You ARE a very good friend, Scotty. Right after I post this I am getting on my knees to pray for your boys and you...and for Bampot.

Scotland,

I admire your honesty and your integrity. Wish we could all have a friend like you.

Hope, you do. Even if it is only words on a screen for now.

I told the WW that too. I told her that these other "friends" were willing to sit there and watch her make a HUGE mistake and not do anything about it, except talk about her behind her back. I was the only one who stood up and told her that she was making a big mistake.

So, last night, Bampot calls the boys and tells DS10 that they need to pack extra clothes and pillows for their "sleepover." DS10 told me that and I say, "Hunny, we won't be packing any clothes. You will take your brother's 'Baby' and 'Winnie' and your DSs. Daddy will supply you with whatever else you need." I am making a plan for DSx2 to be outside was Bampot arrives, with the porch door locked and me safely tucked away inside. We have air mattresses on the porch with our camping things and I don't want Bampot to think he still has use of them. Let another waynerd get angry with me this week.

Excellent that you are putting more of the responsibility for taking care of the kids' needs on Bampot.

I don't have little kids, but is it OK to ask them when they return from the "barf shack" if they brushed their teeth? took a shower? changed their clothes? What they ate? etc. This documentation might come in handy down the line.

Sounds like Bampot is having a pity party for himself. Hey, it costs a lot to support TWO wives and TWO families. He should have thought of that before starting the A.

Hey Scotty -

Just popping in. Read over the latest stuff with your wayward friend, and I wanted to echo the commendation and admiration of the rest on here.

During my A, I confessed to a friend - before D-day, before I slept with the OM a second time. Her first reaction was...to support me. She asked me if the OM was cute, how I felt about him, etc. She was not avidly egging me on, but she didn't discourage me or give me any advice counter to my wild fantasy A feelings.

A few weeks later, she finally had a talk with me. I credit this talk for brushing away much of my fog, and for me deciding to end it with the OM. She told me exactly what I was doing. How I looked, who I had become, and how I was not a person she would ever want to be friends with...but that I had been. And I could be that again.

I will always be grateful to her for having that talk with me. It was HUGE. I hope your friend will appreciate what you have done for her, and I hope it has a positive impact on her life and the choices she is making.

You done good, girl!

Well, this morning, DSx2 decided that they would be waiting outside for Bampot. They took the items they were bringing with them and waited out front. I locked the doors. I asked DS10 to ring the doorbell when they were leaving so I would know that they had gone. It was past when I expected Bampot to come. I looked outside and saw the truck. I saw DS10 crying and Bampot hugging him. I think Bampot probably asked DS10 where the pillows, extra clothes, etc were and DS10 felt pressured and didn't want to get in trouble. What a turd. He didn't even send a message through the IMs and now he is a turd about it. I am saddened to see my child upset, but I know that I wasn't responsible for it.

I hadn't received my phone call from them yet, so I called and let it ring twice. DS10 called me back. We talked for about 10 minutes. I could hear Bampot talking in the background and I wanted to hang up right away. I knew I couldn't though. DS10 sounded okay. I didn't want to ask him too much about what was happening. I really don't want to know. I am just glad I didn't hear WF's voice or I may have DS7 didn't want to talk to me either. He was too busy playing his DS. Oh well.

I know I should be doing something a little more interesting tonight, but I am going to do the dishes and some laundry while they are out. The time seems to be going so slowly. Hopefully I WILL be able to sleep. I hear it gets easier. I am getting through.

@Scotty -

You are cool! Don't forget it.

Hey -- I hope you aren't offended that I used the example of Bampot on stableatlast's thread -- I was trying to come up with the most absurd argument I could think of and I consider you such a rock I thought your Bampot was a great example.

I seem to offend here without meaning to -- one of the reasons I stopped posting much. I do truly admire you.

Yeah my take on Bampots letter was "WAAAMbulance" too.

You are awesome scotty, I know its hard waiting for Bampot to see the sewer he is swimming in and wake up to his fear controlling him.

I got an Email from a Christian freind and it was one of those that was supposed to be from God to us things. The one thing that really stuck out was this.---------------------------

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness , ignorance , smallness or insecurities , remember , things could be worse. You could be one of them!
----------------------------

Thought that might cheer you up as it did me.

Seeking, I couldn't have been offended because I didn't even read the thread

If Bampot can serve as an example to others, good or bad, I am okay with that. I do not get easily offended by other people's opinions. If someone were to personally attack my children, my family or myself and say things that were untrue, then I would be offended. If I didn't want my story to be an example to help others, I never would have posted in the first place. No worries.

DSx2 came home unscathed. DS10 told me that they were not allowed to call home to say good night to me. That's fine. They know that I wanted to talk to them and I even emailed them this morning. I was going to text, but since it is Bampot's phone, I thought of that as contact with Bampot.

DS10 also told me that Bampot said that he couldn't take them out to play pool, as he had planned, because he had to buy them clothes. He bought them PJs and they returned home in the clothes they were wearing when they left. Fine by me. DS10 said that any time they want to sleep over now, they can since he has everything they need. I guess we will see when the next time they want to.

I made it. I even got to sleep in for an hour this morning. Now, get ready for the coming week. It's a long weekend next week, since it is Thanksgiving next Monday. So 2 4-day school weeks for the kiddos. And that means I get to sleep in 2 more days.

Thank you for putting this so well - you've summed it up perfectly!

(/TJ )

NP. It's the way I felt and I understood the posts. I don't want to be unwelcoming, because we ARE very welcoming. It's just nice to be shown some respect too.

Ya I understand that, I figured if they want to read the web site I will not post until they ask questions on how to save their marriage. In the mean time I wont read/post on their thread

x2

Very well said, Scotty!

So, Scotty, what's your current Plan B status? Has your WH tried to initiate discussions about meeting your terms for the end of Plan B -- and leaving OW -- through your intermediaries? When is your end-date for Plan B if he doesn't abandon his other woman?

As far as I know, Bampot has not had any discussion with IMs about dumping OW and coming home. There was one time when he told DS7, "I don't know," when answering the question, "When are you coming home Daddy?" BUT, he was most likely just annoyed with them asking over and over again.

As far as when I will be ending my Plan B, I actually have never officially said on here. That is for two reasons, one, it is longer than what DrH suggests, and two, I reserve the right to change my mind. I will tell you that at MINIMUM, it will be December 18, 2011. I still have a lot of love for Bampot and I don't think that I will be ready before then. By that I mean, moving to filing for D. That is where I see my Plan B ending, either in marital recovery or D. I don't know if Bampot has other plans, but the beauty is that I don't have to worry about what HIS plans are.

I answer this question honestly everyday, "If Bampot came home and asked to reconcile, what would I say?" Until that answer is "No," I am in Plan B.

Personally, I feel the same way Scotty...My end date was moved up a little for me and it is definitly over the plan B time that Dr Harley suggests....I go by what you said AND that I would have absolutely NO desire to date right now, so I figure whats the damage done by extending Plan B, ya know.

I dont know if thats right but I feel that if I D sooner than I was ready for, I would just always wonder....But when Im done, thats it IM DONE. And I will fell no regret on my part.

Exactly. There is no rush. I don't even plan on dating EVER.

Apparently, one of the things that happens to a BS during Plan B is that we need to go from a Buyer to a Renter. Well, I am a SUPREME BUYER. By that I mean, since I the moment I started dating Bampot, I didn't have eyes for anyone else. Even in my dreams I couldn't "cheat." I was in it for the long haul. In the summer of 2008, Bampot and I were watching an episode of Oprah and we decided that Divorce wasn't in our vocabulary. I didn't realize then that he had most likely started the PA. BUT I MEANT IT. It doesn't mean I will never be D, but right now, I am still married.

I don't sit around waiting for Bampot. I am living my life an trying to find who I am again. That is important for ME. Just yesterday someone at work said that I am always so happy. I am always smiling and joking. I told her that I am not always like that, but it is true that I have found happiness again. If my WH had died, noone would be telling me that I should be moving on yet, so why is it different now? Something did die. My dream of my future. Even worse, it IS possible that it can come true. That uncertainty is sometimes worse. The fact that I don't know. that is why I just keep moving forward. That's all I am asking of myself. Move one step at a time. Even if some days I only take a baby step.