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Sapph, just curious where you got this Plan B letter that you been recommending to new posters (especially the part where it lists demands before communicating): Sample of a plan B letter just in case you need one
Dearest WW,
I am so sorry our marriage has come to this. I recognize my part in our relationship that created an environment where your affair with POSOM was possible.
I have learned better ways to resolve conflict between us. I want to create a new life for both of us that meets both our needs and creates a loving home for our children. We can not do that while you are still in contact with POSOM
Until then, I have chosen to avoid seeing you or talking to you.IM has agreed to be our intermediary, and she will help in making it easy for you to see your children, as we discussed. Our only contact should be in the case of emergency about the children.
Please understand my decision to separate from you this way. It is too painful for me to live with you any longer as long as you are also with him I ask that until you are ready to end your affair with POSOM and focus on our marriage and family, you leave our home.
The way back home is simple: end all contact; be completely transparent with me with your phone, emails, and time; be truly repentant for the damage you caused; and, commit to rebuilding our marriage.
Before I will consider direct communication with you
1. You must WANT to work on our marriage
2. You must end the affair with OM
3. You will write a No Contact letter to OM and have it okayed by me and then I will send it.
5. You will agree to follow a marriage counseling plan of my choosing.(MB OF COURSE)
6. You will take a sexually transmitted disease test and I will see the results."
I look forward to the day when we can begin to rebuild our marriage and begin the rest of our lives together as a family. I want nothing more than to be your partner through life, and your best friend and confidante in all matters - you have always been mine. We can have a stronger marriage built on trust, love, honesty, and teamwork.
I loved you from the day I met you and I continue to love you right up to this moment. I hope for and look forward to a time when we can begin a new marriage with each other.
Love,
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: May 2010
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I found it on new petals thread  she made a plan B letter posted it, and scotland refined it for her! And this is what scotland recommended. I just LOVE it, so if someone needs a sample I always always use this one!
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Hmmmm, I'm not so sure about the list of demands because most of the time when a WS is ready to "do what it takes" and come home, they are still a little foggy and need to go through withdrawal first. I think approaching them with the list might discourage them from even trying. I also think the paragraph before pretty much spells out what needs to happen.
I know if my DH had read that list he would have given up because it comes across as demanding.
I dunno, that's just my take.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: May 2010
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Ya I totally agree, everyone is different, that's why it's only an example  I figured if there is something that is in that plan B letter they don't want to use, they can always reword it, delete, or write a whole different one. My main goal is so they have an idea what they should say in their plan B letter when they write it, I found this one and really liked it.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Okay, I think I'll start a new thread with the exact language from the "Surviving An Affair" book so people can access that too.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,879
Member
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Joined: May 2010
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GOOD IDEA!!
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