieQ

So even at that time, to a degree, I was aware that OW being a DiD was part of what started the A, but I had no idea that this is a common willful manipulation on the part of a woman to gain attention from men... and how the whole process of crying on a man's shoulder fulfills his EN for admiration...

I agree that men aren't exactly innocent in this scenario...but I honestly don't think they realize how easily it can snowball into an EA when they try to help a DiD.
Thinking about adding this to my H's list of EPs ~ Avoid DiDs at all costs!


Lol women either, how many times have you seen the "Thelma and Louise" couple of girls out or the Pretty and manipulative one with the average and intimidated one.

I have this policy with women when they start to talk about there relationships. I listen to hear if there is violence and if thier is I point to the police and living with a protector, house of ruth, daddy, what ever is available. Then if its just relationship jargon I tell them it makes no sense to tell me, its between you two, and bringing me in only makes it worse in so many ways. If they scoff at how they just wanted to talk to me I still keep up my gaurd and quikly get the heck out of there. I am empathetic but avoid having the answers.

If its a real issue that has some weight and is what anyone could see was a problem in the relationship,,, why in the world would i want to rob the guy from fufilling his gals needs by fufilling another one? It would be unfair to both of them.

If she was complainig about some stupid thing like, "My husband doen't act like he loves me..boohoo!" Or even if she had left him and was seperated cuz he was a crud and obviously flirting I would run even faster and farther .

Most of those personal situations I point to a Pastor or other appropiate authorities. Now its MB!!

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This thread totally hit home with me and my situation with Drac!

Chrisner wrote -

Quote:
From Gollums BxWs email to me in March of 2007:

Just to give you some insight, this is not the first time that Gollum has picked some gal at work to tell his troubles to and have a relationship with. When Gollum worked at XYZ, he picked out a gal to confide and tell his troubles to and became good friends with. This person was going through a divorce with her husband at that time and feeling very vulnerable. Their relationship progressed to phone calls day and night, seeing each other before and after work and who knows what else. I found out about their relationship and confronted him. This incident almost destroyed our marriage. However, we sought counseling and struggled very hard to make it a healthy relationship again. This was not the first incident either. There was one before that revealed in counseling.

Sorry to say, this is a recurring pattern with Gollum. He picks out someone who is feeling needy and vulnerable, gives her attention, tells his trouble to and becomes "buddies and whatever else happens in between.

I was in the same type of situation when he met me. I had just broke up with a guy that I had been in a 5-year relationship with. Gollum was there before the dust settled to help me through it all..After he is tired of Wayzilla he will move on to the next woman that needs a shoulder to cry on and in turn listen to his troubles. He gets bored after a while and does not like to deal with the maturity of relationships.



This is Drac to a 'T"

At the beginning of his A with Ho1, I was getting the "we are just friends" speech. I KNEW how much it was ramping up when he atually said to me, "I just feel SORRY for her because she is a single Mom".

Later on, I also got the "You will be FINE without me. You are just FINE right now!"

Like SL, I realize I did not do enough to let him know that I needed & desired him. I take the responsibility for that. At the same time, he did nothing to fill the role in the ways that I did ask of him. The fact that the ways in which I needed him to be my Knight in Shining Armor changed as our lives and relationship changed was not something he was able to understand or even cared to try to understand.

Apparently it was totally okay to then make ME into a single Mom.

For me, I see several sides to the DiD situation. There are the women that play the role to get what they want - which often includes going after married men. They are willing to do whatever necessary to garner the attention and 'benefits' of anyone they can get to fill the role.

Then there are the men that have the need to be the Knight in Shining Armor. Instead of finding ways to keep that role in the lives of their wives, they continue to look for it from woman after woman after woman.

I agree there are likely some men out there that do not see the danger, but many are like my Drac that go out LOOKING for it.

Just my 2 cents.


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Originally Posted By: Bugsy
Like SL, I realize I did not do enough to let him know that I needed & desired him. I take the responsibility for that. At the same time, he did nothing to fill the role in the ways that I did ask of him. The fact that the ways in which I needed him to be my Knight in Shining Armor changed as our lives and relationship changed was not something he was able to understand or even cared to try to understand.

Apparently it was totally okay to then make ME into a single Mom.


When the Z began to feel this PULL by the DiD, he should have come home to me and told me that he does not feel like I need him anymore; that I desire him anymore. THAT would have been the start to making a better marriage.

Instead, he commiserated with OW#1 about their need to be free, to feel the wind in their hair, to fly among the birds...and I agree. They both should have jumped out of a plane without a parachute smirk

And, the comment about it being ok to make YOU a single mom...priceless MrRollieEyes


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I didnt read this whole thread yet but....I know my WH said things about OW like "she is a single mom with a kid" "shes been on her own and has it rough".....I am sure she was the damsel in distress...

When WH left and would come by to pick up DS, if he saw me taking in the grocerys or sweeping the driveway, he would always try and help me and I would say "I am fine I can take care of this stuff on my own, I dont need you to do this stuff for me anymore". I did this esp since he complained that being with me and DS was like having TWO children. (I really dont know what he meant by this...I did everything except the outside stuff and had a young child that I was taking care of, I was depressed but IDK).

Anyway, I wonder if now he would just feel I am doing fine without him. What I was thinking is that I am coming out of my A hole, slowly but surely...if I got myself back into shape and started, innocently, batting my eyelashes and wearing sexy stuff..and asked WH for help with some stuff around the house, if I could get him to cheat on OW with me...

I know just a fantasy, but its all I got right now...Oh, well...


BW me-41
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DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

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flirt A girl can dream, cant she?


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Originally Posted By: still
I am coming out of my A hole, slowly but surely


WHAT? rotflmao rotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmaorotflmao


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OMG...I meant affair hole.....not the other thing....Mwhahahahaha...I AM HYSTERICAL....Mwhahahahahaha..

wheres my coffee, I think I need it.....


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Originally Posted By: Still
wheres my coffee, I think I need it.....


I am currently cleaning mine off of my computer screen stickout


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Originally Posted By: silentlucidity
Originally Posted By: Still
wheres my coffee, I think I need it.....


I am currently cleaning mine off of my computer screen stickout


rotflmao....Sorry about that.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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