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Hello everyone. I just registered. I have been on here some time before, but I left to work on domestics. I won't comment further, I just wanted everyone to know who I was and that I am here reading.  Allen A
Allan A
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Hi Allan, thanks for posting. Why not? blessing
atena
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I followed you here.
Getting set to expose to OW's family within the next 2 weeks or so.
Me & H: 40
M: 5.5 years
No kids, just pets
OW: 7/09 - present
Bomb: 9/09
Separated: 3/10
H filed: 7/10
Still M'd; unsure how to procede
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Hey V! Puppy and I got banned!  Great to see someone from the old neighbourhood.
Allan A
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I followed you here.
Getting set to expose to OW's family within the next 2 weeks or so. Did your policeman friend manage to get your belongings out safely yet? OW parents may not help you, but don't fret. Even if they don't OW will have to get on the defensive when she sees you are taking the fight to her doorstep. Keep up the fight!
Allan A
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Hi Allan, thanks for posting. Why not? The last time I commented further on a forum I got banned! lol And it was for posting something from THIS SITE lol
Last edited by Allan_A; 10/06/10 10:54 AM.
Allan A
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Allan and Vulcan, do you want advice on using Marriage Builders? Because it seems like you are interested in having a conversation with one another, which would be better suited to email or a messaging service.
Is there something we can help you with?
If you stay on topic and are not disruptive you shouldn't get banned.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Allan and Vulcan, do you want advice on using Marriage Builders? Because it seems like you are interested in having a conversation with one another, which would be better suited to email or a messaging service.
Is there something we can help you with?
If you stay on topic and are not disruptive you shouldn't get banned. We know each other from another forum. Once the hellos' and howyadoin's are overwith we will get on topic. I already replied in that respect with her. I was advocating use of exposure in her situation and got banned for it... Apparently Harley's advice is not welcome on some marriage support forums despite its sound logic and proven track record... I certainly hope advice on exposing an affair to the public is welcome here.
Allan A
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Yes it is. Very much so.
So Vulcan, are you dealing with an affair? How can we help you?
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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Allen and vulcan, welcome to Marriage Builders! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[I was advocating use of exposure in her situation and got banned for it... Apparently Harley's advice is not welcome on some marriage support forums despite its sound logic and proven track record... The PROBLEM with exposure is that it actually works in many cases to kill the affair and save the marriage. Unfortunately, many folks don't really want to kill the affair, so exposure is anathema to them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes I do understand the hesitancy... No one likes public exposure of this kind not even the left behind spouse.
I think the hesitancy the LBS has to expose should help reveal a lot to the LBS about how powerful this strategy can be on the wayward spouse.
If the LBS is apprehensive about exposure the cheating spouse certainly should be!
There is an addictive issue such that the wayward spouse just at the time may not care... But it does put a kick of reality into the affair and take away a lot of excitement.
This is why I advocate it.
Allan A
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What Dr Harley article got you banned? Which site is it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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divorcebusting.com The admin made it very clear in private to me that if a strategy I suggest is not in line with divorce busting principles as she interprets them that my posts are unwelcome. I then posted a comment on the forum advocating exposure and putting the truth out there... Censored and removed. Now my whole ip is blocked. I feel like a left behind spouse who was just tossed out of her home! lol I am ok with it... I am just shocked that divorcebusting.com is censoring exposure strategies from a professional family therapist! Apparently Dr Harley's ideas don't give with Michele Davis! I am not the only ip that has been banned by the admin. Others have commented on the forum and email about the rife censorship on that forum and they were summarilly banned as well... and their threads removed. it's ok... I suspect several will be coming over here for help instead. I reccomended them come here.
Last edited by Allan_A; 10/06/10 11:29 AM.
Allan A
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Oh, the article was "Exposure : When should an affair be exposed"
That was removed as well... They didn't care for it at all...
Allan A
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I followed you here.
Getting set to expose to OW's family within the next 2 weeks or so. We have a great FB exposure letter that we can post for you if needed. Let us know. FB exposures have been pretty effective against the OP!
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I would love to read any samples yes...
Allan A
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Allen, the same thing would happen here if someone was suggesting that people use Davis' strategy instead of Harley's, it is the nature of a site dedicated to a certain method.
People who want to use Harley's advice should certainly be here, I can't imagine why they wouldn't?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I tend to think more open minded. I would think advice on the face of it would be welcomed anywhere... And let the forum posters assess it on the open forum.
I really don't see the need to ban advice simply because it comes from a third party source.
If the advice is destructive or really is abuse masked as advice I am with you... But rejecting advice simply because it doesn't fit with the forum owner smacks of censorship.
I don't see any value in censoring posts because their source is alternate from the primary.
I go to my mechanic for advice, but I welcome a second opinion when my car isn't working right.
Why limit advice to one source? Makes no sense...
Allan A
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Allen, the same thing would happen here if someone was suggesting that people use Davis' strategy instead of Harley's, it is the nature of a site dedicated to a certain method.
People who want to use Harley's advice should certainly be here, I can't imagine why they wouldn't? Not everyone knows of Harley's advice... That's the problem. If you are on another marriage support forum like I was and suggest someone look at Harley's method a. You get banned b. Your thread gets removed c. The visitor ends up FORCED to use one method since they didn't even hear about the alternatives. My vote is to welcome other views and let the poster themself decide how they want to attack their marital problems. That's the part that I object to is forum administration deciding for the poster what strategy they should use by censoring all others... Smacks of communism!
Allan A
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