I think I have my initial list together. Meaning those closest to us. Then I will branch out with more.

No luck with her parents. Not sure how I will get thier info. The only person who knows her as well as my h does is most definitely on their side. It's possible they are even encouraging it, I wouldn't be suprised atleast.

Have a lunch date with friend who confronted him tomorrow. She couldn't go today unfortunately so I think I will put off exposure one more day. Plus Thursday seems like a good day to do it.

Over the past six weeks since things got really bad the weekends have been better for the most part. He seems to be willing to come home on Thursday and then Monday or tuesday he leaves agian. His back an forth behavior.

By the way I think I can pin exactly when it became an affair. Or atleast when he realized it. It was probably an EA before that and he didn't realize it. But the distance continued to get worse an I could feel him slipping. I really don't think it was an PA before.

The more you put it off the more you are enabling his affair. Procrastinating in this situation would probably be the biggest mistake you can do in your life.

You have already set up that tonight you will expose, I suggest you do it tonight. You should have exposed like last week! Any longer will only damage your marriage, not make it better.

It doesn't matter if he's not "stupid". Waywards make a lot of mistakes because they are so addicted to contact and that occupies most of their thoughts.

So you keep thinking he is too smart to leave behind evidence and you keep telling him you are suspicious of OW. You keep doing the opposite of what posters have been telling you to do!

Oh, and I agree with Sapphire...I don't think your exposure is going to work if you don't use the word affair. Good luck!

I am just so confused.

Sometimes when I talk to him he seems like he wants to just come back to me. I know it's because he's in affair fog but why can't he realize it.

It's so frustrating.

I guess I should expose today but I just don't know. Im not ready to tell my parents this. Or his parents for that matter.

www.intelius.com

Type in her name and click on search. That will bring up her name and some associated names - you may luck out and her parents' names will come up. Especially if she's not married.

You can also try
www.pipl.com
www.spokeo.com

Goodluck Whattodo

These guys really know what there talking about - please just belt up and get stuck in. Your head will throb and your mind will whir but at some point things will calm down and make sense.

Just do it.

Good luck

Hitch

To whom are you going to expose? This needs to be done in a very methodical way, with NO WARNING TO THE AFFAIREES BEFOREHAND.
Exposure Targets:
Siblings of WH/OW
Parents of same
Employers if they are co-workers
Pastor
Aunts/Uncles/Cousins
All FB friends
Email address book
Any contacts in his cell phone

Bottom line: Expose to anyone you think will put pressure on the adulterers to end the A. You do it all at once, not one person this day, another person that day.

You need to have a set 'spiel,' be it in letter or spoken, to the effect of:
I have horrible news - WH is having an A with POSOW. I have gathered evidence of the A. I love my H and I need your help in ending this awful affair. They have been together since X date. I have evidence of the affair if you wish to see it.

I know some other posters have samples of written exposure letters to fit the audience, whether it is for FB, family or work. Hopefully they can jump in here and show you some examples of what to say.

Do not trickle the exposure out - word will leak out to the infidels and they will have time to spin the story, to-wit: "Mom, I've got to tell you - remember that guy I met not too long ago? Well, his wife has been going off the deep end lately and I've been trying to be a supportive friend to him. Now she's found out that he's been talking to me, and she's running around like a lunatic, telling everyone we're having an affair! Can you imagine!?"

Nuclear exposure. All at once, before they know what hit them.

Yea I couldn't find her on any websites. Unforetunately.

Did you try the three I listed?

I have a short list of those closest to us. I don't have any proof to show them. That's part of my problem. That and I'm just not like this. I am having a really hard time finding the courage. I know it sounds so lame but and I have to do this to save my marriage but its going to be really hard for me.

That's why I want to meet my friend and talk to her first tomorrow. Meanwhile maybe it would help if I write out exactly what I want to say. Can this be a mass email? Or should I call certain people?

I will definitely call my parents.

Yea no luck.

I wouldn't expose without proof. Why have you refused to snoop as we advised?

Before you will take any advice from your friend, ask yourself, what kind of experience does she have in the area of infidelity? How many situations like yours has she solved?

I will say that because I got very bad advice from other people although the intentions were good. Usually they do have not even slightest idea how to actually kill the affairs.

What makes MB so powerful is that people here have in real life experience and can tell you what will work based on their personal experience.

Please, please - do not take some "you shouldnt make WS mad, it'll drive him further away" advice, it is absolute crap and it won't help you. I took it and it cost me many months of false recovery.

I want to talk to her because she confronted husband last week. He wouldn't tell me what she said. All he has told me is "all my married friends tell me to suck it up and be with my wife" and all my single friends tell me to leave. I don't know if he is referring to her as a married friend. But after she talked to him he had a slight change of heart somewhat. So I want to find out what she said and what she knows.

When we were talking this weekend he said I dont want to end up like (insert name of coworker who is much older divorced and has been by himself ever since) so in some ways he knows he has no future with ow.

I actually think he is doing worse than me. He is really stressed and miserable and never happy. And since this friends husband works closely with my husband I am hoping she might have some insight. And I will bring up to her that he has been sleeping at OW house on occasion and see what she thinks.

I also have some of his Coworkers who I have become friends with who I want to try and meet with because they hate OW long before any of this happened. I'm sure they would help me out too.

Obviously I didn't expose yesterday. But he actually came home. We had dinner together than I left him alone the rest of the evening. He says he wants space. I will give him space for now.

Please tell me you will still expose no matter what this "Friend" say's?

Yea I will still be exposing. I'm just talking to her because I feel like she knows something more than I do about the situation.

She knew a little more. And her and her husband had kinda come to the same conclusion. But like me they don't have any proof. She said that OW got an earful when she confronted him. OW was there along with other friends of his who didn't know or hear anything only OW did. She said she thought that maybe he had been sleeping at OW house but she didnt know for sure til I told her. I told her where OW lives too. Shes going to be on the look out for me for any info.

She said she told my husband that no one else would put up with him and he said I know.

She said it doesn't matter whether it's an affair or not but he's giving the allusion of an affair either way. Which is just as bad.

She asked if her husband could do anything.

Anyway. I feel better.

Now for exposure.

I think this is enough. You have a ally with this woman. Expose.

for exposing!! Good LUCK!

I need some help with exposure. I didn't have the guts last night and I don't want to wimp out agian.