ITA

Men get stupid for:
Female with sexy body who acts available (flirts, admires, etc.)

Women get stupid for:
Male with status who pays attention to her.

Whether male or female, if you have poor boundaries you are wide open to being sucked in by one of these.

"Damsels in Distress" ALWAYS look as sexy as they can and ALWAYS flirt/act available.

"Cruising Men" ALWAYS flaunt their status and ALWAYS make a show of paying attention.

Works every time. So don't be stupid. Good Boundaries = Protection Against Stupid.

Amen sista' Mulan.

Our Idiot du Jour, Rep. Weiner, is a perfect example of this. He's not much to look at IMHO, but he's sure got status as a member of the U.S. Congress. He used that status to search out hot chicks and pay attention to them - and a lot of them started flirting right back and sucking up to him. Think it's a coincidence that at least one is a porn actress?

It's a classic case of the Stupid leading the Stupid. It was exactly the same thing with Tiger, Arnold, etc - and it happens every day with men who have any sort of status (even a star high school football player) and use it to attact hot-looking chicks who will flirt with them and act like they're available - or actually BE available.

Having no boundaries is all fun and games until somebody gets hurt real bad. Or worse. Last night, Dr. Drew was saying that this guy should be on suicide watch. No kidding. I was thinking the same thing.

And nobody's even mentioned what this is doing to his wife (of less than a year).

P.S. Hi Pep - good to see you here again since ya took a little time off.

Thanks honey.

I have always known about the Predatory OW/aka Dumsel. Ever since I was first introduced to her in 2001.

They are the MOST INSIDIOUS types of ow out there. Many times they are deliberately trying to snare a wealthy or of more financial significance than themselves, mm.

Sadly my area is over-run with them. What imho causes the "dumsel equation" to be proven true time and time again is this variable interjected into the marriage that's about to be hijacked: whether or not a small child, out of town job, or stressful situation pulls the attention of the soon to be betrayed wife from focusing on the soon to be mm. Then comes a "looks quotient" to the equation too, in that the betrayed wife does not know she is directly being compared to the potential other woman at all.

So when we're out with small kids going grocery shopping in our yoga pants and t shirt, there's some skeezy ow with thigh high mini wearing stilettos at work batting her overdone eyelashes at your husband, if she perceives he can get her somewhere in life she's too lazy to get herself to.

That's the really unfair part. These are women DIRECTLY ON THE PROWL. Yep. You and your kids are collateral damage to them. On most given days, I could have easily been called equally or more attractive than my xwh's bimbos, but I was a REAL WOMAN and at the time a mom of a very young son who had asthma. Thus, I was hands on all the time with my son, and was that chick who ran around in yoga pants.

Granted, I always gave my xwh attention, but there is the variable going on also of YOU BEING UNFAIRLY COMPARED TO ANOTHER WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE.

Could I have worked the stilettos in short skirts? Been made up 24/7 and looked hot all the time? Sure. But I AM A REAL WOMAN AND A MOM AND WAS A WIFE.

I was not a predator. I was CONTENT WHERE I WAS AT THE TIME.

These women are everywhere these days. There are many "recycled" singles out there, and that's what my girlfriends call them. Recycled singles are suddenly single again women who might ben (just a generalization) hurting a bit financially, divorced their spouse looking for the elusive "happiness" or greener grass, and found out that they were now in a world where there are about 10 single women for every 1 single guy.

These are the women who imho become and are the most at risk to become the predators. They've been out there. They've been maybe somehow struggling. They may see your husband at work, a nice car, or he shows them a photo of his nice house or a family photo. They see he's smart. Works a good job and has a nice income.

Suddenly to many of these recycled singles out there (and I was one, but was a recycled single b/c I was a betrayed spouse, but NEVER like the predatory women out there) do not want to struggle anymore. They know it's hard to find a decent guy. So they BEFRIEND YOUR HUSBAND. Get to know him. Feed the ego little bitty bits each day. Then "need" him for something special, something ONLY YOUR HUSBAND can do for her. They will ask about your husbands' marriage TO YOU. They will DOWN YOU WHENEVER THEY CAN. Turn you into a made up fictional characature of yourself.

And then one day, there will be an inappropriate brush up against his body. Or a stare that will linger too long. And it is a matter of time before they act on it.

My new H (we're still newlyweds) almost ran into this, but lucky me, he's got GREAT BOUNDARIES and is aware of how the predatory ow act. He has had to recently fly alot for business and has a usual flight he had been on to a certain destination each week.

After once or twice, the flight attendants on the airline kinda were expecting him in the 1st class/business section. After about the 4th flight, one of them asked if he'd like an extra freebie neck pillow (with their logo on it). He said sure. She then sat down beside him and began talking to him like she knew him. She asked him ALL ABOUT HIMSELF, and what part of our city was he from, where did he work up there, etc. He felt IMMEDIATELY this was wrong, so he told her he didn't have much zzz and needed to rest before a big meeting.

She saw the good looking guy. Commuting 1st class every week, sitting ALONE, but dang it..was wearing a wedding ring.

TRUST ME, SHE WOULD HAVE GONE AS FAR AS HE WOULD HAVE ALLOWED IT, but thankfully my dh is a good guy, and we both have been betrayed spouses in our prior marriage, know MB practices, and believe in fidelity to a fault.

So if this can happen in my blissfully happy marriage on an innocent business flight, what do you imagine happens each and every day everywhere?

A good looking, successful man is in short supply and these woman have NO PROBLEM going after them.

Lol Peachy right on..

You can bet both sexes play on this also, and the marriage ring, the "troublesome boyfriend that just doesn't understand" girl is a preferred target for a lot of sleazy guys, especially the married sleazy ones.
I had a guy I knew once explain it this way. "Look they don't know what they want, and they are allready involved so you get the bennys of sex, screwing some other guys girl, with never having to make a commitment. Sometimes I tell them I am married and spin them a story about some sad thing so I look like a poor soul after a little while while I am tapping her but, hey its just to draw it out longer, because I allready know it has no future." Then they go out and find a new one when that one is going south, and cry about how they are being treated..

These professional sleazy guys know the ratio of women to men out there and they count on it also to "get the milk for nothing". They just know how to lie and have one thing in mind, hurting everybody because they get thier jollies out of it. They don't get caught up in "love", they're to "smart" for that.

Yup predators.. The poor misunderstood hero guy ploy is out there too..Sure there are guys just dumb enough to accually fall in love with women just dumb enough but ussually one of them is acting like a predator and has no boundaries. Pick your reasons excuses they use, it just laziness.

I ussually can spot them right off, and tend to avoid them, but DiDs are very attractive to mens egos, especially men who think they can save someone, or would like to believe they can and are willing to play. The smart ones learn quickly how far they can go and change thier MO to continue to try and pull the wool over everyones eyes but they are still predators in sheeps clothing.

A good looking, successful man is in short supply.....

Hmmmmm, maybe I'll change my note epilogue........

And yet, and yet....this board is increasingly becoming BH-Central. What are we running, 5-to-1 or so, in newly betrayed spouses being males over the last six months?

What we're seeing, apparently is not the overload of waif-like DiD's, but overly imaginative(?), highly self-entitled WIVES, who demand the perfect fantasy-lover (Sorry ladies, there's only one of me, and I'm VERY spoken for!) who are not satisfied with the traditional husbandly virtues of familial support and accomodation.

The traditional marital equation is increasingly broken by elevated earnings of women in today's PC-dominated employment roles, and (and this is what I was hoping to extract from someone earlier) the reduced dependence on male contributions. I believe that the DiD contingent (however few/many they are) appeals to those males who crave the EN of BEING the KISA, which today's wives want little or nothing to do with.

Someone else may now climb on the soapbox. (I'm guessing I'm already in a world of trouble!)

Not with me Bro

But I'm guessing you know that allready..

Women watch to many Vampire Movies and think they are romantic.

(There that should take the heat off you NG )

Well CP I can say I have never wanted to watch any of the "Twi-Hard" movies. Not into that.

Or maybe the new crop of WW's out there are ones who think they'd like to move into the fantasy-fueled, steal somebody ELSE'S life and they're becoming

THE PREDATORY OW and also a WAYWARD WIFE?

If they're feeling they are missing out on something, or are tired of feeling as if they're struggling for any reason.

That's another possibility.

But I know in my area, it's pretty much WH having affairs 10x over the WW's having the affairs.

That is also a scenario which is quite viable. And in my situation, it was almost true btw.

My xwh's wistress WAS TECHNICALLY single when he met her, but in reality it was because she hadn't gotten married yet.

She had been engaged to and was living with the father of her son, who was very small also at the time of her affair with my now xwh (and now her xwh too!).

So she was indeed cheating also when she began the ema with my then wh. She was cheating on her live in fiance and babby daddy. My xwh at the time, made a good bit of $ and had what I call the "ow dream". Good job, gorgeous home (we'd just built), and he was good looking.

Meanwhile in her life, she was struggling financially with her fiance, and he was gone often (but he's a very nice guy and btw HE HAS SOLE CUSTODY NOW OF HIS SON due to my exposure back then) and had a strange schedule due to being in the military. His wayward fiance thought she DESERVED BETTER.

Sound familiar? So this almost ww decided to help herself to MY FAMILY HOME AND MONEY by deliberately setting her sights on a very married guy and dad.

Yeah some pol are allways looking to "trade up" and they don't see they are the problem

I was thinking. How do you think the numbers crunch in the wh to ww ratio?

Is it because there are so many available w out there that it's so easy?
Or is it because There are so few men around?

Just getting my head aroundvthe math odds

Gonna write it down and get back to ya cuz I'm on my iPhone in a parking lot lol

Ditto. Having been once a single gal and dated after my divorce I can say 100 percent it's because of the skewed numbers of men vs. women out there.

Again, about 10 women to every 1 single man.

Thus, you're gonna CREATE predatory other women just because of the virtue of the math alone. Like a shark, when food is scarce, they begin hunting OTHER THINGS rather than their usual prey. If no single men around, WHAT MEN ARE THEY AROUND? That would be married ones. So they change their type of prey.

Is there a thread in the dating section that that topic is being discussed where it would be appropriate or helpful to post speculations?

NG, I agree with the last post. It is like some men want to be the knight in shining armour. But it also comes down to one basic EN and that is, as Pep said, admiration.

In my case, I became self sufficient because I HAD to. My WH didn't do anything anymore. He even used to tell me that he didn't need to buy me presents or cards anymore because he "had" me. I answered with, "But it doesn't mean you'll keep me."

Also, all of the "bitching and moaning" that I did became nagging to him and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. I even remember him saying one time, before I knew about the A, but OW WAS in the pic, that it was easier to help her with her problems because they didn't effect HIS life. If he helped me with something, and it backfired, he would have to daeal with it for a long time, but not with her.

A lot of the things that my WH told her, jokes advice, etc, were actually things that I told him. He never told her that it came from me, but I am CERTAIN that he lapped up all of the admiration for being so smart and so funny.

My WH is NOT rich, and he is okay looking. The OW is a real dog. She was very open about her sexuality and flaunted it for ALL men to see. She would talk about how she was addicted to sex and she would lure them in with all the fantasies that she knew they wanted. And poor poor OW, she was a single mother, who had to work so many hours and not spend enough time with her child. She even had to work 6 days a week to afford her manicured nails, 120/month hair cuts and dye jobs, and her designer label clothes. Anyone would feel sorry for her......NOT. I think my WH was hit with a stupid stick when he met this one.

See, when my WH and I first started dating, I was his first GF and he was 18. He didn't know much about women so I would tell him, "Don't talk to other women about us, they will see it as an in." I tried to figure out what was different about this OW, then the other female friends my WH had over the years. One difference, she had a kid. My WH LOVED to talk about his kids. He even helped her with the problems she was having with her DD(of course it was MY advice).

In the end, I can tell you that I still wanted my WH to take care of me, I always did. He just stopped a long time ago. Now I get to truly do it on my own. And, he chose to make me a single mother, the fate he is trying to save OW from. Too bad he didn't choose to save me instead. Guess I have to save myself instead.

BTW, I DO watch the "vampire" movies and read the books. I am absolutely IN LOVE with the love story. Twilight was the first book I had read in YEARS and I have read MANY since. Found out that I am quite fond of paranormal romance, and sci-fi stuff. Can't beat a good love story.

Well it was the whole slow affair thing that the skanky ow did to your wh at his office.

the type i talked about, the deliberate predatory ow. Admiration IS one way they get into their pants, but the main ways is by pushing and pushing the boundaries a little by little each day, feeding bits of admiration and then revealing bits of their "horrible lives" to them daily, and then in this case, your wh's skankaho revealed apparently to the men in his office she was a sex addict or something. Whoa. She was saying in that statement, "she loves to have lots of sex all the time" and discussing sex lives at work is simply inappropriate.

YOUR wh had boundary problems. YOU did nothing wrong. Nothing. Zero. This is his baby to rock now.

That's when he should have had better boundaries.

Plus you are also unaware of this and unfairly being compared to this skank without your knowledge in an affair. You don't know what is going on. You probably are 1,000,000 times prettier and smarter than this "woman", but she is deliberately on the hunt for a man who can help her raise her young (from another mate) and provide for her financial needs.

After all, those manicures, hairstyles, and outfits don't pay for themselves do they? Well apparently her job didn't either. I HATE SKANKYHOS!

Don't get me wrong Peachy, I don't blame myself AT ALL. If my post made it sound that way, I didn't intend it to be so. I was just throwing it out there.

And yea, this OW was a real piece of work. She flaunted how much she enjoyed sex, but I truly feel sorry for her. Within 10 minutes of my first meeting with her, I asked her if she had been molested as a child, and she said, "How did you know?" She is more messed up than anyone but a therapist, years of counseling and some meds can help. I actually would feel sorry for her, if I still didn't hate her guts for helping to tear apart my family and take my sons' father away from them.

Wow. Well she may be mentally messed up. Just sayin', if she has some mental health issues, then she may not be fit to be around ANY kids, even her own. Just sayin that's something I'd investigate if it were me. She definitely sounds truly ill.

Sorry she was anywhere in a 1,000 mile radius of your wh.

Fwiw, my xwh's ow, the one who we found out did drugs in same apartment her son was in with her, was a teenage runaway turned model, and presented a similar type scenario, saying to me once (when she actually was trying to make me think she was an ok person and not this bad, horrible monster who was shacking up with my wh) that there was "kind of incest" type abuse going on with her too.

The judge actually told my xwh that he should "never leave his pregnant ow alone with our son" because of her poor decisions in parenting. My work actually led a few weeks later to ow LOSING CUSTODY of her own child to her ex fiance.