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Whats wrong with me and has anyone got the same thing?? I am so confused and dumbfounded what happened to the romance in me?  BH28 What happened to you? Your WH had an affair and smashed every bit of faith and hope you had in your husband, in love in marriage, in relationships. It's hard to feel romantic with someone who is a constant source of pain and fear. Until your WH starts to do with work of recovery, meaning taking your concnerns and needs into account, you will not feel better. I was triggered over and over again. Told Ws about some of it hid the rest. BH, why are you hiding things from your WH? You are not helping him or yourself by doing this. You are HARMING recovery when you are not completely honest. How can you expect O&H when you aren't following that rule yourself? He will never know that extent of devastation that this has done to you without the truth. am i falling out of love with him? Probably, if you have even been IN LOVE with him any of this time. I would hazard a guess and say that you are NOT in love. When is the last time you were SHOWN love? BH28, without feeling safe, you will not feel love. Without the actions to show you that you are safe, you will not feel love. Atleast he has done something i guess In this case, something is NOT better than nothing. He may have done more harm than good apologizing without sincerity. It's like an empty promise. Again, why are you not being honest with him in the moment that these things happen? Your WH certainly needs to step up, in a HUGE way, but your lack of honesty is not helping. I'm not saying that you should be cruel, but you should be honest
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Silent you are spot on with everything, I dont have that loved up feeling at most i have days when i feel sorry for him for the mess he is in. I have and will stop covering things i do it not to protect him but because I cant deal with his lack of being able to handle anything. Told his mum today about the assault, she is dumbfounded asked is he had been taking drugs and tryed to find ways of things that could have affected his judgement, clarifyied that drug tested at police station so definitley no drugs alcohol tested at police station and it wasnt that much either so she finally gave the blame where is due, HIM.
Had an interesting day, kicked out a homewrecker out of my house, i really cant beleive the situations life throws at me sometimes.
Since April I have had a girl live with us as she is from Bulgaria and her host family has thrown her out, she helped around the house and we looked after her. I then find out that the reason she has been kicked out of the host family was due to her having an A with the dad!! I mean really?? so today she found her belongings duly out on the front garden for her to collect. I really have no tolerance for this behaviour around me. Also exposed A to the mum of the host family for good measure.
Later this girl forwards me text messages in which my WS is badmouthing me to her, WHAT HAPPENED TO BOUNDRY 101??? the one that said do not discuss your marital issues with member of the opposite sex. So with that lost another millon LBs for WH from love bank, His excuse is the same need a friend to help me get through this emotional trauma time (the trauma time he caused!).
Told him to get MALE friends or learn to shut up about it, Its not my problem he finds himseld without the respect of his parents or any decent friends who advise him anything but nodding and agreeing with him.
Cant wait till Plan B really cant. wont be able to say much about it suffice to say that the 14th of September will be a good day for me.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Cant wait till Plan B really cant. wont be able to say much about it suffice to say that the 14th of September will be a good day for me. Do you have your plan B letter ready? How about having an intermediary? Have this stuff ready as part of your plan so that you can really go dark, BHonest28. Do you have your finances in order? I am very sorry to hear about the issue with the exchange student. This woman being in your home was probably interfering with recovery, especially hearing that your WH was using her to vent his frustrations when he should be talking with you. YOU are the only one who can do anything about his issues with you, so telling her is like talking to onesself. 
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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BH28:
Glad your back, and survived the weekend.
Sorry about your houseguest...
And your WH was particpating as well? Typical.
He can come HERE and spout. We will help him get straight, not nod and agree.
LG
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Since April I have had a girl live with us as she is from Bulgaria and her host family has thrown her out, she helped around the house and we looked after her. I then find out that the reason she has been kicked out of the host family was due to her having an A with the dad!! I mean really?? so today she found her belongings duly out on the front garden for her to collect. I really have no tolerance for this behaviour around me. Also exposed A to the mum of the host family for good measure.
Later this girl forwards me text messages in which my WS is badmouthing me to her, WHAT HAPPENED TO BOUNDRY 101??? the one that said do not discuss your marital issues with member of the opposite sex. So with that lost another millon LBs for WH from love bank, His excuse is the same need a friend to help me get through this emotional trauma time (the trauma time he caused!). Oh, BH this is BAD BAD news. Your husband is a danger to you. He has NO EPs in place, he has no desire to protect you and your marriage, NONE. There is NO excuse for this behavior. He has no boundaries and doesn't believe he SHOULD have any boundaries. This excuse he gave you is BS. This was another affair WAITING to happen - under your own roof! I find it interesting that there is a wealth of resources HERE to help you, people who he can talk to. But none of them are young and pretty with boobies he can admire - so who does he talk to.... not us. Cant wait till Plan B really cant. wont be able to say much about it suffice to say that the 14th of September will be a good day for me. Good for you - get your ducks in a row. I find it interesting. I took a long time to post a thoughtful thread to your H on how to help you and your marriage. No response. Tons of promises last week about how he'd be back ready to change. He has no desire to change. NONE. He's all talk, no action.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Hey
sorry about the late reply its just been another one of those days busy yet full of WS waffle to deal with.
Just managed to shrug him off long enough to be able to get on here and reply.
Silen- Plan B wise I have an IM and financially all is secure, letter wise I need all of your help to figure out the best way to say what i need to say in a way he will understand it. Will get in contact about that nearer to the time. Cant say much more that than without giving more away than I already have.
The student thing big judgement mistake on my part but glad i had the courage to deal with it, Im putting my family first, and she was not for my family, I had asked them both on several occasions to stop badmouthing me behind my back as caught them doing so a few times and yet they carried on felt like an unwanted person in my own house and it drove me to hide in my room most of the time. Glad I got rid of the problem and feel like its my house again I take full reponsibility for allowing it to go on for as long as it did and have truly learned from that. WS pointed out today that he did tell me he thought she was interfering with recovery about a month ago but i just felt to bad to kick her out now im done caring about everyone else.
Lousy- good luck with getting WS telling you anything straight, he doesent think there is anything wrong with adding an x (kiss) to text messages sent to the student. He is living in LA LA land truly. I mean how would he feel if i was texting males and adding an x at the end, I dont even do that with my closest male friends never mind anyone else (the ones i have grown up with and are like brothers)! Im just too tiered to explain to him yet again whats right behaviour and wrong behavior in a friendship with people of the opposite sex. So expect him to explain she was a friend and that the text wasnt that bad and that all he told her was that I hadnt accepted his first apology and he was stressing as he was FORCED to do another one or be kicked out etc. yeah nothing wrong with telling a homewrecker by trade those things. He may as well have booked the hotel room for this encounter while he is at it.
Vibressa- do you know whats more dangerous than not having EP's in place? well it being convinced they are securely in place and that you have them even when you brake them constantly. yep thats where he is at. He is convinced the EPs are well and truly there. me not so sure!
Oh and as far as protecting the family! dont get me started on that one, he hasnt got a bone of protective istinct for me or the childre we are thrown to the wolves to save his own skin on a regular basis, he knows he does this yet not really getting anywhere with changing that. Wonder what giving him a little taste of his own medicine will feel like, once he is on his own there will be NO ONE BUT HIMSELF to blame for his actions.
oh and dont be offended by his lack of responses to anything insightful, he still is a major AVOIDER no way will he get into any conversations where he hasnt got room to justify God forbid he ever took 3 minutes to look in the mirror and pause long enough to take a good look at what he is and what he has done and continues to do to not just me but 4 little boys who admire and love him and will want to look up to him.
Today I am harsh because he is waffling and really annoying me. going on and on about what type of thereapy is best for him what help he needs, how his parents were responsible for his emotional stuntness etc.
I have never appreciated having a job so much just looking forward to work and sleep right now.
Oh and when asked how committed is he to this marriage working the figure was 70% (but this should increse when he sees results for his efforts. Nice touch dont you think? manipulation again me thinks.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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It is good to hear that you have your financial and IM ducks in a row. I would start writing your letter immediately and Plan B very very soon. These interactions are causing more damage to you than you may know, at this point. Oh and when asked how committed is he to this marriage working the figure was 70% (but this should increse when he sees results for his efforts. Nice touch dont you think? manipulation again me thinks. This is just wacko! He's looking for YOU to make him feel like recovering the marriage. My WxH did this too. He kept saying that he was waiting for an epiphany. Dunno if it ever came, as I decided to stop waiting with him There is a plan B letter thread here and a sample in SAA. I will see if I can find the thread and bump it. For this one, you really need to go so very dark. NO interactions with this loon whatsoever. I am sorry to say it, cut I really don't see your WH 'getting' it any time soon, if ever (I'm more leaning toward never). He's too full of justification, blameshifting and excuses.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Silent have to be breef as he needs the PC now, Plan B is going to be TOTAL BLACkOUT more for my own sanity than anything else.
I need a plan B letter adjusted to my situation as im A is over and right now no OW involved so its not about asking him for that before he can return home its basically asking him to grow up and start taking responsibility for his actions and behaviours etc.
any letters like that laying around MB?
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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I would use the Plan B letter as a template and explain that your reason for Plan B is to protect yourself and love for H from his independent behaviors, lack of EPs, etc.
By the time I did Plan B, there were no OW (that I know of) but my WHs attitude was to 'wait and see' if he would feel good about recovery, hence no recovery. His attitude was still very wayward .
I bumped the Plan B letter thread...read the letter and make it your own. I would basically mention how you cannot begin the work of recovery without a fully committed and understanding spouse, that the abuse you have endured due to his IB's, lack of true EPs and a general lack of remorse since the A has added insult to the devastation brought on by the affair.
Think of ways to convey that you do not feel safe with him. Think about your boundaries...start making a list of what your boundaries are regarding marriage.
You will need to state in this letter how he can find his way back to you, through your intermediary and his actions. He will need to show you, without your holding his hand, that he is ready to accept responsibility for the A and all that is involved with recovery.
Accept nothing less, because less is what you get...trust me, I know.
Last edited by silentlucidity; 09/01/10 05:09 PM.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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(((BH28))) scumbag. Wishing you much strength as you launch on your next step.
How are you going to deal with plan B and MB with him being here?
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Hi Silent and Staytogether,
Sorry I havent been on here its the bousy end of the week for me with double shifts.
Thanks for the templates have looked at them and will ofcourse share the letter im composing before I give it to WS to get further help to perfect it.
I completely agree with setting boundries and giving him a clear vision of what it would take to come back to his family, I am lucky that my IM is aware of everything and she is the wisest person I know, she has supported me and loved me through all this and can see right through him (hence she is the ONLY female friend he will not discuss us with) he is petrified of her and asking her or getting help from her as she has been in our lives for the past 10 years and was there on D Day so KNOWS EVERYTHING.
Stay, I havent given much thought to the MB handling of Plan B, I will still keep looking to gain support on here on the hard days post plan B but I plan to restrain myself from saying things that will be perceived as communication. He knows how much I love him, he knows how hard it will be for me so really there isnt anything new he can learn by reading my thread during plan B. Any other things I should watch out for??
I must say since I have finally seen the light and have set my sights on plan B I feel like a cloud has been lifted, even people at work are saying that I look much happier. I am just looking after myself and mentally preparing for what might come.
I do find it easy to emotionally cut people off once hurt and WS has been the exception to this until now as I really have had enough. I have been beaten into numbness for so long I need to start to feel whats going on. The man I married is gone and the one in his place has a lot of growing up to do before I can fall in love with him.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Hey Everyone
Im slightly overdue an update, things have been busy but I was also trying to give WS the freedom to roam on here without the threat or worry that i would be reading his posts (wich im not).
So since my last update i turned 29 (and found a gray hair on the morning of my birthday! really?? why me??), the day started off well, WS bought me digital photo frame to put family pictures in and that was lovely. He wrote the same old promises in my card (ie this year will be better, I will be a better H etc) and I was really struck by the amount of cards I have had over the past year that say exactly the same thing but nothing gets better so am I wrong to feel the message was just another emty promise?? I just couldnt help feeling that.
The rest of the day went downhill fast, I made my own birthday cake with the kids, cooked a special dinner for everyone and just waited and waited and waited for WS to say something nice, do something nice, just do SOMETHING! nothing happened and I was so disappointed by the time I got to bed I was so down I just told him how let down I felt and went to sleep.
It just baffles me how he can waste a good opportunity for showing me love, affection and care especially with a plan B looming and looking more probable each day.
Next day was feeling so incredibly down I just plainly told him that I just want to know what will stop him from making promises and letting me down. Every time he makes a promise and lets me down he brakes my heart all over again and i get so angry at myself for falling for it again. So now in major shut down mode, I cant go near him emotionally or phisically, I am so detached (and I know it major selfpreservation on my part) that I cant deal with him at all.
I am still maintaining my stance that I learned on here and thats not making any excuses for him and cant cover things up etc. So my policy has been to calmly tell him when he has let me down. Make it short but to the point and just be honest, no more sugar coating etc.
So I asked him what will it take to stop him letting me down?? if the possibility of loosing his family isnt good enough I just wanted to know exactly what it would take? also was very frustrated when he woke up the day after letting me down on my birthday and acted like nothing had happened, It just killed tha the ignored my genuine pain from the day before.
to be continued. WS wants to talk now.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Just out of curiosity BH, how much will be enough to turn you around? What exactly do you need from WH on a consistent basis? Besides being nice to you or saying nice things? Does his domestic support count for anything or have you withdrawn so much in the marriage that it doesn't matter what he does now? This is an honest question, not trying to provoke you -- just trying to get a feel on where you are.
If you could have the perfect marriage, what would it look like to you?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I know exactly where you are right now, BH29 (notice I typed 29--hehe). I can feel it in my heart...the nothingness...empty.
I would like to know the answer to meggy's question, too. It is important that you investigate what your WH can do and then set about telling him. Even if you have to be specific, ie..."babe, I would love it if you would provide dinner for me and the kids tonight; perhaps we can bake a cake together".
I know how hard it is to do this, how the words just stick in your throat, for fear...of rejection, of disappointment, of disgust that you have to say it in the first place...but your WH is NOT a mind reader, and neither are you.
I know that place you are in...you have to find a way to convey HOW you want your EN's met, BH29. If your WH is willing, you need to tell him how to get back to you. If he is making efforts, but what he is doing is not what you desire, you must be his guide.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Hey Silent and Princess I understand why you are asking this and have had along think about the specifics that I am after in order to accept him as a reformed H. Most importaint right now is I would like him to show understanding of how essential the boundries are. He made a list of boundries with Steve a year ago and has broken each and every single one. Its like he did them just for the sake of pleasing Steve and shows no understanding or commitment to sticking with his boundries. I dont trust him and I dont trust that he will keep the boundries anymore and its killed me emotionally as I really thought he had "got it" at the time. The next thing that I would insist on is that he needs to stop making promises and braking them. It really feels like my heart is being ripped out all over again when he does this. I rather he said he isnt able to do something than promise he will do it and let me down, ignores the fact that he has let me down and tells me things like "well you should not expect that much of me".. this happened on my birthday. What does he think I was expecting?? a sports car?? All I wanted was to be pampered and treated nicely and like I mattered for a day. Emotional need wise I covered my top 5 in an earlyer post on this thread Top 5 ENS
1) Affection
2) Conversation
3) Honesty and openess
4) Family commitment
5) Admiration
1) Affection H needs to find the words and gestures to express his love to me. He needs to reassure me he does love me once in a while without being asked or harassed about it (WS spouse screamed about how he wasnt in love with me anymore when we were at a friends house during A, before i discovered A the humiliation still hurts). He needs to remind me he loves me in actions that I understand not just promising things that I have heard before and not keep those promises. I should add that WS is cuddly, kissy and phisically affectionate however I interpret this as wanting SF when often it just him expressing affection.
2) Conversation - Needs to learn to bring u difficult issues without promting or hiding or drama. Needs to keep me updated on his emotional progress and what he is thinking (mainly when he is thinking good things like my wife looks nice in that top kind of thing) without me having to ask and chase. He says he thinks those things and does feel things but doesent share them. Ie i could spend 3 hours grooming and dressing up, come downstairs he would look at me think i look good and not actually say it. I guess what I am going on about is COMMUNICATION he expects me to read his mind and know how he feels thinks.
3) Honesty and Openess- He needs to stop censuring himseld because he predicts how i would react and what i would feel and say so he doesent tell me things, I find this so frustrating and have gone out of my way to react unexpectedly towards revelations in order to show him that I do not think or react the way he thinks i do and i rather get honesty and openess rather than be resented for him having to censor hiself and become resentful because he thinks he knows how i would react to things. Dont make promises he knows he cant keep. I rather he said i will get back to you on that one than yeah I will definitley do this and never actually do it and when i ask him why did he get my hopes up and not do the thing he promised to do and why put me through that the answer is always the same " i knew i couldnt do it but wanted to try" its like being lied to all over again.
4) Family commitment have more family days out and do more fatherly things with the kids like reading, homework, outside play etc. Often when i suggest taking the kids out he has stonewalled me by saying "little one is going to be a nightmare, hey will misbehave, I wont enjoy the outing as they will need watching closely if we are at beach/woods/venue etc" the few times I have dragged him out the kids have been so grateful that they behaved impeccably yet he keeps saying the same thing. We have 4 boys youngest one is 2 they are kids not prisoners!
He does not help with homework and reading especially with the oldest two who now are very behind in school and I am mortified by this, have enlisted a good friend to tutor them as I work in the evenings and cant give them consistant support.
I have to say WS has made a good effort regarding outings with kids, he has participated well in day outings and I am proud of him for that. Just needs to buckle down with the homework/reading part.
5) Admiration - I work so hard everyday and the workload is still relentless, I have no mum/dad/siblings (twin brothers who are 13) to be proud of me. I need him to be proud of me when I do something he admires. Due to my own insecurities H needs to take time to tell me when he feels admiration, he needs to make me feel good about myself. I get alot of chriticism from him and some well deserved but i need constructive chriticism where i am not always just told the negative but the positive too, I take whatever chriticism he says so much to heart i go out of my way to change it frustrates me but these days i feel like i know exactly what i am doing wrong and little about what i am doing right. I definetly dont expect him to read my mind I have told him in detail what I want from him. One example yesterday of total WH dumbness was when I decided to take MB advice and work on my own Honesty and Openess. Told him I had been triggered at my job (I work on a maternity ward) by the mums breastfeeding their babies and how it made me upset to remember that I discovered A when my baby was only 6 months old and that due to the stress I was no longer able to breastfeed him as my milk supply vanished and I feel that I had missed out on some of the bonding with my baby due to all the stress of the Affair. The appropriate response would have been "i am sorry you went through that as a result of my behaviour and sorry that you are triggered etc" the response I got was "Oh well he turned out ok". are you guys getting the clear picture of what im dealing with???? This is why I stopped telling him about the triggers its just pointelss opening up to him he is so far up his own backside ill be lucky if he can register my exsistance. All I really want is to feel like I matter to him and that our family counts for something in his eyes. All i get is lazy behaviour, selfish tendencies and ignoring issues. I feel as loved and wanted as a pair of old socks. So this leads me to plan B, 2 days to go and its looking like its definitley gonna happen. I have got a friend to give me some of his anti anxiety medication to get me through the first month of plan B. I need desperate help to write plan B letter but cant do it on here as he might see it. Anyone happy to help would you please email me suggestions. And just to top it all up I just got sent home from work as I nearly passed out from being ill. I have somethng like the flu coming on, a temperature and feeling really miserable. I really dont like my body for springing this up on me two days before plan B but I am determined to do whats right. Nothing short of him pleading to stay home and showing some genuine understanding and care towards this familys needs will stop me from packing his bags on tuesday. My babies deserve better and I deserve better. Oh and forgot to add another recent frustration by WS. I got really dressed up for both my actual birthday (last monday) and my birthday outing (yesterday) and guess what?? he didnt even notice. didnt say a word not even a "hunny you look nice" NOTHING!! Is that really too much to ask?
Last edited by Brutallyhonest28; 09/12/10 04:08 PM.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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I am going to be the dissenter, here, and I'm sorry but its just what I get from reading your's and your husband's threads...
BH, you come across as a demanding shrew and nothing your husband does for you is EVER enough - I get this sense everytime I read one of his or your posts. Ask yourself: is it more important to be right or more important to be married? I think your husband is desperately trying to be a good husband but has no clue how to meet what you ask because nothing he does is ever good enough for you and what you expect of him seems to be a constantly moving target. It is also my impression that this is also the reason he thinks he is emotionally backward - not necessarily because he is but becuase you have drilled it into him that he is.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606 |
Oh and BTW, I am an American socialize with many, many Brits. My WXH is a Brit as is the man I am now dating. To a "t", all the Brits I know sign of texts and e-mails with an "x".
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
Wow Brit Brat, I dont read his thread but if thats the impression he is giving then he definitley is not making any progress.
I dont demand anything a part from the MB principals like boundries, meeting en's stated above and being there for his family and putting marriage and family first.
He is the one who labeld himself emotionally stunted not me! I dont think he emotionally stunted, I think he just doesent care enough about anyone but himself, you should see how emotional he does get when he doesent get his way.
I cant help but be defensive here, one post advises me to set a high standard another makes me feel demanding. Can someone give me a clue please what am I?
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
Brit the x is not a problem when its not one of the boundries he set himself and we agreed on. It was a boundry and he broke it. I dont put x on my text out of RESPECT that it would make WH feel uncomfortable.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606 |
I just read your most recent post and from my perspective, your expectations with regard to your birthday are a bit over top - whatt do you want? A parade? It was your birthday, he bought you a present, what else did you want him to do? My parents have been VERY happily married for 55 years. They have a model marriage that exemplifies MB principles at every turn - all of which they did instinctively. For my mother's birthday, my father gives her a card and a gift when they wake in the morning. After that, its business as usual - they go on with their day. Same thing when its my father's birthday. BH, you are an adult, not a child. What you expect of your birthday is what a child expects, not a 29 year old woman.
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