Tell OMW. She's your greatest ally in keeping this from getting worse.

Asap, Humbled. Tell OMW NOW, and tell your WW you've done so.

"WW, if you truly wish to leave to sort out your thoughts, I will respect that. But in honesty and openness, I will also tell you that I have informed OMW of your whereabouts, so that she can protect her marriage. Can I help you pack anything? Mapquest your destination? You know, of course, that the kids will stay with me."

I never had the luxury of being a SAHM, though it was a fantasy of mine. My kids are grown and professionals, even though they were"raised by others", they came out just fine. They appreciate everything our combined incomes gave them. They wanted for nothing. Having said that, it is time that your WW, to get her drawers out of a bunch and get down to job hunting.

How will she get her plane ticket to OM Suburbia?
What daycare will she choose in your neighborhood for the little one, since she will have to work locally?
What training does she need to get employable?
These are the pressing questions for a woman with the lofty goals she has chosen for herself.
Question her about the reality of it all. She needs to face reality, and you need to keep her cut off from the finances.
Her pity party needs to stop. SIL needs to know there is no future for your kids in her home. She needs the reality check also. GF

One thing you need to realize is that time is dragging on because all this confrontation is ONLY 1 OR 2 DAYS OLD. You need to keep your wits about you. picture it like this. The two of you are in a canoe going through the rapids. Your wife is standing up in the boat (the boat being your marriage) and freaking out. You need to stay seated and concentrate on keeping the canoe right side up. If your wife wants to visit or live with her sister for a time. Let her. But do not let her take the kids. Just let the OMW know and I am sure she will keep an extra special close eye on him. Suggest that she GPS his car. From everything you have written, the OM has already thrown her under the bus. I can virtually guarantee that it was only sex to him. He has already shut her down on running away together.

MORE HELP PLEASE.

Yes, I exposed to SIL. I will explain to her and tell OMW.

OM tightened all his privacy settings on FB so non-friends can't see ANYTHING (read, my WW can't). Yay! That will help with NC, seeing as last time she obsessively watched his wall. Tonight is rough. Came home. She is freaking out without her fix. She was frantically asking me if I had heard anything from OMW - she needs to know about OM's life! She looked like a crack addict. She asked if they were working it out, I said they are working on it. She looked sad, to which I remarked that she said she didn't want his life ruined so she should be happy for them. He is in therapy now (good thing). She asked if anything was said about her. I said I didn't think we should talk about that. She pleaded, I said "I'm trying to protect you." She begged, so I said,

"Okay, but, I tried to protect you. He told his wife it was all just online fantasy and he didn't mean any of the words he said to you." (true)

She fell apart, but quickly justified "Well, he had to tell her that to get her back. I KNOW he loves me." (lying to self)

She pushed the divorce thing again and was irate when I wouldn't pay for her lawyer. She said it was "our" money, which really struck me because I have always said that too. How should I respond to that one?

She also knows about the addictive quality of affairs (has for some time), so she said, "What, you think I'm going to go through withdrawal and magically want to stay married to you?" I said, not sure, but we should probably wait until you are in a better place to discuss this."

Tonight sucks. I came home from work and went in the backyard with the kids. When I came in the house she was gone (wishing I had the GPS now, but we live 1500 miles from OM). She has been gone two hours. She left her phone here. She knows I will obsess wondering where she is. At least I know she is not with OM. I am guessing she is punishing me?

Never mind on the running off tonight thing. She went to Taco Bell and the movies. I checked our bank account (everything we do is on a debit card). I'm sure she thinks I'm worried - now I don't have to be

Sorry you are going through this, Humbled. I know it's hard to believe but it will get better. Hang in there

Regarding the money issue. Tell her its only OUR money as long as you're married to me. Tell her that your sorry but your not going to put the gun in her hand so she can shoot you. Also, DO NOT SHARE ANYMORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE OTHER MAN WITH HER. If she was really going to divorce you, she needs to find a job. If I were you, I would separate finance and cut of the debit card. If you can't trust her with your heart, you can't trust her with your money.

See how she is trying to scare you?

Our Money = FAMILY money.

It is money to benefit and serve the family.

It will NOT be used to undermine and destroy that family. If she wants to destroy her family she is welcome to do so with her OWN means. You will continue to do what is best for your family.

And I'd suggest that you no longer discuss OM or OMW. When your wife brings it up tell her you will not become a method for her to get her 'fix' of OM. Because that is what she is doing.

When she needles for information politely let her know that OM is out of your life and you will not discuss him.

What is your game plan for Plan A?

Thanks all. This part is really hard. My family feels so broken. My DW and I used to communicate so honestly - I am used to believing her words. It feels like she is done with me. I am holding strong to what you are all telling me - it's only been a day and a half since exposure, but this is so hard. I admit it, I am doubting now and questioning what I did. No worries, it's all internal - I haven't changed my front to her. I hope I have enough strength for weeks, and I pray the fog starts to lift even a little in that time.

Last night was so sad. I put the kids to bed alone - made me feel what it would be like if she was really gone and it was sad and lonely and broken and I missed her so much. We used to be such a happy, loving little family. We always put the kids to bed together - we have a whole ritual of shared kisses and hugs. The kids were sad and didn't understand why mommy wasn't there to kiss and hug them good night. It made me cry and broke my heart.

She came in shortly after they were asleep and didn't say a word to me. Then she spent some time on the computer googling D without lawyers and online D, and she filled out some paperwork online for a D.

I'm trying, guys. I'm doing my best. I'm still scared and sad right now. I hope I see some improvement in the coming weeks.

Humbled, you will be fine. You have snatched the crack pipe from the crack head, and sure, she is furious. She wants to punish you. But as she sobers up and faces reality, she will come to her senses.

Be there for her in a caring, compassionate way, but not an ENABLING way and she will come around. Don't let her manipulate or scare you because that will embolden her to abuse you rather than come back to the marriage.

You are on the right track. Just ride it out.

Humbled, of course your WW is trying to make you worry. You see it benefits her 2 ways. One, she gets to hurt you. She is pulling out all of her ammo trying to hurt you just as bad as you hurt her(blah blah blah). The second way it benefits her is if you don't worry about her. Then she says, "See, you don't care about me anyways."

Not only are waywards selfish and self centered crazy people, they also seem to behave like teenagers. They play childish games. They are so "in love" with their APs. Just making you aware so you can understand more about what you are dealing with.

There really is no reasoning and no understanding them. Some of the vets here have been around to see a lot of waywardness. That's why they can see what a wayward is going to do or say. It really is like they are reading from the same script. Have you read the craziest things to come out of a wayward's mouth, or any of the other threads like that? There is a bunch of things that your WW will say or has said and then some even crazier things. It will help you.

Stay strong. You did the very best thing and how you act now will speak volumes.

p.s. while it doesn't seem like it, your marriage is 1000% better off today than it was 2 days ago. The greatest threat to your marriage is this affair and you have killed it. Her anger will blow over and she will sober up as she withdraws from the OM.

I think she is in shock that others don't see her affair in the same light as she. For example, only a very fogged out person would have the NERVE to send an email to the OM's wife. Yet your wife believed she could explain this away. She was in shock that the enraged OMW cussed her out.

Seeing herself through the eyes of others has been a big wake up call to your wife. A much needed wake up call.

One more thing(you were posting while I was compiling so this thought came from your more recent post). The beauty about MB plans is that you do these things for YOU. You don't worry about the reactions or non reactions of your wayward. You will learn how to have an extraordinary marriage and how to be the best participant in a spectacular marriage. You work on YOU. That's all that is asked from you. You can't control what other people do and you can't make anyone stay with you. All you do is show your WW that you are a better alternative.

Focus on leaning how to be a better Humbled.

She will get a rude awakening trying to do a DIY (do-it-yourself) divorce online when property and children are involved. Also, those are generally used for non-contested divorces. They don't go deep enough to explain the intricacies of a contested divorce and in fact will have a disclaimer warning her not to try it on her own if the divorce is contested.

How did she pay for the online documents? Debit card again? I hope you've told her that you won't be paying any $$ towards the destruction of your family including online forms or a filing fee if she's dumb enough to go the DIY route.

You're doing great Humbled. I know this is hard and it hurts BAD. Focus on YOU and your KIDDOS who really need a sane parent right now.

One more thing, is there any possibility that she is reading here? When you said she mentioned withdrawal, it made me wonder.

Everything you're feeling is so normal for where you are right now, Humbled. Look around you - look at the rubble that your WW has made of your 'old' lives. Take stock of that and grieve for what is lost. I'll give you about, oh, 5, maybe 10 minutes.

Now look again. Look at your children. They depend on you for their very lives. And you, sir, have protected them well against this terrible onslaught to your M. Many posters have not. They were afraid of their WS's wrath. And now they get to see their kids every other weekend and alternating holidays.

See the foundation that you are beginning to rebuild. And you'll be rebuilding a better M, not preparing for a D because you hesitated and were lost. You EXPOSED, Humbled. Lots of posters didn't, and they aren't here anymore. They are divorced and no longer need our support. It's going to be bumpy and difficult at times. You've got to embrace that as part of rebuilding.

So it's okay to grieve the good things that you've lost - but you're going to end up with a better M - keep that goal squarely in front of you.

You've got the right stuff. Use it.

Bingo!

And to take it a step further. I think your WW's fog was on the very extreme side...because of the fact that she was able to conduct the A in the open and her waywardness was enabled. So she lived her fantasy from morning until night. Probably OM occupied her thoughts most of the day so exactly like Mel said, her system is in complete shock right now.

Have you watched Dr H's video on infidelity yet? I'm pretty sure he refers to the period of withdrawal as being pretty rough, that the WS is miserable and that you've got to give it some time.

Just do us a favor and don't despair yet. Her reaction and the things she is doing right now don't surprise me in the least.

I say maybe it's a good thing for her to be looking up D. Once she finds out how much it will cost and she has to start thinking about things like not being with her kids very much and having to find a job, it may help to clear the fog a little bit. If she brings it up, I would let her know it's not going to be uncontested and that you will be dragging all of her dirty laundry (evidence of the A) into it.

Otherwise, keep doing things with the kids and making the home a pleasant place to be.