Thanks Pep and Scotty, that is why I come here first before I act. I sometimes need the voice of reason.

And you are so right, there isn't an alternate choice. As much as I have grown and changed; I still wish that these choices didn't exist.

But, the sad reality is that they do; and I still want to blame, use DJ's, and sometimes scream that my life and my future plans were so destroyed.

I am trying to be the better person; sometimes its just so hard.

And yes, I also realize that I shouldn't take the calls anymore, but I still can't resist the occasional tidbit of info.

You can do what is best for you. YOU can only make that choice. I am glad you posted on here first. At least that's a step in the right direction. Progress baby, progress(Quote from my PT). He also always says that the biggest obstacle is always US. You can do it.

So many times I want to call/write/punch/yell at XH but then I picture myself talking to a wall. Behind that wall is a plastic pig pulling the strings.

Can't reason, can't educate, can't change a wall.

When frustrated, angry, or sad come to this board and post. It does help. Let your WH find his own spiral down. It will happen.

I know his life is spiraling down, but I really don't want it to. I want the A to end and for him to beg for my forgiveness.

Let me put it to you this way, mymissy. How did you feel after you found out about the affair? Was it one of, if not thee most devastating thing that you have ever had to face? What happened when you were at your low? You learned a way to get out of it and you are trying to make your life better.

I know it isn't exactly the same because your WH has done this to himself and you didn't choose what happened to you. I am just trying to get you to see that if someone gets to their low point, they have options and it is up to THEM to choose what they will do.

I know we each choose our actions; and no one can predict the outcome or consequences.

I keep beating myself up - thinking - was life so horrible with me that you would choose this chaos, drama, and now a blow to your work life?

I also know I deserve better; why do we obsess over wanting them to return? After all that has been done and said, could R even happen?

But there again is that - coulda, woulda, shoulda attitude that I really need to get over.

Scotty, again you are so right; I am going to try and stop focusing on the maybe - and focus on me becoming a better me.

well said Scotland...

Even though it still hurts us we need to let them fall and fall hard. With him hitting his bottom then the only place to go is up. You can't change this but only recover yourself.

Thanks Scotty and Hope,
Well, even though I wavered a little I have managed to stay quiet. I had dinner with my DstepChildren and none of us made any mention of the WW's.

Its sad though, the kids were home from school this past weekend and said they only went to his (our) house for an hour.
So many relationships damaged by this......

I continue to pack up again, hopefully this time I get to stay put a little longer; until I decided where I want to go.

But you are all right, I need to continue to move forward with my recovery; and be out of the path of destruction.

I am sure that somehow - his transfer and her issues are all my fault. OWH's made a stand and has pulled dissolution off the table. He is suing her for divorce and custody. They go to court next week. That should make for some fireworks. I have known this for quite some time, but have made no comment to anyone.

I used to hope for R of the marriage, deep down part of me still does. But for now I am focusing on me.

Thanks again everyone.

MM
Catching up on some threads. Been very busy.

HOPE YOU keep your relationship with the stepchildren going with this move. The "Alien" (Formerly your H) sure doesn't appear to be having much of a relationship with them.

Your a way stronger person than you give yourself credit for.




Still praying for you

Nesre

I occasionally get emails from STBXWH regarding the vehicles we share. I am returning the vehicle next week after I move, and have purchased one. So, I just received this email from him.


Now our anniversary is tomorrow, but I can't imagine that means anything to WH; what is with the "I hope all is going well and the sincerely" BS?
Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks Nesre, Even though it is now 9+ months since Dday; I feel so sad over the loss of so much. everyone's prayers are much appreciated.

Well, today is technically my anniversary. Its kind of bittersweet to know that my M is really coming to an end.
I really thought that we were meant to be together forever; I thought we had a strong relationship and marriage. How wrong I was.

I also thought that by now surely things would have turned around, they don't seem to be.

So, without any other alternate choices, I am continuing to pack to move closer to my job, family, and friends.

I don't know if things will implode for them, it seems as though there is a start to a disintegration of their fantasy. But how long will they react to circumstances to keep it going. I don't know; and in less than a week I won't be around to hear or see.

YKW?

I am going to wish you a good anniversary even though he isn't there and congratulate you on the years you have been in it!

Mine is coming up and I am going to celebrate without my WH.

I am a good wife and trying to save the marriage from my end just proves it TO ME!

Hugs to you and ride the B train with style Missy!

My 13th anniversary is on the 20th. I have made plans to go out with a few girlfriends to watch a show at the casino. I hope you have a good day. You could do something to mark the day. It will ALWAYS mean SOMETHING to you. Not that it matters, since we are in Plan B, but don't think that your WH isn't thinking about you today too. This day is HIS anniversary too. My mom told me that when she was in affairland, she had 2 anniversaries. One of them, she actually went out with my Dad(yea way too weird) and the other one, she thought about him. My parents were married on Valentines Day. She said she would never have been able to celebrate Valentines Day again.

(((mm)))
happy anniversary, MM. I was just checking in and wasn't going to write anything but this caught my eye:
I was literally just explaining to schtoop about my feelings on reconciliation (in my thread on D board). I don't know if it's healthy or not but realistically I have to admit that yeh, sure, it would be the best scenario for WS to pull their head out of their a$$ and undo all the damage that's been done, and fully meaningfully repent and make reparations/compensations, end contact, go back to working toward being in love, etc, etc. That would be good for everyone involved, there's really no arguing it and SH uses it as a selling point to WS's all the time.

However, realistically, the chances of it happening are extremely slim. Mathematically I think the chances in my particular situation are about one in one quadgragillion to the 10th power. And you know what, there ain't much I can do from my end to make those chances any better. So that leaves only one other course of action:

(As you said, Missy) "Focus on Me."

opt

Thanks Opt, that's funny I was just reading what schtoop wrote on your D thread and how that applied to how I was feeling today.

So much damage has been done; that to try and R marriage would require such an extraordinary effort on part of WH and I agree. It would be one in a million (I don't want to think quite as large in terms you are) chances of that happening. Besides I can only control myself and my own life. I can't change who he has become and what he has done.

So onward I go; sad, disappointed, and heartbroken. Some days not sure that I can do this or survive this; and some days are OK; I can even say I have had an occasional good day. Today not so great a day, but overall I think a tiny, slightly bit better each week and month.

Happy Anniversary, anyway, mm! And BIG hugs. You are stronger than you know - you are such an inspiration. I hope all goes well with your move and I do hope that someday your WH comes around - but if not, I know you will be fine. Go do something nice for yourself today!

My Missy, Happy Anniversary, even if the alien is in outer space we recognize that day.

I don't think there will ever be a time that I will forget my anniversary even with XH having his A on 10-10-10. (how cheesy)

I no longer look at statistics, I look at myself and try to make my day a good one. I can't change XH, only God can.

I truly believe there will be a day when these R fail. I have hope and yes faith.