I'd like to add to what peachy has said. I am staggered that a judge awarded you custody instead of arranging for an adoption. There are thousands of good couples who are put through many interrogations and still never get a child, while you and POSWH/OM were given the gift of this innocent baby to bring up.

She is fed and clothed and, apparently, loved by you, but she does not know what you did to destroy her family. She will be so hurt when she realises the depth of the depravity that she has been forced to live with.

Here's the deal. My ds is 12 now, and while for the longest time he had no idea what romantic love was, aside from what you'd see in a disney movie, but knew his dad did bad things but never could put his finger on it.

Now he suddenly "got it" and it was without any help from me. He saw a show on tv and realized that was what his dad did to his mom and a light popped on.

He has feelings for his stepmom (the ex ow) and she's sad now that she can't see (she is divorcing my ex H now for ironically cheating on her) my son now as I have total custody (unless I allow it), but he always knew something was "off" with the stepmom.

Kids WILL ask and they WILL find out the truth. My ex fed the story of "well your mommy and I didn't get along and we'd fuss and fight" was what he heard for years. That part was only true AFTER I found out about his ema. Was not the truth. Now he knows.

You can feed your kid half truths forever, but realize they WILL be damaged and might now feel as they do now about you when the truth is revealed.

My son wants to have nothing to do with his bio dad (the ex) and even the ex's parents who also have been serial cheaters and enablers all his life. When the truth comes out you have nowhere to hide. And I mean that.

And fwiw, if I wanna get advice on the wayward side of life, I once went to that muck site so I could see firsthand the extent of "low" a person could sink to in order to land their married cheating piece of a$$.

On the other hand, the folks over here, will be armed with plenty of ammo to use against the waywards. I kept my MB "truth stun gun" always locked and loaded, even way after my divorce. And trust me too, if the wayward remains in that state, the alien will always rear their ugly head in many different forms.

I kept my stun gun o' truth always close and wielded it at will since 2002. He he. Lock n load baby.

All this comin' from a recovered happily remarried (to a NON wayward and family lovin' smokin' hot guy)hot mama from gawga who will not blink once if I need to disarm my crazy ex husband.

I can do it almost without thinking, blinking, on autopilot. We get GOOOOOD like that.

peachy,

"I am a mom of a son who used to have significant asthma and I am also a health professional and a mom who recently took her ex terribly wayward husband BACK to court after he was erroneously given more custody than the jackas@ deserved to make sure my son was raised decently 100 percent of the time. Anything less would have been a disservice to my precious boy."

Good for you!

"I also find extreme arrogance in your posting. And fwiw, I have 100 percent custody including supervised visitation now too."

It is not my intention to come off as arrogant in my posting. The purpose of this thread, as evidenced by its title (or at least so I thought) was to advise BSs that are fathers that they do not have to settle for the typical visitation schedule that most fathers are normally given in Court due to having attorneys that are basically lazy and do not want to pursue their own clients' goals, but are more interested in maximizing their profit by doing as little work as possible. I was using my XMM's case as an example that pro se can be a very effective tool if used correctly. PERIOD.

Others, whom are not even BS fathers (which is what the thread title clearly states this thread was intended for) have chosen to comment on the fact that I am raising DD or COtheirM. Fine. Thus I have responded to their posts accordingly & respectfully.

"I find what you did also tantamount to kidnapping."

I am sorry that you feel that way.

"Btw, while 83% O2 sat is a good bit depressed, it is not life threatening and I have seen much worse in asthmatic children, who live in homes WITHOUT SMOKERS. My sons' 02 in the past had become depressed too, but it was because of an attack or if he had gotten an upper respiratory illness from a secondary source."

I agree that 83% is not necessarily life threatening, but it is not optimal. DD also had bronchitis. We had taken her to the MD when we had her and she was placed on amoxicillin & singulair. When the cops raided home they found DD in a playpen. She had vomited upon herself. When social services arrived they took her to the hospital as she was wheezing. Once at the hospital they determined her O2 was 83% and she had a temp of 101+.

"Wtf are you really advising here? I'm wondering. If people DO change, then how have you made amends for the situation regarding your poor DD and the marriage you destroyed?"

As I have stated I was advising BSs that are fathers (no one else) that they have the option to represent themselves. It is a legal tactic that is cheap and can be very effective if used correctly.

"Meanwhile keep living your life and the sitch with your dd saddens me so much. You're not a FOW until you REPAIR that damage 100 percent and your mindset and words now tells me you aren't."

I am a FOW. I am not an OW currently. My M is not a result of adultery. My M is precious to me. I have used MB's techniques to strengthen our bond. Just curious, but what exactly do you suggest I could do to 100% repair the damage I caused?

"I can do it almost without thinking, blinking, on autopilot. We get GOOOOOD like that."

Good. I am glad that things worked out in your favor.

Sugar,
"I'd like to add to what peachy has said. I am staggered that a judge awarded you custody instead of arranging for an adoption. There are thousands of good couples who are put through many interrogations and still never get a child, while you and POSWH/OM were given the gift of this innocent baby to bring up."

A judge did not award me anything. XH initially had 50/50. He then received full custody. Upon our D he asked that I continue to keep DD. He signed guardianship over to me so I could enroll her in school, get her medical care, etc. She is now 9. I have been taking care of her at least 50% of the time since she was only a couple of months old, full-time since she was 2 1/2. Her siblings have been placed in the state of Georgia's care.

"She is fed and clothed and, apparently, loved by you, but she does not know what you did to destroy her family. She will be so hurt when she realises the depth of the depravity that she has been forced to live with."

When she is old enough, she will know the truth. She knows she has another father, mother, and siblings. I have not told her that her biomom is in prison, nor will I. She also knows she is loved by God, me, my H, and my other children.

Stable,

I wonder why the BS started up smoking...

I wonder if she started smoking after you took her husband away from her...

Ever thought about that?

You miss, is probably the BIG OL REASON why her life is soo EFFED UP!!

You took her husband away
You tore her family apart

What if some OW did that to you?

Have you even called this poor woman and apologized?? Not like it would matter, because I dont think I would even talk to you.

SR,

"I wonder why the BS started up smoking..."

Hate to disappoint you, but she smoked long before she even became pregnant.

You miss, is probably the BIG OL REASON why her life is soo EFFED UP!!

Yes I helped destroy her M. However, her and her BF are the ones that broke into other people's homes to rob them. Her BF beat 1 of those men and he died. For that, I am not responsible.

"What if some OW did that to you?"

I can not say what I would do. However, I do know I would not start smoking. Yuck. I hope that I would lean on my faith, family, and friends to help pull me through.

"Have you even called this poor woman and apologized?? Not like it would matter, because I dont think I would even talk to you."

Actually I have. I knew her remotely through our work. Back when it was 50/50, it got to the point where she would prefer to communicate w/ me about issues regarding DD than him.

I currently send her pics and updates about DD to the prison. I also have put funds on her account for comissary.

You broke up her marriage family and home. Your actions steered her ship into the path of that boy friend and robbing homes

My mother didn't love me and my H was mean to me and their actions steered my ship into the path of an affair and let�s all set aside a day next week to feel sorry for me and then the next day we can feel sorry for SAL's BW who is in jail for a minimum of eight years for felony murder (no returning the innocent child to her) and after that let�s feel sorry for Scotland�s mistreated husband because she isn�t talking to him because he might say her actions steered his ship into the path of OW and then I want another day to feel sorry for me because I had a screwed up childhood and my H ....

Or NOT.

No one "makes" you have an affair or rob a home or smoke or deal drugs.

Either people are accountable for their choices or they aren't.


THEY are absolutely, undeniably, irrefutably correct.

Stable, I haven't the faintest idea why you started this thread and am not about to get involved in the spat over your intentions.

But I will tell you this: there are lawyers who lie awake at night worrying about their clients and how best to represent them. There are lawyers who give away enormous amounts of time, which is our livelihood, and never consider billing for it because they care deeply about the outcome and they know the client can't pay for it. There are lawyers who grieve right alongside their hurting clients and spend all of their emotional resources on their client's behalf such that they have nothing left for their families.

The answer is NOT don't get a lawyer and do it yourself because there is no way a lay person could ever in a million years understand the ins and outs of procedure and evidence and the politics of the courthouse. Pro se clients are a joke. Some attorneys have compassion and try to help them find a lawyer, and some attorneys say �I have a fool for opposing counsel and it is my ethical responsibility to represent my client zealously.�

The truth is this: the lawyer who decides he has a fool as opposing counsel and decides to zealously represent his client is discharging his ethical obligation. The lawyer who cuts slack to the pro se litigant and tries to help them through the process is in violation of his ethical obligation.

The answer is to find a lawyer who cares.

Sorry, I get tired of the lawyer bashing.

Let's get back to marriage building please.