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Is there any way you can get him to sign a quick deed, and sign the house and the lot over to you. If you can swing the payments then he gets out of a payment and that further divides you and WXH in terms of credit?
Just a thought.... I am not very well versed in the area of real estate and finance.



Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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((((Hope))))


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Originally Posted by mymissy
Is there any way you can get him to sign a quick deed, and sign the house and the lot over to you. If you can swing the payments then he gets out of a payment and that further divides you and WXH in terms of credit?
Just a thought.... I am not very well versed in the area of real estate and finance.

I doubt he would - he's doing what he's doing to deliberately harm Hope's credit. What he's doing is out of malice, not out of an inability to pay. It's a direct result of Hope holding him accountable legally for the terms of his divorce. And he's throwing a self-destructive tantrum designed to intimidate Hope into caving.

Hope - you'll need to be prepared for the worst here. Do you have a family member who can buy the property for the price of the note - force him to give it up due to contractual default and let you continue making your 1/2 of the payments to them?


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The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Hi Kayla, actually it is an inability to pay. He has racked up $$$ of credit card bills supporting the A.

He drained his 401K, other savings and now has run out of funds but wants to keep spending on PP.

I don't think he is doing this deliberately he just doesn't care about anything except his A and fantasy. PP would love to harm me because after all "I am picking on her".

I am preparing for the worst and going into survivor mode. Unfortunately I do no have anyone that could help with this financially.

Have not told DD17 of this newest development. This is a very important year as a senior and I do not want to put unnecessary stress on her wondering where we might be moving and how to pay for college.

Just joined an organization related to my industry that gives out scholarships every year. Every bit helps.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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You're doing great, Hope. Yes, don't lay this on DD17. It will work out. Smart girls who want to go to college will find a way. Even if she has to go on Federal work-study, she'll get it done. Don't let his and PP's toxicity soak into you and your family!


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Originally Posted by imanotherone
You're doing great, Hope. Yes, don't lay this on DD17. It will work out. Smart girls who want to go to college will find a way. Even if she has to go on Federal work-study, she'll get it done. Don't let his and PP's toxicity soak into you and your family!

Sorry, I don't agree with this. DD17 is old enough, and has been part of this for the past two years.

If her father declares bankruptcy, then there WILL BE an affect on DD17, as well as Hope. That affect has yet to be determined, and will not be for quite awhile.

But some direct effects on DD17 will be a limitation on potential student (Parent paid or student paid) loans, as well as her father funding ANYTHING regarding senior year or college.

With you only sharing the debt for the house and the property next door, you are protected from having your credit crushed by this man further. Yes, you have to make the payments, but thru this process, your attorney can probably get the property fully transferred to you. You get it all, plus the debt. If there isn't much equity, it should even be easier to negotiate this transfer. However, if there is any equity, your only recourse is the sell the property as quickly as you can, for the highest amount you can. All proceeds will go to the bank for the loan, and if there is some debt left over, the bankjruptcy may help deal with that, or you may be faced with picking it up. A debt for 10% of the loan may be much better then 100%

Since these things are going to happen, and they are very public, then you should be discussing them with DD's DD17 will find out anyway. Either thru DD30 or some other source, and she will ask Hope why she didn't tell her about this weeks or months ago.

Your still W XH is suffering from serious plastic poisoning.

It sucks that you have to be in this spot. But your filing against him was a good move, and may or may not be dischargable in his bankruptcy. He may have pulled a trigger that blows HIM up, not you.

Sorry, Hope. This all sucks. Since you are joint owner of both properties, the bankruptcy court can not force YOU to sell the lot. But you CAN force the sale of the lot, to minimize the damage to you.

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Originally Posted by LG
and she will ask Hope why she didn't tell her about this weeks or months ago.


I agree with this totally.


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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But your filing against him was a good move, and may or may not be dischargable in his bankruptcy


One way to prevent the discharge of a debt awarded in a divoce in Texas is when you find out for sure that he has filed, you immediately file a proceeding in the bankruptcy court asking that this debt not be discharged. There is a timeline for doing this and if you miss the deadline, you'll lose the opportunity to contest it.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thanks for the replies. My concern is that DD17 has such a tough school load taking both high school and college courses in the program she is in I don't want her to lose focus till I had something concrete for the questions she will have.

When XH told DD that he was moving out 2 weeks after she started school she spiraled downward. Her grades dropped significantly, she struggled for a whole year and was almost dropped from the University prep. program she was attending. It was awful.

She is in a very good place these days. This last week she put up on FB "I am so happy with my life. I love my family and friends so much and have a great BF."

Once I talk to my attorney and have some direction of what is going to happen I will talk to DD. In that discussion I will show strength and grace to know that we will get through this and thrive.

PM I am requesting this via email to my atty. Thanks.

Interestingly I saw XH today. I was walking to a meeting and I look up and there is XH looking at me as he heads into his building. He had the good grace to look guilty, head went down, shoulders slumped. It looks like carbohyrates are his new food of choice. For a guy gettting affairaged he is not too worried if he can fit into his pig monkey suit.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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I'm not suggesting lying to DD17, I'm suggesting that, as a parent, you share only what is necessary. This isn't DD17's fault and it's the problem between her parents. At this point, you don't know the specific ramifications, so why cause DD17 unnecessary worry? A 17-year-old shouldn't have to worry about her parents' finances. Sure, tell her money is going to be tight--she already knows that anyway. Tell her she probably won't see any money from dad--she already knows this too. DON'T tell her this will keep her out of college because it WON'T. There are scholarships, loans, and community college as options. DD17 is probably doing all she can to qualify for scholarships and loans anyway, so why add more pressure?


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I agree with Ima. There is no reason DD should know the specifics about the financial stuff. As we all know, teenagers tend to make everything about them so she may even decide that it is HER fault that her mom is going to have to struggle, etc. Just the basics (i.e., money will be tight) should be enough.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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IM never thought you said to lie and did not take it in that context. Will always be truthful with her but protect her also.

We did have the money talk these past few weeks. She knows I am saving money from my 2nd job for college. She is also paying me some money towards car insurance and to budget her money.

PM you hit it on the head that teenagers think it is all about them!! Funny that waywards think the same also.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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Also, Senior year has a LOT of expenses. Senior photos- a lot of kids are going "semi - pro" on them.
That is they find a talented adult to take them, they print online (even witn name on it).
saves hundreds.

Do not get Traditional invites (from school) cost $150-$300. Instead go to Jo Annes and get custom printable. Beautiful. AND a fraction of cost (I got mine in sale bin -- a $50 set for $10)
OR get a great photo of her and do the photo/card invite at Wal marts.
Yearbooks, All night Senior party, cap and gown rental PROM ( a 12th grade must) all need to be planned for.

But kids are smarter now. They trade dresses, cut the limos and have house parties pre dance (instead of fancy dinner out)

Great thing is you can do these things and not have to pay the highest.
There is also Open House-- but many ways to do this with style and not kill your finances.



Me; W 46
Him; H 46

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Originally Posted by barbiecat
Also, Senior year has a LOT of expenses. Senior photos- a lot of kids are going "semi - pro" on them.
That is they find a talented adult to take them, they print online (even witn name on it).
saves hundreds.

Do not get Traditional invites (from school) cost $150-$300. Instead go to Jo Annes and get custom printable. Beautiful. AND a fraction of cost (I got mine in sale bin -- a $50 set for $10)
OR get a great photo of her and do the photo/card invite at Wal marts.
Yearbooks, All night Senior party, cap and gown rental PROM ( a 12th grade must) all need to be planned for.

But kids are smarter now. They trade dresses, cut the limos and have house parties pre dance (instead of fancy dinner out)

Great thing is you can do these things and not have to pay the highest.
There is also Open House-- but many ways to do this with style and not kill your finances.

BC some great suggestions. Yes a few big events this year and it includes those formal dresses. We are putting some of her dresses on Craigs list and using the money towards the 2 dresses she will need. I am a good shopper and will find something that will look great and not break the bank.

We are not getting traditional invites; since all of our family is out of state we are planning to have a graduation party when we go there during the summer. Grad invites with a picture inset.

She had some pro-pictures taken but I am buying 3 4x5 pictures and then reproducing them at home for everyone.
I did order the yearbook for her and it is a surprise.

She told me she does not want a class ring and I don't know if she is just saying that because she knows it is expensive? dontknow It hurts a little that money is tight and everytime something comes up I grit my teeth but show it as a smile.

This is an exciting year and want the best for her as any parent would.


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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She told me she does not want a class ring and I don't know if she is just saying that because she knows it is expensive?

I think that may be more the trend with a lot of kids. My DstepChildren - none wanted a class ring and did not get one. They did not really seem to care for that kind of stuff and was the same with many of their classmates.

Enjoy this year though, it will be great no matter what.


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."
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Better you not get her one if she does not want one.

I didn't want mine and I'm still trying to figure out how to best sell it.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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my missy and karma thank you for making me feel better. As a parent I want the best for her and I was doing some of that guilt that she did not want to tell me.

Your right, I don't think I see many kids wearing their high school rings anymore.

Appreciate your opinions


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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You could maybe get her a piece of jewelry though--a necklace, or maybe a gift of some sort. A shirt or a movie she has been talking about?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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just a quick note on the quit claim deed on the house/property- it only changes ownership of the property, it does NOT change the loan- you have to actually refinance it.



I'm the FWW EA 2/06-3/06 NC 3/06 BH still not sure
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Karma good idea about a piece of jewelry. That would work.

Howtoheal, I did know that. The problem was that when XH took ownership of the property he could not refinance it because the value of the land was less than the mortgage so it stayed in both of our names and now he is not paying.

Still no additional word from attorney. I know they move slow sometimes.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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