So I have come into the knowledge that a friend of mine's husband told her about a husband that cheated on his wife while out of town. His job takes him away from the home for 3 weeks at a time.

She is not friends with the wife but she was able to get her email address from facebook and wants to know if she should send her a secret email.

She told her husband that someone should let this wife know but he is worried that he would be "letting his boy down".

She is also worried, that if her husband is the only that this husband told, that he may figure out it was him. I told her to make it sound like it is coming from one of the guys in his training group.

Unfortunately she does not have any hard proof other than what he told her husband and that he missed the flight out the next day to the next assignment because he was passed out with the woman.

So am I doing the right thing by telling her to tell?

Yes, but she shouldn't do it anonymously. An anonymous email can be easily discounted. She needs to tell this woman WHO she is, HOW she knows this information and let her know what she knows.

This woman ABSOLUTELY has the right to know what her husband is up to. Her health is at stake at the very least!

Her husband won't be 'letting his boy down', if he is a true friend he will not continue to enable his friend's adulterous ways. A true friend stops you when you're screwing up, a true friend doesn't enable you just to make you happy.

Yes, she should tell...absolutely...

I vote


YES

It's absolutely the right thing to do. She needs to be a stand-up person (something her H is not.) The intel she's got about the missed flight is at least enough to throw up a to the betrayed spouse.

Yes, she should tell.

You might also talk to your friend about why she is worried about making sure her husband remains friends with an adulterer. Is that the type of person she wants her husband to be around? If WH kicks her husband to the curb for ratting, that's a good thing, saves them the trouble.

You know, in most situations I think being open about one's ID is crucial, but in others, exposing ones ID can cause harm to innocent bystanders. I think the husband coworker is sort of a coward, but I also don't think his wife should allow her exposure of the affair to inflict harm on her own marriage.

In that case, I think she could get away with an anonymous exposure but leave the back door open so she can help with the BW with any possible follow up questions. At least the BW can do her own intel.

p.s. have the friend send the wife here so we can help her with some spying.

The friend could open a yahoo or gmail account and allow the BW to ask questions to get questions answered. And as ML says, there should be a link to this site.

I was told anonymously about my WH's "friendship" with OW and WH was able to gaslight me, with OW's help. I really wish that when they told me, I could have been able to ask follow up questions and that they would have directed me somewhere. The BW SHOULD KNOW.

Thanks everyone I feel better that I gave her the correct advice.

A couple notes, yes she isn't happy about her husband not saying anything but they have problems with his infidelities also. I have told her about this site and she has been lurking for awhile.

She is worried about her husband finding out and so her staying anonymous is crucial.

Would you tell a woman if her husband was playing Russian Roulette and the gun might kill her too?

That�s what�s happening. Not letting her know exposes this woman to whatever venereal diseases he�s exposing himself to and is exposing her to as well.

She absolutely has a right to know.

Would you want to know if your H was cheating on you?

Of course I would want to know and that is why I told her she needs to tell. I was just wanting ideas for her on how to do it without having repercussions.

You wouldn't believe the advice she was getting from other people telling her to just stay out of it. Even when she asked them "wouldn't you want to know if it was your spouse"?

Oh I'd believe it, it's so sad how our society enables adultery and looks the other way when the innocent are abused.

Good for you for standing up for this poor woman.

If you'd like, encourage your friend to bring this woman to this website. There is a lot of help available to her here, much of it free!

Thanks Vibrissa.

I did suggest that to my friend to tell her about this place. She is worried if she puts that in the email and the WH talks to her husband the husband will know it is her because she has been telling him about this place for awhile because of her own marital problems.

I feel so sorry for her but she is learning and living better because of this place. So that is a blessing.

This place isn't a secret. I found MB by doing a google search. I would HATE to see a BW go somewhere else. I would also hate to see them get gaslighted.

I am dealing with the emergence of an EA that WILL become PA between a woman I know and a father of another student at the school my children attend. I told a mutual friend that I am going to tell the BH. I will try to find the BW as well. I am going to talk to the WW as well. WTH? Some people asked me, "Are you the marriage police?" I said, "Nope. And I would have done this before my WH screwed around too. I have always told my friends that if they wanted to cheat on their spouse, I better not find out or their spouse will know too." It is a hard thing to do but most times the right thing is harder. I likened it to what we tell our children about bullies. I tell them that if they stand around and watch a bully hurt someone, it is just as bad as them doing it themselves. Same thing when it comes to adultery. ARGH WAYTURDS SUCK AZZZZZZZZZ.

So the BW has been told and it took us alot of searching to find her.

We had to make a false facebook account to let her know.

I told her about this place and hope she asks for guidance.

She seemed to take it as well as expected.

Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.