Is there anybody anywhere who can give you, (or buy a used one), a window unit untill you can find another solution? You can use sheets or something to block off the other rooms and stay in just a couple till then. We have done this.

Cheer up writer, you can do this.

CP: I don't know. It's 5:49 in the morning here. I've had very little sleep. I won't be able to call around or see what we can do for a couple more hours. A window AC might help for upstairs if we can find one. It may at least keep it from getting dangerously hot. Most of my house is upstairs including the living room and kitchen and the kids' bedrooms. It's much cooler downstairs, but the only thing down here is my bedroom and a bathroom, so it's pretty hard to stay down here all the time. Even down here gets too hot to stand it by about 2 in the afternoon or so.

I just sent out an email to everyone in our ward at church to see if anyone has any window air conditioning units they can spare for a couple days.

I'm concerned that a window unit won't help much. I don't know what's wrong with our house, but on super hot days (like the next 3 days are supposed to be) even with our central AC running non-stop, the temperature upstairs will hover around 82 or 83. It just won't get any cooler up there no matter what we do. I know we have major issues with insulation and stuff, but we just can't afford to fix it.

To make matters worse (like that's possible), we got a disconnection notice from the electric company and the bill (pretty substantial due to our horrible energy efficiency problems) has to be paid by Sept. 8 or they will shut it off. So, we have to save enough $$ for that since an air conditioner won't do us much good if we have no electricity.

I've been following your story and I don't think I've posted, but I wanted to share this.

If you enter the name "Gail Vaz-Oxlade" in Google, it'll bring you to a site about debt management. This person helps people get out of debt by putting them on a strict cash budget. There are many success stories on the site that may give you some hope. She has a television show in Canada that focuses on couples who are in very deep debt (I've seen episodes where people are more than $100,000 in debt). In most cases, she gets them on a repayment plan and counsels them on how to boost their earning potential. What I love about this person is that she doesn't rely on debt restructuring unless it's completely necessary. She also focuses on getting families debt free in 3 years. She has a blog and I have no doubt that if you write to her, she'll get back to you with some ideas.

Although some of your money issues are a direct result of your Son's recent issues, many of the issues stem from poor decisions. For instance--Gail Vaz-Oxlade always counsels people to think about the earning potential of the course of study that they choose. This is incredibly important if you're financing that course of study. I think in retrospect, you realize that it would have been far more productive to learn a trade that would have cost you much less, than to spend $70,000 on a degree that didn't give you any larger earning potential.Education is wonderful, but only if you can afford it.

I agree with everyone who encouraged you to set your DS21 free. He's old enough to be out on his own. If his earning potential isn't what it should be, then he'll have to work hard to support himself. That's life and at some point in our lives, we've all had to deal with these circumstances.

Please don't misunderstand me--I feel for you. I'm Canadian and I don't understand some of the legal procedures in the US but it all seems very unfair to me.

Good luck to you and your family.

Writer, I don't do bankruptcy or insolvency or debtor-creditor law, but I think you should find out more about all your options. Even if a bankruptcy does not fully discharge all your debts, it might help by making changes such as lowering interest rates, extending the period during which you will repay the loan, etc. So your monthly payments might go down even if the principal amount you owe is not changed.

Also, some of the lenders might be willing to work with you if you show them a balance sheet, backed up by statements confirming the amounts. Especially the ones who will be wiped out if you declare bankruptcy. So you might get some of the debt reduced. Maybe only a small piece, but it sounds like at the moment getting even a small bit of help might allow you to have some hope for the future.

Hi Writer.

Just a few things for you:

The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.
Vince Lombardi

and

The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory.
That's the essence of it.
Vince Lombardi

Well, I know that these may seem trite to you and that you have probably heard similar quotes. Since I lived in Wis. during his era I have always been impressed with his approach and his accomplishments, and I had the opportunity to meet and talk with him once long ago. When I need to get myself recharged I often find some of his sayings inspiring. He had problems and challenges in his own personal life too - I have read where his wife battled alcohol and depression partly due to his being so consumed with football.

When I said a prayer for you last night to to help ease some of your burdens (and I didn't even know about the air conditioning) for some reason I thought of Wylie Coyote and his miseries. He was that cartoon character always spending inordinate amounts of money just to capture the roadrunner for a meal. I could pretty much picture one scene with him riding a rocket to catch up to roadrunner and snatch him. Well, the roadrunner usually stopped in his tracks, but the rocket with Coyote kept going, plunged over a cliff, and crashed in the gully below on a highway. He's pretty banged up, but naturally the rocket explodes damaging him even more. Then as he picks himself up to walk away, and since he is on a highway, you guessed it - he is rundown by a semi. I used to laugh at these cartoons when I was a kid, but now they just don't seem that funny. I am not snickering at all here Ms. Writer or making fun - just reflecting on how ridiculously challenging and and almost relentless life situations and events can be at times. I can identify with that - the string of one event after another - in July of last year there was the fire, then, at the end of August C left for the nursing home, and then at the end of Sept. I was informed that my position was eliminated due to the budget.

I think it is easy Ms. Writer for anyone to put a negative spin on the events of our life when these seem overwhelming or when we allow them to affect our outlook and hope for the future. There are as you know a lot of people who just don't pick themselves up again - or if they do they try to walk off the playing field. As imanotherone told you, that is not you. You Earned your masters. Maybe it wasn't the most efficient use of your funds in terms of the chosen field, but you attained your goal. The challenge here is 'to do with what you have' and to market yourself and the knowledge you acquired. I believe you said your degree is in education or english - is it possible to network with other professionals with the same or similar background to develop leads and opportunities? Obviously, no one could have predicted the timing and the depth of the recession, or they would have changed their plans and strategy accordingly.

In regard to your S18, that was his bad decision. Yes, every parent takes this type of situation personally, but it was his doing. Did you stay on the ground? No, you were proactive in supporting him and getting him counsel, and you most likely saved his butt from an even worse fate. And, as my son remarked to me, someday he Will appreciate your continued support and courage. At some point, he may be in a position to repay you at least some of the funds.

In regard to your Dau. I do not know your whole story on that, but I don't think I need to - I just have a gut feeling just by seeing how you express yourself that someday, when she is 18, she will be entering college and feeling extremely grateful that her mom had ler, raised her, supported her, and loved her.

In regard to your S21, that is a tough one..*s* However, I sort of feel maybe you have been too distracted by all the other events to really focus on his situation, and he may possibly be taking advantage of that. The thing that I am doing with my S is working with him on his strengths and weaknesses, challenging him, requiring him to contribute to the household chores. I know that your son wants to go to college now, but he has to be realistic enough to realize that he will have to supply the funds to attain that goal for the time being. What are his strenghts and weaknesses? What really professionally speaking turns him on? Where does he want to be in five years, ten years? In these cases I think it takes a lot of counseling by the parents to help set a goal and a plan to achieve that goal, and to challenge a young adult to take action.

On the A/C, one thing I would do is look for someone like a retired handyman - someone who knows HVAC and have that person check out your unit. It sounds like the condensor or the motor is affected. It may be possible to have it repaired for less than you think. Maybe that person would allow payment over a time period. Is your H knowledgable in mechanics? This is something I would 'assign' to him to get accomplished to take some of the burden of all that has happened off you. In the short-term Ms. Writer, I don't know what I would do. Fans. At least that would get the air circulating. Maybe a dehumidifier as well to take the moisture out of the air. Keep blinds and drapes closed at least on the west or south side of the house. Lots of liquids. In terms of the electric bill, most utility companies have a budget program to help families thru peak billing periods.

In terms of that medical expense obligation for this 'victim', do you have a copy of the probation order or court order? When my son got in trouble when he was a teen for breaking a street lamp the court order specified the amount he had to pay back. I find it hard to believe that a judge would allow an uncapped restitution amount. My stance on this Ms. Writer is that this is something that your son should deal with. I have forgotten how long the probation term is, but if your son is out in November he will still have time to get a job and take care of most of this. This is his responsibility. Instead of wringing your hands prematurely Ms. Writer, this is something you And your H need to investigate.

I don't really know your family situation Ms. Writer, nor is it any of my business really. It just sounds like you are not all pulling together. I could be dead wrong. It sort of sounds like you are 'Mrs. Brett Favre', and that you are carrying the team on your back like the real Favre had to do with the Packers a few years ago - before he bolted! Have you guys considered having family meetings? And, insisting on those being held? This is something that helped my family when I first got out of alcohol rehab and after. These can be used to voice gripes and problems, assign responsibility to manage and resolve immediate problems (like the A/C going out), give each person a chance to state their goals, and for the family together to participate in setting realistic plans for the members to at least begin to work on achieving those goals. These are not just informal 'let your hair down' meetings. They are run almost parlimentary style with rules, time limits, and agendas. I have not looked in awhile, but I know there are discussions of this tool on the internet as well as books on the subject. I would strongly consider patching your daughter who is in college into these meetings via phone or chat.

So you see Ms. Writer, as you pick yourself up from the latest knockdown, I feel there are alot of positive things for you to chew on, as long as, like Lurioosi recommends, you do not let the past overwhelm you.

Just take care and please stay cool.

Tom

Awesome post Tom

Make a call to your local food stamps office (or whatever it's called these days). Back when I was a very poor uni student you used to be able to get help with electric bills when you were going through a period of low income, but only if you had a shut-off notice.

Also, call your electric company. The fact that you have a baby in the house may make it so that they can't cut you off.

Hi writer. I hope you have found a way to stay cooler this weekend. I'm thinking about you.

I am concerned for writer. It is 100 degrees where I live which means it is likely 110 at her place. writer you are in my prayers.

faithful,

I too wonder, but I think this gal is dedicated and shrewed enough to guide her family to some safe place if the temp in her home gets to the dangerous mark. She probably has her hands full and needs some relief....so maybe the old fashioned prayer string for her on here. She will most likely respond in her own good time, and not our's.

She is going to be a survivor - just my gut feeling from what I have seen.

Tom

Hi everyone! I'm still alive, just crazy busy.

Don't have time for much of an update, but the AC is fixed (for now at least). It was a blown transfuser and cost $175 to fix. Of course, they recommended replacing the entire unit, since it was installed in 1978, but that would have been $1400. The repairman couldn't guarantee how long the new transfuser would fix the problem, but it seems to be working okay for now.

It's cooler here today (finally) with a nice marine layer.

Tom, I will respond to your post later. Trying to get caught up on some long-neglected stuff right now.

What strange Californian thing is this?

Marine layer is another word for smog. Except it usually burns off as the day wears on. I rarely notice "marine layers" when it's a weekend and there isn't the same volume of traffic to contribute to the atmosphere!
It is a nicer word, though!

So it keeps the atmosphere a bit cooler?

Actually, the marine layer is just a layer of clouds that comes in off the ocean and helps keep the weather nice and cool. The smog is entirely different and is usually much worse on hot days.

Having lived in San Diego, I found many mornings the radio announcer said we had a "marine layer," but when I looked outside, it was all smog

There's one easy way to tell the difference. Smog=Brown, Marine Layer=Gray. Today is gray and cool and even a little misty in places.

In celebration of the cool weather, I am making raspberry chocolate coffee cakes.

Yummy!