Is there any reason why I should not be courteous to the OW?
For example...emailing her to see if she will be present at an event that we would be attending. My husband is aware of the interaction. He knows that this is not allowed between them, but does my communication with her make it seem less dangerous for him/her?
Thoughts??

What event? Are they still working together? if they are then there is Contact?

Would you be courteous to someone who breaks into your home and steals your most important valuables?

Mine are these. NO CONTACT is for you and your WH. That means that you don't contact her either. If there is an event where it is even a REMOTE possibility that you will run into OW, YOU DON'T GO. If you ever go somewhere and OW is there, YOU LEAVE. DrH has even suggested that people move to another state so contact does not continue.

Your Siggy says that your FINAL DDay was 3/31/10. If you continue this way, it won't be your final dday because the affair WILL revive. It doesn't take huge contact for the affair to resume. I have heard stories about people whose WSs have returned to their AP years into recovery, over a phone call or a "run-in" at an event. You are playing with fire here.

I don't remember the full details of your sitch but I would ENSURE that one of your EPs as well as your WHs is that you NEVER but your self in a sitch where it is a POSSIBILITY that OW will be there.

Also, not remembering your sitch, it could be possible that OW would tell you that she wasn't going and then go. Your WH has also been triggered just by thinking about this and this has hurt your "recovery."

Do NOT do this.

The boundary is ... if you and/or H go anywhere and OW shows up ... you leave.

I don't get it. Someone tried to destroy your world and you are entertaining one second's thought about being courteous to them?

Skip the event and do something else equally fun. If you must go, go with the POJA that you will leave the event if there is an OW sighting. My money is on 'skip the event.'

My husband is an attorney. The OW is a secretary at the courthouse and is attending law school. He used to work directly with her, but changed jobs in April. One of the judges asked husband to courtroom. I wanted to know if OW would be there. Our social circle is very intertwined.
Am positive there has been NC since 3/31 but everytime (he's been twice since March) he has to go to the courthouse I worry. He is very upfront about it and keeps in contact with me the whole time, but I do worry about the just seeing and it starting up again.
Moving is not an option right now with both of our jobs and my family here.

Whew. I don't know how you handle the stress of the potential contact day in and day out. That can't be good for your marriage.

Boy can I relate to this for the same reasons, however, I absolutely draw the line at being courteous to OW, if we HAVE to meet, then I will just have to IGNORE her. Difficult indeed but I believe in poise under pressure.

Is this OW the secretary to the Judge who invited your WH? Was the A ever exposed to OW's employer, namely the Judge?

Of course you don't need to be courteous to OW! This woman tried to murder your marriage. She deserves NO courtesy.

We had one BS here who did this very well. When she ran into OW she pretended as if OW did not exist-- wasn't even in the room, much less standing in front of her.

Why isn't your WH protecting your from possible contact with OW?

I understand about the legal social circles, but I find it weird that a secretary in a courthouse is EVER included in events that attorneys and Judges attend. Is she a clerk or a secretary?

I'm taking this as a sign...maritalbliss, Pepperband, and Scotland I have read many of your posts and I consider you "big dogs" re: advice. The fact that all 3 of you replied and said the same thing (you too hope3343!)gives me the answer I sought. Thank you

She's a clerk...attending law school so involved at a higher level...not specifically involved with this Judge...married.
I hadn't thought about why he isn't protecting me. Doubt he thought of it that way either. hmmm

Washissunshine,
No Contact means No Contact, I am in the same place and it is very stressful when they run into each other at times for me and it sets our chance at recovery back each time, false recovery.
They have reconnected a few times since finding out......I caution you to be sure that the affair still doesn't go on......sorry.......the story is so familiar here, finding out after promises have been made......
I don't know what your story is either but I will try to read about your situation....
I wouldn't have anything to do with the OW and your husband shouldn't either....
good luck..

He hasn't thought about it because his mentality is still that of a wayward. I am concerned for you, sunshine. He should not have this contact with OW. It sounds like you haven't begun R your M, and now he's still running into her?

He has not run into her since recovery date, I have just been concerned he would at various social and work related events.

Whether his feelings about running into her are good or bad at any given moment, the worry that it could happen any day, any time, will keep him stuck in the fog, and you triggered and unable to heal.

If recovery is the goal for both of you, it should be worth any inconvenience or outright sacrifice to make NC a guarantee and not just a hope.