[Emphasis mine]

I suppose that would be a matter of opinion...so far we've had a number of people post on this thread that they WERE given alternative advice and it was NOT helpful, in fact it was confusing and stalled them in their recovery (it sounds like to me).

I've read many, many other books on marriage ~ 5 Love Languages, Boundaries in Marriage and many more, ad nauseum. I have recommended these books to others as a SUPPLEMENT to the MB program, NOT as a substitute.

And I certainly wouldn't recommend alternatives to someone who is still in the trenches of marital recovery. Since we're here at MB, the MB program really needs to be understood and mastered first ~ anything else is supplementary.

I stick around for the scones, Aqua Net, memories of one of my fave childhood cartoons **wonder twin powers activate**, and some other things that make smile.

I don't agree with 100% of everything MB but I think it is a solid program and offers much to improve a marriage, with or without infidelity, as well as personal improvement.

scones???? I got NO scones!

I think it's because scones have carbs, and after you eliminate LB's you are supposed to eliminate carbs...hahahahahahaha!

Scones and teas even. Maybe I hogged them all for my comfort food stash. Carbs........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. HA!

I agree 100%, MaritalBliss. And if someone wants to recommend various programs to newcomers, there is nothing stopping them from starting their own website. They can do that on their dime, rather than Dr Harley's.

This is talking from my experience. When i had my DDay about three years ago i went onto the internet. Typed in husband had affair into yahoo search. Then into google search and guess what each and everytime i searched and searched..... This was ALWAYS the top website. Obviously the most hits and even tauted on other websites as one of the "best programs" out there for this type of marital issue. Other sites i am referring to was babycenter.com and yahoo answers as i was posting there since i had just had a daughter. The women there referred me her above all else first. You don't get to be number one in a field by not having results.

I have read many other books on marriage, countless articles and webpages. I come back to MB, even today, after divorce, to continue learning a program that has helped me become a better me.

Before I found MB, I tried another site, bought materials and tried to use them to draw WxH back in. What a miserable failure that was. It was another year before I found MB. The vast amount of FREE information helped me to begin the path that has kept me sane and made me stronger during this entire process, with no small thanks going to the folks who posted to me here, taking their time to swat me upside the head and get me back on the path to recovery, personal or marital.

I will always be grateful and believe in the program

I shudder to think about the websites I went to that said it was wrong to ask about details of the A. What if I had listened to those sites - I'd be in the loony bin right now.

Hearing the details was crucial to my healing!

Equally bad thought: imagine the betrayeds who read those sites and stop there.

Another bad thought: they come to Marriage Builders and read the same bad marriage advice... That was prevalent for the first few years I was on this forum. It was confusion central!

It's also clear that people who disagree with or want to question Marriage Builders are welcome to do so even on this site. They are just not welcome to go confuse people who came here to check out and learn the Marriage Builders program.

In other words, post your objections on their own thread, don't go interrupt someone else and share your objections to the program with them. (And cut the crap about how you agree with the program, you just disagree with "some people's" "interpretations.")

There's is no excuse on this website for anyone to try to dissuade someone else from following the program exactly.

I'm told that it changed when Dr. Harley started managing the board more actively and took a hand in selecting a moderation staff that would enforce the rule you now see posted above:

please keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of this Forum is to discuss and learn Marriage Builders� concepts.

I'm guessing there was probably a day when that was not posted.

Anyway, it seems to me nobody ever gets in trouble for comparing and contrasting Marriage Builders to their own ideas and objections, or to other programs, ON THEIR OWN THREAD. I could be wrong.

When Prisca and I got married I was aware of Marriage Builders. We tried and failed to learn the program from the books. Our marriage got worse and worse, and Marriage Builders had given us high expectations.

I looked in on this forum from time to time through the years and was disappointed because it was just people discussion random marital advice and other books, not the Marriage Builders program. So I never joined until this year.

Some people would rather this be their personal playground than let its owner use it to promulgate his program to people who want to learn it. I am glad this has changed. This has been the best year our marriage has seen in a LONG time.

From your post, I don't understand what you are saying that we disagree on. I must be misunderstanding what you are saying, because I don't understand how what you said relates to my post which you quoted.

Do you resent the fact that the board has changed? If not, then my post wasn't about you.

Schoolbus I totally agree! Well said! I also agree with CW! I've seen a lot of that lately on this board but just from like 1% of the people! Overall its an awesome forum!

I've not read anything from anyone on this thread who disagrees that MB program is not a good one.
I also agree that the program can get a M back on track.
The philosophies and tools did just that for my M.

I agree with the fact that when distraught newbies come, it can be confusing to discuss other programs and a different philosophy for busting up an A.
That would be very confusing to reference the articles here and then advise different.
The exception would be if a poster is counseling with the Harley team.
What I mean by this is that the Harley's/coaches know the finer details of a situation (details that are not published on a public forum) and tailor the plan accordingly.

NewEveryDay was not referring to throwing different sources at newbies, from what I can tell and I reread her post. I didn't get that from Nikko's post either.
She was talking about discussing other programs as a supplement (as MF said) to the MB program, in a general discussion manner.

Discussion on these different POV's is a good thing, IMO.
There are many aspects of MB that simply cannot be argued to be wrong,
and if allowed to be discussed, this would only validate those tools and the common sense that they are based on.
There is no allowance here for thoughts that are outside of MB, whether they are positive or negative to a M.
Such thoughts are quickly edited posters seem to vanish. I see this and it makes me sad.

Mel, I didn't in anyway get the impression that NED was saying that Dr. Harley endorsed bad M's.
My take was that Dr. Harley realizes that sometimes the goal in a M is to get that spouse involved in a particular situation,
to a good enough place that they are content with living that way within the M. If this means that other resources can
get them there, he is not so rigid to exclude that support.

The post by Marcos that NED referred to as rubbing her the wrong way, it did me too.
According to Marcos's view, my M is bad, as we do not have the perfect MB M.
We do the best that we can to follow the philosophy and we use the tools as best as we can. We ARE doing good, our M is in a good place, from our POV.

According to Marcos's view, I disrespect Dr. Harley's plan since I find interest in other POV on M.
I actually find it fascinating to hear what other's think. It helps me to broaden my
perspective, to not be so tunnel visioned that my thoughts are what another person's should be, and if they differ then they are simply wrong.

Thank you for this thread though MF, it reminds me of the reason that I post less and less on this forum.
I feel posting here is literally like walking on eggshells.

This is likely the longest post I have ever done, I guess I had a lot of thinking to get out there.

I am confused. My post was about people who resent the fact that the board has changed. Do you resent that? If not, then my post is not even about you, so I don't understand why you felt it applied to you and it rubbed you the wrong way. If you do resent it, maybe we can all talk together about what is causing that resentment.


That is not what I said at all. It bothers me when people try to talk about things I've said but didn't look at it closely. I don't always communicate perfectly, but I do try to be very precise and say what I mean. You didn't even look close enough to get the spelling of my name right, and you are misunderstanding what I said. If you look at it again and closer and still think this is what I said, then I'd be happy to talk with you about it and try to clear up the misunderstanding.

Maybe you were mistaken for Imelda.

tl

I don't know if I agree with that. First off, the board is for discussion of DR HARLEY's POV. All of our POV's led to a screwed up marriage. I didn't come here to hear someone's POV, I came here to hear Dr Harley's POV. We don't know how to save marriages, after all.

And if you do, I would suggest you write a book and set up a forum. Because I sure don't know how to save a marriage. I only know how to screw one up.



I disgree there is no allowance for thoughts outside of MB; it happens all the time. What is not being tolerated is such discussions on the threads of newcomers or those who are seeking help with their marriage. That is destructive and disruptive. IT is disrespectful to the board owners. IT should have never been allowed in the first place.

Folks who want to talk about other resources to newcomers are free to set up their own forum to do exactly that. But they shouldn't expect to come to Dr Harley's board and confuse newcomers with other resources that he doesn't endorse. The purpose of this board is Marriage Builders.

I can't imagine I would have an entitlement to go to the Weight Watchers forum and preach Atkins. It is just astonishing to me that anyone would believe they should be permitted to do the same here.

Holy cow Vittoria ~ you sure got some things out of these posts that I just don't see.

Nobody said that another person's view is WRONG ~ only that it is disrespectful to Dr. Harley AND confusing to newbies for posters to be giving (often contradictory) advice on affairs/marriage recovery, etc.

You will often see other marriage books recommended here ~ and that is certainly welcome. It's when other plans/books etc. outweigh MB advice that it becomes a problem. Re-read CWMI's post, that is a perfect example.

You're welcome and it's too bad you won't stick around and post about Marriage Builders with us ~ we have lots of great discussions about the concepts and how important they are!