Plus, as I am now, in no way he would guess in how much pain I still am. If you saw me at work you would say I am the happiest person on earth. Everyone at work compliments me on my looks and on my attitude. My son tells WH i am doing great. So in no way WH would know he is still hurting me by continuing his A.
blessing

Yeah, but I think thats a good thing because obviously he doesnt care if he is hurting you....I really think that most of the time they only start caring if the affair breaks up or we have moved on and found someone knew....

yes, I agree. IF the A breaks up then the fog lifts. But in re-reading SAA for the 5th time, I am convinced that the A is really hard to break.
After all they left BS for OP and in doing so they gave it some thought. They decided OP was superior to BS.
Even if they try to break it up, they go back together not much later with renewed vigor. This can go on for quite a while. The addiction is bad and the proximity does not help.
Even if I had someone else now, my WH would not care. I am sure. I think the end of the A is the only way for them to get out of the fog. But after exposure has been done, as I have, there is little else to do to break it. It is out of our hands.
blessing

Yeah, it is out of our hands...sadly.

and that is why Dr. Harley suggests Plan B for those who still want a chance to recover. It gives you a safe place to be while the affair continues on. It does not in any way guarantee that your spouse will come back to you, even if the affair ends, but it gives you the best chance to heal.

You are assuming a lot when you say that the WS thought of the BS when they left for the OP. I would say that the WS was only thinking of themselves.

Atena, just catching up.

Congrats on your promotion. It is good you remained focused on your job and you were recognized.

No words of advice but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ok, I know I am going to get a 2x4 because I moved back to the marital home and OW is the neighbor living downstairs....but I still need to ask this question because I feel that I might help break up the A.
Last night I had just arrived home and was climbing the stair when I heard fighting and loud voices. The other neighbor came out of their appartments asking eachother what was going on.
Well it was OW fighting with her daughter. She was telling her that she was an idiot and that if she did not get her grades up and ended up failing again she will just have to live with very serious consequences. She continued yelling at her daughter and calling her names. The daughter was yelling back and at one point said: "mom you speak for yourself and stop calling me names. You are a wh@re, you are revolting...everybody says it! How can you leave my brother and neglet me just to be with your boyfriend. You care more about him than your kids and that is wrong. Plus he wanted to move in and you would let him, but I do not want his dead body in here!!!" At that point OW must have shushed her because no more screaming or yelling was heard.
OK...the A can't be a bed of roses, but I am sure OW does not tell WH about those fights even if he must know he can't move in because of her daughter.
OW's daughter, I am sure, was told that OW and WH hooked up because I kicked WH out of the house and then they fell in love later. I am sure OW's daughter will not be that happy to know that her wh@re mom was doing my WH while we were still living together as a family with my son.
Should I tell her? At this point I have nothing to lose.
blessing

I wont be the one to give you the 2 by 4s......(((atena))) you are killing yourself with this....but anyway how old is the D? I always thought to myself when my WHs OW son turned 18 that I was gonna make sure he knew about his mother, because I am sure he doesnt know the truth...I just didnt want the OW saying I harrassed her kids or sumthing....but I figured when he is 18 he wont be a kid anymore....he is 16 now.

I know that I am probably doing it for the wrong reasons, I think...I dont know if it is just for vengeance at this stage of the game or if it will actually do anything to break the A...I would tell her, but wait to see what the vets say...My wounds might be a little to fresh to be objective.

The daughter is 15, smokes, wears very revealing clothes and has a boyfriend she takes home.
OW's voice was vicious last night, she really revealed herself for what she truly is.
The thing is...my WH is so fogged up he just can't see her for what she is...she is pure fantasy. Plus he does not bother with her kids that much...I guess because they do not like him.
But all these obstacles coming from her kids could actually make the A more exciting for my H....
who knows.
blessing

OW sounds like a witch...he will realize eventually that she is, but we dont know when that will be, ya know?...Who knows what goes on in their brainless heads...

WH and OW do not have much in their brain. WH is without transportation so she drives him places and does house calls, basically she is all over him.
I am just glad to see there is conflict in OW's family related to her A and I am also glad to see that even her shanky daughter has more sense than her.
I am not sure if telling more to OW's daughter will not backfire on me as the little girl is pretty silly so you never know how they take this stuff. Pluse WH and OW will have one reason more to demonize me and that will make the A stronger.
blessing

Right, you have a good point...it might backfire...

I got a glipse into the A to see what a mess it creates not only for my family but also for the OW's family and kids. With both of her kids fully negletted, especially the little boy who is now in custody of her XH and his OW...I can only imagine the suffering that little kids is going thru, he was already disturbed to begin with.
I can only pray for g-d to open their brain and stop inflicting pain on others.
blessing

I know, its sad really. All the destruction, for what?

I really do not know....I just think that WH must have been truly unhappy with me to prefer a situation like that.. however he only deals with her on an ideal basis, away from her drama and her kids. He just sees her for lovemaking and travelling and does not share the daily grind with her. In that respect he is much happier with her because of that...no responsibilities, no pressure, plenty of admiration, sex and companionship...
blessing

Its the same situation with my WH....

Yes, as long as they have it this way there is no way in telling when the A will end. Eventually OW will be so burned out by her kids and by WH being so selfish ...but she is so in love and crazy about him I doubt she will leave him.

At this point, Stillhere, I am plannin to move in a couple of years. I had my promotion and my salary went up, I will gain experience and can sell that experience elsewhere pretty soon.
A friend of mine who has connections is looking into a possibility for me in the States and if that turns out I could move even earlier.
The house is no concern of mine, even if I move...I will have WH handle it totally.
I do not want him back, he has shown me nothing but contempt towards me and cruelty. In the conditions he is in I doubt any shank can make him happy for long.
blessing

I definitely think his A will crash and burn....but it will probably be too late for you...congrats on your promotion.

Hi atena.

*I* would stay away from OW's daughter. *I* would stay away from OW, *I* would stay away from WH, but you are not me. You aren't doing Plan B, so it is difficult to advise you. If you have already exposed the A to friends/family/work, etc then you are finished, IMO.

One thing I know is that her daughter may be angry with her, and she may hear you, but she also may just turn on you and defend her mother. Also, the fact that she is a minor concerns me. Regardless of how she dresses and acts, she is till JUST 15, with a 15 year old brain.

Being a step parent is difficult, and it takes real work to maintain a R under those circumstances, without the R being born from infidelity. Your WH is enjoying his tart, but she WILL grow tired of the conditions of the R and ask for more. That request may then be the death of the A.

Either way, I think you should leave this all alone, but as I said, you are not in Plan B, so my advise may not suit you.

I Know my plan B is not good because of my work and home situation. However I swear I am less effected by WH and OW and I am moving on.
I just came back from swimming lessons. I do not know how to swim and decided to learn. I also belong to a meditation group that meets once a week. I hooked up with 2 girlfriends and we do things together pretty regularly.
If I am invited out by other girlfriends for dinners or b.days I always go.
I never spend weekend at home and if I do I make sure I invite a girlfriend or relatives.
My friend in the states is looking into jobs for me over there.
I am making progress. I most of all I do want to lose even the last bit of love for WH. I do not want him back. My life was so miserable with this abusive and cruel man. I would not trust him even if he walked on water.
thank you and blessing