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That felt good. POS. I have so many more things to say, every time he tries to contact her, which I think will not last long. I think the exposure just gave him a new "hobby" to work on - salvaging his shattered life. A-hole.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
OM: Thanks I appreciate what you did! Its not going to get (WW) to take you back! I love my wife and I will find a way to fix it, but yours is f@#$ed up for good. You can blame me all you want, but you need to look in the mirror about who f@#$ed your marriage up. It was messed up before me. Have a good life bud! (Why is he saying this, because my WW lied to him and told him we were separated. Not true, of course)
She likely told him all manner of lies about you. A WW will typically demonize her H in order to justify her affair. He may think you are separated because she has been able to contact him so freely from your home.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Then she wrote the OMW a foggy apologetic letter begging her to take OM back because she didn't want to ruin his life. OMW said "F@#$ you."
It gets better. Want a WW hall of shame moment? Here it is, in my WW's letter to OMW: "I gave sex to get love (that I was missing), and he gave love to get the sex that he was missing."
OMW's response: "F@$# you! You don't know a goddamn thing about me and I f@#$ing hate every word he ever said to you. I don't know if it can be fixed & it sure as hell is not your business. Thank God your husband said something because you two liars sure as hell never would. You're only sorry you got caught & how DARE you want him to think of you while he has sex with his me. I am repulsed by you both right now."
No, she has not left yet, but she does have places she could go. She could stay with a family member or the closeby neighbor I told.
As for filing, she said she made an appointment with a divorce attorney tomorrow - she just filled out a questionnaire online. She has no money to pay for it, and yes, I will fight tooth and nail.
The good news? OM dumped her already. Dropped her off FB - probably from my comment. She came in bedroom and cried and said "I hope you're happy! Why couldn't you just let me let him go in my own way and then maybe you and I cold have had a chance! We're done now!"
The part that hurts the most and I don't know why? She removed me from FB as her husband and as a friend. Silly but it hurt. Then she deleted 90% of her friends and went just down to blood relatives. She mentioned potentially doing this before.
Okay, so I still have intel in place, but I think it seems that affair is DEAD. What now? Wait out withdrawal and try not to PO her / commit LBs? Stall D?
Then what? Man, she hates me right now. She changed her FB password to "f@#$(BH name)"!
Just go have yourself a cold beer and pat yourself on the back! You just killed your wife's affair, Sir!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I AM going to have a cold beer. She just surgically removed me from FB. I guess that is her public D of me. Surprised she didn't do that during A to justify it - after all, she knew she was going to leave, so it's not an A, right? (see, I even laughed at that)
Man, the next few days is gonna be rough. I guess the FB thing bothers me because it is a public statement that she is done with me. But I will hold out hope.
Wow, she just came in the bedroom again and made it clear we are through forever. Thsi killed us forever. She will never, ever, be with me again. I don't know guys, I'm really starting to believe she is sincere. Help! I don't want to have made a huge mistake! Talk me down...
Why are you still afraid of her? Has she been sincere lately?
We have accurately described the dynamics of your situation, aren't we?. The anger will blow over in days, maybe weeks. You are still in Day 1. The more anger, the more deadly was the blow to kill the affair.
Do you realize that she is not angry with you because you "ruined" your marriage recovery or something like that?
She is angry because you ruined her affair! Be proud of that.
Do not let her convince you that there was still "us" that you killed. There wasn't. There was a plot to manipulate you to allow to continue her affair and for that, giving you some "hope" was necessary.
But in reality, she was already GONE.
Me (FWH) 44 Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42 Married 22 years 2 Children 20 and 22 years Last D-Day for me: May 2009 Last D-Day for her: October 2008
You've really gotta try hard not to take anything she does/says seriously until she gets through withdrawal.
Going back to my sister's H, he continously (and emphatically) told her he was "done" during those couple of days I told you about when he was raging. Even after he burnt out, he kept saying he was done. Oh! and he did the same thing on FB, he defriended her and took her off as his spouse. She was really hurt by that as well.
You did exactly the right thing. One of the reasons she is acting this way, is that the feeling of power and control she had over you is gone. She can't talk her way out of this. Its done. Her fantasy world is destroyed. And don't be to worried about her talking divorce or even if she moved out. Just keep doing the plan A. You see even if she does move out. All it would be then is her living outside the home and looking in (at you and the kids) at her old life. Plan lots of fun things to do with the kids. Invite her, but don't force her to go. When you go take lots of pictures and put them on the fridge or around. Let the kids even make cards with the pictures of you all. This is a family effort. The kids can do so much without even knowing they are helping, just by loving their mom.
You have upped the ante in your marriage. The only chip she has left is to actually go PA, and the guy sounds like he is through. Divorce is not a chip. Its a fold. Do not loan her any of you power by LBs. Your responses have been perfect. Do not be baited by her.
Wow, she just came in the bedroom again and made it clear we are through forever. Thsi killed us forever. She will never, ever, be with me again. I don't know guys, I'm really starting to believe she is sincere. Help! I don't want to have made a huge mistake! Talk me down...
Wow, she just came in the bedroom again and made it clear we are through forever. Thsi killed us forever. She will never, ever, be with me again. I don't know guys, I'm really starting to believe she is sincere. Help! I don't want to have made a huge mistake! Talk me down...
She means nothing of the kind. Wayward babble. Try not to remind her of how distasteful her outbursts were when she's out of the fog and cringing in embarrassment over her behavior.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
No, she has not left yet, but she does have places she could go. She could stay with a family member or the closeby neighbor I told.
As for filing, she said she made an appointment with a divorce attorney tomorrow - she just filled out a questionnaire online. She has no money to pay for it, and yes, I will fight tooth and nail.
She's not going to go anywhere. Why would she? What's the point now? Because she's not going to D, either. She's just lashing out right now, using any weapon she can to hurt you like "you hurt her."
Couple of things: Ignore anything about FB. That's just something else she did to try to hurt you.
Don't let her take the kids anywhere.
She gets NO MONEY. If she needs something from the store, offer to go with her to get it, and pay for it out of your own pocket.
Remember: YOU'RE driving the bus.
Let OMW know when there's contact. Right now she's in shock. She's just had her reality completely destroyed. However, there's a good chance that she's still loyal to her WH. He more than likely is throwing your WW under the bus and telling his W that he was led on, that WW stalked him, blah blah blah. Make sure his W knows of every contact. Ask her to do the same for you. Do NOT threaten her H to her! That will make her afraid of you and she'll avoid you! It's what caused me to avoid the OWH in my sitch. You want her to know that you're both in the same boat.
I tip my hat to you, Humbled. You're doing great!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
I am trying not to laugh....because I KNOW its NOT FUNNY....but it gives me a look at MYSELF from the outside when I was going through that. I NEVER said anything like that to my H but I certainly felt that way. Your W has an incredible sense of entitlement to just think that you would LET HER have a boyfriend? LIKE SERIOUSLY????
Stay the course....remember.....you have a great plan in place. That is the one thing I like most about MB.....it gives you a step by step plan to recover your marriage. In a time where you literally can't think for yourself or make a decision....its right there for you.
Again, do not engage in conflict with her. Smile and say....I love you enough to fight the fight to keep our marriage together.
I know for a fact that for a long time she has been feeling very unworthy of your love. Many times WS will pick fights, find fault, etc....just because they know what they are doing is wrong and deep down they do not feel worthy for the BS to be nice to them.
Keep us updated and we will be here for you.
One thing....do not give ONE HECKY HOOT (my daughter says this and I LOVE IT)....about her deleting you on FB. Here is my two cents worth about FB. It started out as a way for people to communicate (Mostly young people) but has turned into DRAMA CENTRAL! I do not nor will I ever again have FB. What I find is that FOR THE MOST PART....its self absorbed people who think others really care to have a minute to minute detail of their life. I work at a school and you will not believe the amount of drama that starts from FB. She is using that as an unwritten statement to you....that she is done. HA If she were done.....she wouldn't care to put it on FB. Even if she leaves, she is NOT DONE.
After wheels exposed my affair on face book I did the following....
screamed yelled punched walls, doors, and even wheels! threatening him saying..."I might have ruined the marriage but you ended it!" "You just made things worse, I was going to end it, but now IT'S OVER BETWEEN YOU AND ME!!" Cried
ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!
Right now you wife is having a lot of resentment because what you did, the next day I decided to stay with my sister in Colorado because I hated the thought of looking at wheels, I wanted to divorce him NOW! But I knew I needed help first. If you want to read my first post on here and read it. You can.
Wow, she just came in the bedroom again and made it clear we are through forever. Thsi killed us forever. She will never, ever, be with me again. I don't know guys, I'm really starting to believe she is sincere. Help! I don't want to have made a huge mistake! Talk me down...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
